


It's Deja vu all over again

by Nenya85



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Angst, Brothers, M/M, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-10
Updated: 2006-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-12 20:04:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 176,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nenya85/pseuds/Nenya85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 13 year old Seto and an 8 year old Mokuba are sent to present day Domino where they meet, of course, their counterparts. But meeting and understanding are sometimes two different things.  Eventual Prideshipping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before the Beginning

Please Read and Review: I'd love to know how you think the story is starting off, but, especially in the beginning, I'll settle for just knowing people are reading the thing!

**THE SETTING:** The story takes place after Battle City and after the DOOM arc. It doesn't include the Ancient Egypt arc from the manga, because then there'd be nothing left to say. Instead I have taken some elements from it to create my own alternative story line. Briefly: Akunadin (who is Priest Seto's father) and Zork Necropolis, who is this kind of embodiment of evil, tried to take over the world in the time of the pharaoh. When they failed, the Sennen Items in their possession, the Rod and the Eye became split – with one version remaining in their control, and the other pair continuing into the current timeline in present day Domino.

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:** A while ago I read an unfinished story called "The Ties That Bind" by George Takahashi. It brought a 10 year old Seto and a 5 year old Mokuba to Domino. It started me thinking about why Kaiba might try to escape, and what age he might be, and what the two versions of the brothers might have to say to each other. The result is this story. Although it is (hopefully) original, I wanted to acknowledge that the inspiration came from "The Ties That Bind."

**THANKS** to Kagemihari for betaing these chapters, and to her and samurai ashes for their encouragement.

**MANGA NOTE:** I use the manga version of events, where possible, with mentions of the Virtual World and Noa's Arc episodes thrown in, simply because they have a lot of the Kaiba brothers and I like them. I also have some references to DOOM,. When necessary, I'll put in a Manga or Anime Note explaining plot or character differences from the dub version.

**DEATH-T:** The story also relies on the manga version of Yami Yugi and Seto Kaiba's history. After Yugi beats Kaiba, in their first duel, he's driven to create the Death-T tournament, and to force Yugi and his friends to enter a competition that could really kill them. Mokuba insists on being one of Yugi's challengers, and when Yugi beats him, Kaiba forces Mokuba to go through the "death simulation chamber" that he had prepared for Yugi, until Mokuba is rescued by Yami.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Author chooses not to warn.

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

**BEFORE THE BEGINNING**

The boy was _not_ running. With proper planning, you didn't need to run. And the boy had planned very carefully. There was no sign of pursuit. With luck, the hunt would never begin.

The boy had known that they couldn't just run. That would have been a challenge, and _he_ would never have rested until _he_ had beaten them. But what if _he_ thought they had taken another way out? Thought that the prize was permanently beyond _his_ reach?

It was the only logical way. The boy hadn't left behind a suicide note. That would have been too phony. What had been harder was to leave their lockets behind, to be snagged on the jagged rocks, to bobble in the swirling currents of the river on their grounds.

"We can't leave them! They're all we have left," his brother had protested.

"No. They're not." The boy had answered. "Not as long as we have each other. Look. It's all right. The pictures are just copies. I still have the originals. I'll get us better lockets – ones with Duel Monsters on them – just as soon as we're free. I promise."

Another unbreakable, impossible promise.

He paused for a moment, hesitating, giving his brother time to catch up to his longer strides. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, taking his younger sibling from the comfort and safety of the richest house in Domino.

He wasn't used to putting himself first. It wasn't the beatings, the endless sleepless nights. He had been prepared for that; would never have disrupted his brother's life for something so minor. But it had been brought home to him that if the mansion was still comfortable – it was no longer safe. Not for his brother. Worse, the greatest threat was not the most obvious… the one smoking the cigar. The true danger lay in his own heart; in the darkness that was starting to creep into its cracks. It all came down to the money fueling their escape… and how he had gotten it.

He may have only been 13, but he wasn't stupid. In fact he was a genius. That was the problem. That had always been the problem. He knew they couldn't live by themselves. That was a sure way to get caught and sent back. But given enough money, they could hire someone to pretend to be a relative. Given enough money they could get a new identity. A third family name, the boy thought with a smile. After all, the only name that had ever mattered to him was Mokuba's.

Getting the money had been difficult, but not impossible. If the money had simply disappeared, Gozaburo would have known they were not dead, but on the run. So he had provided an explanation – and a scapegoat.

No one knew just how good he was on the computer. It was his most closely guarded secret. No one knew he could hack into the Kaiba Corporation network; could transfer money; could make it look like someone else was the thief.

The choice of his victim was easy. Kaeru was his adoptive father's right hand man. The person Gozaburo trusted as much as he trusted anyone – which was not at all. Kaeru was the one in charge of making sure that he never slept until he completed an assignment, the one who woke him up with a smack in the mouth; the one who had figured out what a potent hold his brother had on him, the one who kept him from Mokuba.

He smiled at the thought of Kaeru in trouble, a cold and remorseless smile. Gozaburo would certainly have him punished, maybe even killed. He grinned, as a true Kaiba would – and that was what finally convinced him to run. He didn't want to be a true Kaiba, but was starting to see no other choice. He was starting to believe that the only way to survive was to become as much like Gozaburo as possible, and beat him at his own game. It had been enough to scare him into running.

He had planned their escape carefully – planned for everything but the tall figure in the flowing robes blocking their way, calling his name.

"I am sorry, Seto. It was a good plan. It might have worked." the man said sadly.

Seto knew the man really was sorry. He was good at reading people. But he also knew this man meant to stop him. His dart to the left was quick, as all his reactions were quick, but it didn't work. Instead a blinding light engulfed both the boy and his brother.

"More is at stake than you realize. More than your own life, or even your brother's. You have a task to do before you must return to your own time. Seek out Yugi Motou and his… yami at the Turtle Game Shop. This is not our last encounter."

"Like I'd want to meet that turbaned freak again," was Seto's last thought.

Both the boy and the man had been so intent on their confrontation that neither had noticed the figure watching from the shadows in the alley. A figure that cursed as he saw the flash of light; saw the boys disappear… then grew thoughtful. He had spent the last 3,000 years at the feet of his master, Zork Necropolis. In the time of the pharaoh, they had tried to cover the world in Darkness. He had failed. Worse, the items he had placed so much faith in, had lost their power.

Oh, the golden Eye still glittered coldly in place of his own, the Rod was still hidden among his robes. But when he had been defeated, duplicates had appeared – only to be quickly seized and guarded by the pharaoh's priests. And their power had been dispersed, split between the two opposing copies, that should not have existed in the same time and place. For his master's purposes, his precious objects were worthless until they were reunited. That was his mission.

And so, he had watched from the shadows for 3,000 years; waiting in a place where time meant nothing. One advantage, he thought, of an eternity in limbo, was that it had given him the same power as his ancient enemy, Shadi – the power to travel through time. He had been ready when the items finally reappeared – along with the reincarnation of the son who had betrayed him. And he knew – this version was perfect. The perfect tool to correct his mistake.

The first time, he had sold his soul to make his son, the pharaoh. He had wanted the boy to be raised as an orphan, uncorrupted by familial love. But he had also wanted a hand in raising the child he had denied. So his solution had been the priesthood. He had raised his son to be cold, to desire power. But he had cared for the boy, in spite of his best intentions; and he had raised the child with a code of honor; an integrity that in the end, his son would not betray. And that had been his fatal mistake, a father's mistake. For in caring for the boy, he had unwittingly made him able to care for others. And so Seto had given his fierce loyalty, possibly his love, to his pharaoh. And Akunadin had failed.

That time.

But this was a different time; a different boy who moved so purposefully through the streets. He had a far better, far crueler teacher.

It was strange, Akunadin mused. He had sold his soul to the embodiment of evil. Yet in this age, his son had found – no, had chosen – an even more demonic mentor.

And Gozaburo had succeeded where Akunadin had failed. He had broken every tie with humanity that Seto possessed. Akunadin had rejoiced as the boy created Death-T. There was a darkness in him, a darkness that would grow – until finally extinguished by the pharaoh. Until the boy himself had been banished to the Shadow Realm.

Akunadin was under no illusions that the young man who had returned would be a suitable tool. He was too hardened; would serve no one's purposes but his own.

But this slightly younger version; this one running to his own damnation; this boy was perfect. He was feral; recognized no law but his own will. He would be willing to hazard his soul – or better still, believed it did not exist. And he was desperate to escape from the trap of his own design. Zork Necropolis had seen that much before his vision had faded; concealing the future from their sight; revealing their course of action.

He considered the smaller child, tagging at his older brother's heels. He was unexpected; had not existed in the past. But Akunadin had researched this timeline very carefully. He had seen his quarry almost kill his brother, casually, over a game. Seto had left him to die in a room filled with monsters conjured by his technology – his modern age magic. In the end, Mokuba had been rescued by Akunadin's nemesis –the pharaoh. But Seto had abandoned him. So the younger child must be a negligible quantity; the bond between the brothers weak; of no hindrance to his plans.

He was about to reveal himself when he saw an enemy – Shadi. Then he saw the flash of light, and when he opened his eyes, he was alone in the alley.

But Akunadin thought about it and smiled. He could turn this to his advantage. He knew Shadi was trying to forestall him; trying to preserve the timeline unbroken. Which meant Seto had to be returned. But what would Seto not do for the man who could now promise so total an escape?

* * *

.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Kaeru means "toad" which seemed to be a good way to describe him (Thanks, Kagi).


	2. A Wrinkle in Time

**NOTE ON NAMES:** Having two sets of characters with the same name could get pretty confusing. So I use the names in the following way:

Kaiba – refers to the 18 year old Seto Kaiba

Seto – refers to the 13 year old Seto Kaiba

Mokuba – refers to the 13 year old Mokuba Kaiba

Kouma – refers to the 8 year old Mokuba Kaiba (it literally means "Pony")

* * *

**CHAPTER 2: A WRINKLE IN TIME**

**SETO'S POV**

Things looked… different. I noticed the cars first. They were sleeker, somehow – less boxy in design – more aerodynamic. I peered out of the alley. Everyone seemed to be carrying a cell phone, a laptop or both. So… they weren't just toys for the rich anymore. I approved. I'd been filthy rich for three years (emphasis on the filthy), but I hadn't forgotten what it was like to have nothing, to be nothing.

I looked up. Even the skyline had changed. I was staring at the tower I'd always imagined building. The one I had planned out in my mind. Then I saw the initials that crowned it – the huge KC. When had Gozaburo build this? More importantly, what the hell was going on?

I knew something was very wrong. I'm a genius, remember? I needed answers, and I wasn't going to get them hanging around an alley all day. I led Mokuba out into the street. That's when I saw the newspaper – or more specifically the date – 2004. Somehow, we'd come five years in the future. Or had been sent, I thought, remembering the guy in the robes, the blinding light.

He had given me an address, and a couple of names. Right – like I was going to listen to anything that a clown in a dress told me to do.

I considered my options. They weren't good. We were five years in the future. The bank and credit cards I had carefully acquired would have expired by now, leaving my money in electronic limbo. Given time, privacy and a computer with Internet access, I could fix that.

Maybe it was time to reconsider the freak's advice. A game shop, even one with the dopey name 'Turtle Game Shop' had to have a computer.

But I wasn't going to walk blindly into a trap. More importantly, I wasn't about to lead Mokuba into one.

I knelt down so that we were at eye level. So that he'd know this was serious. He had taken everything in stride as usual. Hell, after the orphanage and Gozaburo, a guy throwing around lightning probably _was_ normal. I envied his gift for remaining oblivious to everything around him, even as I felt the familiar pang of guilt for not doing a better job of taking care of him.

I have something I have to take care of, Kouma," I said, watching his face light up as I used our special nickname, the one I had begun to forget. Still, I loved seeing him smile every time I called him "Pony." It had started back before the orphanage, when he had refused to cut his hair until his mane resembled a Shetland Pony. It had become our joke, part of our bond.

For once I had a bit of luck. Like luck in a nightmare, I thought sarcastically. The play place I had scoped out was still in business five years later. Still catering to rich people who needed to drop off their kids for a few hours at odd times. Still open until midnight. I hoped I'd be back by then, but I'd learned not to ask for luck, or anything else I wanted.

I didn't look back as I headed to whatever was waiting for me at the Turtle Game Shop. At least I would be facing it alone.

As soon as I was inside the store I knew that I had made another mistake. These people recognized me, and that couldn't be good. They might even be from Gozaburo.

I backed up towards the door. One of them, a scruffy blond yelled, "Wait. Don't move." He came at me. I swung at his face. When he raised his hands to protect himself, I kicked as hard as I could at my real target – his balls. He went down in a heap cursing. I grabbed everything I could get my hands on, toys and card packets mostly, and began throwing them; keeping the others a bay, concentrating on the tall boy with the pointed hair. I could hear the blonde gasp from the floor, "Great, now he thinks he's Jackie Chan."

I didn't know who the hell Jackie Chan was, but I knew this: anything can be turned into a weapon. The others were hanging back. I had gained the door. I was a good fighter. It's funny, but Gozaburo had never punished me for fighting his goons. He'd just send a bigger one next time, each time I managed to knock one out. I understood his twisted reasoning now. He'd taught me to hone my anger; to use it. In an odd way, I was grateful.

But it was time to go. Before something else went wrong.

"Kaiba, wait," the girl cried out. She had a soft voice. Mokuba would love it. I risked a glance behind my shoulder, expecting to see the familiar business suit, to smell the familiar cigar – but there was no one there. I smirked. Did she think she could scare me by calling out my adoptive father's name?

But she was looking at _me_ , a puzzled expression on her face. "S-Seto?" she said uncertainly. "What's happened? Why are you so… young?"

"How old should I be?" I countered.

"About 18. The same as us," she said gently.

That figured. Five years in the future. Just like me.

I hesitated, still halfway out the door. The fight had cleared my head. Whoever these people were – they weren't from Gozaburo. He would never have hired this inept bunch of kids. I decided to risk another question.

"Okay, which one of you is Yugi Motou? Or a guy called Yami?"

"I'm called Yami, and this is Yugi."

Great. These two had even wilder hair than the shabby blonde. (What was it with these guys and hair? Hadn't any of them ever heard of a brush?) They looked like identical twins. Except the one who had spoken was taller. I stared at him. He was wearing an upside-down pyramid around his neck, with the same eye on it as the jerk who had sent me here. I always know when people are going to be important to me and this crimson eyed freak mattered. That didn't make me feel any better. After all, Gozaburo mattered too.

He kept his distance, spoke softly. "We mean you no harm."

I didn't bother answering that. Settled for a question of my own. "Then how do you know my name?"

"It's a little complicated."

"If you're looking for a way to tell me I'm five years in the future, save your breath. I figured that out already."

"We haven't met yet, but in the present, Seto…" he paused, "Seto… Kaiba is my greatest rival."

My eyes narrowed. It figured. Who knew Lightning Guy had a sense of humor?

"Rival?" I asked

"Friendly rival."

"That's a contradiction in terms," I sneered, "The only word that goes with friendly is bullshit."

"That proves it. It's Kaiba all right," the blonde muttered.

I smiled. At last, something familiar – an open enemy. But this Yami was speaking again.

"Would you like to see your older self?"

"That depends. Where's Gozaburo?"

"Your adoptive father died over two years ago."

"Care to prove that?"

"I think I can," said the smaller one, the one with the purple eyes, as he disappeared into the back. He returned with some kind of electronics gear – a toy. It had a Duel Monsters deck in it. I must have been slipping – it took me a moment to notice the logo. There was a large KC on the front.

"Does this look like something Gozaburo would make?"

I looked at it. Hell, I couldn't take my eyes off it; felt a sudden hunger to stroke is sleek lines. I had never seen it before, but it felt like a part of me.

"Yes," Yugi confirmed. "It's your design."

Damn. He had read me too easily. "Okay, if you want to take me to this other Seto, I guess it's alright with me," I said, as if I was granting a favor.

But the girl ruined it by asking, "Where's Mokuba?"

I considered saying, 'Mokuba, who?' but I knew that wouldn't fly. So I fell back on my number one lie – the one that was starting to convince Gozaburo and his goons. The one I was afraid I was starting to believe. The lie that had set me running.

"That stray dog, that's always nipping at my heels? He was too much trouble. He was getting in my way, so I left him behind."

Everyone smiled. The blonde rolled his eyes. "What's it to you?" I challenged.

"No one who knows you – any version of you – would believe that you'd abandon your brother so lightly," Yami replied.

I couldn't stop the look of relief from flashing across my eyes, nor the words from escaping.

"Then It worked… Then I didn't…" I said before I stopped myself, and nodded. I was ready to go.

* * *

**.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I was trying for a voice that was recognizably Kaiba's, and yet sounded younger. Usually that would imply a more open, trusting, person, but I think in Seto's case, it would mean he was less mature, less controlled, and much more suspicious, because he is still in the middle of his battle with Gozaburo, and also, frightening as it seems, because he hasn't had Kaiba's experience seeing that friends can come through for each other. What do you think?


	3. Back to the Future

**IMPORTANT! ANIME NOTE:** Déjà vu is based set after the DOMA arc of the anime. I don't have all the details, because I'm relying on summaries, but the following is important: During a duel with Rafael, Yami is given a card that will bring out his dark (as in evil) side. Despite Yugi's objections, Yami is convinced that he will be able to control the card, and that it is the only way to win the duel and save and his friends. Of course playing the card seals his defeat. Since this was a kind of Shadow Game, his soul was supposed to be sealed in a stone tile as a punishment for losing. But Yugi pushes him out of the way and allows his own soul to be trapped instead – leaving a guilt-ridden and grief-stricken Yami in sole possession of their body.

 ** _STYLE NOTE:_** _Italics are used to indicate a flashback scene_. Yugi and Yami are talking telepathically is indicated within the story itself, without a change in formatting.

Thanks to Kagemihari for a complete Beta review.

* * *

**CHAPTER 3: BACK TO THE FUTURE**

**YAMI'S POV**

He had Kaiba's ability to stand at the fringe of a group; precisely where he could see and hear everything without joining in any of it.

Although we were walking towards his house, and he was the only one who really knew the way, Seto was in the back of the group, with me. Where he could keep all of us in his field of vision. Where he was just out of arm's reach. Where he could melt into the shadows if any of us made a sudden movement. I smiled at the openness of his suspicion. By the time five more years had passed, Seto would have learned to hide all his emotions, even wariness.

We were close enough that I could hear Yugi's voice in my head, as he walked in front with Jounouchi.

"I'm proud of Jounouchi. He's come a long way."

I smiled. It was so like Yugi, that in all of this, his first thought was for his friend.

"Yes, aibou. I never thought he would pass up a chance to throw Death-T in Kaiba's face. Any Kaiba."

"Well, I guess it's one thing to bait a full-grown Kaiba, another to taunt this stray kid."

But unexpected as the night's events had been, I was not surprised. I had been waiting for… something, ever since the night Shadi had turned up on our doorstep, once again, wearing his key.

We had returned six of the seven Sennen Items to the Valley of the Kings that summer. Shadi had insisted that Yugi and I keep the puzzle. I had some of my memories back. Enough to remember Isis and Shadi fighting at my side. Enough to remember Seto – my cousin, comrade… and lover. I had enough memories to know that there was unfinished business ahead. Enough memories not to be surprised at Shadi's sudden appearance at the Game Shop.

_His appearance had triggered the shift from Yugi to myself. Shadi might have been my ally, but his appearance always meant danger._

_As usual, he got right to the point. "Time has become unstuck."_

_"But we sealed the items back in the tombs," I protested._

_"We thought we did. Two of them, the rod and the eye, are… incomplete. They must be made whole before they can truly be sealed. Otherwise there is a chance that Akunadin can seize the items for his master, Zork Necropolis – that they could finally succeed, 3,000 years later, in covering the world in Darkness. We must be the ones to reunite the splintered items, and seal them in their tomb once and for all."_

_I could feel Yugi's support, like a fire warming me from within._

_"What do we have to do?" I asked._

_"I'm not certain. The future path has not revealed itself clearly to me."_

_"Well, thanks for stopping by," Yugi said in my head._

_But Shadi was already speaking…_

_"I've had… glimpses… of the future. Just as you've had glimpses of the past. There will come a time when Yugi and you will need to be in two separate places at the same time. So I've come with the gift you haven't yet realized you desire – the power to give you your own body."_

I didn't need our bond to know Yugi's first thought… Anzu.

He had always loved her, but had been afraid to approach her, carrying as he did, his rival within his very body. And against my desire, I had been his rival. As long as we were one, I could do no other than reflect his feelings. He was the boundary of my existence. I saw the world through his eyes; his emotions ran through my blood. His love for Anzu was so strong that I was helpless to resist it's infusion.

I thought, I hoped, that Anzu had grown to love Yugi; grown away from her infatuation for me. She both knew and cherished Yugi, whereas I was her dream lover. But fantasies are not meant for the rough and tumble of daily life. And I hoped she was wise enough to prefer substance to shadow.

Shadi had been right about me as well.

Our battle against DOMA had changed me. It had marked the first time I had truly been my own person in 3,000 years. At first I felt nothing but guilt at having lost Yugi; at having lost myself to my own darkness. The same guilt Kaiba must have felt as he pieced his heart together after Death-T.

But once we were reunited, although the remorse remained, other memories had also surfaced: Jou smacking me out of my catatonic state; Kaiba laughing, happy to have scored a point off of me – he had defeated his adversary where I had failed – telling me to bleach the tarnish off my title.

Other feelings arose: feeling the wind in _my_ hair, the grass beneath _my_ feet, feeling… myself for the first time in millennia. I remembered running down the endless corridors of Kaiba Corporation, USA, with all the demons of hell chasing us; with Kaiba at my side. Never so sure I was going to die; never feeling so vibrantly alive.

I had accepted my sacrifice 3,000 years ago… or I thought that I had. Now, for the first time, I regretted the briefness of my existence. For the first time the bond between Yugi and myself was not quite enough. I was no longer as content to simply be someone else's darkness.

But I wondered at Shadi's cryptic parting words: "In the battle that lies ahead, your greatest strength will become your greatest weakness."

"You think he's funny – Seto, I mean," Yugi said, his thoughts breaking into mine. It was not quite a question.

I thought of the miniature whirlwind who had just crashed into our lives and smiled. "Didn't you?" I parried.

"Let's see, in about five minutes he trashed Jichan's shop, kicked Jou in the nuts, and threw anything he could get his hands on at the rest of us. We all got beat by a 13 year old punk. Yeah, I guess you're right… it _was_ pretty funny.

"But it's more than that, isn't it?" he continued. "You like him. Part of you was rooting for him – just like always."

I couldn't deny my other… my better half's words. In all our duels, I had fought _for_ Seto Kaiba as well as against him. Fought to show him the person he could be. Now that I was in my own body, aware of my own desires, I wanted the chance to fight to make him believe in himself… to make him believe in me.

I looked at the boy walking almost, but not quite at my side. He had hidden Mokuba in whatever temporary refuge he had found. Knowing Kaiba, the separation must be tearing at his soul. He was going to face a future, that despite his efforts to hide it, filled him with dread. He was clearly fleeing from whatever horror had sent the brothers into the night and landed them here. (And it was hard to imagine anything that could make Seto Kaiba run.) Since he was here, out of time, I was willing to wager that they had met up with Shadi, always an unsettling experience. Yet none of that showed on the surface. His face was without expression, his body seemingly relaxed – or at least, no tenser than usual. He might have been out on some mundane errand. For all that had happened in the past five years, the essentials remained untouched.

"Yes, in spite of everything, I like him," I finally answered. "In some ways, he's a remarkable child."

* * *

**.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** One thing I found interesting in the little I know about DOMA, is that Yami in a sense, betrays Yugi. He refuses to listen to Yugi, and his desire to win, and certainty in his own invincibility causes him to lose, leading to Yugi losing his soul. Although Yugi is the one choosing to sacrifice himself, it occurred to me that there were some parallels to Kaiba's experiences which might be interesting to explore.

 **RESPONSES:** First, a big "Thank You" to everyone who reviewed! I was especially thrilled and touched to see how many of the names I recognized from "I Guess it was in the Cards." That really blew me away. Some points were raised that I thought were interesting:

 **Two Setos meeting** – (Desidera, Red Dragon4, Unsolvable Riddle) It's funny – I've been writing this story for a while, and as soon as I posted, I realized that I really needed to go into more detail in future chapters on the somewhat convoluted, and often non-verbal interactions between the two Seto Kaibas. So thanks to everyone for asking about it – it pointed up a weak spot, that I didn't even realize existed. That's what I love about reviews. (Well besides the encouragement.) I had it all mapped out in my head, but as I keep forgetting – it has to make in to the paper. For those waiting for the two to meet, sorry to keep you waiting, (did I mention I'm a bit of a tease?), but, it happens in the next chapter.

 **13 year old Kaiba** – (samurai ashes, Tuulikki, Unsolvable Riddle) I picture Seto being on the verge of out of control, almost feral. At first I had thought of him being more open, and more likely to be friends with the gang – but the more I thought of it, the more I realized that he would be even more hostile and more unused to being around people who weren't a threat. I think he's been so focused on surviving his almost insane upbringing, that not much else gets through to him.

 **Time Travel** – (Amarin Rose, samurai ashes) This was pretty funny. I brought the younger Kaibas to the future because I thought it would be interesting for them to meet. I picked Akunadin as the principal antagonist (although Zork Necropolis shows up too) for a variety of reason, some of which won't be clear until the middle. But then I realized that I really needed to figure out just how they got there and why. So I planned it all out in my head and forgot to put any of it down on paper until about the middle of the story (did I mention that this was going to be a long story?). Luckily, Kagemihari, in the nicest way possible reminded me that unless it was on the page, no one would be able to figure out what was going on. Anyway, how the time travel works, etc. should hopefully be explained in bits and pieces over the next 3 chapters. Hopefully.

 **Akunadin** – (Desidera) I agree - I think Akunadin's hasn't totally grasped Seto Kaiba's character. Interestingly, though, I think either of the Kaibas would agree with him. I think they seem themselves in the same negative way that he does.

 **Yami** – (Sunrise and Sunset, Desidera) As you can see there will be more Yami.

 **Suspense** – (Elle King, Katie Torango, Leland Lancaster, Tokemi) This is the first time I'm trying out a story with an actual sort of plot with action (if that makes sense) so I'm glad to see it's got people's interest.

Thanks to GakiFang, Kaiba dude 101, and mezu – the encouragement means a lot.

 


	4. Through the Looking Glass

**IMPORTANT! ANIME NOTE:** At the end of the DOMA arc, Kaiba and Yami are fighting together against Dartz (the main bad guy). Kaiba sacrifices his life points to Yami (not sure how that works – I'm relying on summaries) and falls into Yami's arms – since this is a kind of Shadow Game, he believes he's giving up his life. He tells Yami he's glad to finally repay his debt, and dies in his arms. (Cool, huh?) Anyway, it obviously comes up more than once in this story, but I refer to it here.

 **POV NOTE:** From here on, the narration changes, often in mid chapter, depending on who's POV is needed to carry the story forward. I have put in extra spacing, and labeled each POV change, so I hope it's not confusing.

 **NAME REMINDER:** Seto refers to the 13 year-old Seto Kaiba, and Kaiba refers to the 18 year-old Seto Kiaba.

Thanks to Kagemihari for a complete Beta review.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4: THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS**

**KAIBA'S POV**

I should have known something would go wrong before the day was out. Anniversaries, even secret ones, are a bitch.

I was lying on the floor with Mokuba, playing chess. Sort of like old times… very old times. Ever since Battle City I had decided to reclaim the game. It wasn't Duel Monsters, but it wasn't bad either.

Mokuba's moves were starting to get erratic. He was nodding off as he played. I probably should have called a halt to the match, but bed times were one of the few things I had never gotten the hang of, never having had one myself.

I don't know why I bothered answering the door. I mean, I do have security guards for that sort of thing, but no one suspicious would have made it to the front door, anyway. When I opened it, there seemed to be a swarm of Yugi-tachi on my front step.

Before I could ask what the hell they were all doing there, the mutt broke in, "Whoa, Kaiba, you're in sweatpants!"

Does anyone wonder why I ignore these idiots? I mean, it was late; it was Saturday. What did they think, I slept in a fucking trench coat?

I ignored the loser, as I always did. Focused, as I always did, on Yugi – or more specifically, his other self. So there really were two of them, just like the e-mail had said. Yugi had sent it. After all the times I had used him to relay messages to his other self, I guess he had decided to return the favor. And logically, one couldn't expect a 3,000 year old ex-spirit-of–a-dead-pharaoh to know much about computers. The message had been simple: "Wanted you to know – we each have our own body." I read it every day. I had never responded. That would have meant admitting that I was important enough to them… to him… to rate a message. It would have meant admitting that _he_ was important enough to me, to make me glad to receive his e-mail.

And now they were here on my doorstep.

"Oh great," I sneered, "Does this mean that I have to beat both of you now to reclaim the title?"

Yami gave me that half smile of his. He was the only one who ever got my admittedly snide jokes. The grin stretched into the familiar smug smirk – the one that always meant trouble.

"Brace yourself, Kaiba," he said. "Yugi and I aren't the only duplicates in Domino."

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

I couldn't see him. The crowd was in the way. His voice was deep and resonant as he bantered with Yami. I tried the words 'friendly rival' on my tongue, but they still felt alien. As he talked to Yami, his voice wasn't exactly warm, but it wasn't cold either.

The tri-color twins finally stepped aside so I could get a good look at him. He was tall. Hell, I could have guessed that. Even now, I was almost as tall as the runt at my side, only a couple of inches shy of his crimson-eyed twin. But he towered over them all.

I had always been taller than the other kids my age at the orphanage. It had been an advantage, though I had learned that brains, ferocity and determination counted for more.

His face was as smooth and as expressionless as the porcelain masks that probably still hung in the dinning room. His eyes hadn't widened in surprise, or even narrowed in suspicion. Their hardness told me that my worst nightmares had come true.

Gozaburo was dead and he was alive. That probably meant that he had won. But from where I stood, it looked like at best, a partial victory. One glance was enough to tell me that Gozaburo had sunk his hooks in me deeper than I would ever want to acknowledge or admit. I took a step back.

Now his eyes gleamed like a predator that had spotted its prey. He reached out – not to stop me, but to assure himself I was solid. "So, it's not a hologram," he murmured. He looked around, and for the first time his voice showed an emotion beyond detached amusement.

"Where's Mokuba?" he asked sharply.

I looked him in the eye. Said nothing. Held my ground.

He smiled; a wolf's smile; Gozaburo's smile.

"Very good. I wouldn't trust me either. Luckily I know how to break this stalemate. It seems that before you show me your Mokuba, you want to see mine. I can play that game."

"MOKUBA, come here," he yelled.

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

The sound of my name woke me up. I had fallen asleep over the chessboard, scattering the pieces. I'd been losing anyway. I heard Nisama call me again. I couldn't identify the emotion in his voice– not that his voice was ever easy to read – even for me.

There was a note of suppressed excitement in it, I decided, even of urgency. But there was no danger. I knew that. If there had been a threat, he wouldn't have called my name; would have died on the threshold before alerting a potential enemy to my presence. That could only mean one thing…. Yugi and his friends were here.

I ran to the door, rubbing my eyes. I had just enough time to brace myself before a blue-eyed, brown haired tornado reached me, and almost knocked me over. He held my face in his hands and looked into my eyes.

"Mokuba!"

He was my brother… but he was my age and my size. I didn't know what had happened, but he was real, he was solid, he was hugging me – with a look of relief in his normally expressionless eyes. I didn't know what the hell was going on, so I ended up saying the first thing that popped into my head.

"Wow… I think I'm taller than you."

"No, you're not," he replied immediately.

But Nisama, _my_ Nisama, cocked his head, stared at us intently. "Yes he is," he said in his measured voice. "By about a quarter-inch."

I sighed at the satisfaction lacing his voice. It was so like my brother to take my side, even against himself.

But Nisama was speaking again.

"Well, now that you've seen that my Mokuba is alive and in good health, it's time to go get yours. If you need any more proof of my bona fides – here."

He slipped his locket off his head, tossed it to his younger self. I stared at the two of them, suddenly cold – suddenly afraid I knew what was going on. It had taken him over two years to redeem that promise. Thirty months until the Duel Monster lockets hung around out necks, guarding our photos.

"Don't you want to know where Mokuba is?" the younger version asked.

"I already do," he answered. "I was the one who checked out that play place – just in case I ever needed somewhere to stash Mokuba for a few hours. My ace in the hole. I never got to use it – or so I thought."

Nisama had his coat and shoes on, was starting to push his way through Yugi and his friends.

"Kaiba – stop!" the Yugi my brother always dueled called out. I could see the frustration growing in his crimson eyes when my brother ignored him.

He didn't understand. There was a Mokuba out there, and neither version of my brother was going to be totally sane until he was home.

"Yugi," I said, appealing to the smaller of the two, "Let him get Mokuba. If your aibou tries to stop him, Nisama's going to do something he'll regret later."

Yugi's eyes went blank. Then I heard the other one call out, "Be careful, Kaiba. There's more at work here than you know."

But my brother only bared his teeth in his grin. "Incorrect. I know far more about this night than you. I've had five years to think about it… to try and figure out what went wrong… to ask myself how we wound up back at the mansion with no memory of getting caught… and it looks like I'm finally going to get some answers."

Five years ago my brother had tried to escape. That failed attempt had begun an odyssey that left him as CEO of Kaiba Corporation 2 ½ years later; that left my adoptive father dead on the sidewalk under Kaiba Tower's windows. It was a journey that had brought my brother to the brink of murdering the people before us… to his almost killing me… before another year had passed. That had to led his heart being shattered by the man now calling his name with worry and concern… that had led to my brother offering his own life in atonement as he fought by his rival's side.

Five years ago my brother had begun a voyage that had never really ended, that had carried him, in its wake, back to the mansion… back to playing chess with me on the floor, as he tried to piece together the shards of the life that had begun to shatter, exactly five years ago, today. I looked from one to the other of my big brothers, as they stood on either side like bookends… with Death-T, with Battle City, with Kaiba Corporation, with me, with their promises… between them; separating them.

"So, it was a good plan after all," Nisama said with quiet satisfaction, his words breaking into my thoughts.

There was an undercurrent of excitement in his voice as he jumped into the car, his younger counterpart already beside him. As I followed Nisama, I knew he was already focused his answers, focused on the future. I wondered what price he was prepared to pay this time.

He turned to his younger self. "You'll be pleased to know, your logic was impeccable. I never saw Kaeru again."

* * *

**.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I know people were waiting to see Kaiba and Seto meet – then I realized that at their first meeting, the only thing on either of their minds was (surprise): Mokuba!

 **HEIGHT NOTE:** I know it's a temptation to think of Mokuba as a shrimp. But that's because he's always next to Kaiba. If you think about it, he's five years younger than the rest. And those are the five years when boys do their most growing. And even now, he's Yugi's height (Okay, Yugi _is_ a shrimp!) But he's also not that much shorter than Anzu or Jounouchi, considering the age difference. So I think it's likely that he's actually tall for his age – if he was ever around anyone his own age. Besides, I just couldn't resist making him slightly taller than Seto.

**RESPONSES:**

**DOMA & Death-T** (Lightning Sage) I kind of look on those two events as bookends, too. Death-T is all about Kaiba destroying himself. After Alcatraz, its clear that Kaiba has accepted the mission Yami an Mokuba gave him – to try and rebuilt his life without anger or bitterness. And in DOOM you see him trying to do that. This is the Kaiba I'm trying to portray here – someone who understands now what he has to do, and will never stop trying to free himself from his own anger and hatred – and who has made some progress. I see him, at the start of this story as having attained a fragile peace with himself, or thinking that he has...

 **Yami** (Desidera) I thought there were real parallels between Yami in DOOM and Kaiba – mainly that they both feel like they've betrayed their "aibous" and both have been forgiven by their partners. I do think, though, there are important differences in how they'd react, which is a thread that continues on and off for some time.

I've always felt that Yami sees the world through Yugi's eyes. That Yugi frames his experience. So I think that when they were sharing his body, he'd share Yugi's feelings to a certain extent. I don't think it would work the opposite way – because Yami (except for DOMA) defers to Yugi, a lot. But I think once he was in his own body, he would suddenly be aware of his own feelings and desires. I think he always had a connection to Kaiba, but once in his own body, those feelings would sort of rush in on him.

 **Yami and Yugi** (Tokemi) In this story, I picture them being close, although DOMA has put a strain on them, mostly from Yami's POV. But I also see Yami as being excited about being in his own body, and Yugi being maybe a little protective of him, since he realizes Yami's going through some new experiences.

 **Ties That Bind** (dorichan) I thought it was a great story, too. I was sorry to see it left incomplete. (Although, I guess I should, in a weird sort of way be grateful, since I wouldn't have written Déjà vu, otherwise. BTW, I did write the author for permission.) The idea of bringing Seto and Mokuba to the future obviously stuck in my head. I see the characters differently, so I hope the story has a life of its own.

 **Seto** (Leland Lancaster) I worked hard on not making him cuddly, but I have to admit, he's stolen my heart along the way.

 **Notes on writing:** (AnimeFanArtemis) Realizing that people were actually looking forward to a new story was a little scary – in an absolutely wonderful way. (You should have seen me smile at the computer screen!) But, I definitely cross my fingers a little more each time I post.


	5. The Phantom Menace

**NOTE ON AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Author's Notes necessary for the understanding, and hopefully, the enjoyment of the chapters are at the beginning. The Author's Notes at the end (where they can be easily avoided) are for my somewhat stream-of-conciousness thought on all things Yugioh.

 **NAME NOTE** : Although I've used Seto exclusively, so far, to refer to the 13 year-old Seto Kaiba, I really couldn't see Shadi referring to the 19 year-old version as "Kaiba", since he knew him as Seto in Egypt. So when Shadi uses the name "Seto" he's referring to the 18 year old Seto Kaiba.

 **SHADI NOTE:** I've noted that although Shadi appears and disappears, he can also manipulate solid objects. He ties ropes in the manga; he helps keep Honda and Otogi from falling off the blimp in the subtitled DVD. So my own personal take on it – and the one I'm going with in this story – is that although he can travel through walls (not to mention through time), once he appears somewhere – he's solid, and can interact with people and things.

 **ANIME REMINDER:** In the DOMA arc, during a duel with Rafael, Yami is given a card that will bring out his dark (as in evil) side. Despite Yugi's objections, Yami is convinced that he will be able to control the card, and that it is the only way to win the duel and save and his friends. Of course playing the card seals his defeat. Since this was a kind of Shadow Game, his soul was supposed to be sealed in a stone tile as a punishment for losing. But Yugi pushes him out of the way and allows his own soul to be trapped instead – leaving a guilt-ridden and grief-stricken Yami in sole possession of their body.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I finished Chapter 6 early, so I'm posting them at the same time. Additional Author's Notes and Responses are at the end of Chapter 6.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5: THE PHANTOM MENACE**

**YAMI'S POV**

Seto entered the house, an 8 year-old Mokuba in his arms. He was far too heavy for a 13 year-old to carry, but one look at Seto's grip convinced me he wouldn't relinquish his brother to anyone – even his older self. And Kaiba had his arms full of his own Mokuba.

It was hard to tell if the older Mokuba was actually too tired to walk, or was feigning sleepiness in response to his older brother's unspoken need for a Mokuba of his own to hold on to. The one thing I was sure of, had always been sure of, was that their relationship was as intense and intricate as Yugi's and my own. And it had just been squared.

"Kaiba – we need to talk," I called out, as he swept past me.

"Mokuba's eight. He's hungry and he's had a long day. I want to make sure he feels at home. And this one's probably hungry again, too," he said with a nod towards the boy in his arms. "When I'm done with them, we can talk."

I heard Yugi's voice in my head. "Why wouldn't he feel at home? This _is_ his home."

"I suppose it depends on why they were out on the streets of Domino in the first place," I replied.

"Besides," Kaiba said. "If you're still here, you must want something. So I'm willing to bet, you'll wait a little longer."

As if he hadn't just insulted me, he continued, "So what am I supposed to call you, now?"

"Yami," I replied.

"Darkness."Kaiba tasted the word on his tongue. "It suits you," he said as he left.

As soon as he had disappeared into his house, Shadi appeared at my side. "Is he mad to talk to you so disrespectfully? You are his pharaoh!"

"Not anymore. He may be the reincarnation of my high priest – and your friend – but Seto Kaiba is truly his own person."

* * *

**SHADI'S POV**

As he entered the room, Kouma waved at me, smiling. Instantly, Seto's gaze sharpened. He frowned in recognition; as if some errant memory had surfaced. I studied my old friend, in this new guise – and was unprepared for the blind fury in his eyes, as he raised them to mine.

"So, it's the phantom," he said.

He caught me off guard. His first strike snapped my head back. His second had me doubled over, clutching my stomach. I should have remembered how deceptive he could be. Punishing as they were, the blows had been feints. As I started to straighten, he grabbed my robes, stepped back into me and threw me over his shoulder. He had timed the throw so instead of falling harmlessly to the floor, I flew across the room to crash into the wall.

"You seem solid enough, now," he remarked as I got to my feet. His 13 year-old self was looking at him with approval; waiting for him to continue.

"Kaiba!" Yami called. It was all he said, but it stopped Seto in his tracks.

"A man who walks through walls, and can… bend time. Let's just say, I've finally put two and two together… and it equals five years."

"How did you know he could walk through walls?" Jounouchi demanded.

"The security cameras at the Battle Ship caught him," he said disinterestedly.

"Why didn't you say something?" Anzu asked, curiously.

"At the time, it seemed… immaterial." He smirked at his own pun.

"Wait a minute, you sick bastard," Jounouchi yelled. "You had cameras on us?"

"Only in the public places. Believe me, I had no interest in whatever you were getting up to in your bedrooms." He turned to Anzu, "Although I admit to a faint curiosity over what you and Isis were planning to do with Rishid's unconscious body when you started playing musical rooms with him. I didn't know you liked them half-dead."

In the stir that followed, I realized what my pharaoh had been trying to tell me. This was not my old friend. The Seto I knew had been difficult; had been driven to prove himself to the man he called his mentor, and to his pharaoh. It had led him to many reckless acts. But he had been able to function, within the limits of his personality, as part of a team. These were the people closest to him, now – his allies. And within five minutes, he had deliberately alienated everyone in the room. Everyone, except my pharaoh – who was regarding him with a weary patience.

I understood now. I had been endlessly reborn, with my original memories mainly intact. But Seto had been truly reborn anew and shaped by different winds. He was as driven as I; as driven as he had ever been – but his purposes were obscure. My fingers twitched at my side. I wondered how long it would be until I was driven to use my key; to explore the mind of the stranger who had been my friend.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

We were sitting around a conference table, Kaiba clearly putting our visit in the "business," rather than pleasure, category. The two pairs of brothers were diagonally across from each other. Kouma was in Seto's lap, dozing. Mokuba was next to Kaiba. Seto had not spoken since entering the room. Kaiba had been equally silent, since the fight. They seemed to be ignoring each other… except for the quick, speculative glances that occasionally flew across the table. Their looks were not hostile – but they were challenging… assessing – and they added to the tension.

My mind started to wander as Shadi summed up the situation. Not much had changed. He was fairly sure that Akunadin would be able to follow Seto to this timeline. But he couldn't just grab the items and deliver them to his master, Zork Necropolis; the being to whom he had sold his soul 3,000 years ago. These were Sennen Items. He needed to be given them – or to win them in a duel from their legitimate owners. And that gave us the opportunity to claim his versions for ourselves.

Seto, as the reincarnation of my high priest, had wielded the Rod. Strange as it seemed, he had also inherited the right to the Eye from his father, Akunadin, himself. I wondered if the gods were fond of irony.

Shadi had stressed that the Kaibas' stay in the future was temporary. Once we had defeated Akunadin and reunited the items, Seto and Mokuba had to go back to their own time… to their old lives. It was the only way to seal Akunadin and Zork in their prison; to preserve our timeline unchanged. It was a piece of information that the younger Seto Kaiba received in stony silence.

Shadi stressed that if we were successful, the younger Kaibas would not even remember that any of this had happened. Kaiba's face darkened at the reminder. Shadi looked at him. "Nothing is written in stone," he said. We are in the present now, and events have to play themselves out, as they will. The ending can still change. Zork and Akunadin can still win… if we allow it."

Kaiba didn't react. In fact, he didn't seem to be paying much more attention than I was. Oh, I was sure that he had grasped all the salient points, but he was too busy brooding on the failure of whatever plan Shadi had ruined five years ago. Yet as I looked at Kaiba, I was sure that the two were related.

It was good to see him again.

There had always been a connection between us, a bond that had grown deeper with each duel. I could not erase the memory of running side by side with Kaiba, as though that was the way we were meant to be. I had been aware of the world only through the prism of Yugi's thoughts and feelings. Now my own came rushing in on me, and I realized that the feel of Kaiba was the one that I most wanted to explore. For all that I loved Yugi; for all that we had shared a body… my heart had never danced as it did when I looked on Kaiba's proud face. It was as though I had come into my own body, my own soul… only to be drawn to his.

And for all that we were rivals, or maybe because of it, I felt comfortable with him, as I did with no one else, not even Yugi anymore, since my betrayal. I had surrendered to my own darkness in my battle with Rafael; had kept the name Yami, partly to remind myself of my own weakness. And now I was living with Yugi's forgiveness, following the road Kaiba had walked ahead of me.

I had almost killed him at Pegasus's Tower. Yugi's friends had explained it away; had ignored it by focusing on Kaiba's "cheating." But Kaiba himself had both understood, and I think, approved. And his matter-of-fact acceptance of the darkness in my nature, in my name, made me feel a kinship with him, as if we were still the cousins we had been in the distant past that now seemed to be resurrecting itself.

Shadi had finished his explanations. The meeting had broken up with a laugh as Jounouchi had said, "Oh man, you mean the fate of the world depends on Kaiba doing the right thing?"

Fortunately, Kaiba had ignored Jounouchi, as he had ignored everything going on around him. He turned his attention to what had possibly been concerning him the whole time – where his unexpected guests were going to sleep. I wondered at his preoccupation, until I realized that he was trying, and failing, to find a room in that large mansion without unpleasant associations. He finally put them together in Mokuba's room, which connected to his. I supposed that Mokuba would be rooming with him. Clearly they needed to be together as much as their younger counterparts.

He went upstairs to sort it all out. I found myself standing next to the older Mokuba, as we waited for the limo that was to take the rest of us home. He smiled up at me impishly, all sleepiness gone… suddenly looking as young as the eight year-old version.

"He never responded, but he reads your e-mail at least once a day, you know. I checked the number of times he's opened it."

I smiled at him, suddenly warmed by more than the summer air.

 


	6. The Brothers Kaibamazov

**NOTE ON NAMES:** In the manga and the subtitled anime, Mokuba invariably refers to Kaiba as Nisama. However, that could get confusing, with two of them. So although, when speaking to them, he continues to call them both Nisama, in his thoughts he uses the following names:

 **Nisama:** refers to the 18 year-old Seto Kaiba

 **Oniichan:** refers to the 13 year old Seto Kaiba. Oniichan is a more affectionate, less formal way of saying Big Brother. I thought it was more in character than having him use Seto, even in his thoughts.

 **MANGA NOTE:** Although I haven't followed the Ancient Egypt arc, I have 'borrowed' several elements from it: chiefly that Akunadin is Priest Seto's father, and that he sold his soul to Zork Necropolis, who's this sort of uber-evil guy, for the power to make a wish on the Sennen Eye. He wished for his son to become pharaoh. Priest Seto, however, ultimately proves loyal to everyone's favorite pharaoh.

* * *

**CHAPTER 6: THE BROTHERS KAIBAMAZOV**

_(With apologies to Fyodor Dostoevsky)_

**SETO'S POV**

If he thought I was going to sit quietly at home, Lightning Guy had the wrong Seto Kaiba.

Getting away was easier than I thought – and that bothered me. But the guys were taking Kouma to the zoo with… well, with Mokuba. They wanted to show my Pony all the kid places he had never gotten to see. Mokuba had made a list. I felt guilty. I'd snuck him out as much as I dared, but there were so many things he'd never done. Mokuba must have realized how I felt, because he put his arm around me and said, "Nothing was as much fun as being with you." It was what I'd always wanted to hear, but it was weird having him comfort me; having him know that I wanted to be comforted. It felt wrong.

And it was hard letting him go off with others. We had never really been apart. Kaiba had understood. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at that, but it was hard to tell what he was thinking.

But as I had stood there, trying to decide whether to let them go, Kaiba had pulled me aside, saying with his slight smirk: "You've judged that these people are a group of fools. You're right. But there's one thing you should know – they have risked their lives in the past to protect him, and will do so again, if necessary. He's as safe with them, as with you," he said, before murmuring "…safer" under his breath.

I didn't like Kaiba, but I had a certain wary respect for him. And there was one thing that I was sure of – he cared as much about Mokuba as I. Maybe in spite of the ruin of my original plan, I had managed to keep my promises. But I found that hard to believe when I looked into his eyes, or though about the possible meaning behind his whispered 'safer'.

I could ask him. He would tell me. He would stand straight up, and spit the answer right between my eyes… letting me know exactly how vile we were; daring me to hate him – to hate myself – even more than I already did.

But… Mokuba seemed happy. Whatever I had done seemed to have hurt me more than him. I shrugged. That meant the answer could wait; it wasn't important. I could live with whatever I had done; it was one more thing I could brush aside.

I figured it wouldn't be hard to find Akunadin, and it wasn't. After all, he was the one looking for me. I simply went back to the alley where I had run into Shadi – and there he was.

Another jerk in a robe. I smiled. After Gozaburo, this was going to be a piece of cake.

"Seto."

"Old man."

"Why are you here?" he asked. So the pleasantries were over. Just as well, I was never much for small talk anyway.

"I've heard enough about you to be curious what you have to offer."

"Haven't you been told that I sold my soul to the embodiment of evil? That I will deliver the world into darkness?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah, well, where I'm from, that wouldn't be anything new. So it doesn't mean we can't deal."

"Why should I trust you?"

I smiled. "You probably shouldn't. No one ever does."

He smiled in return. I wondered if they played chess in ancient Egypt. Maybe if I'd ever learned something besides engineering and business, I'd know the answer.

"Shadi wants to return you to the Hell you just left. You won't even remember any of this. You've made an escape. I can help you make it permanent. That's my end of the bargain. I'm sure Shadi told you – there's two items I want. That's yours."

"There's one thing I'm curious about. Why go to all the trouble of tracking me down? Why not just deal with the Seto Kaiba that's already here?"

"Why on Earth should that matter to you?"

"Because it obviously matters to you. So answer up, old man, if you want me to be your little aibou in this business venture."

"I have no objection to answering. It's quite simple."

I filed that away as his first lie. Nothing is ever simple.

"The Seto inhabiting this age has power, money, and control of Kaiba Corporation. He thinks he is in charge of his own destiny," Akunadin continued. "I have nothing he values. But I have something to offer you – the chance to step into his life."

"I'll have his life in five years, anyway. With or without your help."

"Do you really want to wait? This way, you could have his life without spending those five years paying for it."

Not bad. We were already up to Lie #2. Nothing in life comes without cost. And it's always better to know the price in advance, and arrange the method of payment yourself. But all I said was, "I'll think about your offer. But, there seem to be some holes in your theory. Do you expect him to just step aside, and leave the field to me?"

He smiled as he said, "Let's just say that I don't think the world is ready for more than one Seto Kaiba, at a time."

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

He might have fooled all the others, but from the moment Oniichan let us go off with the others, I knew… he had an agenda of his own. My brother was never one to sit quietly at home and wait for trouble to find him. He was probably out searching for Akunadin right now. And my job, although he hadn't said anything to me, was to keep everyone out long enough so that no one noticed his absence.

I was surprised Nisama wasn't out wandering the streets too. But he had probably decided that it was more efficient to do his searching by computer. And he'd want to learn more about Akunadin before confronting him. Though no one but me knew it, Nisama could read those ancient hieroglyphs. And although it was still hard for him, over the years he had learned some patience.

I could see that everyone thought Oniichan was a perfect copy of Nisama. As if five years had brought no changes. I guess I was the only one who saw a difference besides height.

Except maybe for Yami. He kept looking from one to the other, as if he wasn't about to be fooled by their obvious similarities.

And Nisama had changed. Whether it was building Kaiba Land, or playing chess, or simply taking more time off, I could see him, in his usual, intense, self-determinately wrongheaded way, trying to reclaim himself. Just like he promised at Alcatraz, he was trying to rid his heart of the anger and hatred that had almost destroyed it. As though he could will himself into that true future he was always seeking. And maybe he could. It never paid to underestimate Nisama.

But it looked like before we got to the future, we had some past to get through first. I could almost believe in those Ancient Egyptian Gods that Nisama hated hearing about, if only to wonder which one liked playing with my brother's head so much. He had been searching for the 10-year old Seto that he had left behind at the orphanage, as if he was just so much excess baggage… trying to give me the Nisama, I kept saying I wanted, back. Now, he had ended up with the 13 year old he had gone on to destroy, instead. The Seto he regarded which such mixed feelings. The Nisama I regarded with pity as well as love. The Nisama who had kept his thoughts hidden from me. The one who's secrets I had learned, anyway – only to hide that knowledge in return.

That's how I knew that Oniichan was out looking for Akunadin. The others would be angry if they found out. But unlike them, I trusted Oniichan. I wondered if Nisama did. Trust him, I mean. I doubted it. Death-T was never far from his mind. And I didn't have to ask myself if Nisama liked Oniichan. I knew he didn't. He was convinced that he couldn't afford to care about himself – not if he was going to care for me. Do you think anyone who actually liked himself, would have signed his life over to Gozaburo?

Meeting Oniichan had brought me face to face with just how much Nisama had given up for me – and how young he had been when he did it. We were the same age now. I was probably at least an inch taller, but he held himself far more erectly. I didn't slouch – but I would never face the world with his defiant posture. Just as Yugi was allowed to stand casually, but Yami made the most of his meager inches. We were the same age, but Oniichan had never been a child; he would never be a teenager.

At times I wondered why he did it – why he had decided from the moment I was born that he loved me beyond his own life; beyond his own soul. But I couldn't help but see myself through his eyes. More than the house, the money, or the toys my friends envied – it was his greatest gift to me.

It was only now that I could love him for the person he was – for his flaws, for the damage he took for my sake. At eight, I had been only capable of a child's adoration and blind trust – which must have been as much of a burden as a pleasure.

Did I say that he was impatient? Well, he was… but he accepted everything – how he was, what he had become, what he had given up… with a patience that was as terrifying as it was awesome.

And I knew, then or now, I couldn't deflect either of them from whatever headlong, destructive course they were running. All I could do was love him, and try to protect whatever I could of his heart. All I could do was to be there to help pick up the pieces.

It was a beautiful day. I was surrounded by friends. But I suddenly felt empty inside. If our past was going to revisit us – not that it had ever left – I wanted my Nisama by my side. I wanted to enjoy the day with him.

As if I was a duelist, and had called him from my deck, the first thing I saw when we reached the zoo was his tall form waiting for us at the entrance.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I had gone to the office intending to work – if you counted looking for information on an ancient Egyptian priest named Akunadin as work. I had left before Yugi and company arrived; had stayed long enough only to reassure Seto of Mokuba's safety. I wasn't surprised Seto wasn't joining the gang. He didn't have my tolerance for group outings – and I was sure he'd jump at the chance to sneak off on his own and look for Akunadin. Taking care of business, he'd call it – not realizing how irreplaceable a trip with Mokuba could be, or how much fun. Suddenly, I stood up. Akunadin could wait. I had business of my own to see to.

At the appointed time, I found myself at the zoo entrance. I had missed taking Mokuba the first time around. God knows where I'd been – designing missiles… planning Death-T… or in a coma, perhaps. Well, I wasn't going to miss this.

I had snuck Mokuba out as often as I dared, when he had been Kouma's age. But, of necessity, they had been hurried, furtive outings, the odor of time stolen permeating each one. I would spend the whole day worrying about whether we would get caught, whether anyone would see us, whether we would get back in time. I would try to unobtrusively move Mokuba along; conscious of each passing second; conscious of the need to hide my growing tension behind a smile.

In truth, the trips had never been a pleasure for me. It was only later, when we were safely back in Hell, that I would replay all the details I had stored in my mind – how Mokuba had looked; when he had laughed, what he had said – and then I would feel the happiness of the day in retrospect.

I shook my head, clearing it of my unprofitable thoughts, as I saw them arrive. I ignored the looks of surprise on almost everyone's face (It was Sunday - did they think I lived at the office?) just as I ignored the knowing grin on Mokuba's. I swung Kouma up on my shoulders, surprised at how light he was. At 13, it had felt like my shoulders would sink beneath the load. Now, I could carry him forever.

He was laughing in my ear. Of course – he had never been up this high.

"You're so tall now, Nisama! Look! I can touch the sky!"

"You just keep reaching, Kouma. You'll get there yet," I said quietly.

Yami fell into step beside me. There was something… nice about walking along with Kouma on my shoulders; with Mokuba on one side and Yami on the other. It felt strange, but strangely natural. Both seemed pleased with my presence; neither expected me to respond. Although I don't think Yami and I had ever had a conversation that didn't relate to dueling, power, or the need to rescue a relative or friend, somehow we had come to understand each other. Possibly because the above topics pretty much covered all that had ever concerned us.

And he had been in Noa's world with me. So had the others, but I didn't care about them. He was the one that had truly seen Gozaburo. When he had told me after Battle City that I had to defeat my own demons – well, he had seen what had created them; knew why they were almost as powerful as my dragons. He understood the enormity of the task he had given me; understood I would give everything in me to fulfill it. And I took an odd, almost shameful comfort in the fact that there was someone out there who knew.

"I'm glad you came," he said simply, knowing me well enough not to expect an answer. "It's a beautiful day, and I remember how special my first trip to the zoo was." It was only then that I realized – although I wrote a generous check to the Domino Zoo each year – I had never visited it.

* * *

.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** One thing that's always struck me about Kaiba is how he's this combination of impatience and endurance. In the subtitled anime, it's clear that he checked out Gozaburo before challenging him, and knew, to a certain extent what he was letting himself in for. I've always had the sense that he picked Gozaburo as being the quickest way to keep his promise to Mokuba, and jumped on it – regardless of personal costs. And he didn't wait to see if other, better, options would appear. But once he made his decision, he followed through with it with a quiet fortitude that is truly impressive.

Another thing that struck me is that although Kaiba knows a lot about business, electronics, computers, languages, etc. his education was probably pretty spotty. I mean, I can't imagine that Gozaburo thought it was worthwhile to teach him arts, or literature, or ancient history, or anything that didn't have an immediate practical application, especially since he obviously wasn't trying to create a well rounded (or well balanced) person. Somehow I see Seto, more than Kaiba, as being aware of this.

**RESPONSES**

**Fake Canon:** (AnimeFan-Artemis, Moonlitspire) I'm a bit of a pack rat – picking up bits of manga and threading them through my story. Actually, I love it when I manage to confuse readers as to what is actually in the manga and what I've made up. I can't think of a better compliment. I have to admit though, I sometimes wonder if channeling Kaiba is a good thing…

 **Character/Story Development, Seto & Kaiba:** (Desidera, Leland Lancaster, Lightning Sage, samurai-ashes) As is probably starting to become clear, this isn't so much one plot with a yaoi subplot – as I thought it would be when I started writing, but several story threads that I'm attempting to weave together. (I sometimes feel like I'm knitting a story, rather than writing one.) Anyway, in the beginning chapters (and, frightening as it sounds, this is still the beginning) the story will jump between the plot lines and the characters, until they all get established.

 **Chapter Titles:** (little pink wolf) I'm not sure why I thought naming each chapter after a book or movie was a good idea, except that it made me laugh. But I'm pretty sure I'll be running through song titles, and even (if I get desperate enough) proverbs, before I'm through. And as you can see, if I really get desperate, a bad pun will always do.

 **Sweat pants:** (Lightning Sage, samurai-ashes, Vx Tao Ren xV) It struck me that Kaiba at home might be slightly more relaxed than when Yugi and his friends see him. I mean, at home with Mokuba is probably the place he feels safest. And for some reason, although I can never picture him in jeans, I can picture him very easily (and very happily) in sweat pants.

 **Mokuba on Kaiba's reaction to him in danger:** (Desidera, Jargonelle) Thanks – I thought it was an awww moment myself. How Mokuba feels about the sacrifices Kaiba has undergone on his behalf is one of the threads of this story.

 **Seto Kaiba as an Ice Prince:** (Tokemi) I love that expression! One of the reasons that I like writing Kaiba in the first person (well, besides the fact it's fun) is that he thinks a lot more than he speaks. I love it in the manga or subtitled anime, where he'll have an internal monologue, and then when someone asks him a question, he'll either ignore them, or at most, grunt. So I'm trying to keep that sense of him.

 **Time Travel:** (Unsolvable Riddle) I have to admit this was the part I was most nervous about – coming up with a believable explanation for how Seto and Kouma got to present day Domino. I'm glad the explanation stage is pretty much over with, and hope it's clear.


	7. That's What Friends Are For

**IMPORTANT! ANIME NOTE:** Kaiba's first opponent in the DOOM arc is Amelda. He has vowed revenge on Kaiba because he is also an older brother, who's beloved younger brother was killed by Kaiba Corporation weapons. (They were living in a country that was in the middle of a civil war – and Kaiba Corporation was keeping the war going by selling to both sides.) He joins DOOM to get revenge, and is one of the few opponents that Kaiba seems to have some sympathy for.

 **NAME NOTE:** Yugi's grandfather is referred to as Jichan (Which means Grandfather) in the manga, by Yugi and Jounouchi.

* * *

**CHAPTER 7: THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR**

**YUGI'S POV**

We had ended up staying over… well Yami, Jichan, and me. I wasn't going to push it further. It seemed like the least I could do for Yami. When I saw how thrilled he was to be in his own body, I wondered for how long our being joined had chafed at him. I didn't think he could hide anything from me, but he had sure hid that. Or maybe he hadn't been aware of his longing, until Shadi had granted his wish.

It was strange being separate, being myself again. But I was relieved to discover that I liked myself; that all my strength had not come from him. That I now longer needed him as a protector, but simply wanted him as a friend.

And I could have jumped for joy to find it was Kaiba-kun he wanted, not Anzu.

As powerful as Yami was, he was helpless in this. He was just learning to be his own person: just starting to discover his own interests, to listen to his own desires. Despite his 3,000 years, for once, I was the one who had been there before.

So I was more than happy to do what I could to help things along. I didn't really know Kaiba-kun, in spite of all the stuff we had been through together. But the one thing I did know was that given how aloof he was, they would need to see more of each other. Which meant they would need to be in the same house….

If I didn't know Kaiba-kun, I knew Yami. As attracted as he was in Kaiba-kun, he wasn't ready to leave me. So that meant both of us were staying. And there was no way that Jichan was going to let me go and stay at Kaiba-kun's house, even with Yami as a guardian. As much as he liked Mokuba, the only time he had met Kaiba-kun (if you wanted to call it that) had been at Death-T. Talk about bad first impressions…

But Jichan had been surprisingly agreeable. He had heard all about Duelist's Kingdom and Noa's World, of course. Maybe he was curious.

I was concerned with much more than Yami's love life. I was worried about his heart.

When Yami had lost to Rafael, he had lost his faith in himself along with the duel. I didn't blame Yami for losing. Rafael had been clever. He had used Yami's strengths… his confidence, his pride, his need to protect us… to bait his trap. Yami wouldn't have been Yami, if he hadn't fallen for it.

When I had protected him from the consequences of his defeat; when I had pushed him out of the way; when I had let my soul be taken in place of his – I had done it out of love. But I had also done it because it was the only way to prove to him that even after all that had happened, I still trusted him. That even though I had seen his fall, I still had faith in his ability to stand back up; to win through. But he hadn't come back, yet – not all the way. Oh, he had gone on to defeat DOMA, to save me and the world, once again. But he had never forgiven himself. And every time I tried to reach him, there was a hesitation… as if he was afraid to let me see him; as if he felt he didn't deserve to be a part of me. And he didn't realize that by denying our bond, he was denying me its wonders as well.

I looked on this latest adventure with relief. It had taken me a while to realize, and even longer to admit – but Yami needed something I couldn't provide. So, for once, I looked on Kaiba-kun with cautious hope. After all, if there was anyone who knew what it was like to do something unforgivable, it was him. Whether he would _want_ to help was a more open question. He was, without a doubt, the craziest person I had ever met, and, besides Yami, one of the more dangerous. It sometimes amazed me he was still walking around alive and free – that no one had managed to kill him; that he wasn't in a mental hospital somewhere – or in jail. And yet… every time Yami or I had needed his help – in his own rude, graceless, often insane way – he had given it.

In the end, staying over had proved surprisingly easy. I took a deep breath before approaching Kaiba-kun. I had spoken to him rarely, myself. His appearance was usually immediately followed by Yami's. At the time I had assumed it was because Yami considered him an ongoing threat – a reasonable assumption given the other boy's well earned reputation for unpredictability and his violent temper. But now, I wondered whether Yami had just liked talking to him.

For whatever reason, Kaiba-kun had accepted at face value my assertion that we wanted to stay at the mansion so that in case Shadi returned, we would all be in the same place… and that Jichan was needed in case we discovered any ancient texts that needed translating.

Without comment, he had arranged rooms for us, shown us to the kitchen, or rather kitchens. One was fully stocked; complete with a chef. The other seemed to contain only coffee, snack foods and a table. Jichan settled into that one immediately. Kaiba-kun surprised me by arranging for a limo to take Jichan to and from the shop each day, merely remarking that he didn't expect him to neglect his business.

"Yami," I called into his mind. As I felt his momentary hesitation, I added, "Please, let me in."

"I'm sorry, aibou," he answered immediately.

I tried to cheer him up. "Kaiba-kun seemed surprisingly agreeable, almost out of character…"

"I know. But he is unpredictable. And your explanation was logical. He couldn't argue without revealing that he can read hieroglyphics, also."

"Maybe… but I still think something else is going on. He'd never ask, but maybe he wants your help protecting Mokuba from Akunadin. Or maybe…" I took a deep breath and continued, "Maybe, it's because this way he gets to see you, without having to admit he wants to. Maybe, he was too glad of a chance to spend some time with you to raise any objections. What was it he said to you… that day at Alcatraz, when we fought Malik?"

"That if friendship truly resided in the cards, his card had possibilities," Yami smiled. "His card was the one that enabled us to endure long enough to prevail. It was fitting thatKaiba's card meant life. For as often as he has won, his true victory has always been in survival – his own… and Mokuba's. Kaiba's and my soul crossed that day. He didn't just give me a card; he willed a piece of himself to me."

"Then maybe it's time for you to claim it."

He looked at me hesitantly. "There'll always be a place for you with me, if that's what you want," I reassured him. " I'll stay with you, until you decide where your true home lies."

"I don't deserve you, aibou," he said seriously; too seriously.

I smiled, "Well, then that makes two of us.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

Yugi had been right, as usual. I was seeing more of Kaiba than in our years of dueling. I was enjoying the slow, almost unconscious unveiling of his thoughts. We were often the only people up at night. Although I was in a human body now, I didn't seem to have much more need for sleep than as a spirit. A lack Kaiba seemed to share.

Not that he did anything as overt as show a desire for my company. He was usually at his computer late at night. But he left his bedroom door open, as if in silent invitation. Seto and Kouma were still next door in Mokuba's old room. Kaiba had transformed his connecting office into a bedroom for Mokuba, and moved his computer equipment into his own bedroom. It seemed a curiously make-shift arrangement for a billionaire with a half-empty mansion.

He would usually be typing when I came to find him. I would lean against his desk. I soon noticed that his hands would still on the keyboard as we talked.

"I haven't seen you much since DOMA," I said.

"Ah, you're here to talk about the recent, not the ancient, past."

"I've never forgotten it… Rafael, I mean."

"So it seems that even though you've avenged it, you can't let go of your losses any more easily than I."

My eyes flashed at that. "It wasn't just losing a duel." I ignored his snort. "I lost because, for once, I didn't listen to Yugi. I was so sure of my own strength, it never occurred to me that it could become my weakness."

"For what it's worth, I would probably have made the same choice." He laughed, a little bitterly. "I don't suppose that's much comfort." He looked at me seriously, "Will you make that mistake again?"

"No."

"Then at least you learned something. No mistakes this time – do you remember telling me that?"

I was surprised that he had been able to hear – much less that he remembered what I had said to Mokuba, as Kaiba had sat in the Shadow Realm, piecing his heart together.

"Is that why you could resist DOMA where I could not?"

"No. My case was different. Amelda was not attacking my weakness, but his. After all, Amelda was telling me that I had the blood of countless, unknown people on my hands – both for my own part in creating the designs Gozaburo used – and for the sins that I inherited when I took control of Kaiba Corporation. That everything I was, and am, is based on murder. What was he telling me that I don't already know? Amelda's words held no surprises for me."

"Why are you accepting his version of your life? Doesn't all you've done, all you've built, since then count for anything?"

"Why don't we ask Amelda's brother?" he answered, quietly.

I had admired, often reluctantly, Kaiba's fearlessness in facing his life, his resolution in meeting its challenges. If, at times, he had gone grievously awry, he had always struggled on.

But he held on to his guilt with the same determination; was as merciless to himself as to his opponents.

The one thing I had learned from Yugi was to understand my adversaries, despite the need to defeat their actions. Malik, Pegasus, even Kaiba himself… I had tried to look into their hearts, not merely shatter them; to leave them with a way to rebuild. I looked on Kaiba's grim face, as he stood there like a warning beacon – I thought of the way he insisted on punishing himself, when I had shown him mercy – and I began to wonder if I could afford to be any less generous with myself, than to my enemies.

Our conversations were occasionally interrupted by a cry from one of the bedrooms at either end of Kaiba's room. Kouma's child's wail had Kaiba up and running, leaving the door open behind him – either in his haste, or in an unspoken signal for me to remain. I would hear him singing lullabies in his resonant baritone, Seto joining in with his lighter tenor. They made a good duet, once I had gotten over the surprise that Kaiba knew any lullabies, much less would sing them.

Some nights the interruption would come from the opposite door: Mokuba crying out in a nightmare before realizing he was awake. Kaiba would talk to him softly, his deep voice rumbling, to low for me to make out the words, even through the open door. Invariably the opposite door would open, and I would see Seto stare across at Mokuba's room. He never acknowledged my presence; neither spoke nor crossed the threshold. He would stand a moment in silence, as if reassuring himself that all was well, before closing his door.

Kaiba would usually return after he had gotten them to sleep; making no comment on what had passed… an unspoken line I did not cross. And I could not tell if their nightmares had been brought on by the unusual circumstances in which they found themselves, or if they were a semi-regular occurrence. Some nights, when the wait grew, I would peep into one or the other bedroom. I would find Kaiba and Seto asleep, with little Kouma like a prize between them. Or turning in the other direction, I would discover Kaiba and Mokuba dreaming peacefully, in each others arms. I noticed – all the beds were far too large for a child, as if they had been made to accommodate Kaiba's tall frame.

More rarely, as we talked, I would hear a single whimper, hastily choked off. As Kaiba slowly headed, face grim, towards what I thought of as Kouma's room, I realized that hushed cry could only have come from Seto. On those nights Kaiba closed the door and did not return.

* * *

.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Although I've shown Yami as being pleased to be in his own body, I also see him as being a little unsure of himself - after all he hasn't had a physical existence in 3,000 years. And I could see Yugi being pleased at being the one able to help Yami.

 

**RESPONSES**

**Yami x Seto:** (AnimeFan-Artemis) I hate to say this, but it's going to take a while for these two to come together. As you can see, as attracted to Kaiba as Yami is, he has some serious things to work out with his _other_ significant other, first. And as the next chapter starts to make clear, Kaiba has his own reasons for not only refusing to admit that he could love anyone – but for refusing to admit that anyone could love him. So, I hope everyone's patient.

 **Seto:** (Desidera, samurai-ashes, Tuulikki) Seto's been a lot of fun to write, mainly because there really isn't much about him in the manga or the subtitled anime. You see flashbacks of him at 10, and the manga starts at Death-T. I guess I'm trying to show the boy who's in the middle – is still recognizably like the ten year old who gave everything to save his brother – but is in the process of becoming the teenager who almost killed him. I've tried to make him almost painfully aware – yet still a young teenager. I was surprised to read something on birthdays – and realized that Kaiba is actually the youngest of the YuGiOh characters (except for Mokuba and Serenity). Also, I wanted to show the side of him that could outwit an International Grand Master at 10 – the sort of driven, implacable child that could have set this all in motion, and could hold his own with just about anyone.

 **Mokuba:** (Desidera, Mistal: The Poisoned One, samurai-ashes, Tokemi) One thing that's always impressed me about Mokuba is that his love isn't blind. He has a very clear sense of who his brother is – it's part of his love. The story goes on to look at their life in a little more detail, and to show why Mokuba has kept this love, even through Death-T.

 **POV Changes, plot, pacing** : (Desidera, Leland Lancaster, Tuulikki) I'm trying for the most part for the linking narratives in each chapter to either carry the story forward, or show different perspectives on the same events. I find it interesting to see who ends up with whom.

 **Shadi, Yami:** (Leland Lancaster, samurai-ashes, Tuulikki) It's funny – I hadn't thought about it consciously – but between them, Shadi, Yami and Kaiba have all possible opinions on memory, and its importance, covered.

 **Kouma:** (AnimeFan-Artemis) It's funny – I hadn't realized how many letters they have in common. I picked Kouma because it means "Pony" so I thought it went with "Wooden Horse" which is what Mokuba means. Besides, I think he does look a little like a Shetland Pony.

Thanks to Ecogoth for your encouragement. When writing a long story, it's nice to know people are enjoying it.

 


	8. That was Then, This is Now

**Style Note:** _ITALICS_ indicate a flashback scene.

* * *

**CHAPTER 8: THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW**

**YAMI'S POV**

Watching Kaiba wait was like watching a caged tiger. If he had a tail, it would have been thrashing as he paced.

"I take it you've found nothing new," I said.

"You want to know what I've learned in all my research?" he growled. "I can sum it up in one sentence: There seems to have been a priest named Akunadin who served a nameless pharaoh about 3,000 years ago. I didn't bother letting the University of Cairo know that their nameless pharaoh was running around Domino calling himself Yami."

"Akunadin wants those items. Sooner or later, he'll make a move."

"If he hasn't already…" Kaiba said to himself, glancing at Seto. I looked at Kaiba but he shook his head.

"Patience…" I said. "The time is not yet right. I can feel it."

"More mystical bullshit."

Once, I would have taken the bait, would have gotten into another useless debate. But, I had gotten used to Kaiba using his famed rudeness to deflect attention whenever something made him uncomfortable. So I allowed a slight change of subject, asking, "What will you do now?"

"Forget all this nonsense and get back to work. And find something for the little viper to do before he gets into trouble.

I looked across Kaiba's living room. Seto, as always, was with Mokuba and Kouma, ignoring everyone else. Mokuba was nodding at something he was saying.

"Kaiba," I said, "I know he's you, but he's still only a…"

"Don't you dare call him a child," he hissed, his voice low and furious.

"Don't you think he needs some time off?"

"What would he do with a holiday?"

"Have fun, maybe?"

"Believe me, you don't want to know what his idea of fun…" His voice trailed off. A smile, as malicious as any that had ever graced Malik's face, bloomed. "Maybe you're right. Maybe he does deserve a treat," he said as he joined the others.

"I can't hang around here all day. " Kaiba announced to the group before turning to Seto, "I might as well bring you to Kaiba Corporation with me."

"Won't people notice that I'm an almost exact duplicate of you?"

"Who cares?" Kaiba said coolly, drawing an answering smirk. "Come on – I'll show you which window Gozaburo jumped from."

"Cool!" Seto breathed. An unholy gleam lit two pairs of identical blue eyes.

"Man… I just knew Kaiba would be a bad influence on the kid," Jounouchi muttered.

"Actually," Yugi said thoughtfully, "I think they're good for each other."

As usual, I agreed with Yugi. If nothing else, they understood each other, spoke the same incomprehensible language. Seto was disturbed by our attempts at friendliness, seemed to prefer Kaiba's brief, unsparing discourse… and his long silences. They often stood together. They rarely spoke. And Kaiba was the only one who looked at Seto, and didn't see a doomed child.

Although it was Saturday, there was a skeletal staff at the corporate headquarters. As promised, the first thing Kaiba did was show Seto the window Gozaburo had crashed from. Seto was entranced. He had stayed at the window, clearly tracing Gozaburo's trajectory over and over in his mind. In a way, it was… endearing. It was the first childish thing I had seen him do.

Kaiba fiddled restlessly with his computer. He seemed relieved when a phone call broke his preoccupation. He hung up and said, "There's no point in staying here. I need to go to my office."

"I thought this was your office?"

"This is my business office. Kaiba Land is where I design our products." It was clear which one he preferred.

C'mon, let's go," he added. "The kids can play downstairs, and I can get some work done."

He was clearly including Mokuba and Kouma –and probably Anzu, Jounouchi, Honda and Yugi in that category, as well – but not Seto.

It seemed, though, that he felt the need to give his younger self a present, possibly as an apology for dragging him away from Gozaburo's window. He downloaded a file, and tossed the disk to Seto.

"Here. Don't use it as a screen saver."

Seto took the disk silently, without question.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Gozaburo's morgue photographs."

When we arrived at Kaiba Land, the others rushed off to show Kouma all the rides and games. Yugi would have stayed with me, and Kaiba would have allowed it, but his office felt private in a way that his bedroom had not. There was the faint noise of children laughing at Kaiba Land, 80 stories below. I realized that it came from an intercom.

"I keep it on so that I can make sure nothing's going wrong down there," he said curtly, almost angrily, as if daring me to accept his explanation. I said nothing, but I noted that the muffled shouts of glee seemed to relax him.

His chief technician had been waiting. I had seen him before. He was probably more than twice Kaiba's age and almost his height. A broad-shouldered man in a lab coat, with long white hair and a beard. A young (although even he had to be at least 5 years older than Kaiba, himself) game designer was with him. Kaiba didn't bother to introduce them.

It seems that the young man's design had promise, but also several serious flaws. Kaiba went to his work table, called up the program, and was soon swept into a discussion that seemed to be in a foreign language. No wonder he had no trouble with hieroglyphics. I had never seen him so intent, except when he was dueling. And I realized with a shock – I had never seen him so relaxed or happy. Changing Kaiba Corporation to a gaming concern may have started as a labor of atonement, but it was clear he loved it; that his designs were as much a part of him as his dragons.

Almost unnoticed, Seto had joined them. At first he was silent, then he started asking questions and offering suggestions. If the other men felt any surprise at his presence – or the fact that he was an exact, if slightly younger, duplicate of their boss, they didn't show it – being clearly more interested in fixing their program's problems.

Although I had no idea what they were talking about, I realized that Seto's comments were on target. Soon they were listening to him with the same respect they showed Kaiba. I knew enough to know that five years is a long time in electronics. And I remembered that his room, like every room in the mansion, had a computer. I wondered if his instincts were that good, or how many hours he had put in at night to catch up on half a decade's worth of technological innovations. Either way, he was clearly being accepted as part of the team.

Kaiba must have agreed, for he drew away from the group, leaving it a three-way discussion. He noticed my surprise at his withdrawal and shrugged. "We fixed the major problem – at least until the next one crops up. Seto can handle the mop up work. It's a dumb game, anyway."

"What's it about?"

"Some Ancient Egypt role playing bullshit."

"You're producing a game based on Ancient Egypt?"

"Sure, why not? It's a fad now. The game's got great graphics. It'll probably sell reasonably well, if we can work out the bugs. What did you think, we just did Duel Monsters?"

"What's the storyline?" I asked, curiously.

"Pretty standard … collect some items… battle the bad guy." He grinned. "Sound familiar?"

He turned and looked at Seto thoughtfully. "I'll put him in charge of the work group. That way I won't have to bother with it too much."

As he went to his desk, he said to the group at the table, "Call me, if you need anything," but there was no sign they heard, and Kaiba didn't seem to expect a reply.

He sat down, ostensibly working, but I noticed he was looking at Seto, not his monitor. As if unable to sit still, he went to the window. It didn't have the same view, but it _was_ the tallest building in Domino.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

Had I ever been that cocky? Not arrogant. I still was that, I suppose. But at 13, I had thought I was invincible. Of course, at 13, I hadn't been broken. Seto could feel the trap closing around him, but he was still sure he could beat it: he didn't know he had already lost the only game that mattered.

Everyone, probably Yami included, thought I hated him. I didn't. I just didn't like him much, either.

I was proud of the 10 year-old who had taken on Gozaburo, and won. Who had used Gozaburo's own pride and desire for revenge to force the most powerful man in the country to give him and his brother a home. No matter what he did to me afterwards, Gozaburo could never erase that victory. And he never realized that each day I kept him focused on punishing me… each day I kept him so consumed with his vengeance that he forgot Mokuba's existence… was another victory in a game he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

A game this 13 year-old punk had finally lost.

When had I started to let go of Mokuba? I had been Seto's age, or slightly younger. It had begun the night I had been caught in his room, soothing one of his nightmares.

_"So. It seems you still persist in an affection for that puppy dragging at your heels. He's pulling you down to his level," Gozaburo had said, quiet menace in his voice._

" _Possessiveness is not affection," I replied casually. "We had an agreement. Mokuba is mine."_

_"As long as his presence doesn't become a hindrance to your training, in which case I may have to rethink his continued existence… here. Obstacles are made to be removed, sometimes permanently… if you continue to be a slow learner. In business you need to be cold; to take what you want. There is no room for quieting childish fears."_

_"Ah, but you don't know what came first, do you? My entrance or his screams. Are you so sure I haven't been following your instructions… and taking precisely what I wanted?" I smiled as coldly as he. "Mokuba is mine."_

_I stared him in the eye, not daring to break contact as he absorbed what I was saying. I felt something splinter, irrevocably, in my heart. Pretending I was capable of violating the one person I had ever loved, had left me_ _feeling the one defiled. Had left me nauseous and shaken, although I stood as proudly as ever. Whatever the bill for this night's work – I would gladly pay it tomorrow – as long as Gozaburo believed me, tonight. Finally, a rare look of approval, or satisfaction stole into his eyes. There was an answering gleam in mine. I had fooled him. I had chosen my lie well._

_"You picked an interesting way of destroying the bond between you," he commented._

_"I'm full of surprises. Wasn't that why you bought me, father?"_

_I was rewarded by his brief nod. After he left, I went to the bathroom and retched until there was nothing left; kept heaving anyway. Then I cleaned up the tell-tale traces._

_Inside, my blood was as icy as my smile. Mokuba's life hung on my ability to convince Gozaburo that I had stopped caring about the one person who was my life. How long could I hold out? How long before Mokuba came to believe it as well? I had to escape before I was caught in the snare of my own design._

I had not thought of that night in years, until Seto had landed on my doorstep, a living reminder. I should have tried to escape again – should have just taken Mokuba and run. But speculation was as useless as excuses. I had decided to play Gozaburo's game to the end, instead. I had believed that I was strong enough to hold on to myself; that my promises would be my lifeline. I had made, what I had thought was the right decision. I had been wrong. And the "whys" didn't matter in the face of that failure.

I could have tried another escape. But I hadn't wanted to die, then. And, I had been afraid of leaving Mokuba with a Gozaburo who had been balked of his prey. I never believed that I would become as great a danger to Mokuba as Gozaburo himself. That I would do, what Gozaburo had only threatened – I never imagined that I would try to kill him.

"If you had known that the plan Shadi ruined had come so close to succeeding, would you have done anything differently?"

The thoughts were so close to my own, it took me a moment to realize that Yami had spoken them.

"Why should I?" I jeered, reflexively. "This plan made me into the great Seto Kaiba… delivered Kaiba Corporation into my hands."

But I looked away from his steady crimson gaze. I remembered… Yami now knew what it was like to surrender to your own darkness. And for once, I could not let my glib answer stand.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" I said wearily. "The future is infinite, but the past has only one set of footprints. You can only try to live with the tracks you've left behind."

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Ummmnnn…. I hope it's clear that this ISN'T going to turn into an incest fic. Okay, now that that's out of the way…

I always picture Gozaburo being too consumed with his battle with Seto to really notice Mokuba – and I think Seto would have been careful to keep things that way. So in a sense, Mokuba's safety relied on Gozaburo considering him to be beneath his notice. But that would only work as long as Gozaburo believed that Mokuba was unimportant to Seto as well. If he realized what a positive and counter-balancing influence Mokuba was to his training, Gozaburo would have used him, as Pegasus later does, or simply removed him.

I think Seto would have needed to see Mokuba – that in a very real way, it's his brother who keeps Seto grounded. And since he would have been working or possibly been watched during the day, that would imply night-time visits.

To me one of the beauties of Kaiba and Mokuba's relationship is that it is both platonic and selfless. But at some point while I was writing this story, I started rambling on about how the reason incest fics are so popular with this particular pairing is because given the intensity of their bond, it's probably easy to imagine a sexual component as well. That's when these two ideas collided, and it occurred to me, that at the top of the list of people who might feel this way was Gozaburo. And it struck me that if Kaiba was caught seeing Mokuba (and I think Gozaburo would have tried to limit contact) this was the one explanation that Kaiba could offer that not only would Gozaburo accept – but which would offer Mokuba some protection, and allow Seto to continue seeing him. And I can see Seto being cynical enough to figure this out, and reckless enough to try to pull off the deception. And as usual, I think Seto would have discounted the emotional damage he might be doing to himself by continuing this particular deception. This is actually the first in a series of intermittent flashbacks scattered throughout the rest of the story, which has Kaiba looking back at events that occurred when he was Seto's age, or a little older. I have to admit, I found it a little disturbing… and I wrote it. What did people think?

**RESPONSES:**

**Yugi and Yami:** (Desidera, Red Dragon 4, samurai-ashes, Tokemi) I picture Yugi as being, besides one of the kindest and most decent characters in the story, one of the most sensible and down to Earth. So, I always picture him looking at Kaiba, and sort of shaking his head – and maybe feeling just a bit superior to Yami – like he can't quite get why Yami, (or anyone) who could have Anzu, would be dumb enough to want a lunatic like Kaiba instead! But I also think he would be proud to have the chance to help Yami learn to be his own person, and I think he is humble enough to realize and admit, that at the moment, Kaiba would understand what Yami's going through better than he does.

 **Kaiba and Seto's acceptance of Yami staying at the mansion:** (Amarin Rose) Kaiba, as Yugi surmised, is accepting Yami's presence because it allows him to spend time with Yami, without him having to question why he wants to. But, Kaiba rarely has only one motive for anything he does, and I get to the other reason why he's so accepting, over several chapters. Similarly, how Seto feels about Yami and the crowd at the mansion also takes several chapters to become clear. Although, since it's Kaiba's house, not his, he really doesn't have a say in who comes or goes.

 **Kaiba and lullabies:** (Moonlitspire, Red Dragon 4) I really liked the picture of Kaiba and Seto singing lullabies to Kouma. I was probably influenced by the voice actor playing Kaiba in the subtitled anime, who has this incredibly deep, sexy voice.

 **Kaiba and Yami, Kaiba and Seto, Yami and Seto, Mokuba, character development, story development:** (AnimeFan-Artemis, Anonymous, Cheribi Motou, Desidera, Leland Lancaster, Mistal: The Poisoned One, samurai-ashes) These questions are sort of inter-related. Over the next few chapters, the story moves away from Akunadin a little, to explore what's going on with the group at the mansion, and to set up most of the remaining story threads. I'm never quite sure if it's a weakness in the story, (it's certainly the part that has me the most nervous) – but it's possibly a little over-ambitious. There are a lot of story threads that eventually tie in together, but I'm starting to realize it demands some patience on the part of the reader, because there are a lot of things, including how the characters relate to each other, and how events in the Kaiba brothers' pasts can effect the reactions of both sets of brothers, that need to be set in place. I hope people stick with it and find it satisfying enough to keep interest. And I hope people are in the mood for a long story. By the way, every question raised so, far, actually gets answered along the way (whew!), but sometimes it's a bit of a wait.

 **Anime/Manga:** This story is influenced by both the manga and subtitled anime, at least what I've seen. I always try to merge the actual events in with the story where I can. But, once the story begins, the characters are on their own, so to speak. I just try to keep them in character.

 **Song: That's What Friends are For:** (Moonlitspire) Yeah, it's one of my favorite songs. I was glad I got a chance to use it, especially since, if it hadn't popped into my head, I would have had to delay posting until I DID come up with a title I liked.

 


	9. Childhood's End

**NOTE ON NAMES:** Now that I've established everybody's names – I'm giving them nicknames! (Well, one of them, anyway):

 ** _Koryuu_** as the story (hopefully) makes clear means Little Dragon. Any guesses who it refers to?

 ** _Make Inu_** means stray dog. It's one of Kaiba's insulting names for Jounouchi.

* * *

**CHAPTER 9: CHILDHOOD'S END**

**YAMI'S POV**

Our talks had grown into a nightly routine. Somehow, if I was leaning against his desk… if Kaiba was pretending to be working… we could talk. It had started as a game – like the child's game of "Truth" that Yugi had taught me. Sitting in the semi-darkness, we would challenge each other to reveal ourselves, to trust each other, to believe in the bond we had created at Alcatraz. If it wasn't for our rivalry... our determination not to let the other one score a point; if it wasn't for how difficult it was for us to be so open – I doubt we could have done it.

"When Yugi first assembled the puzzle, when I was reborn into this world, I hurt so many people."

"They probably deserved it."

"Often. But it never really bothered me, until I added Yugi to their number." I was not surprised to see Kaiba's almost unconscious nod.

"Do you realize," I continued, "That if Yugi had solved his puzzle two weeks earlier, Jounouchi and Honda would just be two more people who's lives I had ruined?"

"That wouldn't have been much of a loss."

"I could have destroyed you," I pointed out.

"Don't flatter yourself. I got there first."

"I'm serious. I would have killed you at Duelist's Kingdom."

"That wouldn't have been much of a loss either." He shrugged. "You wanted to win. I wanted to die. It seemed a fair enough exchange."

"Don't say that!" I commanded. My vehemence surprised us both. "Yugi is much wiser than I."

"Then maybe you should listen to him. He's right. There's more to you than darkness."

"Do you believe that about yourself?" I asked curiously. I knew he felt a deep guilt about his part in designing Kaiba Corporation's weapons, even though it was clear he had been a child at the time, and unaware of how his designs would be used. He had a conscience, if at times, a rudimentary one. But I had never heard him express any remorse for what had happened to us at Death-T. I don't believe he felt any. Then I looked at his white face and understood. He felt such a deep, soul-destroying guilt over what he had almost done to Mokuba, that it blocked out all other feelings.

I was suddenly angry with him. "You still blame yourself. You've never stopped. You look at Seto and hate him for what he's about to do. So how can you sit there and tell me to forgive myself, when you are still holding so tightly to your own guilt and shame?" I demanded.

Unexpectedly, he grinned at that. "What can I say? On you, forgiveness looks better."

"Stop it. I'm serious, Seto Kaiba," I growled

"So am I."

"If I had been the one injured, that would have been acceptable," I said, knowing Kaiba would understand. "But Yugi was the one to pay the penalty for my arrogant blindness. Suddenly, as a result of my own failure… I was blessed by being truly alive for the first time in 3,000 years. And as guilty as I felt… I enjoyed every minute of it… of being myself… of fighting DOMA… with you. Yet every breath I took, was a breath I was stealing from Yugi. It seemed a fitting punishment to have to give that up, to have to go back to being no more than his shadow. And now, I've been rewarded for that ultimate betrayal. I've been granted the unspoken wish of my heart. It doesn't seem… just."

Now, it was Kaiba's turn to get angry. "Was it 'just' for you to get shoved in a puzzle?" he asked with savage mockery. "You're 3,000 years old, Yami – it's time you grew up. Get over expecting life's little rewards and punishments to be fair. They're not fair – they just are. Deal with it and move on."

Kaiba wasn't saying anything he hadn't said before. And he wasn't completely right. As he was learning, the past can neither be out-fought nor out-run. But I must have been more weary than I thought… for I found his harsh pronouncements… comforting.

* * *

**JOUNOUCHI'S POV**

I'm not going to act like I thought Kaiba would listen to me. Or that Seto would appreciate my butting in. But I just couldn't stand watching them… watching how cold Kaiba was. I mean, I knew he was a fucking ice cube, but he was so stuck on himself, that I kind of assumed he'd treat Seto a little more like Mokuba. So finally I just blurted out what was on my mind.

"God damn it, Kaiba. Can't you be a little nicer to him?"

"What difference does it make whether I'm 'nice' or not? He's got to go back to his own time, remember?"

That was the thing about arguing with Kaiba. What he said was logical. It was just… wrong.

"So what? At least he'd get to make some friends and have some fun while he's here."

Luckily, when he goes back, he's not going to remember any of this, anyway."

"It's lucky that he won't remember having friends? It's lucky he won't be able to remember being happy? You're sicker than I thought, Kaiba."

"Where he's going, a happy memory will be of no use," he said, before stalking off.

"I don't know why I bother," I muttered, turning to Sugoroku. "Kaiba's probably right. Anyway – that little brat's the creator of Death-T."

"Not yet, he isn't," Sugoroku said calmly.

"Why are you defending Seto? You know what he's going to do to you – just as soon as he gets a little older."

"So do you. Maybe you should ask yourself why you like him so much."

Arguing with Jichan was even more pointless than arguing with Kaiba. Besides, he was right… at least about Seto. And as much as I disliked the super-sized version, I admit I was kind of getting used to the little guy. He was so fierce for one thing – like a little jump jet. And it was funny seeing all of the big one's airs and arrogance crammed into a min-version. I knew better than to laugh out loud, though. He was almost as good a fighter as his older self, and he'd kick the smile off my face, as soon as see it. I didn't think it was possible, but he was even more aggressive than Kaiba, and twice as bad tempered. Not to mention being the dirtiest fighter I had ever met.

But if I'd mellowed a bit on him – I can't say he returned the favor. He hadn't grasped that I wasn't an enemy, and I doubt he knew what a friend was… or cared. But even that was an improvement on his older self, who looked right through me. (I sometimes wondered if Kaiba realized that _inu make_ wasn't actually my name.)

Given who he was going to grow into, it kind of bugged me that I sort of liked him. Maybe it was because I could see – he was a throwaway kid just like I'd been. Except Seto had never been lucky enough to have a Yugi enter his life and straighten him out. The truth is, I had a fellow feeling for the little guy, that I'd never have for the big one.

And I couldn't resist giving him a nickname.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

He had the nerve to give him a God damned nickname. Well, I suppose you could say I had given the mutt one first, but I didn't think _make inu_ counted – and I certainly didn't mean it affectionately.

Koryuu.

Fucking Little Dragon.

It could have been worse. It almost had been. Jounouchi's first try had been Baby Kaiba, but that suggestion had left him retching on the floor; obviously rethinking the whole pet name thing. The fool had made the mistake of not fighting back until it was too late. Contrary to what was clearly everyone's expectation, I saw no need to intervene as Seto proceeded to show him every trick learned in the dojo and refined at the orphanage or under the tutelage of Gozaburo's thugs.

But if Seto had balked (violently) at Baby Kaiba, he had permitted Little Dragon, and so, reluctantly, did I. If one was to have a nickname, certainly being named after a dragon was acceptable. But it wasn't the name itself – it was what it implied.

They persisted in treating him like a God damned pet. They persisted in treating him like a God damned _child_.

Childhood was something I gave up so long ago, that I couldn't remember what it had been like. It had simply been a luxury I could not afford – in the end, more expensive than all the planes and helicopters and other fancy toys I now owned. For childhood means dependence and helplessness – and surrendering to the dangerous illusion that there'll be someone to take care of you – someone to make it "all better."

I had put aside childish things at 10, when I challenged Gozaburo. Or at 8, when our relatives stole our inheritance and dumped us to fend for ourselves in the orphanage. Or at 5, when my mother died and my father disappeared into his job. I had been old enough then to pledge myself to Mokuba. I had known, even then, that only one of us was going to get a childhood. Had decided that it would be him.

I didn't regret it. It was the best decision I've ever made, in a lifetime of horrendous choices. But I wasn't going to let anyone negate it either, by treating me like a child.

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** In the manga, Jounouchi and Kaiba's feelings towards each other can be summed up as follows: Jounouchi hates Kaiba's guts, and Kaiba is totally and openly contemptuous of Jounouchi. However, I could see Jounouchi feeling differently about Seto. I think he would see something of himself in the younger Seto Kaiba. They have both had difficult childhoods and choose anger and self-destructiveness as a response. The same holds true, of course, for the older Seto Kaiba as well, but I think the wall the older Kaiba has built around himself is too opaque for Jounouchi to see through. I also think that the age difference is a factor. Jounouchi would look at Kaiba and see a calculating, arrogant, cold teenager, who is unnervingly his age. Although Seto shares these qualities, he is younger, and I think Jounouchi recognizes this. Also, Jounouchi is a big brother himself, and has a protective streak a mile wide. Ironically, Seto I think would be unaware of this impulse on Jounouchi's part – probably deeply offended and angry, if he did know – since he would find the idea that he's a child in need of protection both alien and threatening. Actually, the tension between the fact that Seto IS a child, and both his and Kaiba's renunciation of childhood is one of the story threads.

 **NOTE ON CURSING:** (Boy, was that a fucking fun headline to write!) Anyway, one of the funniest things about the subtitled anime (at least to me) was realizing that _everyone_ curses! I don't think Kaiba could talk, if he didn't begin every other sentence with "Shit." And if Kaiba likes to call Jounouchi a stray dog and a mediocrity, Jounouchi's favorite name for Kaiba is "Bastard." (So much more to the point that the dub's choice of Mr. Moneybags – which I always thought was particularly lame, since Kaiba started out as a penniless orphan – cue violins) Anyway, although Kaiba and Jounouchi are the worst (or the best, depending on your POV) everyone, including Mokuba (following Nisama's example) Yugi, and Anzu gets into the act. So you can either assume I'm trying to stay in character. Or you can assume that it's a blast to get to curse in writing, and tell yourself it's for art's sake. Or both…

**RESPONSES:**

**Flashbacks/Internal Damage:** (Desidera, Leland Lancaster, Lightning Sage, Kagemihari, Katie Torango, Moonlitspire, Tokemi) When I first started thinking about this story, I'd planned to have Seto have a series of flashbacks. Then I realized that this was all to close to him – he'd be working pretty hard at forgetting this stuff, but that for Kaiba, seeing his younger self, would bring this all vividly back – especially as you get the sense it never really ended. I see Kaiba, at the start of this story, trying to put his life back together, trying to get his 10 year-old self back – so of course he gets stuck with this 13 year-old brat, instead. But one of the story threads is to trace how Kaiba could have gotten to the point where he almost kills Mokuba – and why Mokuba doesn't blame him.

What has always interested me about Kaiba, is not just his willingness and ability to endure emotional damage (at times he seems to invite it), but that he does this because he loves Mokuba more than his own life. I think it's this contradiction between someone who seems so cold and ruthless on the surface, but is capable of a selfless devotion, that makes the character so compelling to me.

 **Kaiba and Seto's sense of humor:** (Lightning Sage, Moonlitspire, Tokemi) I picture Seto and Kaiba as having a pretty macabre sense of humor – partly because they're teen-aged boys, and partly because it's how they deal with things. And I think they'd be worse together… sort of without a restraining influence – and I can see them getting off on shocking anyone who happens to be listening. I think that they'd find the subject of Gozaburo's death pretty funny – sort of a way of realizing that he's really gone, or trying to assert that he has no power over them… or something. Although it occurred to me that you know you're in trouble when someone jumping out of a window is the comic relief.

 **Mokuba and Kouma:** (Desidera) In Chapter 13 (appropriately) everyone gets their first in-depth look at Kouma, and Mokuba's feelings about his younger self.

 **Older and younger Seto Kaibas:** (Ceribi Motou) The relationship between them is one of the main story threads, so there's plenty of interaction between them. For me, one of the challenges of writing Seto Kaiba (much less two of them) is that he's someone with real emotional depth, but who is very unable to express his feelings. So it's always a balancing act of putting some real content into his sparse utterances, making (at least the older version) sound somewhat graceful (in the manga and subtitled anime, I'm impressed at how poetic a lot of what he says, is) while making it sound forced, as if it's taking an effort (on his part, let alone mine.) So while their interaction includes a lot of dialog, a lot of it is non-verbal.

And you do find out what happens when Seto has a nightmare, but I'm afraid it's a long wait.

 **DOOM:** (CM Aeris Queen of Insanity) I've seen the subtitled anime up to where Yami loses to Rafael, and Yugi's soul gets trapped in this wall tile thing, and where Kaiba beats Amelda. I'm relying on summaries for the sketchy information on how it ends. Really, the only thing I know is that Kaiba sacrifices his life points to Yami, which also trapps his soul. I don't know anything about the Grand Prix, except for seeing a screen capture of Kaiba in a pretty ugly white suit.

 **Story Construction (length, interweaving stories, details):** (Moonlitspire, QueenOfGames2, Tokemi) This story was simpler when I first started thinking about it. But the more I thought about it, the more ways I thought of how the characters could bounce off, and occasionally, learn from each other – and the more story threads developed. As soon as I had it all tapped out (well, that was my optimistic thought) I started posting, and as soon as I read the first reviews, I realized how much of the story was in my head, but had never made it to the page. I've realized so far, that I had to flesh out Seto's relationships with both Kaiba and Mokuba… and that when I know something in my head, I have to make sure the reader knows it, too

By the way – I've never read Terry Pratchett – although I've got to check him out, now – but I know a compliment when I see one.

When I first started writing, I was sure that everyone would be bored by the crazy made up details I work into my stories – like what Kaiba wears when hanging around the house (well, okay – I figured that one would keep people's interest), what his dining room décor is like, where everyone sleeps, what his kitchen (or kitchens) look like, etc. The second most pleasurable surprise (the first was that people both enjoy and related to my stories – I still have a sense of wonder about that – which I hope I never lose) was that people liked all these ridiculous details that seem to pop into my head.

Thanks to EcoGoth for continued encouragement. I really like to know people are still enjoying the story.


	10. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

**NOTE ON NAMES:** In the manga and the subtitled anime, Mokuba invariably refers to Kaiba as Nisama. However, that could get confusing, with two of them. So although, when speaking to them, he continues to call them both Nisama, in his thoughts he uses the following names:

 **Nisama:** refers to the 18 year-old Seto Kaiba

 **Oniichan:** refers to the 13 year old Seto Kaiba. Oniichan is a more affectionate, less forma way of saying Big Brother. I thought it was more in character than having him use Seto, even in his thoughts.

* * *

**CHAPTER 10: ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE**

**SUGOROKU'S POV**

It's part of being old – getting up early. But if teenagers are supposed to sleep late, no one had ever bothered telling Seto Kaiba. Often I would find one or both in the kitchen or on the porch, watching the sun rise. This time it was Kaiba who came down and poured himself the cup of coffee that seemed to be his only breakfast. We ignored each other as usual. And yet, there was no animosity to it. It was as if he didn't realize that more conversation was required than a grunt as he entered the room. And he was so silent, it was easy to forget he was there. Although I admit that I didn't sit with my back towards him.

Besides, Yugi was absorbing my thoughts. Years ago, I had given him a puzzle to solve to cheer him up, to give him something to think about besides the bullies at his school. Giving him the pieces had felt right. I never really expected him to assemble it; and I was certainly unprepared for all that had followed.

When I thought of his friends… of the way he had grown, I was glad. But when I thought of Pegasus, of Malik, of DOMA… sometimes I wished I had thrown the puzzle into the Nile, rather than bring it home. Yugi and his friends thought it was all an adventure. They were teenagers. I doubt they believed that they could die… But I was the one left at home, worrying. I sighed.

" I suppose I should be grateful he's not rebellious, like other kids," I said to myself.

"Should you?" Kaiba's voice was cool, mildly challenging. "Isn't that what teenagers are supposed to do – rebel?" he continued, for all the world as though he wasn't a teenager himself.

"Did you?" I asked, curiously.

His smile bared his teeth. "I'm popularly supposed to have pushed my adoptive father out a window. Isn't that rebellion enough?"

"Did you?" It said a lot about Kaiba that one had to ask.

"No. But I wish I had," he said absentmindedly.

"What happened?"

"We were fighting for Kaiba Corporation. The winner would take control. The loser would die. Those were the stakes." He spoke as calmly as if they had bet a beer on the outcome of a baseball game. No wonder he never played for fun.

"What if you were the one who had lost?"

"The same. Only mine would have been a living death. Sort of what I got for winning." He noticed my look of shock; shrugged irritably. "Why bother lying? And if I didn't talk to people I'd tried to kill, I'd have no one left to talk to."

I suppose it was his way of apologizing. He surprised me by returning to his earlier comment, as if it had never really left his mind. "If Mokuba ever talked back to me, ever yelled, ever stormed out of the house… well, I guess I'd be angry. But I'd also be proud. It would mean he was all right. That he felt safe. I'd know I'd finally kept my promise to him."

I stared. Whatever I'd been expecting to come out of his mouth – this wasn't it. I had started by hating the boy. After learning about Noa's World, I'd pitied him. But this was the first time I'd ever respected him.

I had a sudden impulse to hug those tense shoulders; to say something comforting. But one look at that expressionless face, the hooded eyes… and I knew any words of mine would be an intrusion. I got up to give him another cup of coffee instead.

I still thought he was a terrible boy. But I had just been reminded that a terrible boy is still a child.

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Everyone was afraid he was going to bully me. I admit – he was high-handed and overbearing – not to mention overprotective. But he hadn't changed much in that regard – so I thought it was pretty funny when Nisama objected.

"You shouldn't let him boss you around," he said.

I sighed. Nisama felt the need to defend me, even from himself. Especially from himself.

"He's not. He thinks he's protecting me," I explained patiently, as if Nisama was Kouma's age.

"He's even more of a big brother than you are," I added laughing, "I don't think he knows I'm not eight any more. Then again, I wonder that about you, too."

"Do you mind?" he asked. I wasn't sure which one he was referring to – himself or Oniichan.

"No," I answered, hugging him (After all, if Oniichan could stand it, so could he). "I'm used to my overprotective big brother… both of them. And it's kind of nice. I bet when I'm 85 and you're 90, you'll still be bossing me from your wheelchair… and you'll still be my Nisama."

That made him smile, a little. But the truth was – he looked on Oniichan as a war criminal… and my betrayer. Both descriptions were, to borrow my brother's phrase, technically accurate… but neither was true.

Oniichan _had_ created those weapons – he just didn't know it yet. And he _had_ tried to kill me. He didn't know that either. If he had asked me about those missing five years, I would have told him. But although he had picked up on the fact that something important had happened, he hadn't asked.

My brother was never afraid for himself. He lived on the edge of terror for me. He didn't want to know what the future held, if it held him hurting me. Without giving him all the details he didn't want to hear, I tried to show him that it had worked out okay, that I was happy, that I loved him. All of which was technically accurate… and true.

I was proud that he liked being with me; that he looked for me every time he came in the house. And this preference for my company, made it easy to lure him outside. Of course, I had an ulterior motive. I had a list in my head of all the things he had never been able to do, when he was my age. And I knew which was first.

Oniichan knew how to drive, of course. Gozaburo had seen that he was taught – although he hadn't approved of Nisama's reckless driving style, or his excessive speed. But he hadn't objected either, after Nisama had said with his cold sneer, "I could moderate my speed, if it makes you afraid. If you want to tell the world that you don't think your heir can control a vehicle, even after being taught."

I knew that whatever penalty Gozaburo had imposed later was worth it to Nisama for the tacit permission to come as close to flying as he could, while still on the ground. Not that Gozaburo ever got into a car with Nisama behind the wheel. He knew that the temptation of arranging a fiery, fatal crash would have been too much for my brother.

But Oniichan had never been on a motorcycle – and his eyes lit up when he saw mine. Nisama had taught himself, and then me – back when I was only a couple of years older that Kouma. He had never quite gotten the hang of driving age limits – or any other societal restriction for that matter – a quirk I was usually grateful for.

All my old motorcycles – the ones that had been custom built for my height – were still in the garage. My brother refused to discard or sell them. Most people settle for saving baby shoes. Only Nisama would hang on to outgrown motorcycles as a memento.

"This is so cool." Oniichan said, stroking the motorcycle, as if it was a pet. "Except for the color," he added, looking with dissatisfaction at the bright yellow paint job and the glittering, gold sparkles that made my motorcycle shine like the sun..

"I bet you like that one better," I said, pointing to Nisama's latest toy. It was huge, powerful and all black – even the chrome had been darkened.

"Yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off the larger motorcycle. "That his?"

"He just got it. It's funny – I swear he'd wear the same clothes every day. For all that he listens to music, I think he's tone deaf. He never spends money on games or movies or vacations or books – except for me – but he can't resist anything that _moves_.

Oniichan just nodded. At last, Nisama had done something he wholeheartedly approved of; had given him something to look forward to. I was relieved he didn't seem about to try and ride the thing. It was way too much bike for him to handle, given his size, and the fact that he had never been on one before. And Nisama would cheerfully have risked the consequences of murdering his past self, if he had caught Oniichan touching it. But I wasn't about to mention those little details. Still, I thought distracting him would probably be a good idea.

"C'mon," I said. "We can take turns on my bike. I'll show you how to ride it. It'll be fun."

I had never seen my brother's mouth drop open before; his eyes open wide with shock. Then again, I had never been in a position to teach him anything before. I couldn't help it. I giggled at the look on his face – and was rewarded with another first – a slight flush hit both cheekbones.

His eyes narrowed. He reacted instinctively as if to a threat. He took a step towards me. I put on my most innocent face, the one that had me looking as young as Kouma. He stopped, shook his head, as if to clear it of his sudden rage.

He scrunched his nose the way Kouma did when he was puzzled, the way I still did sometimes. (This was turning into a day I'd never forget.)

"Did that sound as weird to you as it did to me?" he finally asked.

"Even weirder," I assured him. "Look, Nisama taught himself. I can just leave you the motorcycle, if you want to practice on your own."

"No," he said, almost shyly. (At least I would have thought it was shy if it had been anyone but my brother.) "I'd like you to teach me."

"I won't tell anyone," I promised. It was nice having a fun secret to share. The kind of secret any two kids might have. One that didn't involve scar tissue.

Nisama had built a track just for me. He kept changing it as I grew taller and got more experience. Oniichan and I took turns driving. First he rode behind me so he could see what I was doing. Then I hung on behind him, yelling instructions, which he followed instantly – all except for the direction to ease up on the gas, which he ignored. Soon we were flying over the track. He was handling its curves with ease, we were leaning into them as if we were one. It was kind of neat having a Nisama that was my size. His face was flushed with pleasure when we stopped. It looked almost unfamiliar. For the first time, I really believed that he was 13… the same age as me.

I had always known my brother was a quick learner, but it was different seeing him in action. It was frightening. Within a week, he was as good a rider as I. Within two weeks, he was better. I should have expected it. It was more than just being an over-intense perfectionist. Cars, planes and motorcycles (not to mention computers) all spoke to him. And he was clearly more comfortable with their language than any of the seven human ones he knew. He was also more coordinated than I would ever be, and had faster reflexes. On the other hand, no one had ever taken a slice out of my side for being too slow to react.

Nisama had built a track for me. He had built another one for himself. I hadn't tried it… yet. It was too tough for me, and tempting as it was, I didn't really feel like landing in the dirt. Of course Oniichan couldn't resist it, after all – it was his design.

"It's there waiting for us," he said.

"Yeah, Nisama will be waiting too – with some choice words when we crash, and have to push a wrecked motorcycle back to the house."

"Who said I'm going to crash?"

I smiled at his unconscious (but correct) assumption that he would be the one driving.

"You don't even know the track. Neither do I, really. It's Nisama's track. I've never even been on it alone. I've only gone on it sitting behind him."

Of course he pounced on the loophole.

"You've been on the track with Seto Kaiba before, haven't you? That's all you'll be doing now." He tapped his chest. "Here's Seto Kaiba standing right in front of you. You said it yourself – it's your Nisama's track." He gave me the kind of wheedling look I had spent my life throwing his way. He wasn't bad at it either. But it was the cocky grin that got me. I would have done anything to make it last.

I shook my head. Boy, was he a bad influence.

"Works for me," I said. "Just try not to trash the bike. I don't feel like walking back."

We tore around the course, me sitting behind him, holding on for dear life. Over the wind, I could hear his laughter. When he finally stopped for a minute, his eyes were shinning, his whole body radiated excitement. Had he ever looked like this before? If he had ever been this happy, I had been too young to notice. And when I was older, when I kept my eyes trained on him, searching for signs of pleasure or enjoyment, they had faded, if they had ever existed at all. But I had always clung to the belief that this joy was in him somewhere. The closest it had ever come to escaping was when he was behind the controls of his Blue Eyes jet.

The final time, Oniichan took the track almost as fast as Nisama did. We seemed to fly even higher. I have to give him credit, we might have come close, but we didn't crash.

* * *

.

 

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

As much as I like being a tease, I hate disappointing people, so I feel like apologizing after each chapter for _not_ managing to get Yami and Kaiba in bed with each other (sorry, gomen ne, saila ni – the last is Elvish), especially as the story is rated R. so people have a reasonable expectation of more action..

But it made me realize something interesting about fanfiction. I mean we all know these guys, have our own opinions on them – and if you're reading this you probably _know_ (in your heart kind of know) that Kaiba and Yami belong together. Me, too. But then I realized something. I know they belong together… but at this moment… these two particular versions of Yami and Kaiba do NOT know they are destined for each other (and Kaiba doesn't believe in destiny, anyway.) Well, okay, maybe Yami thinks they are, but at the moment Kaiba is clueless. Kagemihari once called all slightly different versions of each character that we come up with, refractions of the same color. So all though there's an archetypal Yami and Seto out there who are destined for each other, these particular refractions need more time. Sorry, gomen, saila ni.

 **Sugoroku:** It was interesting writing from the perspective of a much older person, who is often left behind, waiting and worrying. Also, since so much of this story deals with childhood, I though it would be interesting to show things from the point of view of someone old enough to consider Kaiba a child. In the manga, he refers to Kaiba as a "terrible boy," and in the anime, there's an indication that he wants Yugi to beat him, in part to teach him about the heart of the cards, an intention that is certainly generous, although in the manga, he is considerable angrier and more interested in punishing Kaiba.

I also realized that I probably added Sugoroku to my list of narrators (besides the fact he's fun to write) because he's kind of an antidote to Gozaburo. I mean so many of the father figures in this story, like Gozaburo and Akunadin are abusive, so Sugoroku was almost necessary as a counter balance, emotionally.

 **Seto and Mokuba:** I think Seto would be very slow to recognize that Mokuba is not a child. I also think that where Kaiba is always mindful of the fact that they have to go back and that they won't remember any of this, Mokuba might have an easier time overlooking it and focusing on the here and now. I think Mokuba would really be trying to bring out a younger, lighter side of Seto, and using everything he knows about his brother to get him to enjoy himself

 **CORRECTION:** I knew I wasn't going to get through this story without mislabeling at least one Seto or Kaiba POV. Thanks to Karachi for pointing out that the last POV in Chapter 9 should have been labeled KAIBA'S POV. I corrected it when I added this chapter.

**REPSONSES:**

**Seto and nickname:** (Desidera, Karachi) I don't know that this gets addressed directly, but I think Kaiba summed up Seto's feelings on being called Koryuu – that being named after a dragon (even a little dragon) was acceptable. Kaiba, and by implication, Seto, has a bit more to say on names, later on.

 **Kaiba, Kaiba and Yami:** (Kagemihari, laura m, Moonlitspire, neko-chan Tainted Fortune) Thanks – I try very hard to stay in character, yet here I'm trying to do it without totally repeating myself, but to find new things to look at, or look at some old themes in a slightly different way. In some ways, these guys are very similar to the characters in "I Guess it was in the Cards" because there are some things that I think of as being essential to the character, so they stay the same in everything I write. Their earlier conversations do highlight their similarities. But as the story continues, I think the differences between the two versions will become clearer, as will the differences in their relationship. As I said earlier, I'm sorry for the long wait, but it is a long story, and there will be plenty of Yami and Seto as a couple, later.

 **Jounouchi and Seto:** (Ceribi Motou, Desidera, Kagemihari, Moonlitspire, QueenOfGames2) In the subtitled anime, there's a scene after Jounouchi duels Kaiba, where he tries to explain to him that he knows what it's like to be so angry that you lash out at everyone around you, and he remembers how he had picked on Yugi, until Yugi stood up for him. He goes on to talk about how he'd be a different person, if Yugi wasn't around to teach him about friendship. So I think that when faced with a younger version of Seto, he might be reminded of the angry child he had been. I don't think of Jounouchi as dumb… I think he's someone who has always used this tough guy thing as a cover… so I think he would be able to draw parallels between himself and Seto. But I also see him as doing this reluctantly – as not wanting to admit he kind of feels for Seto. And I think he realizes that Seto isn't capable of drawing the same conclusions about him (neither is Kaiba for that matter). As he says, Seto looks on everyone as a potential enemy, and neither knows or cares what a friend is. The next chapter starts to give a look at how Seto feels about the crowd at the mansion.

 **Childhood:** (Ceribi Motou, Kagemihari) I think of Kaiba as not having so much lost his childhood, as having sacrificed or renounced it. So one of the things that intrigued me about this idea, was having him meet the child who he sacrificed, and yet in a sense, meeting the child who also endorsed this decision.

 **DOMA:** (CM Aeris Queen of Insanity, Neko-chan) I've only seen DOMA up to the part where Yami and Seto are breaking into Kaiba Corporation. I love it when they're facing all these monsters, and Yami starts talking about how they really exist, and Kaiba looks at him as says something like: This is so stupid. Let's go for it. Then they both start grinning like mad. Although I don't know the details of the rest of the arc, I have tried to work the emotions into this story. And thank you, I have tried to give this story a sense of being part of a history, even when most of the history is my own invention or interpretations.

Thanks to Mistal: The Poisoned One for continued encouragement. When you're starting a long story, it's wonderful to know that people are reading it, and sticking with it.


	11. Enter the Dragon

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Kaiba clearly feels guilty over his role in designing weapons, although the manga indicates that he was tricked into it. In Noa's Arc in the subtitled anime they have Kaiba designing a video game that gets used as a weapon. I think however, it's more likely that he was designing weapons while believing that it was just an academic exercise - that maybe he was so used to being ordered around, and so sleep deprived, that he didn't think further than showing Gozaburo up by completing the assignments on schedule.

 **ANIME NOTE:** In Noa's Arc, Mokuba gives Seto a deck on their first night in the mansion. It includes a BEWD that Mokuba has drawn for him. The card gives him hope, and he swears to be worthy of owning the real ones. There is a real sense that he looks on those cards as the proof of his own value as a human being. The first dragon that he gets his hands on, is of course, Sugoroku's BEWD (which was given to him by his friend and is a symbol of that friendship for Sugoroku) which he destroys, either (manga) at Death-T, or (anime)before his Exodia duel with Yugi.

 **MARTIAL ARTS NOTE:** I've always found Kaiba's proficiency at martial arts interesting. His skill implies, besides natural ability, years of training. Beyond that, I think, with it's emphasis on self discipline, and simplicity of action; as well as the way practicing it can become almost a form of meditation – martial arts would be emotionally important for Kaiba. I realize that no one person could become proficient in as many martial arts disciplines as I portray Kaiba as being (then again, people don't live in puzzles, either), but I think different branches illustrate different sides of his personality. I've listed the different martial arts terms used, below:

 ** _KATA:_** A series of choreographed moves designed to show different techniques.

 ** _BO or BO STAFF:_** This is basically a long stick, about the height of the person using it. The type of Bo I picture Kaiba using is a modern one – it would be six feet long, about the diameter of a broom stick, with tapered ends. Using mostly two-handed (with some one-handed and release moves) the person makes sweeping, slashing and thrusting moves very quickly.

 ** _HAMBO:_** This is a three foot stick that is used for various striking and chopping moves. Typically used for kata, not sparring – and only a single Hambo is used as opposed to the one in each hand method I described here. But I really could picture the guys getting into whacking at each other with it.

 ** _DAI KATANA:_** Samurai swords are generically, Katanas. The Dai Katana is the longest sword, over 30 inches in length. Given Kaiba's height, I thought it would be the most appropriate.

* * *

**CHAPTER 11: ENTER THE DRAGON**

**SETO'S POV**

For the first time in my life, I didn't crave sleep. I _wanted_ to stay up all night, so I could work on my video game. I suppose it wasn't just my game – other people were working on it… Kaiba had even insisted that I learn their names. But it felt like mine. And I was the one they came to with their problems – not because Kaiba told them to – but because I knew the answers.

There were two main flaws left. The first was the more easily solved. The game simply didn't look quite right. It didn't give you the feeling of being in Ancient Egypt. I wanted to design something good enough that Kaiba would turn it into a Virtual Reality game. So I needed to know the details of that time and place: how people moved, how the folds of their robes hung, what they ate, how they fought, what they would fight for… how they felt. Luckily, I had a source – someone who would do anything to convince me that he was my friend, someone who would tell me anything I wanted to know… someone who had lived there.

The second problem was harder to solve and more nebulous. It concerned the characters. Oh, not the guys themselves – they looked great. You could chose from a real range of alter egos: a mischievous imp, like the Monkey King of Chinese legend, recreated as a boy; an over-muscled action hero; a fairy tale prince; and my favorite, a tall blue-eyed Elven warrior, graceful and deadly. You could even choose to be a villain: an evil sorcerer, or his demonic King. The problem was, once you picked your role – hero or villain – you couldn't change. And I couldn't accept that, even in play. The most innocent of decisions: to protect a brother; to play the role of David battling Goliath; can spiral out of control. Even people trying to play the hero can fall into darkness, can let evil into their hearts without realizing it – and the decisions that lead to their downfall can as slow and as impossible to alter as the turning of the tide. At least, that was the way my script had always run. But I looked at Kaiba and had a faint hope that it might not be the only ending possible. That my game should give its characters the chance to try for some sort of redemption. But I didn't know enough to work out the schematics on my own. If I wanted to fix my program, as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't do it without Kaiba.

It might have been standard role playing stuff to everyone else, but it was the first thing I had designed that was actually going to be produced... at least I hoped that none of the weapons I had designed for Gozaburo had ever seen the light of day. I remembered the diagrams of my latest assignment. I had found them on Gozaburo's computer – along with production figures and profit projections, when I had been looking for money to embezzle. I had only gotten a quick glance… too quick to be sure of what I had seen. And I shied away from its implications. I didn't want to think about what it would mean if it wasn't simply a homework assignment, if it wasn't simply another one of Gozaburo's games… if those missiles were being produced for real. I shrugged. Either way, there was nothing I could do about it right now. I was here, and Kaiba had erased Gozaburo's shadow from his corporation, even if it still lay behind his eyes.

But if work, surprisingly, was a refuge – home, as usual, was a different story; although for unexpected reasons. There were all these people around. They bothered Kaiba as much as me, yet he refused to ask them to leave. He had answered me tersely, saying that he owed Yugi, although what he could have owed that little shrimp was beyond me. I suppose it was good to know that I still believed in paying my debts.

But I couldn't believe that was all there was to it, because he ignored Yugi almost as much as the other freeloaders; preferring to focus on his Yami. That I understood almost all too well. Power is compelling. After all, it was no accident that I had picked Gozaburo, or that he had picked me. But this was different. For the first time, as I looked at Yami, I realized that power is not only compelling, but seductive; that the true danger, as always, was locked within my own heart.

Yami had an air of authority, an air of danger. I looked at him and wanted to challenge him, wanted to smudge that cool surface, and not just with my deck. I wanted him thrown and flustered and knowing it was _me_ that got him that way. That part of the picture was cool. It was the feelings that came along with it, that bugged the hell out of me. Against my better judgment, I didn't just want power over him… I wanted _him_. I wanted him to notice me, to look at me when he thought I wasn't looking, to think of me before he fell asleep, to wake up with a start… dreaming of me. And that gave him a power of sorts too. A power I would never willingly grant.

I was drawn to him… as if he was an electromagnet, and I was made of iron. And Kaiba was no better at resisting Yami's attraction. If anything he was worse, seemed more open to surrendering to his pull.

It was strange. I hated seeing in Kaiba's face the proof of how cold I had become. But every time he did something that showed there was a human being in there – that scared me worse.

Like at lunch. We were all eating together, even the moochers, although Kaiba was mainly drinking coffee. I looked around the dining room. "Where are the masks?" I asked suddenly, referring to the ancient porcelain masks I still privately compared to his expressionless face. Gozaburo had been proud of them. I was glad they were gone.

Kaiba tightened his lips, but didn't say anything. Mokuba answered in his place, "Nisama returned them."

"Where to?" Yugi asked.

"Beijing,"Kaiba answered. "They were part of an illegal excavation. I sent them back. I want nothing I can not claim legitimately."

"Watch it, Kaiba. Some one might think you actually have a conscience," laughed the blonde boy.

I shivered internally. "A conscience is a trap for weaklings." I could hear Gozaburo's voice, feel his hand across my face to drive the message home. I remembered all right… following a heart, a sense of honor was the greatest weakness – and I had just forced Kaiba to reveal his.

I tried to make amends.

"Smart move. I bet you got a lot of publicity for Kaiba Corporation, all for the price of a few masks. I bet the suckers bought it up, along with your duel disks. 1.29 billion people. That's a lot of potential sales."

Kaiba nodded. "It was."

Everyone looked at their plates… looked anywhere but at us. I wasn't sure if they believed us. Actually I was proud of him. I was sure his first answer was the true one. I wondered if he had regretted either his brief openness, or my interruption… but it was impossible to tell. His face was impassive, once again.

Mokuba leaned over, gave me a brief hug, "It's okay," he said. "These people care about him. They'd be his friends, if he'd let them. You're safe here. Let him test the waters a little."

I shook my head. This place confused me. At times I hated it. I had always been the smart one. When had Mokuba become so wise?

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

At first I thought it was a kata. It was graceful enough to be choreographed; they weren't wearing protective gear; they were fighting with sticks. Each wielded a pair of three foot _Hambo_ sticks.

I looked closer and realized they were fighting for real. Kaiba seemed to be pulling his strikes a little – although occasionally hitting hard enough to leave bruises. Seto, however, either couldn't control the force of his blows, or wasn't bothering to try. It was only Kaiba's superior experience – and his adult size, strength and speed, that kept him in one piece. Every now and then, a blow broke through his guard – whether by accident or design was impossible to tell.

I looked at their faces. It was the happiest I had seen either of them, except when they looked at Mokuba.

They fought with an almost feral intensity, the air between them charged, hissing with the speed of their strikes. By the time they were finished they were dripping with sweat. Kaiba put his hand of Seto's shoulder as they put away the _Hambos_. It was the first time they had touched. They replaced them with the longer, single _Bo Staff_ , each cut exactly to its user's height. Instead of facing each other as opponents, they stood in line, and as one person began practicing Kata. They were no less intense, but now the focus was inward.

They moved in perfect unison through the choreographed moves. The _Bo Staves_ rising and falling as one; slicing, slashing, thrusting - the beauty of the moves disguising their deadly accuracy. They were perfectly positioned, Seto in front; Kaiba directly behind him like a late afternoon's shadow.

They finally finished, and Seto left, presumably to shower. I stayed to watch Kaiba. He had put away the _Bo Staff_. Chose a long sword, a _Dai Katana_ , from the many weapons that were neatly arranged on the walls; and began a sword kata. He went through the series of dance-like movements, the lights shining off the blade as he shifted positions, as he spun and caught it, knife edge flashing. At times the blade was a blur, almost like a video character using a lightning strike. I could only be glad they hadn't decided to spar with that. As I looked at his control I realized – he had let Seto hit him on purpose.

"Why did you let him break through your guard?" I asked when Kaiba had finally stopped.

"Because I refuse to blunt his edge."

"Was he actually trying to kill you?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. I don't like him much either. But I doubt it. He just doesn't know how to fight, except to the death. He's never learned to respond to a challenge except with all the firepower he can muster."

"Don't you think you should teach him that there's a better way?"

"Right now, he needs to strike back with everything in him, at any threat, great or small. He's not ready for the lesson you want to teach him – and he won't be… not until he meets you again at Death-T. You can teach him whatever you want, then."

* * *

**SUGOROKU'S POV**

I had grown used to meeting a Kaiba in the kitchen. I enjoyed guessing which one it would be. This morning Seto was down first.

He shifted through his cards, stopped at the hand drawn one. Traced it with his finger. I could feel the connection between them. How had we missed how strongly his heart beat with his cards? Or had he hidden it that well?

"Some day I'll have the real ones," he said, half to himself, staring at Mokuba's dragon.

"Why is that so important to you?" I asked.

"Are you crazy, old man? They're the most powerful cards in the game."

"Tell him the truth," Kaiba commanded. Neither of us had heard him come in.

Seto looked up. Received an implacable look in return.

"Why should I?"

"Because one day, you'll owe him an answer."

"Whose debt am I paying? Mine, or yours?"

"Does it matter?" The weariness in Kaiba's voice defeated Seto.

"Okay, old man." He said defiantly, passionately, "They're a part of me… I can hear them urging me on, telling me that one day I'll be worthy of being their keeper…I can feel them singing in my blood. They're free. They rise above every thing… meet every challenge."

"They can be beaten." I pointed out.

"But they'll never surrender." he countered. "Wherever they are, they'll call to me, and I'll find them. One day, I'll have all four in my hands."

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** It's embarrassing to admit how far along with this story I was before I realized that if Kaiba loves Yami (whether he's ready to recognize that or not) then Seto would feel the same. In fact, at 13, without ever having anyone (besides Mokuba, who's his brother, after all) to lavish his deep capacity for love on, Seto is really poised to fall fast and hard. Of course, being Seto, he'd find this threatening, so I think there'd be a considerable amount of anger and aggression mixed in with his feelings.

For a character who insists that the cards are nothing more than pieces of paper, Kaiba is the character who often seems the most in tune with his monsters – particularly the BEWD, which he has referred to as his pride and soul, and his loyal servant. I've always found it interesting that he flinches and looks away whenever one is destroyed, yet in the times when he believes he is giving up his own life, as in his duel with Pegasus, or with Yugi at Duelist's Kingdom, or in the tag team match against Lumos and Umbra, he faces his opponents head on. It also occurred to me, that given how Kaiba feels about the BEWD, he might have considered all of then "his" even the one Sugoroku owned, which he thought of as the reminder of his friendship with Rebecca's grandfather.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**

**Note on Names:** (Ecogoth) In the manga and subtitled anime, Mokuba invariably refers to Seto Kaiba as Nisama. AS there are two Seto Kaibas here, that could get too confusing. So I have Mokuba, at least in his thoughts) refer to the 13 year old Seto as **_"Oniichan"_** which is a more affectionate way of saying Big Brother.

 **Sugoroku and Kaiba:** (Ceribi Motou, Desidera, laura m, Moonlitspire) One of the things I love about fanfic is that you get to bring together characters who may not have gotten a chance to know each other in the canon. And there are some interesting parallels and contrasts between Sugoroku and Kaiba. The most powerful tie they have is that they have both raised children. And yet, Sugoroku is the only character old enough to also think of Kaiba _as_ a child. I think Sugoroku would be resigned to a little teenage rebellion on Yugi's part – whereas Kaiba (although he would be the one far more likely to lose his temper) would also be, I think pleased at this "proof" of how normal Mokuba was. What makes this ironic – is that although at times, Kaiba sounds as old as Sugoroku,(hell, at times he sounds as old as Yami) he's really Yugi's age.

 **Mokuba, Seto and Motorcycles:** (Ceribi Motou, Desidera, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Moonlitspire, samurai ashes, Tokemi) I can picture Mokuba gleefully plotting to trick Seto into having a good time, and using everything he knows about his brother to that end. Although I agree that Seto would never truly be able to be a child, despite Mokuba's efforts. **_Motorcycles:_** I love the scene in Noa's Arc where Kaiba races off on a motorcycle. And I can certainly picture either version being into the whole speed and danger aspect. And it gave Seto the chance to be a "bad influence" in a fun sort of way.

 **Titles:** (anonymous) Every now and then I wonder why I thought using a book, movie or song title as a chapter heading was a good idea. I wonder this a lot on Wednesdays when I realize that I can't post until I've settled on a new title! But somehow, it feels like part of the story to me. I try to think about what the chapter's about and then match it. I end up wandering the aisles at Barnes  & Noble a lot (well, okay, I do that anyway – but now I have an excuse) and video stores looking for appropriate titles. I admit I haven't read all the books (the Brothers Kasamazov comes to mind as one example) but I try to find something that fits, or at least makes a bad pun. The story title, by the way, is a Yogi Berra quote.

 **Different voices:** (anonymous, Leland Lancaster) Thank you. Part of the reason I write first person POVs is that I like trying to show, not just what the characters are saying, but how they would say it – because that's also part of who they are. Some voices, like Sugoroku, Mokuba and Seto are easier than others – although with Mokuba I have to keep reminding myself to keep the sentence structure and vocabulary simpler. Keeping Yami and Kaiba's voices separate is probably hardest, because I see them as both, in slightly different ways, being thoughtful and as eloquent as I can make them; although I try for a simplicity to Kaiba's sentences, and a more obvious poetry for Yami.

 **Spelling/Grammar:** (anonymous) Corrections always welcome. Sometimes my grammatical errors are deliberate, as I have a fondness for using sentence fragments for emphasis. I also will use incorrect grammar if I feel it reflects a character's voice, like Jounouchi's for example. Often, though, it's just ignorance. I went through an entire 30 chapter story without realizing that when using quotation marks, you're supposed to use a comma not a period, if you're continuing the sentence outside of the quotation marks by using a phrase like he said. Whew, even repeating it is confusing me… Anyway, I try to correct mistakes like that when I update.

 **Story Direction:** (Ecogoth) I love guessing where stories are headed, and as a writer (boy, did that feel weird to say) I like trying to keep the reader guessing. So please, when we get to the end, tell me if you guessed right about where the story was going! It's going to take a while, though.

 **Differences:** (laura m) Thank you! I've been trying not to repeat myself, but to look at different facets of Kaiba and Yami in this story. One of the main differences is that whereas in "I Guess it was in the Cards" Yami was more ambivalent about being separate from Yami, and more haunted by his lost memories, here he wants to be separate, but is very guilty about discovering this following his betrayal of Yugi at DOMA. In a way, it gives him much more in common with Kaiba. I also see this Kaiba as having been influenced by Alcatraz and DOMA. He understands that he has to let go of his anger and hatred, and is trying to do so. Ironically, I think as he lets go of his anger about the past, it may start to come alive for him more – even without Seto as a reminder.


	12. High Noon

**NAME REMINDER:** Koryuu means Little Dragon, and refers to the 13 year-old Seto Kaiba.

* * *

**CHAPTER 12: HIGH NOON**

**JOUNOUCHI'S POV**

Yami might have been born over 3,000 years ago, but I swear he knew more about our world. The kid knew nothing. He had never been to a movie or a baseball game. His idea of a good time was working out with Kaiba – and he always came back with bruises. Whether he got his shots in too was hard to tell – Kaiba's arms were always covered with a long sleeve shirt… and usually, a trench coat, for good measure.

I remembered how Kaiba's name had suddenly appeared on top of the leader board for all those video games – a spot he held to this day. Yet I was beginning to wonder if he had ever played a game until Gozaburo died.

Most evenings, Seto would sit next to Mokuba and Kouma, fingering his deck. Hell, everyone knew about Kaiba's pride in his cards. I'd just never realized how far back it went. I started wondering how often he got to duel. As much as I hated Kaiba, I liked playing against him. It might be fun to see what kind of moves the Little Dragon had.

I didn't mind spending time with Seto, but I wasn't fooling myself that that made us friends. As far as he was concerned, everyone except for Mokuba and Kouma was just part of the scenery. The glint in his eye when I proposed dueling came from his joy in finding a battle, not a pal.

But when I challenged him, I'd expected him to use Kaiba's deck. I'd seen him run through it often enough; seen him slap the cards in and out of the Duel Disk Kaiba had given him. So I was surprised to see him pull out his old deck.

"Hey Koryuu… I'm sure Kaiba'll let you use his," I said.

"In five years that'll be my deck. Now, I play with my own cards. Don't worry. It'll be enough to beat you."

As he shuffled, I saw him slip out a card. I was willing to bet it was a hand-drawn Blue Eyes White Dragon.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," I groaned, "But here, take some of my cards."

He was a Kaiba, all right. "I don't need your help to win," he sneered.

Kaiba stepped in, handing him three cards, saying, "Pride is one thing, stupidity another." Seto looked at the cards and nodded.

Three of them, huh…. Oh, shit.

Like we didn't all know which three they were. Just knowing those dragons were in there, waiting, changed the game. I grinned. It made playing him even more of a kick. But I kept whittling his life points down, anyway. It was a little embarrassing. I mean, he had a kid's deck. There wasn't much he could do until a Blue Eyes appeared.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

This was his first duel. The first one against a real flesh and blood opponent, although he had played often enough against imaginary ones. Not that anyone could tell from looking at his face. He didn't blink, even when the hologram monsters filled the room. The only clue was, he was maybe a little too eager, a little too excited. Unconsciously I frowned. He looked up, caught my eye, and immediately smoothed his expression to its habitual indifference. For a moment, I felt guilty for reminding him.

He was slowly losing points, but was still calm. He was playing as well as he could, given the cards. I knew his deck as well as my own, as well as I knew the schematics of the missiles I had designed when I was his age.

I knew why he had chosen to stick with his deck. He felt a connection to his cards; a connection I had denied ever since that first Shadow Game with Yami. I had brought my dragon to life, only to see him reject the person I had become. Only to see him hate me as much as I hated myself. Only to see him destroy himself rather than stand at my side.

I had blamed that beast for destroying my final, faint hopes that there might be something in me worth preserving. I ripped him to shreds along with what was left of my heart, and spent the next three years denying his existence, his meaning… even as the other three had helped me to heal.

Seto's deck was not quite as weak as it seemed. Most of his monsters were in the 1700 – 1900 range, making it harder for Jounouchi to assemble a sacrifice. Jounouchi thought Seto was just stalling, delaying his inevitable defeat. The mutt wouldn't recognize strategy if it bit him. I might have the most powerful deck in the game now – but that didn't mean that I didn't know how to play from a position of powerlessness.

His faithful Battle Ox was on the field. That card that had once been the pride of my deck. Now it was fit only for sacrifice. Seto drew the Mystic Horseman; combined it with my Polymerization Card to create the Rabid Horseman for the first time. I heard everyone gasp as they realized that I had not given Seto my dragons.

I had been tempted to replace Mokuba's hand-drawn card with a real one, but it would have been disrespectful to supplant his deck. So I had given him the cards that would enable him to win… if he played his best. If he offered less, he deserved to lose.

The Rabid Horseman charged through Jounouchi's deck. Seto had the smell of blood in his nostrils, and he was pressing his advantage. Now that the Rabid Horseman was on the field, the game had caught Yami's attention. I suddenly remembered him rooting for me against Pegasus; against Isis. I wondered if he was cheering for Seto, now.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

It was interesting. Kaiba had not sought to replace Seto's deck, but to strengthen it. And now it was time for Jounouchi to lose life points. I remembered how Kaiba had always called it his _faithful_ Battle Ox. Remembered how worn it had looked, five years later.

The Rabid Horseman was Seto's first powerful card, and he was one with it's strength and power, which so matched his own… was caught in the rush of its attack. I suddenly wished Kaiba _had_ given him a dragon. It would have been wonderful to see him play it; to see him fly for the first time.

But for all the skill he had shown, Seto's deck was a child's. Jounouchi's was an adult's… and soon the Rabid Horseman was gone. Seto was putting his monsters in defense mode, just as I had in our first Shadow Game, or at Death-T. I wondered if he was desperate or biding his time. I could feel his excitement, his pleasure in the game, although after that brief flash of glee, his face was expressionless as ever. As remote as Kaiba's as he watched his younger self start to lose.

Seto played Niwatori. I smiled at the thought of Kaiba's deck ever containing a big, fat chicken. But Seto had finally made a mistake. He had left Niwatori in attack mode. Jounouchi's face was a study in conflict. He wanted to humiliate Kaiba. But he didn't want to do it by beating Seto on a child's error.

Seto was as composed as ever. My eye fell on the two face down cards which had lain, ignored, on his side of the field all night. Jounouchi, torn between his satisfaction at his impending victory over a Kaiba (any Kaiba), and his embarrassment at beating a 13 year-old boy, had forgotten them. Jounouchi had his Baby Dragon on the field. But it wasn't quite enough to wipe out Seto's remaining life points. He set Time Wizard to join it. Seto's eyes flashed. He laughed. It was the move he had been waiting for.

Before the Time Wizard reached the end of his spin, Seto pounced. "This card lets me break into your turn," he said, flipping over his second borrowed card, The Impatient Goblin. The imp swaggered across the room, and winked at Seto as he shanghaied Jounouchi's turn.

"And given all the times you've called me Little Dragon, don't you think this should belong to me, as well?" he asked, as he turned over Kaiba's final card, Change of Heart. "Consider it a reminder that Baby Dragons grow up."

Seto watched, with the first genuine smile I had seen, as the roll stopped and the Baby Dragon aged 1,000 years, wiping out Jounouchi's remaining life points, with its attack.

"I knew you could do it, Nisama!" Kouma shouted. "You're the best! You always win!" I wondered if I was the only one who noticed Seto's quickly checked shiver, as if another burden had been added to his slight shoulders.

Throwing down his cards with a laugh, Jounouchi said, "I was sure you'd need those Blue Eyes to win."

Seto smirked, "I don't need them to beat a mediocre duelist like you."

Jounouchi turned to Kaiba, "Koryuu gloats even worse than you. It's about his only human quality."

But what surprised me most was the way he had played. Not the brilliance or the intensity. That I had seen before. But the joy. An elation that had vanished at Kouma's words, at the reminder that games had no place in his life, any more.

* * *

.

 

 **CARD NOTE/DISCLAIMER:** I'm not a duelist. My main interest in the cards is asthetic - I think they're beautiful. I once read in an interview with Kazuki Takahashi where he was asked why, in the manga, the cards sometimes work differently than in the actual game. He replied that the cards did whatever was necessary for him to tell the story.

Works for me. I tried to make the duel (or at least the part I described) somewhat realistic – or at least, not glaringly unrealistic. But I played the cards in the order that made the most emotional sense.

Also, there is no card called, "The Impatient Goblin" I simply needed a card that would allow Seto to break into Jounouchi's turn and use Baby Dragon against Jounouchi. After all, how could I resist a card that's actually named (in Japanese) "Koryuu"?

One thing that's odd, is that writing a story this long is sort of like dueling (not that I know how to duel). But you choose your demons and then spend a lot of time laying down trap cards – some of which are going to trip up the characters, some of which are set against anyone patient enough to be reading this. And then you spend the rest of the story trying to turn them over as quickly as possible.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Seto, Kaiba, Sugoroku and the BEWD:** (Ceribi Motou, crimson winter, Desidera, Kagemihari, Katie Torango, laura m, Lightning Sage, Mistal: The Poisoned One, QueenofGames2, samurai-ashes, Tokemi) If you accept the idea that the BEWDs represent a piece of Kaiba's soul – what does it mean that he destroyed one of them? I've always considered that a metaphor for the emotional damage he inflicted on himself to protect Mokuba. So I suppose it's the fourth dragon, rather than the other three, that has always fascinated me. I also think that Kaiba might feel that he owed Sugoroku, if not an explanation, at least an acknowledgement that the dragon was important to him also. I thought he might have felt like he owed it to Sugoroku to explain why he felt like it was his.

 **Kouma:** (Amarin Rose, laura m) When I started writing the story, Kouma was basically an accessory – he got carried a lot, and he slept a lot because I couldn't think of anything for him to say or do. I've added some stuff, although he has the least amount of time of the four Kaiba brothers versions running around this story. You get to see and hear him at length in the next (appropriately numbered) Chapter 13, and on and off from then on. I'm not planning on having him narrate a section, because I can't pull off writing from an 8 year-old's perspective.

 **Father Figures:** (Amarin Rose) The background on everyone's families was great! I never knew that Otogi's father was insane. Now I definitely have to go back and read the Dice Monster scanlations, or watch the subtitled anime! Yes, I noticed that the lack of sane male parents is stunning. One thing I like about Yugioh is the way it shows how each character's past and experiences have shaped who they are. This certainly applies vividly to Kaiba, but it also applies to the other characters as well. It's kind of interesting that the shy, bully magnet (Yugi) actually has one of the least traumatic histories of the characters.

 **Seto and Yami:** (Desidera, Kagemihari, Lightning Sage, samurai-ashes) I agree – I think that Seto would be quicker to recognize his feelings for Yami. But I think that the intensity of his feelings, and the out-of-control nature of his infatuation would make him both angry and defensive. I think he would see this as something that Yami was doing to him, and resent it.

 **Kaiba's flashbacks:** (Amarin Rose) Yes, for Seto, that first flashback Kaiba has in Chapter 8 would have just happened – it would be in his recent past. Incidents like that would have contributed to his decision to try and run away in the first place.

 **Titles:** (Amarin Rose, Kagemihari, Katie Torango) Thanks for coming up with chapter titles! I couldn't believe that people pitched in. High Noon was sort of Kagemihari's suggestion… well, actually when I said I needed a chapter for a duel, she said something along the lines of, you mean like "High Noon" And I said something like, Wow, that's perfect!" At which point she said "ack… I was kidding." Too late! I also loved Amarin Rose's "Double Dragons" – perfect for a story with two Seto Kaibas (I have the chapter picked out, and, especially, "Escape from Alcatraz". That could be the title of the whole story in some ways. Thanks also to Katie Torango for "Here There Be Dragons" which will also make an appearance, i8n a later chapter.

I don't know why the last three words of "It's Déjà Vu all over again" aren't capitalized (I guess I should know, but I don't.) I think it's because it's actually a quote by Yogi Berra, the former NY Yankees catcher (he's the guy confusing the duck on the AFLACK commercial). Anyway, since it was a quote, I didn't capitalize most of it. Yogi Berra also said, "It ain't over 'till it's over" which I also thought would make a good title, but Déjà Vu sounded sexier.

 **Martial Arts:** (Desidera, Kagemihari, QueenofGames2, samurai-ashes, Tokemi) I'm glad people liked the martial arts motif, because it continues weaving it's way through the story. It also highlights something interesting about choosing to write a second story with essentially the same characters: I've tried to focus on different things than the first time around, but I've sometimes ended up looking at the same thing from (hopefully) a slightly different angle. There are some things I just see as being inherently part of these guys, like Kaiba and martial arts, (or dragons) so they tend to reoccur.

 **Seto and Jounouchi:** (Tokemi) Seto's feelings on Yugi's friends in general and Jounouchi in particular, don't get fully explored until later. For now, though, I think Jounouchi summed them up pretty accurately. I think Seto divides the world into three groups: Mokuba; potential enemies; and proven enemies. Yugi and Co. are in the potential enemies category – along with most of the rest of the world.

 **Akunadin and Shadi (well, not as a couple):** (Amarin Rose, sun-sun kat) By Chapter 14v I start to explain where Akunadin's been, and what he's been up to; by Chapter 15 both characters' whereabouts are fully explained. I know it's been a long break, but I'm getting back to them.

 **Changing POVs:** (Kagemihari, laura m) One thing I love seeing with the changing POVs is who ends up with whom as chapter mates. You've met eight of the ten total voices by now.


	13. The Age of Innocence

**CAPSULE MONSTER CHESS** is the game Mokuba is an expert at. In the early manga, he challenges Yugi, twice. The final time is at Death-T. When he loses, Seto forces him to go through the Death Simulation Penalty Game he had prepared for Yugi, until Yami rescues him.

 **CHARACTER NOTE:** Tea from the cartoon is annoying enough that I can sympathize with the many efforts to kill her off. But Anzu from the manga, is a different person. When the situation gets tense, she is often the person who does what needs to be done, or says what needs to be said, whether it's clobbering a zombie professor to save Jou's life, or getting Mokuba to open up to the group. This is the side of her I tried to portray. In the anime, she refers to Kaiba as _Kaiba-kun_ , which is a more polite form of address. I think she'd continue that while speaking (particularly to Mokuba) but I think she might be a little less polite, and drop the _kun_ in her thoughts.

* * *

**CHAPTER 13: THE AGE OF INNOCENCE**

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Even a day later, Jounouchi was still complaining. Luckily (at least I thought it was lucky at first) Nisama and Oniichan were going over Oniichan's project on the computer upstairs.

"I can't believe I got suckered by a kid," Jounouchi grumbled.

"Of course he's not a kid," Kouma said confidently.

"Oh yeah, what is he then – a midget?" Jounouchi laughed.

That got Kouma angry. But in his rush to explain, he only made things worse. "How could he be a kid? If he was just a kid, how could he take care of me? Or trick our… adoptive father into taking us in?"

"You might not think he's a kid, but I bet he's the terror of whatever school is unlucky enough to have him."

"Nisama doesn't go to school. Sometimes he picks me up, and we get to walk home together. Then he has to sneak back past the security guards. It's one of his games."

But Honda had only caught the first part of Kouma's remarks. "No school, huh? I always knew Kaiba was lucky. I bet he just gets to play games all day. No wonder he got so good at Duel Monsters."

Of course, Honda had been a monkey when we were in Noa's world. So I guess he missed most of what went on there. Or maybe he was just clueless…

"This was his first duel… well against a real person. He plays against himself all the time. He lets me watch. And he gets to use the Blue Eyes White Dragon I made for him," Kouma said.

"Now I really feel like a jerk," Jounouchi wailed. "You mean he beat me… and it was the first game he's ever played?"

"He's never played Duel Monsters. But he plays a lot of games with our adoptive father." Kouma's nose scrunched up. I remembered how puzzled I had been by most of what went on at the mansion. How long it had taken me to figure things out. "I don't really like their games," he confessed, "but Nisama says they're okay. Like when our adoptive father made him play the "No Sleep" game. Nisama said that was good. Do you know how much time people waste sleeping? And besides, this way he has more time to visit me at night."

"Kouma, did you have to play, too?" It _would_ be Anzu who asked that so softly.

"No, because we're a team. Nisama told me. It's just like we're pieces on the same side of a chessboard. I'm the King," he announced proudly.

"What does that make Kaiba, the Queen?" Jounouchi snickered.

But I found myself reciting Nisama's answer along with Kouma. "The Queen has all the moves. She does whatever it takes to protect the King. That's her job. Because he's the heart of the game. Sometimes, Nisama's the Knight, too. 'Cause no one can ever predict what the Knight's going to do next."

My smile faded as we got to the part of Nisama's speech that I had been too young to understand when I had been Kouma's age. The part he had said more to himself than to me. Sure enough, Kouma had scrunched his nose again. He looked so cute I wanted to smack him, as he said, "I don't really get what he says next. He says it about Duel Monsters, too."

"What's that, Kouma?" Anzu asked.

"That the game can't be played without a sacrifice."

He smiled uncertainly at the sudden hush in the room. Then the little chatterbox spoke into the uncomfortable silence he had created, going on to blab more of Nisama's secrets.

"He's real good at chess, but our adoptive father never plays him anymore. They play work games. Like he'll challenge Nisama to design something – but he'll have to race the clock. If he loses, he has to play a penalty game."

I saw Yami's start of surprise. Did he think he was Nisama's first opponent – or his most dangerous? There's more than one kind of Shadow Game, and my brother had played them all.

"Nisama says that's okay though. That when you lose you should pay. That's how you learn never to make mistakes. They play a lot of fighting games. I think Nisama likes those the best, but he says I'm too young to watch."

"Oh, man… please tell me that's a video game," Jounouchi said.

"No. He plays against some of adoptive father's security guards. I don't like that game. I don't like any of his games," he suddenly wailed. "Especially the last one. Nisama came up with that one himself. It's called, 'The Opposites Game.' When people are around he pretends he hates…"

"Shut up!"

Everyone turned and stared. They were as surprised as I, that the order had come from my mouth.

"What gives? You're the one who's always trying to get us to understand your brother – and you've never told us anything half so juicy." Jounouchi said.

"I know."

What I knew was that I was never going to be able to explain.

"It's just… listening to him… I realized how much Nisama would hate your knowing any of this. I mean, _I_ don't think it's a weakness – but he does. It feels disloyal. Like maybe, I should just take his side for once."

"You could never be disloyal. You're always on his side, Mokuba, because everything you do is done out of love. Never forget that," Anzu insisted, talking over Jounouchi's shout of frustration:

"But it was just getting good!"

Yami stirred, but before he could speak, if that was his intention, Yugi broke in. "We've all tried getting to know him. Maybe we should try something new – just accepting him for who he is."

I looked at him gratefully.

"And who's that?" Jounouchi asked.

"Someone who's never going to feel comfortable coming any closer than the fringes of your group," I answered sadly.

All Kouma had caught, of course, was the tone of my voice.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, lower lip quivering. "I was just trying to help."

I sighed. I didn't understand what Nisama – either Nisama – saw in this crybaby. What it was about him that made them want give up everything for him. But I knew they would expect me to comfort him.

"I just wanted them to like him," he sobbed as I hugged him.

Well, that I could understand. If I wasn't 13, I might have felt like crying too.

* * *

**ANZU'S POV**

I waved him over. He paused, so I added a smile. A year ago Mokuba wouldn't have hesitated before spilling his guts out to me. Then again… a year ago he had been 12. But I could see he needed to talk, and he wouldn't – not without my help. It's funny… most of us thought of Mokuba as the open, trusting one – but that was only because he was usually standing next to Kaiba. Actually, I don't think he had ever confided in anyone, before me. No wonder he had ended up falling so hard. That was another reason I wanted to help. I was his first crush… and that's quite a responsibility. Right now, as much as he thought he wanted his dream girlfriend, what he really needed was a friend.

Jounouchi and Yugi were keeping Kouma occupied by teaching him Capsule Monster Chess, of all things. Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with those guys, except of course, for the fact that they're guys. I could see Mokuba staring at Kouma as if he wished Yami would lock him in a capsule and forget to let him out.

"I guess it's hard living with a younger version of yourself," I said sympathetically.

"It's not that. Well, not only that. It's just… he's such a pathetic little brat! It's all his fault, and everyone thinks he's so cute. If it wasn't for him, Nisama would have had a good life with one of those families that wanted him."

"But Mokuba, for better or worse, you _are_ his life. You didn't see him at Duelist's Kingdom. I did. He would never be happy without you."

"I look at him," Mokuba said, nodding to Kouma, "and I can't figure out why. Why do I make Nisama so happy that nothing else, not even his life, matters? And you know what's the worst part? I can't help but feel special. I can't help but feel like I'm worth that kind of sacrifice. I can't help but look in the mirror and see myself the way Nisama does. I just wish…" he trailed off.

"What, Mokuba?" I said, to keep him talking.

"I just wish that Nisama could see himself through my eyes… just once. He's so good to me, and so mean to himself, and he doesn't even realize it any more. Why am I always the one? Why doesn't he ever get to be the King?"

He glared at his younger self as if he was to blame, and I realized… he was mad at Kourma for being valued so highly, because he couldn't even admit who he was really mad at… his beloved Nisama – for valuing himself so low.

"Everyone rolls their eyes or laughs, but Nisama's the most loving person I've ever met. He just doesn't show it the way everyone else does. He can't anymore. That's okay. But he doesn't realize, I don't need a Knight anymore, and I don't need to be King. I just want to be brothers."

"Have you told Kaiba-kun any of this?" I asked, although I knew the answer.

"No… not really. My brother's not that good with emotions; and mushy stuff freaks him out a little," he muttered, as if he was revealing a secret; as if the question of his brother's ability to feel, much less show, emotion wasn't a topic of endless debate among us. (The truth was, now that Kaiba wasn't trying to kill us any longer – we loved gossiping about him.)

"Sometimes mushy is good. Even if it makes him uncomfortable, I bet, deep down he'd like to know," I said, hoping I was right.

Well, speak of the devil, I thought, as Kaiba entered the room. He gave Mokuba the little half smile he reserved only for him, but didn't approach. He shot me that enigmatic glare that always seemed to have my name on it. I had almost given up on trying to read the emotions in it, when I realized the one I had the most trouble recognizing on his face was gratitude. I had been the one to talk to Mokuba; to listen to him, back when Kaiba had been in a coma – and he knew it. I guess you could say that I had protected Mokuba's heart while he had been guarding Kaiba's. He resented having to be grateful to me – but he was – and we both knew that, too.

I smiled at the assessing nature of his look. He knew about Mokuba's crush, of course. He had probably already scoped me out; knew everything about me from my shoe size to my bra size. That he seemed content to leave Mokuba in my presence indicated that he either knew that Mokuba was too young to do anything but dream about me, or that he was ready to accept me as a sister-in-law. I sincerely hoped it was the former, having no ambition to be a participant in a shotgun wedding to a 13 year-old, and even less dependence on Kaiba's common sense when it came to anything concerning Mokuba.

As we watched, Kaiba went over to Kouma, swinging him high over his head, then flipped him so he was dangling the boy by the ankles, spinning him as Kouma shrieked with laughter.

"I don't mind him as much when they're together. He makes Nisama so happy. I'm glad they came, then," Mokuba smiled.

Kouma was equally delighted in this even bigger, big brother; seeing no shadows in him. Seto had started to flinch at Kouma's blind faith. It was another obligation he could not possibly live up to; but Kaiba delighted in the trust of the little brother he had yet to betray.

As if he had an extra sense, Kaiba put Kouma on his feet just before Seto entered. When Seto was absent, Kouma was rarely out of Kaiba's arms. But when he was present, Kaiba silently ceded this younger brother to him.

Kaiba took a couple of steps back, and Yami approached him; stood next to him without speaking. If Kaiba was resentful of Mokuba's feelings for me – how did he think I felt – seeing him draw Yami to his side simply by walking into the room?

I had started to realize that my infatuation for Yami was just as childish as Mokuba's for me. Yami was this powerful, mysterious presence who had suddenly and dramatically entered our little world – like a character in a novel suddenly sprung to life – and he had saved mine. Of course I had fallen in love with him… neither knowing, nor caring more than that. And Yugi had only been the shy boy I had known all my life… who sometimes seemed as young as Mokuba. It had taken watching him save Jounouchi at Battle City; it had taken almost losing him to DOMA – to make me wonder if I had set my sights on the wrong aibou.

Yugi smiled at me from across the room. He was kind enough not to intrude on Mokuba's time alone with me. I smiled back. Someone should tell Yugi that Mokuba would not return his courtesy. Mokuba was a practical boy; he knew he was too young for me. But he was a Kaiba, and had probably already figured out at what age I might consider him old enough; exactly when the five-year gap would no longer matter. But I was grateful for Yugi's hesitation, his shyness. I didn't want him to ask; I didn't want to have to answer; until I was sure he was the one I wanted – and not the one I was settling for.

When Yugi and Yami had separated, I had thought I could finally figure out which was the one I wanted. I had assumed it would be _my_ decision. It had never occurred to me that Yami's feelings for me were simply a reflection of Yugi's. That left to himself, he might make a different choice.

I looked at Yami and Kaiba, standing so close together, almost touching. Yami still dressed in Yugi's clothes: black sleeveless shirt, black leather pants, with Yugi's blue school blazer slung over his shoulders. Yugi's double belt was around his waist, caressing his hips; Yugi's collection of bangles were circling his wrists. Once he had been a little embarrassed by Yugi's taste in clothes. It had been one of the few signs of shyness I had seen in him, and so, it had been… cute. Now he wore the outfit like a second skin.

As Kaiba stood next to him, towering over him, it was easy to see – he was Yami's match. He looked elegant and dangerous as always. He was wearing a deep blue, collarless, button-down shirt, with black leather pants. The inevitable, heavy, Kaiba Corporation belt was resting on his slim hips. Over everything he had thrown one of his trademark trench coats that seemed to flare, even in the breezeless room. It was silk, black; threaded with flecks of blue and silver… as if his dragons had been woven into its making.

Yami might have been a spirit, and Kaiba was (presumably) flesh and blood, but they had the same intangible air of darkness surrounding them. They stood side by side as if that was the way they were meant to face the world… together. It made it easy to believe in Isis's tales of reincarnation.

It made it easy to accept: for Yugi, I was the girl next door. But Yami was living in Kaiba's neighborhood, now, not mine.

* * *

.

 

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

**Kaiba and Mokuba:** I picture Seto and Gozaburo playing a series of increasingly destructive games where Gozaburo's goal is to destroy Seto's personality and rebuild him in his own image, while Seto's goal is to keep Gozaburo so focused on their duel that he leaves Mokuba alone. But I think Seto would also try to hide the more destructive aspects of this game from Mokuba. After all, his promise is to protect his younger brother, and see that he grows up to be happy – so I think it would be important to him that Mokuba remains ignorant of the price he's paying. Given the persistence of the game motif in Yugioh, I can see Seto pretending that everything going on is just a game. And I think, at eight, Kouma, who is used to trusting his brother's word, absolutely, would not have figured out what was going on.

 **Mokuba and Kouma:** Everyone loves Mokuba, right? And Kouma is even younger and cuter – so who could resist him? I decided that the answer might be Mokuba. Because he understands is that if it wasn't for him, Seto would have had an easier life. What he doesn't understand, and what Anzu tried to explain is that Seto doesn't want an easier life – he wants and needs Mokuba and always has.

But I think Mokuba would be angry at Seto the way people get furious at loved ones who die. But that's the kind of anger he couldn't admit to – even to himself. I think he would feel so guilty about being mad at Seto, that he would bury his anger as deeply as he could – or redirect it at Kouma.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**The Duel:** (Anonymous, Ceribi Motou, Crimson Winter, Desidera, Leland Lancaster, Mistal: The Poisoned One, QueenOfGames2) I probably couldn't plot out an entire duel, but I do like thinking about what the cards could mean in terms of the characters. I noticed that in the early episodes, the Battle Ox is one of Kaiba's favorite cards – and the Rabid Horseman is the fusion card he uses against Jounochi when they meet at Duelist's Kingdom. So I thought of it as a connection between Seto and Kaiba. I think Kaiba didn't give Seto the dragons because he felt to do so would be an insult to the BEWD that Mokuba drew for him, and also that it would be an insult to the deck that means so much to Seto. But I was trying to show him supporting Seto in a non-verbal way – by giving him precisely the help he needed – and could bring himself to accept. I also think there was a note of testing Seto to his gift. He couldn't watch Seto lose, without giving him a fighting chance – but he only gave him enough help it enable him to win IF he played his best.

I also thought the combination of Baby Dragon (Koryuu) changing to 1,000 year Dragon (through Time Wizard) was appropriate for Seto – since it's literally a Baby Dragon that instantly becomes and adult.

I feel a little bad about Jounouchi. He really was in a no-win situation. If he wins, he's beaten a 13 year-old kid, and if he loses, he's lost to Seto Kaiba, yet again! And any Seto Kaiba was certain to gloat and be dismissive. But I also wanted to show that his own conflicted feelings about beating Seto contributed to his loss.

 **Updates:** (Alli) It's probably an eccentric (not to say, odd) comparison – but I think fan fiction is probably the closest this today to the serialized Victorian novels that first appeared in monthly installments in magazines – and readers would have to wait from month to month to find out if Little Nell had died. The big advantage Victorian readers had (besides the fact that Wilkie Collins was writing, then) was that once a story started, you could pretty much count on regular updates.

But I know how much I hate waiting to see if a story I like has been updated, and I really hate that feeling you get when you realize something you've been following has entered story limbo – and that you'll never find out what happened next. I actually delay starting to post a story until I know that I have enough of it figured out that I know I'll be able to both update regularly and eventually finish it – although I often change many things along the way – often in response to points people raise.

 **Manga/anime characters and character development:** (Alli, Jess) I tend to use the manga and subtitled anime (both of which I prefer to the dub) as a base – and then try to see where I'm going to take the characters from there. I don't "own" them – but I sure feel like I'm borrowing them – possibly for illicit purposes. I know most people haven't read/seen the manga/anime (wow, was that a fun sentence to write!) so I try to include notes that hopefully summarize which version of the characters or storyline my story is based on. And of course, I hope that Déjà Vu is complete in and of itself. I love Yugioh with it's fantastic magical elements and the lurid pasts of its characters. That's actually one thing I love about fantasy in general. But I'm also impressed at how real and three dimensional the characters Mr. Takahashi created are, and I suppose that in my own way, I'm trying to keep them grounded in real emotions and reactions, even though the plot has elements of time travel and magic.

 **Dragon Titles:** (Amarin Rose) Thanks! I had no idea there were so many dragon titles out there! I had managed to forget about the Anne McCaffrey series, and didn't notice Patricia Wrede's series on my periodic title searches through Barnes and Noble.

 **Grammar:** (laura m) Thanks for the corrections. I fixed the errors in Chapter 12 and reposted it, when I added this chapter – which I hope has fewer mistakes.

Thanks to Katie Torango – to have readers think (or feel) about something I've written is a wonderful compliment.


	14. Heart of Darkness

**CARD NOTE:** Before Yami's duel with Malk at Alcatraz, Kaiba throws him a card, asking if Yami trusts him enough to put it in his deck. Without looking at it, Yami does. The card is Devil's Sactuary. It shields Yami from the first attack of the Winged Dragon of Ra – and enables him to survive long enough to win.

 **MANGA NOTE:** After Death-T, Kaiba is in a coma for months. What I've always found interesting is that when his soul is depicted, you see a 10 year-old boy sitting in darkness putting a puzzle together – and he looks both peaceful and happy. Anyway, Kaiba only comes back to the real world during the Duelist's Kingdom arc, after hearing Yami calling to him.

 **ANIME REMINDER:** In the DOMA arc, during a duel with Rafael, Yami is given a card that will bring out his dark (as in evil) side. Despite Yugi's objections, Yami is convinced that he will be able to control the card, and that it is the only way to win the duel and save and his friends. Of course playing the card seals his defeat. Since this was a kind of Shadow Game, his soul was supposed to be sealed in a stone tile as a punishment for losing. But Yugi pushes him out of the way and allows his own soul to be trapped instead – leaving a guilt-ridden and grief-stricken Yami in sole possession of their body.

* * *

**CHAPTER 14: HEART OF DARKNESS**

**KAIBA'S POV**

It was late, but not quite late enough for Yami to join me. I was in Mokuba's room, waiting for him to fall asleep. Seeing my brother so content in my presence, perversely reminded me of the time just after Gozaburo's death.

I had thought I could go back to being the person I was before my arrival at the mansion. As if I could just highlight and click, to delete the last six years, to erase their effect. But, every time I had hit Mokuba, had pushed him aside, had pretended to Gozaburo that I was the cause of his nightmares, another piece of me… of Seto… had disappeared. Until there was nothing left to hold on to. Not even Mokuba.

I had inherited a Kaiba Corporation as deeply stained as my own soul. It was a fitting prize. I don't know why the first thing I did was to change its nature, as I could no longer change my own. Why I had tried to change the meaning of its very name from associations of death and destruction – to games – whose promise of joy I no longer believed in. I would like to think I was able to hang onto some last remnant of my dreams, but I will readily concede it's far more likely I was simply continuing my battle with Gozaburo, still trying to prove that I had finally won. Although I suppose the "whys" don't matter. It's the one thing I did that I'm proud of.

My shame is much closer to home. I would look at Mokuba and feel nothing beyond a faint surprise that this _make inu_ had ever been important to me. Except, much as I wanted to deny it; much as I wanted to be free; I felt, deeply buried, the tether that bound us. A tie that I could not undo, no matter how hard I tried. And that was when I began to feel something beyond disdain for Mokuba… when I began to hate him in earnest. Because he kept some small shard of my heart alive, when I would have drowned it in darkness. Because he had faith in me, when I had lost faith in everything but the vileness of men. Because he looked at me and saw the brother I had been, rather than the stranger I had become.

The truth was, I had demolished my heart long before Yami had ever crossed my path. All he had broken was an empty shell.

I don't know why Yami didn't kill me at Death-T. I had deserved it. He had been angry enough. I had made sure of that. Instead he had given me a double-edged present – a second chance I neither wanted nor deserved. Somehow, within the darkness he provided, I was able to do what I could not accomplish alone. I was able to piece together the fragments of the heart I had deliberately shattered.

It was a long time before I was able to forgive his presumption in trying to save me. He had promised me death, twice. He had never asked me if I wanted to live with the knowledge of what I had become. But in the end, he had given me back something more precious than my life. He had given me back Mokuba.

As I stared at Mokuba, he opened his eyes again. I was relieved at an excuse to leave my thoughts behind. I hoped that Seto's arrival wasn't upsetting him, but he was starting to sleep almost as little as I. Just as when he was younger, he needed me next to him before he could fall asleep. I smiled. I probably should have been upset he hadn't outgrown his need for me to chase away his nightmares, but I liked laying here in the dark, holding him… knowing that I was the one who made him feel safe… that I was what stood between him and the world.

"What is it, Kouma?" I murmured. I had almost forgotten that I used to call him that; was surprised it had slipped out now. I wondered if he allowed it because he wanted the reassurance that nothing had changed between us since we had been Seto and Kouma, or because he knew that I did.

"Why do they have to go back, Nisama? Why can't they stay here?"

I didn't know what to say, or how to get the words out beyond the sudden lump in my throat. The plain, unvarnished truth was that they had to go back because this timeline was the only one that guaranteed Mokuba's safety. If we changed the past, who knew what might happen… would Mokuba even exist?

Even if he survived into a new timeline, I could hear Gozaburo's words in my head – and I was willing to bet that Akunadin had no more interest in his continued existence – would come to look on him as just as much of an obstacle.

But I couldn't tell Mokuba that I was sacrificing Seto, again, to protect him. It was my decision, and I could not be swayed. But I had no right to make him endorse it, nor to burden him with its knowledge.

I searched for something I could say… something he might believe in its place.

"You told me to let go of my anger and bitterness, didn't you?"

"Yes," he agreed warily.

"So don't you think that doing what I know is right… refusing to screw up time for everyone else just to make our past easier… is a step in the right direction?"

He looked at me – no, he looked right through me. I met his stare. It was harder than holding Gozaburo's eyes had ever been.

"Kouma," I said a little desperately, "I promised, didn't I?"

He nodded.

"I'm trying, aren't I?"

Another nod.

"Then trust me on this… please?"

Then he was in my arms, hugging me – and at last I was released from his searching gaze.

"But it's not fair!" he burst out.

He must really have been upset. He knew as well as I that life is seldom fair, and didn't usually waste time commenting on the obvious.

"I mean…" he went on, "Why are you always the one who has to…"

Had he been about to say "sacrifice yourself?" I had always pretended that the life I had gotten was exactly the life I wanted. It was partly true. I liked being the CEO of Kaiba Corporation, I needed to be in control, I loved knowing Mokuba was safe and happy.

So, I strode through life as though my decisions had all been made for my benefit. I would have sworn that Mokuba believed me. Now, I wondered which of us was the bigger liar.

I knew, if I asked, he would tell me, but I was a coward. I wondered how much he knew about those years. More than I wanted, probably. At the time, knowing that he knew, that he had been saddened by it, would have hurt worse than anything that Gozaburo could have done. Even now, I felt the weight of his knowledge and the pain it must have caused him, settle on me like a new failure. I wondered for how long he had been faking ignorance to protect me. If I had been his knight, before – he was mine, now.

I knew that if I told him that what Seto was going to have to return to wasn't so bad, he'd accept it – or pretend to. But suddenly, that was too big a lie. So I said into his hair, "We survived once, together. We can survive again."

"Together…" he mumbled as he fell asleep.

When I returned to my room and shut the door, Yami was waiting. I was glad. For once, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I wanted the presence of someone I neither had to protect nor was able to destroy. I joined him at the window. We looked out at the shrouded grounds in silence.

"There are times when all you see is darkness," he said.

"Well, it _is_ night," I replied. "Or did you mean Darkness, with a capital D?"

He sighed. I don't know why I went on. A little left over honesty from Mokuba, perhaps.

"Every time we have dueled, I have known you for who you are. I see you. I have always seen you," I reminded him.

"I was without form; a shadow… as insubstantial as one of your holograms. You saw through me."

"No. You have always been real."

"To you."

"Who else's opinion matters?" I asked irritably, "Besides mine, and yours…"

"And Yugi's," he finished. "And when Yugi looks at me, what else can he see, but darkness?"

"There's darkness and Darkness. There was the darkness I let into my heart. The evil that destroyed it. And there's the Darkness that sheltered me as I rebuilt it."

I paused. It meant revealing a weakness. And I had never told anyone this, not even Mokuba.

"It was peaceful, you know. This big, comforting darkness – no anger, no pain – except the pain of hurting Mokuba. I could have stayed there forever, holding the pieces of my heart. But my dragons were waiting, Mokuba needed me… and you called my name. I heard you."

"I remember," he said. "It was the first time we touched each other. The first time we reached that place where good friends and rivals are one."

Were we friends? I couldn't tell, and the word sat oddly on my tongue. It was like a card that is almost, but not quite, the one you want; the one you've been waiting for. So I fell back on what I knew for certain.

"I believe in paying my debts. At Death-T and Duelist's Kingdom, you gave me back Mokuba. At Alcatraz, you gave me back myself. If your heart needs a Devil's Sanctuary, now – you have it."

It was his turn to pause. "I haven't let Yugi in… not really… not since DOMA. We still talk to each other like we used to, but I'm afraid to let him see me… let him see who I really am. I betrayed Yugi – just as you betrayed Mokuba."

"Yes."

"How do you learn to live with that? Or learn to live with his forgiveness?"

"If I ever figure it out, I'll let you know."

"Then how did you keep your bond with Mokuba, alive?"

"I didn't. Mokuba did. I just had to bring myself to accept it; to allow him to care about me, when I knew all I deserved was his hatred. I guess my selfishness saved me. I had broken the bond between us once. I couldn't do it again."

I laughed suddenly.

"You're playing a sucker's game, Yami. You might as well give it up now. Whatever secret you think you're keeping from Yugi – I bet he already knows it. I tried for years. It can't be done. How could I hide who I am from Mokuba, when he's a part of me? In the end, I was only fooling myself – trying to hide from Mokuba the heart he had already fathomed."

I turned from Yami; faced the darkness outside. Some things are best said and heard in solitude. My voice was low and taunting.

"What will you do now, King of Games? Will you refuse the challenge that I accepted? Will you fail the test that I mastered? Will you prove yourself, for all your talk of friendship and trust, more blind and arrogant than your rival? Prove yourself, in the only contest that matters, to be the lesser duelist?"

I felt for the first time, briefly, his hand on my shoulder. Then I heard the door shut behind me, as I was left alone with the night sky.

* * *

**YUGI'S POV**

It was late when Yami returned from Kaiba-kun's room. I wondered how long it would be before he finally stayed the night. I was glad I was awake to welcome him. He came over to me, took my hands, stared into my eyes – and then he was in my mind, and I was in his… just like before… without the hesitation that had dogged him ever since DOMA. I could feel him braced for my rejection of his very soul; as he finally revealed the guilt and shame that I had known he was hiding. I could see… everything… how grieved he was over his decision in that duel against Rafael… how much he regretted hurting me… how guilty he felt for enjoying the time that followed, for enjoying being simply himself… how much he had wanted to be his own person, after we had been rejoined… how ashamed he was for not being able to banish that longing.

And I would never doubt the intensity of his desire for Kaiba-kun, again.

"Thank you, Yami," I said, "Thank you for letting me back in."

"He hugged me tightly, as if we still shared a body. "No, aibou… Thank you for still wanting me… for being so patient."

"What happened?" I asked.

He spoke, as if repeating something he had memorized, had clung to… but had been afraid to believe, "I broke our bond once. I couldn't stay estranged, not if you still wanted me. I don't deserve you… or this, but I'm weak enough to need it."

"You've been hanging around with Kaiba-kun for too long," I smiled. "Friendship is a strength, not a weakness."

It was nice, for once, to be the one holding him, reassuring him that everything would be okay, that we were a team. It was nice, for once, to feel like the strong one. It was nice being the one sitting up, watching him drift off to sleep peacefully in my arms.

* * *

.

 

 **NAME NOTE:** I know… as soon as I get everyone's names established, I gave Seto a nickname. Now I have Kaiba calling Mokuba by Kouma's name. But I was trying to show that part of him sees Mokuba and thinks of him as Kouma – as his beloved little brother.

 **MANGA NOTE:** I've always found it interesting (as I've said probably too often) that Kaiba is the first person to realize that Yami is a separate person from Yugi. It occurred to me, that even though they were enemies at that point – that this acknowledgement of his existence might have been very precious to Yami.

 **POV NOTE:** One thing that's fun about writing first person POVs is that everyone gets to be wrong. So Yugi can joke about Yami hanging around with Kaiba for too long – not realizing how much Kaiba has helped him, and Mokuba can think he's to blame for the mess his brother's life has become, (and we haven't even scratched the surface of all of Kaiba's misconceptions, let alone, Seto's.) The thing I like about varying the POV is that way we get to see what's going on as it filters through everyone's differing viewpoints.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**

**Mokuba and Anzu:** (Desidera, QueenOfGames2, samurai ashes) Mokuba is often seen as being open and trusting. But that's only because he's usually being compared with Kaiba. Particularly in the beginning of the manga (or anime), he only opens up when he's under tremendous stress, and when he thinks it's necessary for his brother's safety or well-being. This usually happens when Seto's in a coma or stuck in a video game. And it's always Anzu who gets him to talk.

At Death-T, Mokuba brushes off the fact that he's saved Honda's life. It's a real pivotal moment for him – he could easily become just as distrustful, and possibly as homicidal as his brother, but Anzu leans down – and you can almost hear the softness in her voice, as she asks him to tell them why this all happened. She's the only person to look at Mokuba, and see a troubled boy who badly needs to talk. You can also sense Mokuba's relief at finally being able to tell someone about his and Seto's lives. At Duelist's Kingdom, Jounouchi and Honda are ready to beat up Mokuba to get Yugi's star chips back – and once again, it's Anzu who gets him to talk about his fears for his brother.

It struck me how rare an opportunity this must be for Mokuba. I mean, Kaiba would literally die for him. His brother is passionate, insanely loyal, and courageous – but warm and cuddly aren't the two adjectives that spring to mind. And I imagine all the important topics – like Seto almost killing him, or their life with Gozaburo – probably are never mentioned. So having someone he feels safe talking to must be especially precious. Also Mokuba's Mom died when he was born. He was raised in what looks like a boys' orphanage and then adopted by Gozaburo. It's possible that Anzu is the closest thing he's ever had to a consistently caring female in his life. So I can see Anzu becoming very important, very quickly. And as he got a little older, and hit puberty, I can see these feelings turning into a full blown, heavy duty crush. (It's funny – I've given both 13 year-old Kaiba brothers infatuations to deal with!)

 **Anzu:** (AmunRa, AnimeFanArtemis, Crimson Winter, Desidera, Kagemihari, laura m, Lightning Sage, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Moonlitspire, QueenOfGames2, samurai ashes) Thanks. It was nice that people noticed that this is my first female POV (whew!) I'm not sure why Anzu was harder to write than anyone but Yugi! I was aware of her gender, in a way that I overlook the guys. Because so many of her qualities – being supportive and nurturing are so stereotypically "female" it was a little hard to keep those qualities, and yet make her an individual, three dimensional person in her own right. And I like Anzu, so I wanted to do her justice. I thought she would be likely to be the first to notice Yami and Kaiba's attraction – partly because of her own infatuation with Yami. I also think she's insightful enough to have a crush on Yami – and realize that's all it is.

 **Penalty Games:** (AmunRa, Crimson Winter, Katie Torango, Lightning Sage, Moonlitspire, samurai ashes) I wanted to show how Kaiba , not only had never had the chance to play children's games for fun – but also had life or death situations turned into these twisted "games". And somehow, it seemed both more appropriate, and more chilling to have this all seen through Kouma's eyes – because he doesn't really understand what he's saying – although his audience does. Also I think Seto would have stressed the game aspect to his little brother, because he would have been desperate to keep him from realizing what was going on. The chess motif is so prevalent in Yugioh, that I started thinking about who the different pieces could represent in Seto's struggle with Gozaburo.

 **Mokuba and Kouma:** (AmunRa, Crimson Winter, Desidera, Kagemihari, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Moonlitspire, samurai ashes) I agree – the younger pair of brothers coming forward, has given the older pair an opportunity to re-evaluate their lives, and also to bring a lot of buried emotions, memories, and feelings to the surface. I think Mokuba can't allow himself to be angry at Seto for the choices he's made – there's too much guilt involved for him to acknowledge his anger, even to himself. But, until Kouma arrived, I think he would have had almost as much trouble admitting that he also blames himself – because how could he blame the person who means the world to Seto? It's unreasonable for him to blame himself, but like his brother, he'd rather blame himself than admit there was nothing he, or Seto could have done.

In Harry Potter, Dumbledore tells Harry that being loved deeply leaves it's own mark. I think the same is true for Mokuba. I think Mokuba feels special because the person who raised him considered him precious enough to give up his soul for him. So I think that knowing how deeply he is loved is it's own protection, and gives him the strength to deal with his conflicting feelings.


	15. Double Dragons

**CHAPTER 15: DOUBLE DRAGONS**

**YUGI'S POV**

I had rarely spoken to Kaiba-kun in the past: occasionally to offer help, even less often to ask for it. Now I was seeking him out with my thanks. I was reminded of our duel with Malik's mime. Yami had been ready to give up. After all, he had been fighting a God.

"Since when do you bow down before your rivals?" Kaiba-kun had asked, before bellowing his challenge, "If God bars your way, defeat him and move on." And Yami had responded to his dare as he would have to nothing else.

This time Yami had been fighting not God, but himself. But I had no doubt Kaiba-kun's advice had been the same. And once again, it had gotten Yami to his feet; had brought him to stand at my side. I didn't pretend to understand Kaiba-kun, but I owed him my gratitude.

"Thank you," I said simply.

"What for?"

"Yami."

"He's not 'all better," Kaiba-kun warned harshly.

"No, but he's on the road now," I answered. "I know it. Yami is truly his own person, and yet we'll always be a part of each other. It's like finally being in our own individual bodies just proved that we'll never really be separate. Does that seem strange?" I asked doubtfully.

"Define: strange," he replied.

It was such a perfect Kaiba-kun response, that I smiled.

"Hearing someone else's voice inside your head. Feeling someone else's presence inside your heart," I answered. "And yet knowing that Yami is his own person. That he's not my other self, my other me. Yami has his own thoughts and desires now... his own name. I don't really understand it myself. I have no word for what Yami is to me. He's something other than my friend. He's not my lover. All the usual labels don't apply. He's just… there."

Kaiba-kun shrugged, but didn't answer. Something in his silence told me that I had probably come to close for comfort in describing how he felt about Mokuba.

"Anyway," I continued, "I could feel him hurting, but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't cross the divide between us – because it wasn't a rift of my making. Yami had to find his way back to me, himself. I know what you did for him. I'm grateful."

"That's why you brought him here isn't it?" he asked challengingly. If he was offended, he didn't show it, although his words were as harsh as ever. "I accepted the lamest load of bullshit I've ever heard come out of your mouth, but that doesn't mean I believed a word of it. What was the matter? In your happy little group, you couldn't find anyone who knows what it's like to betray your other half? Who knows what it's like to be unable to look in the mirror without flinching? Who knows what it's like to piece your heart together, wondering the whole time if you belong to the darkness?"

"If you knew I was lying, why didn't you say anything?" I asked, stunned, as much by Kaiba-kun's outburst, as by the realization that he had been on to me from the beginning.

"You don't get it," he said angrily. "You saved Mokuba, twice. There's nothing you could ask of me that I wouldn't do."

"You saved my life and Jou's in Battle City. You gave your life points life for Yami… and me, at DOMA." I stammered. Doesn't that make us even?"

"No," he said fiercely. "Those scales will never balance."

I knew better than to argue, despite the illogic of his statement. I knew better than to smile, too. But in his wildness and his implacability, he sounded just like Yami.

Since he had pretended to accept my explanation, before, I did not protest his, now. But it struck me that although his answer was reasonable enough, it did not explain the note of concern in his voice when he spoke of Yami.

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

I've always figured that 'good guys' are just 'bad guys' with better press. I mean everyone thought of Gozaburo as this big humanitarian – and he made bombs for a living.

Shadi, the Robed Wonder, might have thought that he was the hero, but in my book, he was the one who had fucked up my perfect plan. He kept harping on the fact that Akunadin had sold his soul. Like that mattered. A soul (if there is such a thing) is a commodity like everything else. And people buy and sell pieces of themselves every day without anyone noticing or caring. I should know. After all, how was Akunadin's contract with his devil any different from the deal I'd worked out with mine?

So I wasn't impressed when Mr. Time Travel popped in again. The one thing that surprised me was that he had no clue where Akunadin was. The one thing that bothered me was the brief, knowing smile that crossed Kaiba's lips when he heard that. The only person to notice was Yami, who, as usual, was watching Kaiba as closely as I.

"Let me see if I've got this straight," Kaiba said pleasantly. "You've disrupted my plans, twice now, for nothing. Are you _sure_ we were friends in the past?" He turned to Yugi, adding, "You _do_ realize he's not doing anything to convince me that 'friends' are anything but a nuisance?"

"I do not know why I have been unable to find him. Nor do I know why he has not revealed himself… unless he has," Shadi said thoughtfully.

"Is this your way of saying that you've managed to fuck the whole thing up, already?" Kaiba asked with detached interest. "Powerful… and stupid. At least it's a familiar combination."

"I wonder if you know more about Akunadin's whereabouts and intentions, than I do," Shadi said suddenly. I bristled at the implied threat in his voice, but once again, Kaiba spoke first.

"And I wonder why you think you have the right to meddle in my affairs," he answered, his voice just as hard.

"Kaiba," Yami said, in warning.

"No, Yami. Not this time. I understand everything he's said. I understand the reasons for his actions. I even concur with their necessity. And you have my compliance along our future path. But he is not my ally – and never will be. Do not ask me to bend, further."

Yami nodded.

I was enjoying the exchange – especially as it didn't seem to have occurred to Mr. Time Travel to wonder if he was questioning the wrong Seto Kaiba. My older self had gotten him so riled up, he'd forgotten all about me. Ordinarily I would have been pissed off at being dismissed as a child. But I'd learned never to refuse any advantage that an enemy was dumb enough to give me. For my money, 'powerful… and stupid' hit the nail on the head.

In that respect he wasn't so different from my self-proclaimed father. Akunadin thought I was just a kid, too, in spite of the fact that I was the one yanking his chain – not the other way around. I was glad Lightning Guy had reappeared. I was having a blast jerking Akunadin around, and adding his enemy to the mix would just make the game more fun. And news of him would be another bone I could throw Akunadin's way, the next time we met. I grinned to myself, thinking about the last time. Akunadin had been lucky. I had only been an hour late.

_"Do you think you can make me wait on your whims, boy?" were the first words out of his mouth._

_"You're still here, aren't you? I guess that means the answer is yes," I replied._

_The equation was simple. Akunadin wanted me. That was his weakness, because it gave me power over him. I brushed aside the thought the same equation existed between Mokuba and myself – and that granting my brother that same power had left me feeling not weak, but protected. As if whatever happened to me, at least I had left my heart in the safest harbor I could find. I shook my head. It was a dumb comparison – Akunadin wasn't Mokuba – not by a long shot. And Mokuba was the exception to all the rules_.

_"I don't see why you think all these games are necessary," Akunadin said impatiently. "I'm offering you almost unlimited power – exactly what you've always wanted."_

_I smiled. He had absolutely no idea what I wanted. And I had no intention of cluing him in. It'd be a cold day in hell before I mentioned Mokuba's name in front of yet another 'father.' But I threw him enough truth to keep him happy._

_"Nobody's made a move to get the items. Shadi's disappeared. So that means I don't have to decide anything right away. Not that I was planning to. It took me months to scope out Gozaburo."_

_"And you still think that was a winning move? Well, if you're satisfied with your decision, who am I to quibble?"_

_I shrugged. I wasn't about to explain that I had known from the start what I was getting myself into. But when you're down to considering your options – it means you're running out of them. It's not like people were lining up to adopt me and Mokuba. And I was almost out of time. When I turned 18, they were going to boot me out of the orphanage – and it wasn't like they were going to let me take Mokuba along as a going-away present, either._

_So my choice had been simple, though I'd be lying if I said it was pleasant. But I had figured it out all right – all of it. No one but a lunatic would adopt two children to pay off a bet. And no one but a psychopath would be so furious at losing a game that he'd adopt his opponent just to make sure he'd have the opportunity to destroy him. Gozaburo was both. He was perfect._

_But my life was no one's business but my own. So I stared at Akunadin, and waited for him to ask a question I felt like answering._

_He just kept smiling, Finally, he said, softly, "I think you will find me much more accommodating."_

" _Then you won't mind answering a few questions," I replied. It was time to get to the real purpose of the evening. He had information I wanted, and it had nothing to do with any of his schemes. I was after something much simpler._

_If you want me to feel like I'm getting to know you, why don't you tell me something about your home… about Ancient Egypt…"_

_I wasn't ready to fall in with him by any means. He was a little to eager to kill my older self, for one thing. Not that I blamed him, but I filed it away as one more reason not to trust him. In the meantime, I didn't see why he shouldn't be useful… and when it came to knowing all sorts of details about Egypt that I could use in designing my video game – he was better than the library – or even the Internet._

But, Yami was speaking, now, so I brought my attention back to the present.

"This battle has been 3,000 years in the shaping," Yami said, "Now that the moment is almost upon us, we need the extra time our adversary is granting us."

"Are you sure this isn't cold feet, Yami? Did DOMA teach you to fear?" Kaiba challenged.

"No. What it taught me is to trust … in destiny… in our bonds… in our friendship. That is how I know that the time is not yet right. We are as splintered as the items we seek. We must be united… within ourselves… with each other… before we will be ready to face our foe."

"Our enemy is out there, somewhere. He may be in here as well. How will we know when this unity has been achieved?" Shadi asked skeptically.

"I will know," Yami replied. "Until then, I am content to wait."

"There are other ways of gauging the human heart… of assuring that it will comply with our needs," Shadi remarked.

"But none are so certain as trust – freely given and exchanged."

Although Shadi was the one uttering threats, Yami disturbed me more. It was the way he'd look at me… no, it was the way he'd look _into_ me… as though he was seeing the Seto I'd kept hidden from everyone – even Mokuba. That was nothing new. Others had tried to figure me out before. What was different was… for the first time… I wanted him to penetrate that deeply. I wanted to have a soul, if only to have something for him to find.

I met his searching gaze, pleased that my eyes were as blank as ever; denying him entrance. I would never back down from his challenge. But I couldn't pull away, either, and I couldn't deny to myself how much I wanted to fall into that look, to lose myself in his regard. And my longing to yield proved that it was Yami who was my most dangerous adversary.

And Kaiba's, as well.

Something unspoken, yet powerful seemed to pass between them with each charged glance. As if they had found a new way to duel. I couldn't figure out the rules, and was wary of learning. For it seemed to be a game where both sides were vulnerable. It was as if Yami was weaving an invisible net to snare his opponent – without noticing that he had become just as entangled in its threads. And Kaiba, for all that he was refusing to see the trap card Yami was laying in front of his nose, was in just as deep; was in too deep to do anything but succumb. I looked at Kaiba and wondered if I was contemptuous or jealous that he was five years closer to surrender…

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

We were both more comfortable thinking than speaking – unless we were spitting out insults. He still pretty much refused to learn anyone's name. I could never remember the pointy haired kid's, and only remembered the _make inu's_ because he annoyed me. Seto had my arrogance. I had his rage. Although we both preferred to face our enemies head on, I wouldn't advise turning your back on either of us.

Seto was, as I had been, a feral creature, barely tamed, barely human. The only emotion that touched him was a pure blinding rage. He lashed out at anything that moved; his senses were always on alert; his eyes were always scanning the landscape for fresh danger.

I understood why, of course. It was the reason why I never reined him in. The reason I was glad he wouldn't remember any of this. He was the way he needed to be. It was the only way Mokuba would survive.

Looking at Seto – at this dangerous, untamed, technological genius – made me realize that although his promises were mine to keep; although his sins were mine to redeem;… I didn't want to _be_ him any more. Or rather, I didn't want Seto to be all that I was. I had been an adult all my life. Looking at him made me realize that in the past five years I had matured.

And what was there to say, if I was the new, improved version?

I knew he was seeing Akunadin; having taken my own steps to monitor the situation. I wasn't surprised that he had headed straight for the first substitute for Gozaburo he could find. I was his sparring partner – but he needed an enemy. He had grown up on a battlefield. He had escaped, but that life was all that he knew. It was home in a way that this new, softer world was not. You can put a rat in a comfortable cage, but he'll still need to sharpen his fangs on something… or someone. Better Akunadin than us.

For Seto was five years away from the challenge that now faced me.

I hadn't needed Yami to tell me, at Alcatraz, that it was my own hatred and rage keeping Gozaburo alive; that I had pieced together my heart, only to bury it under my own Duel Tower. I had fought for most of my life. Now I was trying to let go of the battle; to live without an enemy to rage against – to take on and tame myself and my demons, instead. I had tattooed a reminder around one ankle that it was time to finally unearth my dreams.

Yami had told me that the past had made me the person I was. But now, I was fighting to become something more.

… It wasn't long before my thoughts were interrupted by Seto – in the flesh this time.

The mutt had decided, for whatever reason (and who knows what passes for thinking in

that flea brain), to rough-house with Mokuba. He had my brother in a headlock, and was ruffling his hair – not that it needed it. Mokuba was fighting and laughing at the same time. His shrieks filled the air. At the sound, the adrenaline rushed through my body, my muscles tensed, before I forced myself to relax. But the mutt had forgotten about Seto.

His reaction was immediate. And I have to give him credit – he was _fast_. In one fluid motion, Seto twisted the mutt's arm off Mokuba, drove it backwards, and using the jerk's own arm as leverage, forced him to the ground. I had thought the _make inu_ would put up a better fight. He certainly had the reputation, although I was pretty sure Seto could take him. But the idiot was trying to restrain Seto without hurting him. My opinion of the mutt's intelligence went down another couple of notches, since it was obvious that Seto didn't even recognize, much less share, his scruples. I have to admit, I was with Seto on this one. I didn't get it either. The _make inu_ would have cheerfully dropped me off the top of Kaiba Tower himself. I didn't hold that against him. If anything, I preferred his hatred to everyone else's forgiveness. But, given the way he felt about me, I couldn't see why he was holding back when faced with a smaller, weaker, version of the man he hated. Luckily, I had long since given up on trying to figure out what went on in any of their heads.

I was perfectly willing to let nature take its course. As far as I was concerned, if this was the way Seto wanted to blow off some steam, that was fine with me.

But when I saw Mokuba's stunned face, I remembered – this had all started when Jounouchi had played with him. And Mokuba liked being treated as one of the gang. In fact, he liked Jounouchi. He didn't blame Seto for kicking Jounouchi's ass, but he didn't know what to do. Mokuba couldn't side against Seto, even knowing he was wrong, but he didn't want Jounouchi to get hurt. Worse, he felt guilty – as if he had caused this little scene. And that was not permissible.

I got behind Seto, locked my arms around his waist and pulled him up. I needed the leverage, as my foot slashed out, sweeping his legs out from under him. Instead of dumping him backwards (which wouldn't have slowed him down) I swung him on my hip. Now I was the one holding him in a headlock. If I had simply thrown him, he would have rolled out of it. (I still could have taken him, but there were limits to how big a show I wanted to put on, given the audience.) So I tightened my grip and dove for the ground, torquing his body so I landed on top of him. Our combined body weight slamming into the floor was enough to knock the wind out of him. My arm was still around his neck. I consolidated my hold into a choke. My other arm and body were pinning his arms, so he couldn't get a hand free to gouge my eyes out, which was just as well, since he had lost any semblance of control – not that he ever had much.

Predictably, I heard the mutt protest. "Hey, Kaiba, you don't have to be so rough on him."

I was tempted to stand up and let Seto finish him off. I wasn't hurting the punk… and did the mutt really think anything gentler would have made an impression? I snuck a look at Mokuba. Now that Jounouchi was out of it, he looked calmer. I guess he was used to seeing me beat up on myself.

I leaned over and hissed in the little viper's ear. "Your behavior is upsetting Mokuba. When I release you, I want you to get up and reassure him that everything is all right. Then you will follow me out the door."

He went limp. I grinned. Did he think I'd fall for that old trick?

"Careful. If fighting the mutt got Mokuba upset – how do you think he'd react if you sucker-punched _me_?"

I saw the fury leave his eyes. He was back in control, or what passed for it, anyway. I got up and walked out, without looking back.

"What gives?" Seto said, aggravated, as he joined me in the hallway. "What the fuck's wrong with you? He was attacking Mokuba!"

I didn't blame him for his reaction. I knew how he felt. I had wanted to deck Jounouchi myself when I had seen Mokuba in that defenseless position. And Seto's instinct had been purely protective; an instinct Gozaburo hadn't managed to twist… yet.

"No, he wasn't," I said quietly.

"What are you talking about? Of course he was," he insisted. "That dog's just like the bullies from the orphanage. The ones that were always picking on Mokuba. Every time I look at him…"

"You smell the orphanage disinfectant," I finished. "I know. And the stench never really dissipates."

"Then why did you stop me?"

"Because it looks the same, but it's different. Jounouchi is Mokuba's friend. As far as I can tell, friends do things like that."

"Friend?" he said, pouncing on the unfamiliar word.

"Yeah, friend. Mokuba's got them."

"What for?"

"Beats the shit out of me," I shrugged. "But they seem to make him happy."

Seto shrugged too, then added, "Okay, but if the mutt calls me Baby Kaiba again, I'm kicking his ass."

It was my turn to shrug. This was getting like watching myself in the mirror. "I don't care what you do, as long as Mokuba doesn't feel responsible for your bad temper."

"He had Mokuba in a headlock. How the hell was I supposed to know?" he yelled. He hated making a mistake.

"It's hard to tell, sometimes," I agreed. I found Yugi and his friends almost as incomprehensible as Seto did, despite years more exposure to them. "For what it's worth, I wanted to beat Jounouchi's face in the ground too. Just remember, it'll make Mokuba unhappy if you kill his friends. Next time, look at Mokuba, first," I suggested. "Take your cue from him. He's got more sense about this kind of thing than you… or me. And he's not a little kid, any more. He's your age now."

"He's not as old as me!" he said hotly.

"I didn't say he was. I said he was your age."

For all that Seto was my foundation, I have to admit Mokuba dealt with him better than I. Well, Mokuba liked him better. I understood why Seto was the way he was. I even approved. That didn't mean I had to like him.

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

I tried to hold my breath, to hold in my screams. It was a habit. Kouma was still sleeping peacefully beside me, so hopefully, I had succeeded.

But then I heard the door open, heard footsteps in the dark. I stiffened, then remembered. Once the footsteps would have meant Kaeru, or worse Gozaburo. Once they would have meant trouble.

Now they meant something else. I could feel the bed shift as it absorbed his weight, as he gathered me in his arms.

"It'll be okay. Soon you'll forget how to dream."

"Everyone dreams. It's part of the sleep cycle." Even now, I couldn't resist the rare opportunity to correct him.

"Technically accurate, but at least you'll forget yours. They'll never have the power to bother you again. I promise."

I held on to his words as closely as he held on to me. I knew how seriously he took his promises. But it was strange. I had never looked to myself for comfort before….

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Earlier, Mokuba had noted that no one who liked himself would sign their life over to Gozaburo. I think that's true, and I also think it's part of the reason Seto's so hard on himself –because he's never really had the luxury of considering his own welfare. Well, besides the fact that he's honest enough to know that he's done some pretty awful things, uncompromising enough not to offer or accept any excuses for himself, and no more likely to forgive himself than he is to forgive anyone else. But as dispassionately as he views his current and former selves, I think he might find being face to face with Seto to be a more complicated matter.

I think Seto would find a lot of things about this world disorienting. On the surface it looks like he's escaped – that he's safe. But Seto doesn't know what 'safe' feels like. He's never experienced it. So I think he'd be trying to get a handle on things. And I think he'd head straight for Akunadin precisely because he doesn't trust him – and being surrounded by people he doesn't trust, and who are out to use or harm him is what Seto's world is about. Bizarre as it sounds, I think that would feel comfortable in a way that the rest of his surroundings don't. Also, he's a perfectionist – and he was put in charge of the group working on the Ancient Egypt role playing video, back in Chapter 8. It seems logical that he'd go to the source for information.

His life is based on deceiving everyone around him – deceiving Gozaburo into believing that he doesn't care about Mokuba, and deceiving Mokuba that everything is all right. Now he's suddenly confronted with Kaiba, who understands him better than he understands himself, and has this unwanted attraction to Yami and this (to him) unaccountable wish to have Yami know him better. I think he would find this both alien and threatening.

I can see him feeling out of his depth and reacting, often violently. When we first meet Seto Kaiba at Death-T, he's basically a homicidal sociopath. He's totally out of control to the point where Yami shattering his heart is not only (after a fashion) justice, but necessary. Seto in this story, is not at that point yet – but he's sort of a sociopath in training. Seto would (and will) give up everything for Mokuba, but I don't think anyone else really exists for him.

 **THANKS TO AMARIN ROSE:** for suggesting "Double Dragons" as a title. Given as so much of the chapter concerned Seto and Kaiba, both together and apart, it seemed appropriate.

 **SELF-ADVERTISEMENT:** I've just posted a Kaiba and Ryou Bakura one-shot, titled: _A Slice of Light._ It's set after the end of the series – maybe it's my way of dealing with it being over. Anyway, it's kind of odd, and I'd like to know what people think. But please (please, please) leave a review of Chapter 15 here, first.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Yami and Yugi:** (QueenOfGames2) It's funny – until I saw your review, I hadn't realized how slashy the scene came across. That's one reason I like reviews so much – I end up learning stuff about my own story, which is pretty neat. I see Yami and Yugi as having a deep bond – after all, they lived inside each other's minds – I don't suppose it gets more intimate than that. But I don't see their bond as having a sexual component – at least not in this story. One thing I am interested in exploring is the different kinds of love that the characters feel and the different ways they are expressed. This varies from Yami and Kaiba's eventual relationship, to Kaiba and Mokuba's intense brotherly love (with it's parental overtones – although it's sometimes hard to tell who the parent is) to Yami and Yugi's bond, to the infatuations felt by Seto and Mokuba. Then there are the contrasting parenting styles of Gozaburo, Akunadin and Sugoroku. (Okay, going off on a tangent, here.)

Ironically, in Chapter 14, I was trying to draw a parallel (unfortunately, not totally successfully) between Yami and Yugi's bond and Mokuba and Kaiba's. That was why the chapter began with Kaiba holding Mokuba, and ended with Yugi holding Yami. I've tried to make the differences between Yami's bond with Yugi and his feelings for Kaiba clearer in this chapter and in subsequent ones.

 **Yami and Kaiba:** ( _Anonymous, Desidera, Kagimihari, laura m, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Siiarrei_ ) One of the things that attracts me to writing about Yami and Seto is that I see it as being a match between two characters with complimentary strengths. I think the duels Kaiba has with both Yami and Isis (earlier) demonstrates this. If Yami is teaching Kaiba in their duel to accept his past (and by extension, himself), in his duel with Isis, Kaiba is teaching her, and by implication, Yami, that no one's future has to be bound by their past, or what they see as their destiny – that each person has both the right and the responsibility to work to create their own future.

Kaiba understands what Yami is feeling regarding Yugi, and why he wants to hide from him. But I think Kaiba wouldn't let Yami get away with that, anymore than he would accept running away from Mokuba, himself. But I think the only way he could phrase it was at a challenge. I think Yami understood that, and having it posed as a challenge, possibly made it easier for him to follow through.

 **Clarification:** ( _Anonymous_ ) when Kaiba thinks that: "I could hear Gozaburo's words in my head – and I was willing to bet that Akunadin had no more interest in his continued existence – would come to look on him as just as much of an obstacle." he means that just as Gozaburo came to realize that Mokuba was the biggest hindrance to his attempts to mould Seto in his image, Akunadin would feel the same way, and would therefore become just as big a threat to Mokuba as Gozaburo had been.

 **Kaiba and Mokuba:** ( _AmunRa, Desidera, Jenny, Kagimihari, QueenOfGames2_ ) I think as Mokuba gets older, he would be less likely to hide his knowledge, especially if he was convinced that letting Kaiba know would be good for him. But I think for Kaiba to realize this would change their relationship. I think after Death-T you see Mokuba trying more actively to support his brother emotionally, but I don't think Kaiba is really aware of this shift until much later. And I agree that he feels guilty that Mokuba ahs forgiven him, since his training has taught him that he should expect Mokuba to want revenge instead. I also agree that both brothers see where they have hurt each other, rather than how they have saved each other – although both are true. I also thought that was an interesting point – that having Kaiba call Mokuba, 'Kouma' shows he's going back to those earlier feelings. I actually hadn't consciously thought that out, so it was really neat having it pointed out!

 **Dragons:** ( _Nachzes-Black Rider_ ) The dragons show up a lot on and off. If you look at the idea that they represent Seto Kaiba's soul, I find it fascinating that he has, in essence, destroyed one fourth of it.

 **Filling in details, fanfiction, et al.:** ( _EcoGoth, laura m, Tuulikki_ ) Thank you. One of the things about Yugioh that lends itself to fanfiction, is that Mr. Takahashi created these compelling, vibrant characters, and then left so much implied, rather than spelled out. So I think this leaves a lot of room for fanfiction writers to fill in the details. Like if you take Seto's relationship with Gozaburo: the manga shows a frame of Seto 'studying' while wearing a dog collar. Gozaburo is standing behind him, laughing and holding Seto's head up with a riding crop, and Seto looks terrified. When Gozaburo jumps to his death he talks about losing the 'game' to Seto. Later, Seto talks about how his life was filled with ugliness and how his adoptive father sold his soul to the military. That's pretty powerful stuff – but it leaves a lot of details to be filled in by the (often lurid) imaginations of writers like me. And yet his characters are so alive, that it also leaves room for plenty of what ifs: What if Seto met his younger self? What will happen with Seto and Mokuba's relationship as Mokuba gets older? What would it take for Yami and Seto to be in a relationship, and what would it look like? Well, you get the idea…

 **Kouma:** ( _kekewey_ ) That was a good point. I don't plan to do a Kouma (younger Mokuba) POV, mainly because I can't think of anything for him to say at length, and I doubt my ability to convincingly write from an eight year-old's POV. He does show up on and off later, but the story really focuses on the older Mokuba and the two Seto Kaibas. I probably need to do more work conveying how he feels about things in upcoming chapters, so he's not just an accessory, which he's often in danger of becoming.

 **Chapter titles:** ( _Katie Torango_ ) Usually I go for a pun or a joke, but this title just seemed to appropriate to pass up. Thanks.

 **Duel with Jounouchi:** ( _kekewey_ ) Kaiba gave Seto three cards. The first was polymerization which he used to create the Rabid Horseman. The second (which I made up) was the Impatient Goblin, which he used to break into Jounouchi's turn when Jounouchi played a combination of Time Wizard and Baby Dragon, and the third one was Change of Heart, which enabled him to use the resulting 1,000 year dragon against Jounouchi. I'm not much of a duelist (or at all) so I hope I got it right.


	16. Invasion of the Body Snatchers

**IMPORTANT! SENNEN ITEMS/MANGA NOTE:** Shadi's Sennen Key allows him to enter people's soul rooms. He can examine them as a spectator – but he also has the power to put people under his control by "re-arranging" their soul rooms – and has never been shy about using this power. In the manga he tries to enter Yami's soul room to determine if he is the pharaoh. When this fails, he "tests" him by turning Anzu into a soulless puppet and challenging Yami to a duel for her life.

 **NAME REMINDER:** Shadi uses "Seto" to refer to the 18 year-old Seto Kaiba. The 13 year-old Seto Kaiba does not appear in this chapter.

* * *

**CHAPTER 16: INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS**

**SHADI'S POV**

We needed to gauge Seto's soul – and, if necessary – to rearrange it to our liking. The Sennen Key gave me the power to do both.

I had thought long and hard about how to capture my quarry. Seto was not a man to be caught easily off guard. His reflexes were even faster than when I had known him, so a frontal attack was out. I had planned to wait until he was asleep… only to find that as far as I could tell, he slept rarely, if ever. I had finally fallen back on the two things I was sure of about this new incarnation of my old friend – his arrogance, and his disdain for all things relating to Ancient Egypt. I was not sure he even knew what powers my Key held. And I was hoping he still had a sense of honor, whereas mine was submerged in my mission.

I had decided to approach him in his office at the mansion, where he would feel most comfortable. He looked up as I entered, a residual anger in his eyes. "Not walking through walls, these days?" he asked.

"I am here on behalf of the pharaoh," I replied. It was not a lie, although it was not true, in the way that he would take it.

"Last time I checked, it's the 21st century. There are no pharaohs any more." But my mention of his prince had relaxed him… as I intended.

"He is still your ruler," I rebuked him, mildly.

"I have no ruler. Didn't you catch my duel with Isis? No one is in control of my destiny – but me."

"He is still the pharaoh. All the ages of the world can not change that."

"Whatever. Look, if all you came here to do is to give me a lesson on how to address royalty, you can save your breath. If _Yami_ has some message he couldn't be bothered bringing himself – spill it," he said, deliberately emphasizing the pharaoh's modern name. So even after 3,000 years, he was still jealous of the pharaoh's regard; still resentful of any that would claim it. "Otherwise there's the door. I'm busy."

With studied insult, he turned his back on me, faced his computer monitor once more. It seems there were some things that even time could not change. It was the opening I had been waiting for; my chance to use my Key: the Sennen Item, in whose power he did not believe.

I looked at his unconscious form with some satisfaction, as I prepared to enter his soul room. I found myself in the Shadow Realm instead. Facing me were all the monsters of Seto and Yami's deck. There was no retreat. I should have felt nothing but fear as they advanced, but disorientingly, disturbingly, what I felt instead was a pure jolt of adrenalized joy… a maniacal glee at my impending doom. I was prepared to fight. Now that I knew it was over, I was bound to sell my life dearly, even as I felt relief at its ending.

Before I could sort out these alien feelings, the first of the monsters reached me. My body reacted instinctively, forcing the Battle Ox's Axe back against it's jugular, spraying us with his dying blood. I wrenched the axe from his lifeless hands, swung it at the Hitosame Giant, severing his head as he leaned in to grab me. Two, I thought with satisfaction, as I whirled the axe into the Mystical Elf, halving her as she chanted. Then the Luster Dragon reached me, claws raking me from chest to torso. The next stroke laid open the hand holding the axe, and I dropped it from my nerveless fingers. They had finally broken through, and my relief was lost as my world turned to pain. It seemed to go on forever. I fell under Gaia, The Fierce Knight's stallion; stood up only to have my ribs crushed in Summon Skull's grip. Gasping for breath, spitting up blood, I finally stumbled into the Wicked Worm Beast's tentacles, which slithered out to slowly cut off the air. Mercifully, I lost consciousness…

But beyond hope, beyond expectation… I was alive. I found myself back in Seto's office, staring at his still closed eyes. What had happened? My mind cautiously approached his soul room, once more. Immediately, I felt a tentacle reach out to drag me back in. I sat down, and let out a breath. It was ingenious, I thought with grudging admiration. Anyone wishing to reach his soul room would have to wade through his nightmares first. And even from where I stood, I could sense not just the familiar monsters, but other, worse nightmares crowding behind… ready to grab me if I survived this first attack. I could possibly break through his defense – but it would prove to be a phyrrhic victory – I wasn't sure how much would be left of either of us by the time I was through. And we needed Seto more or less whole.

And so, I would have to confess my trespass and my failure to my pharaoh.

He was angry… no furious. And I soon realized that it was my trespass rather than my failure that had stirred his ire. Once I had invaded my pharaoh's soul room. Then, he had been contemptuously amused. Now he could barely control his rage. It was… interesting. The priest had been his kinsman and confidant. Yet the pharaoh had never hesitated to push Seto into danger; to use him as this modern day Seto would use a pawn… or a knight. (Not that Seto had ever needed much encouragement, being usually all too eager to leap into peril himself.)

"You will explain to me why you violated him this way," my pharaoh said slowly, dangerously.

"Because we don't know what this Seto will do. Can you swear that he will not join Akunadin? Or that he'll send his younger self back? Even if we manage to defeat Akunadin, the boys must go back to restore the timeline. Otherwise all our efforts will have been in vain. Yet, why would Seto send his younger self back to the hell he has just managed to escape from, when every instinct must be screaming at him to let them stay?"

"If they stay in this lifetime, can you guarantee Mokuba's safety? If they stay here… if they change time… then anything could happen – including Mokuba's death," Yugi said firmly. I tended to ignore my pharaoh's former host until he spoke. Then I was forced to concede that his wisdom equaled my prince's.

"If they go back, Mokuba's safety and happiness are assured," Yugi continued. "No other timeline guarantees that. Kaiba-kun has never made his decisions based on his own welfare. So he will make the same decision now, as he did when he was ten. He will put Mokuba first."

"I had forgotten about the boy… I wonder if Akunadin will make the same mistake. You seem certain about the older Seto. Are you as sure of the younger one? He betrayed his brother once before."

"I will be certain before we move to retrieve the items that you hold in trust. If Akunadin had been able to gain them through theft, he would have done so, long ago. But he must win or be given the items. You know this to be true. That means he must wait upon us, " my prince concluded.

"My way is quicker," I pointed out.

"You will not touch either of them," the pharaoh commanded. He looked at me curiously. "How did he defeat you?"

"It was clever," I admitted. "He took his every waking nightmare – and believe me pharaoh – they are many and profound – and set them as a barrier between an intruder and his soul room. Anyone wishing to uncover his heart, would have to live through every one of his nightmares first. He no longer has the rod to protect himself. He should not have been able to stop me."

"He shouldn't be able to do many things… make Duel Monsters come alive, defeat destiny… beat an International Grand Master at Chess when he was 10 years old. It hasn't stopped him yet. He is… resourceful." But my pharaoh was smiling as he said it.

"Did you think so when you gave him that nightmare?" I asked, startling him for the first time.

"That wasn't supposed to last! Why was it still there?"

"Who knows? Maybe he found it useful."

We were interrupted by the object of our discussion. I thought Seto was going to strike me again, but he contented himself with asking, "Did you think I wouldn't know?"

"It seemed a possibility," I answered, but he had already turned from me to glare at our pharaoh.

"I should have known better than to think I could trust you. After all, it wouldn't be the first time you've invaded my mind, would it? But I would have thought you'd do it yourself – not send a flunkey." Seto's anger was familiar. But I had never before heard the child-like note of hurt that now colored his voice, as he added, "You had my word. Did that mean so little to you?"

Yugi surprised me by speaking first, "Would you believe us, if Yami and I swore that we hadn't known – and that we would have stopped it?"

Seto stopped, looked puzzled. "I would," he finally said with dawning wonder. "As far as I can tell, neither of you have ever lied to me."

But my pharaoh was still responding to the pain in Seto's voice. He went up to his servant; cupped Seto's long face in his hands. Seto leaned into that touch, He gazed at his prince as though they were still the lovers they had been in the past; although if that had been the truth, I would never have dared to enter his mind unbidden. Seto breathed deeply, as though running a race, although his body was still, as if afraid that the slightest movement would cause the pharaoh to break contact.

"We have fought each other. We have hurt each other. But I would never use you, nor violate you, nor try to destroy your spirit. Believe me," my pharaoh beseeched his high priest.

"I do," Seto answered instantly, with unconscious promise.

I had never seen such passion in them, even when they had been newly risen from a tryst, as I now saw in that single unbroken gaze. They were guided by the same gentle breeze that slowly, inevitably, reshapes the desert sands; unconsciously moving closer to each other, leaning into each other… until their lips were a breath apart. It was as if the embers of their love had slumbered for 3,000 years, only to now flame into an even more intense life.

Seto's eyes widened; his lids no longer masking them from the pharaoh's gaze. They stayed frozen for a moment. Then Seto whirled from the room, and was gone.

* * *

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I've always thought that Seto Kaiba and Shadi had some interesting things in common. They both are driven by external promises, or goals – Kaiba's to protect Mokuba and to change the nature of Kaiba Corporation from an armaments manufacturer to a gaming enterprise, and Shadi to find and protect the pharaoh. There's a sense that both of them will do literally anything in the service of these goals, and it's this extremism that makes them dangerous and somewhat unpredictable. For example, in the early manga Shadi has no qualms about rearranging Anzu's soul room to turn her into his puppet, or risking her and Jounouchi's lives – if it helps him to get the answers he's seeking. Also, Kaiba and Shadi are the two characters to whom the concepts of friendship seem the most alien. And I think they are the two who are the least given to revealing their thoughts or feelings. They were also the friends or at least allies in the Ancient Egypt arc, at least partly because they both had the same no-holds-barred approach to protecting the pharaoh.

One thing that struck me in the Ancient Egypt arc, was that almost all of Priest Seto's conflicts with Atemu were because Seto was going overboard trying to protect him, or trying too hard to prove his worth to the pharaoh or earn his regard. Like they have this team duel, where Seto sacrifices his teammates to win. It's sort of typical Seto ruthlessness – but what can easily get overlooked is that Seto is fighting for the honor of defending Atemu against Bakura – and is quite well aware that he will probably lose his life in the encounter. Yet he is furious at anyone who tries to usurp this honor, and even angrier when the pharaoh chooses Maahado instead of him. It struck me that Shadi might well remember this trait and use it against him.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Seto and Akunadin:** (Desidera, samurai-ashes) I've tried to make Seto's tone that of a kind of smart-ass 13 year-old. I think life with Gozaburo would have exaggerated what was probably a naturally cocky cynicism. I can see him being especially disdainful of the respect with which Gozaburo is viewed by the public at large. And I can see him enjoying his exchanges with Akunadin – because they fit his view of how people treat each other in a way that Yugi and his friends do not. I can also see him understanding that Akunadin is evil – and then discounting that, if he has information that Seto wants. There's a directness to Seto Kaiba, a way of focusing on his goals to the exclusion of all else – even things that are glaringly obvious to everyone else – that I think is part of his character.

 **Seto and Kaiba:** (AmunRa, Desidera, laura m, QueenOfGames2, samurai-ashes) I think they would tend to analyze each other pretty dispassionately, when, of course, what they're really doing is looking at themselves. And this distance makes it easier for them to see each other's (or their own) vulnerabilities. Kaiba can look at Seto and see that he is confused, suddenly thrown into a new world, and not as in control – of either himself or his environment – as he'd like to think. And Seto can look at Kaiba and see someone who wants and needs to let Yami closer - a desire Kaiba hasn't begun to recognize. I think it's a sign of Kaiba's greater maturity that he can look at Seto, see him as being part of himself, and understand him. In contrast, I think Seto can't imagine a future where he is more open to friendship or desire – I think he would have an easier time recognizing the Kaiba from Death-T than the one who emerged from Alcatraz.

 **Nightmare:** (AmunRa, EcoGoth, samurai-ashes, Siiarrei) I was implying that Kaiba had gone in to Seto. As often as he tells himself that he doesn't like Seto (and it's partly true) I don't think he'd be able to sit there and listen to him stifle a sob, without reacting, especially since he understands what he's going through. At the same time, he's not offering sympathy – but a fact Seto can use.

 **Friendship:** (Amarin Rose, Carthage, Desidera, Jess, QueenOfGames2) One thing that struck me after Kaiba's duel with Jounouchi at Alcatraz is how stunned he is when Mokuba tells him that Yugi's friends feel the same way about each other that Seto and Mokuba do. You can see that this is the first time this has ever really registered with Seto, the first time friendship has become a little more than an abstract concept. Earlier, I had Seto say that Mokuba was the exception to all the rules. I think he meant that literally (actually I think he means most of what he says literally – it's part of what makes his observations so funny). After all, between his relatives, the orphanage and Gozaburo – it's possible that not only has he never experienced friendship or people truly caring for each other – but that he might not have observed much of it either. Especially considering the pack of wolves he was raised with at the mansion and at Kaiba Corporation, he might very well think that his bond with Mokuba is something unique. This is a running thread through all his relations with Yugi and his friends – from Death-T through Alcatraz – Kaiba (very) gradually opening his mind to the idea that caring and friendship are not some sort of con game but a reality.

But I think a lot of the nuances of friendship would escape both Seto and Kaiba's notice. And I think play fighting would be the hardest for them to grasp, because their instincts would lead them to see any fight as a life or death situation. Kaiba would have enough life experience to have learned to hold back – although he would be just as clueless as to why this was fun – but Seto would be another story.

 **Kaiba:** (AmunRa, EcoGoth, laura m) I find Kaiba an interesting mix – when he does something he's both logical and efficient in his actions. But what he does, and why is often strikingly non-linear. It's often about his relationship with Mokuba or his past as much as what's going on in front of him. I also see him as being very logical in some things, but as having these very intense emotions that he has a hard time controlling – especially as he doesn't even want to acknowledge their existence.

" ** _I guess he was used to seeing me beat up on myself"_** I'm glad people noticed that line! It really describes a lot of Kaiba's actions to me. He sets these ridiculously high standards, doesn't accept that he might not succeed at everything he sets out to do, cuts himself no slack, and then berates himself when he falls short of his own unrealistic goals.

 **Yugi and Kaiba:** (Carthage, samurai-ashes, Skecchi) In both the manga and the anime (as opposed to the dub – but let's not go there) is that Kaiba and Yugi have surprisingly little interaction. Kaiba's appearance usually triggers a shift from Yugi to Yami. And, unlike the dub, where Yugi keeps trying to befriend a clearly reluctant Kaiba, in the manga and anime he is far more reserved. For example, when Kaiba first arrives at Duelist's Kingdom, in the dub Yugi asks Kaiba to join them. In the anime, he asks Kaiba if he has found the heart of the cards – which indicates a concern Kaiba's welfare, but not necessarily a strong desire for friendship. Kaiba tells him that he can't answer that yet, but promises to duel fairly – showing that he respects Yugi enough to take his question seriously – which for Kaiba is quite a step forward. This exchange, for me, illustrates the pattern of their relationship. I think Kaiba respects Yugi, but I think of all the characters he is the one most alien to him, the one he understands the least. Similarly, at Alcatraz, when Kaiba tells them about how he designed weapons for Gozaburo and how he was determined to change, Yugi cradles his duel disk, looking shocked and disturbed, and thinks how he never imagined that his duel disk had such an ugly and violent history. I think that also sums up how he feels about Kaiba. I think in this story he would be willing to encourage Yami to get to know Kaiba partly because he's honest enough to realize that Kaiba can offer Yami a kind of help in dealing with his guilt over DOMA that he can't – and also – this is one of the first independent desires Yami has expressed – so I think he would want to help him in any way he could.

But I do think that there are parallels between Yugi and Yami and between K and Mokuba. And I think if Yugi came to close to describing his bond, he'd take refuge in silence.

 **Death-T:** (QueenOfGames2) Death-T isn't really in the anime. The first episode basically just takes the duel with Sugoroku from the beginning of Death-T and the Exodia duel between Y and Kaiba from the end. In the manga, Kaiba builds this insane theme park of death. Y and company have to complete levels, just like in a video game – except here losing your life is for real. Mokuba challenges Y to play Capsule Monster Chess in Level 4. He is following up on two earlier games he has played and lost, and is doing so against Kaiba's wishes. Mokuba is trying to prove his worth to his brother. But Kaiba is so far gone, he believes that Mokuba is planning to turn against him. When Mokuba loses to Y, Kaiba forces him to go through this Death Simulation chamber, knowing it will probably kill him. Yami rescues Mokuba, and faces Kaiba in the Exodia Duel. When he wins, he 'shatters' Kaiba's heart – sending him into a prolonged coma, and giving him the opportunity to rebuild his heart, without the evil that has crept into it. Interestingly, the anime gives the sense that something momentous has occurred – Yami says that he's crushing Kaiba's mind (and those images of Kaiba shattering are meant to reflect the heart shattering motif from the manga) and that Kaiba has been shaken to his soul by the duel, while omitting the coma.

 **Mokuba:** (Jess) That's an interesting question – would Mokuba feel guilty for being brainwashed by Noa? I had actually never considered that, before. I think that he feels somewhat guilty for, by his existence, forcing some pretty horrific choices on Seto. But I also think, he feels so totally loved and valued by Seto that that offers its own protection. As far as the Noa situation, Seto never blames him – if anything, Seto blames himself – and I think that would help Mokuba forgive himself. I guess I'm trying to say that because of Seto's love, Mokuba doesn't put the same kind of unreasonable expectations on himself that Seto does.

 **POV changes:** (Desidera, Mistal: The Poisoned One)Thanks. One thing I do like about shifting the POVs is that in addition to getting to look through events through a variety of eyes, each character does have his or her own wisdom, and this lets that be expressed.


	17. Of Human Bondage

**DEATH-T NOTE:** After Seto loses to Yami in their first duel, he's bent on gaining revenge, haunted by being left in the Shadow Realm and killed by his monsters (see Chapter 16) and by being rejected by the BEWD he had stolen from Sugoroku. Mokuba challenges Yugi, partly to get revenge for his brother, partly to protect him – because he realizes how badly Yami has hurt him and that Seto will literally kill himself trying to get revenge – so if Mokuba figures if he defeats Yami first, Seto will never have to face him, and partly to prove his worth to his brother, who has grown colder to him. Mokuba faces Yami twice and loses both times. However he still insists on being the fourth challenger at Death-T. Unfortunately all Seto can see is that Mokuba has disobeyed his wishes. He takes Mokuba's insistence on challenging Yami as a sign that Mokuba is old enough now to challenge _him_. So when Mokuba loses, Seto insists that Mokuba goes through with the penalty game – even knowing it will probably kill him.

**_STYLE NOTE:_ ** _Flashback scenes are in ITALIC._

* * *

**CHAPTER 17: OF HUMAN BONDAGE**

**YAMI'S POV**

I could still feel the touch of his face on my fingers… still feel the softness of his skin. Though I had not kissed him, I could taste his lips.

Shadi kept hoping to find the perfect replica of his old friend. He resented every change; looked on every difference as proof that Kaiba was an inferior copy. I could not agree. 3,000 years had changed many things. Just as I no longer needed any title but "King of Games," I no longer wanted my lover to be my subject. I wanted not a surrender, but a union.

Seto had once been my kinsman, my confidant, my lover. Yet I did not pretend that I had ever been drawn to my High Priest as I was to this new, far more troubled incarnation. Many things were the same, even 3,000 years later: the arrogance, the calculating mind, the fierceness, the loyalty. But the furnace of Kaiba's childhood, the flames of his rage, had forged a double-bladed weapon, as quick to cut himself as his enemies; a blade that could not be sheathed unblooded.

His wildness excited me. But what kindled my heart was my growing awareness of the fragility that ran through him like a flaw through a jewel. Knowing that all the time this man – this Knight – had been waging his furious battles, he had been protected only by a shield of glass, had added tenderness to my desire – creating a potent brew. Seto had been first and foremost my friend. Kaiba, I loved.

For once I was glad that Yugi and the others were out; glad that the house was hushed. Kaiba looked like he needed a quiet night. There was a faint frown between his brows, a faint air of abstraction. He was sitting on the couch, watching Mokuba play Capsule Monster Chess with an excited Kouma. Mokuba was reviewing the moves with Kouma as they played. At first, Mokuba was a little rusty. I doubted he had played since Death-T, and I was glad he had decided to begin anew.

The younger Seto Kaiba was watching them intently. I should have known. It was a game – of course it would catch his interest, especially since it evidently was new to him. He was fascinated, trying to discern the rules. Finally Mokuba and Kouma's game ended. Kouma went to join Kaiba on the couch, and instantly fell asleep, his head pillowed on Kaiba's leg.

Seto approached the board almost hesitantly. "That looks cool. I've never seen it before," he said, reaching out to stroke one of the monsters. It was clear he was dying to try it. Kaiba and Mokuba both stared at him, the blood draining from Kaiba's face. I was certain he was thinking of Death-T – not that it ever left his mind. Mokuba had been my fourth opponent, there. He had fought me, against his Nisama's wishes. Kaiba had believed Mokuba was challenging his authority by insisting on dueling me. He had tried to kill his little brother. Capsule Monster Chess had been the catalyst for his final downward spiral.

What Mokuba was thinking was, for once, harder to tell.

"Do you want to play?" he asked Seto, setting up the board.

For a moment Seto looked startled. He had never viewed Mokuba as an opponent before, and clearly didn't know what to say, now. But the lure of a new game was too strong, and he took the seat across from Mokuba.

Seto was good. He was cunning, tenacious, and focused. He absorbed the rules instantly. But this was Mokuba's game. He had matured since Death-T, had learned patience. He set up his moves carefully, advancing his pieces with greater skill. Then it happened. Mokuba made what looked, on the surface, like a good move. But it left a small opening that Seto could exploit. And Mokuba had passed over the one move that would have sealed his victory. It was subtly done. Seto, unversed in the nuances of the game, and used to beating his brother, didn't notice.

Kaiba's face was ashen, his eyes blank… as though he had been stabbed through the heart and had forgotten to fall. I was glad when the game ended, and Seto carried Kouma to bed, leaving the older pair of brothers in silence. They were too caught up with their own thoughts to remember my presence, or maybe I blended in with the shadows.

Mokuba looked at Kaiba apprehensively. I could see he was resigned to a lecture on playing his best, when he caught sight of his brother's stricken face.

"Nisama?" he asked hesitantly.

Kaiba shuddered. "Are you still so afraid of me… of what I might do?"

"How could you think that?" Mokuba cried, honestly shocked.

"Because it's what I deserve. Because I've waited for this moment ever since Death-T… waited for the day when I would look in your eyes and know… no matter how hard you've tried to forgive me… you'll never really trust me again. I've forfeited that."

Now it was Mokuba's turn to grow pale.

"Of course I trust you, Nisama!" he cried passionately. "I always have, and I always will."

"Why?" The single word that was all that could escape through Kaiba's clenched jaw.

"Because I love you. Because you love me. You always have. You may not know that, but I do."

Kaiba shuddered as Mokuba hugged him, whether from his words or the contact was hard to say. He tried to speak… couldn't…. settled for saying, "Then why did you let him win?"

"Because he's never learned to lose, when losing means that I might get hurt. Because I love him with all my heart, and it's the only thing I have to give him – another victory – another proof that he won't ever fail me. I can play for fun, because he always plays to win. I didn't let him beat me because I'm afraid of him. I gave him a victory because it's the only way I can honor him for what he's becoming for my sake."

If anything, Kaiba had grown even paler at Mokuba's declaration. And Mokuba, whose senses were always so attuned to his Nisama's, seemed to realize that for once his brother needed to be alone, even more than he needed his presence. Mokuba gave Kaiba a last hug, and followed the younger pair to bed. Kaiba left the room too, but I saw him turn before reaching the staircase, and head for the front door instead… as if his huge, inherited house was suddenly too small to contain him.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I paced the ground, comforted by the darkness. I had been braced to find out that Mokuba feared me… only to hear that he loved me… that he had never doubted that I loved him. I would have liked to dismiss it as a childish fancy; a boy's need to believe in something… anything… even me. But Mokuba was growing up. Against my will, I believed him. He had truly loved me all along – even at Death-T. He had hidden it to protect me. Much as I craved the feel of him hugging me, the sound of his voice telling me he loved me… there were no words more chilling. In the end, I had not been able to stay in the same house as them. For when I thought of the word 'love', it was not Mokuba's voice I heard.

_"So, Mokuba thinks that you can't live without him. I wonder… do you think that's true? Would killing him, destroy you? It might be interesting to find out if you're truly weak enough to need his love to survive."_

_Gozaburo's fingers caressed my face, slipped down to stroke my throat. He wasn't choking me, not yet, anyway, but one of his big hands could encircle my neck. There wasn't much I could do. He was smart enough never to see me alone anymore. Four guards lurked in the background. My only weapons were words, now._

_"Are we back to talk of love again? The word seems to have some… power… over you, father."_

_His hand tightened. Blackness flickered at the edges of my vision. But I had accomplished my purpose. I had distracted his attention from Mokuba to me._

_"Why do I find your insolence so amusing? You are definitely the best purchase I have ever made. So you love nothing but power, is that it, boy? Does that mean that you love me?" he asked in cold amusement. The hand was back at my face._

_Though he was caressing my cheek, running his fingers up and down my neck, teasingly opening the buttons on my shirt – nothing so simple as seduction was intended; nothing so pure as lust was involved. He was simply trying for a reaction, trying to win a point. I stared straight ahead. If he thought to throw me off balance, he was years too late. I had learned that if I stood stock still, denying him the reaction he craved, he would get bored and move on to something else. Sure enough, he reached for the letter opener. It replaced his hand at my neck. Of the two, I preferred the blade's embrace. It was safer. He wouldn't leave scars that would show… and he wanted to break me, not kill me._

_But he was waiting for an answer. I shrugged as well as I could, around the knife edge at my throat. "If that's what you… need… me to say. I'm agreeable. It seems to matter more to you than to me."_

_"Do you want me to say that I love you?" he whispered in my ear._

_"An hour of sleep would say it far better," I replied._

_He threw the letter opener back on the desk, just out of reach. I wasn't dumb enough anymore to think that I could reach it first._

_"You really are entertaining, boy. So cool under fire. To think of all the protégés I've had, none could match a stray dog from the gutter, like you."_

_I tried to keep from feeling pride… from feeling pleasure… in the rare compliment. And failed._

_Gozaburo left. I seemed as unmoved as ever, had kept the composure that he had, against his will, admired. I didn't tell him – but he had finally drawn first blood. My love for Mokuba had ultimately become one more item that I could no longer afford. I had gotten the message. And it was no contest which I would choose to surrender – my love or Mokuba's life._

* * *

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This is me, hiding under my computer table. I know… everyone had the right to expect that this would be THE chapter… But I'm not delaying things just to be a tease (well, okay – that part's fun – but it's just a fringe benefit – honest). Anyway, at the end of Chapter 16 (the previous chapter) it was obvious to any of the characters who were giving the matter any thought (well, that would be everyone except Jounouchi and Honda) that Yami and Kaiba were powerfully attracted to each other. And Kaiba is just barely starting to get a clue.

But Kaiba isn't really stupid. (He's a genius, remember?) What he is, is stubbornly, almost willfully blind. It's like the word 'love' doesn't even exist for him. That Kaiba is an inexpressive asshole is canon, but I didn't want to just leave it at that. I thought it was necessary to start to show _why_ the word 'love' isn't in his vocabulary.

I've also pictured Kaiba being a bit touch-phobic. In all the 300 episodes of the manga, he touches Mokuba once – after being reunited at Duelist's Kingdom. The only other time you see him touching someone, is when he's fighting. And for a guy with Kaiba's explosive temper, it's noticeable that he only fights in self-defense or to protect Mokuba (or Yami/Yugi), and he never swings first.

So I think along with love, touch must mean something different to him than to most people, and that something would have to shake him up pretty badly before he would even consider redefining those terms.

I see differences between Seto Kaiba's current and past life personas. I think the very different circumstances surrounding his upbringing would have led to his soul being expressed in different ways. But I also think Yami would have changed. In the past he was a semi-divine ruler, and he would have accepted being worshiped as such as his due. But I think, in addition to having incomplete memories of that time, his experiences here in the present, would have made him need to a slightly different lover. And I think Kaiba's heightened intensity and wildness would draw him – while seeing how hard Seto has struggled – to protect Mokuba, to reclaim himself – would in turn, draw out the tender side of Yami's own personality. I think of it as the difference between loving, and being in love.

 **Title Note:** I feel like being forced to read Somerset Maugham's "Of Human Bondage" in High School has finally paid off! Hated the book, loved the title. Of course as I was about to post – I realized how kinky the title sounds, but decided I like it, and it fits. Sorry for raising any false hopes…

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Shadi and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Desidera, laura m, Lightning Sage, QueenOfGames2)_ I can easily see Shadi and Kaiba taking verbal pot shots at each other. Kaiba still blames Shadi for foiling his escape, and he probably has a hard time accepting that someone could have had that much control over the events of his life. And I think that Shadi finds Kaiba equally frustrating – because unlike with his friend – the High Priest – he doesn't know what _this_ Seto will do, or thinks. So I think he finds that uncertainty unbearable, because this is someone he's used to knowing.

In many ways, Kaiba and Shadi are similar – although it was a good point that Shadi and Seto have even more in common. In the early manga episodes when Shadi talks about how depending on others is a weakness, he sounds just like Seto Kaiba. And where Kaiba, by now, is starting to question that, Seto is a long way from where Kaiba is in terms of trust.

That was also a good point, that since the pharaoh could protect his soul room, that Shadi should have expected Seto, as a high priest to be able to do the same. I think he figured that Seto would need to have access to the Sennen Rod for that. Like at one point, Malik threatens Isis, after she has given the necklace to Yugi by telling her that she no longer has a Sennen item to protect herself with.

 **Kaiba and Trust/Kaiba and Yami:** _(AnimeFan-Artemis, DarkYoaiFox, Desidera, EcoGoth, Kurosaisei, Lightning Sage)_ If there's one thing Kaiba's life has taught him, it's that he can't trust anyone. And breaking that self imposed rule, means risking not only himself, but Mokuba – if he makes a mistake and trusts the wrong person. So I think he would be very shocked to realize that he does trust Yugi and Yami. And I agree, he knows so little of trust, that he is hurt when he believes that they didn't trust his word, yet has been assuming that he, himself is incapable of trusting others. And the shock of realizing that he's wrong freezes him in place, long enough for Yami to get a little closer.

And I think Kaiba has locked his emotions away for so long, that realizing he feels something – especially something as powerful as desire would be a real shock to him. So I'm glad people liked that scene. I see him as having some very strong feelings, which have an even greater intensity because of how hard he's worked to deny they exist.

 **Yami/Kaiba's recent past:** _(laura m)_ As this follows Noa's World and Alcatraz, although Yami doesn't know the details, he is aware that Kaiba chose Gozaburo to give Mokuba a home, that he ended up designing weapons, and was possibly tricked into doing so – and still carries a tremendous burden of guilt as a result, that Gozaburo was abusive, and that Kaiba is now trying to meet Yami's challenge to him after Alcatraz – to defeat his demons of anger, hatred and bitterness.

 **Mokuba and the Kaiba brothers' past** _(Kurosaisei, Nachez-Black Rider)_ As you can see there is, and will be more of both Mokuba, and the Kaiba brother's pasts in this story. A series of flashbacks started in Chapter 8. In the first one, Seto was a little younger than the Seto in this story who comes to the future. The flashbacks continue, and Seto continues to age through them. One of the threads of the story is how Seto, who had chosen Gozaburo to protect Mokuba, turned into a threat to him instead. A lot of that is told through flashbacks from Kaiba and Mokuba.

 **Seto:** _(QueenOfGames2)_ Yeah, Seto's rude, arrogant, almost uncontrollable – and I love the little git, too.


	18. First Knight

**VOCABULARY NOTE:** I could not resist using the word 'anodyne' (Isn't that a beautiful sounding word?) Anyway, it's a really obscure word that means: a charm or medicine that allays pain.'

 **DOMA REMINDER:** At the end of the DOMA arc, Kaiba and Yami are fighting together against Dartz (the main bad guy). Kaiba sacrifices his life points to Yami and falls into Yami's arms, unconscious– since this is a kind of Shadow Game, he believes he's giving up his life, unless Yami can win the duel. He tells Yami he's glad to finally repay his debt, and dies in his arms. (Cool, huh?) Anyway, it obviously comes up more than once in this story, but I refer to it here.

* * *

**CHAPTER 18: FIRST KNIGHT**

**YAMI'S POV**

"Why are you here?" Kaiba asked when he finally came upstairs.

Considering we had been meeting in his room nearly every night, it was an odd question. He was slightly paler than usual, his breathing shallow. This probably wasn't the right time. Then again, given Kaiba's famed imperviousness, perhaps it was the perfect time.

It was his strength that drew me: his pride, his fierceness, even his obstinacy. But it was his sudden vulnerability that made my next move possible. I stepped forward; closed the distance between us. As before, I took his face in my hands. As before, he leaned into my touch. I kissed his surprisingly soft lips, slowly, gently, in invitation. Then I took a half-step back, and looked up. The distance between us was slight, but he would have to cross it himself. I had made my offer. The decision was his.

"Are you daring to offer me pity?" he snarled.

I sighed. Only Kaiba could misconstrue a kiss.

"No," I answered. Do you need me to find Shadi's Key, so you can see for yourself?"

He realized I was serious. The enormity of my offer froze him.

"No," he answered.

"You know why I'm here, then. The rest is up to you."

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I stared at him, let the silence between us grow. For all the times I've roared, and cursed, and ranted… I am most comfortable in silence. I didn't need Shadi's Key. Despite my track record, my instincts were generally on target. I had known what Gozaburo was – and what he would do. Hell, I had counted on it when I made myself his pawn… and Mokuba's Knight. I had not misjudged his capacity for evil, only my ability to withstand its influence.

My instincts were solid. But I had never had the luxury of listening to them before.

I looked into Yami's eyes. He had been honest, as always. There was no pity there. Nor love, thankfully. Mokuba had just declared that he loved me… had insisted that I loved him. But I had discarded the ability to love as surely as I had destroyed that fourth dragon… and I didn't to expect to get either one back. I no longer knew what love was – or wanted to. Mokuba's love was burden enough. I didn't want Yami's.

I stared into that crimson gaze, trying to decipher its meaning. There was desire, certainly. Perhaps comradeship, an acknowledgement of all that we had shared, and an offer to share pleasure as well. Those were things I could accept. It was a deal, I suddenly realized, that I could not afford to let pass me by. If I refused, Yami would abide by my decision… but he would never kiss me again. The only question left was: Did I want him?

If I had had to answer him with words, I couldn't have done it. But thankfully, Yami wasn't asking for words.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

I was not surprised at the suddenness of his response – or its ferocity. After all, one did not come to Seto Kaiba for gentleness. One hand grabbed my hair, was twined in it; holding me in place. He devoured my mouth, bruising my lips, barely letting me breathe. His other hand was pressing me to him, so I could feel his arousal, even through two pairs of leather pants. And I realized… despite his coolness, despite his icy demeanor, which had fooled even me, he had wanted this for a long time… had wanted it as desperately as I.

He half wrestled me to the bed, landing on top. For the first time since I had met him, he was using his greater size and strength to hold me in place – kissing me, almost angrily, the whole time. At first he seemed almost incapable of understanding that this was not a trick or a trap – that I was not offering him an illusion only to snatch it away at the last minute.

Gradually, the awareness that I was not fighting; that I wanted _him_ … seemed to penetrate his brain. He became less angry, though no less intense. And the fervency of his touch reassured me that I was solid, that this was real.

His mouth left mine, trailed slowly down my body; teasing; tasting... as though he was taking an inventory of every inch of skin. As though he was certain I would disappear with the dawn, and he wanted to burn the feel and taste of me into his mind. Yesterday, I would have sworn that all I wanted was what I had right now; that all I wanted was to be in Kaiba's arms this once. Tonight, I knew I had lied to myself. I was standing on the surface of my desires, waiting to fall.

Kaiba was wrong to think my feelings as transitory as the cool night breeze, but that was one battle I would not win… today. So I let go of Kaiba's misconceptions, let go of everything but the sensations his hands and tongue and body were arousing in mine. Besides, I understood.

I had dreamed of this moment for so long, it was hard to believe it was happening… as if his image would vanish as I came. But no dream could match the feel of his hands flowing over my body, lightly, as though there was some message in my skin that only he could decode. No dream could match the feel of his lips drifting across my toes, brushing the arch on my foot, the tendons above its heel; the feel of his tongue teasing the inside of my knees, tickling as it moved up my thighs. The feel of his mouth finally taking me deep, fast and hard, until I was arching into him, offering the proof of just how badly I wanted him.

And no dream could match the feel of the muscles of his abdomen jumping under my lips; the sound of his moans as my tongue flickered in and out of his navel; the feel of him thrashing as I teased him, as I left marks on his inner thighs, as I took him in my mouth in turn. For if he had inventoried my body before, I was studying him just as intently, now… was learning which movements had him gasping, which had him clutching me convulsively and which had him arching back as if the sensations were too intense for him hold.

He was on top again, as I knew he would be. I wanted to possess and be possessed by him; take him and be taken. But I knew Kaiba. He'd never accept the former, until he had proven the latter.

I was writhing beneath him. We were sweaty, gasping for breath, throbbing… needing nothing so much as completion. He looked at me, as though for some final reassurance that this wasn't an illusion or a trick… wasn't a final trap card. I reached up once again to cup his face in my hands. "I want you," I whispered.

Kaiba made love (for that is what he was doing, admit it or not) the way he dueled: passionately, fiercely… conceding nothing… focused solely on me… as if I comprised the boundaries of his world. I had never felt my body so acutely, never so truly realized that it was mine, as now, in giving it to Kaiba.

He was like an oil fire on the ocean: an improbable melding of the water's rhythm with the flame's hypnotic power… unstoppable… unquenchable… searching and searing at the same time… as I rose to meet him.

And I made love to Kaiba the way that I dueled: with all my heart and soul… taking him in, surrounding him, claiming him as he claimed me… as if nothing mattered but him, as if nothing existed but this moment out of time. This moment when coalescence was within my grasp.

I had always wondered which one of us would fall asleep first. I was pleased to see that it was him, although I could imagine him protesting that being on top took more energy. And I knew what an early riser he was. It was likely that by morning we'd be tied. But it was more than feeling like I'd scored some obscure point… I was glad of the chance to study my prize in solitude.

Awake, Kaiba seemed to possess every one of my 3,000 years; seemed to carry their weight on his erect shoulders. Asleep, he looked like the teenager he was. Asleep, it was easy to feel a tenderness towards him; a doting affection I did not show by day.

The last time he had been in my arms, we had been fighting Dartz; he had been dying. He had been content in knowing that he had finally redeemed his debts; possibly content to be in my arms.

He had fallen into them so simply, as if time was too precious to waste in unnecessary movement – even in death. I should have known then, what it had taken my anger at Shadi to reveal… that I wanted him in my arms again; that I never wanted to let him go.

Unsurprisingly, Kaiba slept restlessly. He had fallen asleep half smothering me. Now he had slid down so that his head was cushioned on my side. I was sitting up, slightly, leaning against the headboard, watching him. His arm had snaked out, was encircling my waist, holding me in place. If I moved, even slightly, his grip tightened. No one, not even his past self, had ever held me like that… as if he could not bear to lose me… even to sleep. I felt protected. In his embrace, I could believe that even if I turned back into a spirit during the night, he would still hold me to him by force of will, alone. Every now and then I stirred – for the sheer pleasure of feeling him clutch me more tightly; for the joy of hearing him mumble my name into my chest. I smoothed his hair, wondering if my hand would come away smelling of cinnamon and chocolate.

His body was, like him, both beautiful and deeply scarred. It was, like him, a weapon that had seen too much use. His arms and chest were dotted with circular burns… the diameter of one of Gozaburo's cigars. Then there were the cuts, some barely more than scratches… as if someone had casually, playfully, taken slices out of his flesh. I thought of his samurai sword kata and wondered if he had actually fought with its naked blade. It seemed the only explanation for the scar at his side. It curved along the flat plane at the side of his chest, ran down his rib. It was expertly done; it did not impede the use of his muscles. It might not have scared if anyone had stitched it, but no one had. But the worst was his lower back, with it's long ugly, badly stitched scar, as if someone had performed emergency surgery – with a hacksaw.

He had chosen Gozaburo. To that extent, each mark on his body was of his own volition. But only one was of his making.

A slim band of navy blue waves was etched around his slender leg, just above the ankle. Their crests gleamed faintly white against his pale skin, as the ruin of his Duel Tower slowly sank beneath their surface. Rising out of the wreckage, his Blue Eyes White Dragon, glistening silver within its navy outline, took flight. I wondered what poisonous substance he had used to engrave his message of hope; his acceptance of my challenge. For the dragon was not soaring triumphantly, but embarking on a quest…

I had left my own, less permanent marks – on his neck, on the inside of his thighs. I shook aside the thought that Gozaburo and I had one thing common: we both had the need to leave an imprint of ourselves, a record of our passage, on Kaiba's skin.

I caressed the circle I had left on his neck, stroked the faint, fading impression of my teeth. Kaiba smiled in his sleep, moaning softly, as if remembering the feel of my mouth. I hoped I had left him with, not an intrusion, but an anodyne.

I held him tighter, as tightly as he held me. I was not surprised at the extent of his wounds. No one who had heard Kouma's artless chatter would be. But I was impressed. Undressing was, for him, an act of defiance. He had stared at me so belligerently as he stripped, silently daring me to accept him as he was – or not at all.

Since he was Kaiba, his glare had been a challenge, but it had also been a plea and a declaration. When he had thrown off his shirt, he had revealed his trust, his belief that he did not need to guard himself against me… that he wanted me to see him… to see all of him. It had been his first act of intimacy, of love, of the night.

It was probable that Kaiba did not realize the true nature of his challenge: did not realize that he was daring me to care for him – to love him – scars and all.

I was under no illusions. One round would not end this duel. Kaiba had brought himself to accept my offer, because he had convinced himself that only the most shallow of emotions, if any, were involved. As if he could allow himself to take me only by deluding himself that I could never truly be his. By morning, he would probably be convinced of my indifference.

As usual, _what_ Kaiba was thinking was glaringly obvious. It was the 'why' that eluded me. But perhaps he had left me a clue. His duel with Isis had not been the first time that Kaiba had managed to defeat destiny. Looking at the surface of his skin I marveled at how hard he must have fought to be something more than the grist in life's mills… winning that battle only to face a harder one: to become something more than the demon that those choices and that battle had created. I would never tire of watching him struggle.

Once, I had told him that he was my equal. I had meant it. He had proven it the night he had sent me back to Yugi, the night he had sent me scrambling to match his courage. But this was a different game; a duel whose nature he could not fully comprehend. And so, he was as out-matched. As usual, he was fighting himself. The only difference was that this time he was fighting his desires as well as his demons.

My task was to hold on to enough patience to let him work things out, in his own, probably convoluted, way, and at his own snail's pace. To trust that he would meet this new test as he had all the others in his brief life. To believe that he would be – that he wanted to be – not just my lover, but my love. I had waited 3,000 years for someone who could be, not just my partner, but my rival; not just my rival, but my match… and I was not going to lose, now that I had tasted victory... now that I had tasted Kaiba.

For once I had been as deceptive as he. I had sprung a Trap Card. If he had needed to be told of Mokuba's love, he would not recognize mine. He wasn't ready to see or accept it. But that didn't mean I wasn't offering it all the same.

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Uhhh…. I don't have much to say, except I'd sure like to know what people thought.

I actually have a funny (at least I hope it's funny) story about this chapter. I started writing it from Yami's POV in a notebook. Then I put it aside, and when I went back to it a day or so later, I had a different notebook. But I remembered where I had left off. Except I forgot who was doing the narration and decided it had been Kaiba. Then I (or Kaiba) ran out of things to say. When I went back to it, I had the first notebook. I remembered (again) where I had left off – but forgot (again) that I had switched to Kaiba's POV, so I finished with Yami. When I went to type it up, I groaned – but then I tread it and decided I liked the POV shifts, even though it was totally accidental. So I left it.

 **Kaiba Note:** I think in Kaiba's mind he's made a bargain – he gave up his ability to feel because he felt that was essential for Mokuba's safety. In his mind, it's a done deal – and since it connects – or once connected – to Mokuba's safety, I think he'd be very slow to realize, or even question, whether his assumptions about himself are true.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

One thing I've really enjoyed is getting responses and e-mails where people try to guess what's coming next, or suggest story directions. I get a kick out of it when people guess right, and when people suggest something I've never even thought of – I usually stop to consider what I may have overlooked. I feel a little awkward in not responding, but I can't answer questions about what happens next without giving spoilers to my own story.

 **Chess** _(A-verbis-ad-verbera)_ I think Seto Kaiba has a lot in common with both the Queen and the Knight. As you said, the Queen is charged with the responsibility of protecting the King. She's the most powerful piece, but if she forgets or fails at this duty (as at Death-T) the game is over. But the Knight also strikes me as a good comparison, because the knight is the one who often opens the offense. He's one of the first pieces out on the board, he's often one of the first major pieces to be sacrificed or captured, and his movements, and the way he jumps over pieces seems to have an erratic, unpredictable quality to it. Also the knight is the only chess piece whose moves are not duplicated by the Queen. Although I compared Kaiba to both pieces in chapter 13, I dropped the Queen analogy and have run with the Knight one for two reasons. First, I decided that a male chess piece was more appropriate for a male character, since referring to Kaiba as the Queen would be distracting to say the least. Also, since so much of Kaiba's life is concerned with his internal and external battles, I thought the Knight was appropriate in that way too.

 **Seto and Gozaburo:** _(AmunRa, Desidera, EcoGoth, Mistal: The Poisoned One, samurai-ashes)_ It's funny – sometimes when I'm editing a flashback scene with Gozaburo, I look at it and think, 'Did I actually write that?' I see there whole relationship as a continuation of that chess match. It's as if it never really ended, but simply moved to a larger stage.

 **Mokuba and Kaiba** _(Desidera, EcoGoth, QueenOfGames2, samurai-ashes)_ In this story, I think Mokuba and Kaiba's relationship is in a state of change – because as Mokuba gets older, Kaiba would start to realize just how many of the things he's been hiding from Mokuba, his little brother already knows. I think that ties in with Alcatraz, where for the first time, Kaiba asks Mokuba if he thinks that he can really let go of his anger and bitterness, and Mokuba tells him that together they can do anything. So I tried to continue that idea of Kaiba letting Mokuba see some of what he's really feeling – although I think that would be hard for him.

By Death-T, Kaiba was completely psychotic. He was a danger to himself and everyone around him. But he has never been the sort of person who makes excuses for his behavior – even in situations that were wildly out of his control – and I think that would make it harder for him to forgive himself – or understand how Mokuba could do so.

 **Story length, plot, characters, etc.:** _(Clarity 2199, Katie Torango, Kekewey, Masako man, Nachzes-Black Rider, Sylvia Viridian, Wintersslayer)_ I'm trying to tell one, continuous, almost ridiculously long story. I'm enjoying it a lot. There's a lot more to go, and I think and hope it will all tie in by the end. I realized at some point that I'm trying to tell the story through the emotions of the participants – and yet have a recognizable plot that moves towards a conclusion. I can't say how much I appreciate people taking the time to let me know that you're enjoying the story, and that you look forward to hearing the next part.

 **Time Travel:** _(samurai-ashes)_ As unconscious as this makes me sound – until I read your review, I hadn't realized how many things that Seto and Kouma are learning here foreshadow stuff that happens to them later – like Seto's connection with Yami or Kouma's love for Capmon. It's interesting – I'm not sure if the implication is that what they've experienced here influences them later, or if it's just that they're drawn to the same people and things at any stage of life.

 **Style:** _(laura m)_ I didn't realize that unblooded wasn't a word. It sounds like it should be one though, doesn't it? I was thinking of fables about sword s that once drawn could not be returned to their sheaths unless blood was spilled – which seemed to me to describe both Kaiba's resolve and the destructiveness that often follows him. As for hyphens – guilty as charged. I never met a dash I didn't love! But I actually went back through this chapter and changed quite a few to commas or semi-colons, although there are probably still too many left.


	19. The Bigger They Are, the Harder They Fall

**CHAPTER 19: THE BIGGER THEY ARE THE HARDER THEY FALL**

**MOKUBA'S POV**

I don't know how most people find out that their brother has a lover… but I'm willing to bet it's not by walking into his room and finding a body in his bed.

Nisama gets up way earlier than me… well, earlier than everybody, really. But he usually works for an hour or two in his room before heading to his office. On school days, he'd wait around to get me up, to see that I ate breakfast, and to take me to school. On weekends, vacations, and holidays, I'd gotten used to getting up at 5:30, spending an hour or two with him, and then heading back to bed.

After our… well, guess you'd have to call it a talk… last night, I wanted to see him. I figured he'd still be upset. I'd seen more than he was aware of, back then… back with Gozaburo. And I'd heard enough to know why the word 'love' always freaked him out a little. I could only hope I'd seen and heard everything. I'd seen Gozaburo's hand on my brother's neck, sometimes gently stroking… sometimes choking… as if my brother was a toy he liked abusing, but was not quite ready to throw away. I'd heard Gozaburo's voice, like some demented accompaniment, crooning, "Would losing Mokuba destroy you? Do you love him? Do you love me? Do you understand that love is a snare for the weak?"

I had seen my brother's face – although he hadn't seen me – and I knew better to draw attention to my presence. For the look in his eyes said that he was going to attract my adoptive father's notice… and hold it at all costs.

"You should have more confidence in your teachings… _father_ … than to ask such stupid questions."

That had brought Gozaburo's attention back – along with his fists.

Then, after he had cleaned himself up, Nisama would come and visit me – and I would pretend that I had seen and heard nothing. I would give him an hour when he could pretend that everything was all right… that we were somewhere safe… someplace where it was just Kouma and Seto. He was offering his body and soul to keep me safe. All I could give him was my heart… and hope it would be enough.

So I knew why he flinched every time he heard the word, 'love'. I just thought it was time he heard the word on my lips for a change. But afterwards, I'd been afraid he'd do something crazy. Looking at the sleeping body in his bed I decided – maybe he had…

I was glad Nisama had pulled up the covers up. All I could see was the tri-colored head, and one bare shoulder. I had a moment's wistful thought that maybe it was Yugi… and I could help Anzu get over the shock. But, deep down, I knew better. When those eyes opened… they'd be crimson.

Nisama was at his desk. He looked at me and shrugged, as though my finding a guy in his bed wasn't unprecedented. It was hard to picture Nisama with his greatest rival. Then again, I'd seen them duel. And come to think of it, Nisama would only respect someone who could beat him. He judged people by how well they measured up in two areas: as duelists and as older siblings. And Yami was an only child.

It was hard to imagine Nisama admitting he needed anyone for anything – even for sex. I couldn't see him making the first move – he was too guarded. But I'd hate to be the person who tried to touch him without his permission. Yami had always been able to break through my brother's defenses, though. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he had done it again.

I remembered what Yami had said after Alcatraz. He had tried, as usual, to explain the concept of friendship to Nisama. And my brother, also as usual, had demanded to know what place an abstract idea like friendship had in his life. And then Yami had done something different. He had held Nisama's gaze with an intensity unrivaled – even for him – as though willing his words through my brother's thick skull. He had told Nisama that the demons he needed to defeat were not carried in any deck; they were held in my brother's heart. Nisama had been looking for his future… for a true future… for a long time. Yami had pointed the way. Then, having earned my brother's attention with his victory, Yami had demanded, "How can you deny the connection between us, when we bring out the best in each other?"

He had actually gotten my brother to stop and think. And he had done more… Later, in the underground corridors of Alcatraz, my brother had stopped in his tracks. I had thought, for a moment, he meant to blow himself up along with his man-made prison. But something had gotten him moving again… and I thought it might have been Yami's words. If so, I owed him a debt I could never repay.

But it wasn't a one-way street. Yami needed Nisama too, and just as much. I had heard enough of those late night conversations to know – those talks hadn't been for my brother's benefit – but for Yami's.

Nisama was willing to die for Yami. DOMA had proved that. But dying has always been easy for my brother. I hoped that last night was a sign that he was ready to live.

The more I though about it, the more I liked the idea.

"Is this going to be a regular thing?" I asked, hoping the answer was yes.

But if Yami had managed to get through my brother's defenses, Nisama had had plenty of time to repair them. He shrugged as if he didn't care, although I was willing to bet he did – a lot. My brother wasn't a casual sex kind of guy. Hell, he wasn't a casual anything kind of guy.

"Who knows? I'm damned if I can figure out how it happened at all. Anyway, I doubt it meant anything to him."

It was then that I realized he was in his trench coat. So he wasn't going to wait around to find out.

"Why are you dressed?" I asked

"I'm going to work," he said curtly.

I didn't point out that it was at least an hour earlier than usual.

"You're not going to just leave him here?" I asked, trying not to smile.

He shrugged for the third time.

"Why not? He must know his way around the mansion by now." He closed his laptop and headed out the door. But my brother's hasty exit might be a good sign. I thought Nisama was probably wrong about Yami. He didn't strike me as a casual sex kind of guy either. He wouldn't have gone to bed with my brother just for kicks. If this was a duel, Nisama would have known just what to do next. But this was his life, and he was clueless.

I hurried to follow my brother out the door. If Nisama wasn't going to hang around, _I_ certainly didn't want to be the only one there when Yami woke up.

But I had never seen my brother run from anything before. So I hoped Yami recognized Nisama's desertion for the twisted compliment it was.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

What the hell had just happened?

Okay, technically speaking, I knew what the hell had just happened. I'd just spent the night fucking my greatest rival.

But…

What the hell had just happened?

Yesterday had been, bar none, the strangest day of my life… and that took in a lot of territory. It had started with Shadi's presence in my mind. What had hurt had not been his invasion – but that Yami hadn't cared enough to try and destroy me himself. And so, it was Yami I had ached to confront – only to find that he was even angrier at Shadi than I.

Then Yami had touched me. He had taken my face in his hands. And the desire that I had so locked away so tightly I would have sworn it didn't exist, had flooded through me, like an angry river breaching a seawall. All I could think about was claiming those lips beneath mine. But I had known that once I touched his lips with my own I would not have stopped until I had taken him on the floor, Shadi and Yugi's presence notwithstanding. So I had run.

To make a bad day worse… Mokuba loved me. Had told me so in such a way as to make it clear, although I still fought the knowledge, that he had seen a lot more than I wanted. Hell, he was older now. I should have expected him to think back and see through my desperate, worn out lies, the shabby tricks I'd used to hide the fact that we were growing up in Hell. At his words, all the subterfuges I'd been so proud of had turned to dust in my hands, and I couldn't stay in the same house with them.

And then, as if my unacknowledged desire had called him, Yami had been in my room… taking my face in his hands once more. He had chosen his moment well – as always. I hadn't been ready to face Mokuba again. I hadn't wanted to be alone. But I _had_ wanted Yami, too badly to deny it.

When had seeing Yami in my bedroom started to feel so familiar? So right? Yami had not spoken of love, thankfully. I had had enough thoughts of love for one day.

I kept waiting for him to pull out his trap card, getting angrier and angrier – even as I couldn't stop kissing him. Until it occurred to me that this wasn't some subtle game… that he would actually let me do whatever I wanted… because he wanted it too… because he wanted _me_.

I was not gentle. Any gentleness had been beaten out of me long ago, and I wanted him too desperately to try to find that elusive commodity. I wanted to taste him, to compare the different textures of his body with my tongue; to caress each centimeter of slightly golden skin until it was as familiar as my own, until it was just as much a part of me. I wanted to feel him, to be surrounded by him, to lose myself inside of him.

And yet, as obsessed as I was with the body beneath mine, what I longed for was the part of Yami I could not hold in my hands; what I craved was the spirit housed within. Even when he had been a ghost brought to life in the blink of an eye… in the second it took for violet eyes to close and crimson ones to open… he had never been a mere phantom to me. He had always been real. I wanted to prove that to him. I wanted to make him feel his own flesh and blood. And I wanted him to want me… to feel nothing but me… to think of nothing but me. If sex is, in the end, simply an exchange – I wanted it to be an equal one.

I could tell myself that I had been the one on top – but that had proved a hollow victory. For I had been the one drawn in deeper with each thrust. For possibly the first time in my life, I had not been out to prove something, but to give something – a piece of myself, perhaps. As if with each stroke I was trying to reach some place inside of myself as well as Yami, or more frighteningly, had lost sight of where I ended and Yami began. We were joined… when my strength has always been in standing alone. In the end, in all the ways that mattered, Yami had taken me. He might have been on the bottom, but he had turned the tables once again.

And so, I hadn't wanted to stay this morning and see those crimson eyes open; hadn't wanted to see that familiar smirk. The one that would have told me that he'd won again… that he'd made me feel.

Last night I had believed that Yami was offering friendship. Last night I wasn't sure I wanted even so tenuous a tie. This morning I realized I was wrong on both counts. I wanted him, all right. I still wanted him now. But, I had no clue what Yami had offered, what he was after, what _he_ wanted. Maybe nothing more than a chance to see how his rival fucked. Life is much simpler, if you just go straight to assuming that your worst supposition is the true one. But that was suddenly… unsatisfying.

There was only so long I could hide out in my office. Eventually I'd have to go home to my room, which would stay stubbornly empty until Mokuba came to find me the next morning – came to witness yet another failure. At least, I've always been able to deal with whatever disaster came my way next.

Besides, for the first time, when I closed my eyes, the hand I felt on my face was not Gozaburo's, but Yami's. The voice I heard tickling my ear was his, saying, "I want you." Even if last night meant nothing to him…. he had given me a flashback I didn't mind having. I was grateful.

But just when I had convinced myself of Yami's indifference, the door swung open and there he was. I barely had time to wonder how he had gotten in, when he grabbed my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me. At first, just our mouths were touching. I opened my mine for him, so he could play with my tongue, explore it… so he could take my mouth as I had taken him the night before… and he showed as little gentleness as I had in claiming his prize. Then we were plastered against each other, as closely entwined as if our clothes had suddenly vanished. His lips never left mine, although his hands were everywhere, running up and down my body, stroking, teasing… until I was moaning into his mouth. Until I was ready to take him on my office floor. Until my desk was starting to look good to me and I was ready to lie down on top of it if that was what he wanted… having learned last night that in some situations – control is an illusion.

Then suddenly, abruptly, he released me. I regained my balance as swiftly as a cat will, and stared into his blazing eyes.

"You were the first one to truly see me, Seto Kaiba. Even when you lived only to defeat me, I became real when I saw myself reflected in your eyes. Your rage, your passion, our rivalry – gave me form. Did you think I could forget? Did you think that meant nothing to me? Or did you think that _you_ meant nothing to me?" His eyes narrowed, "You insult me. Tonight. I'll be waiting in your room. Don't even try to run."

Then he was gone.

I still had no clue what was going on. We have always lived in each other's blind spots. As often as we had dueled, my recklessness, my utter disregard for my own safety had always taken him by surprise. And Yami employed his subtle strategies in pursuing, what were to me, unfathomable ends.

So the only thing I knew for certain was that whatever Yami was after, one night wouldn't do it. He was out to satisfy something more than mere curiosity.

I touched my lips; flicked out my tongue to taste him on them.

I guess he had told me.

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I consider the reasons why Kaiba is so clueless about how Yami feels about him (or for that matter, how he feels about Yami) to be heartbreaking – it's because he doesn't think he's capable of deep emotions (besides anger and hatred) and he doesn't believe he's capable of inspiring them either. But I find Kaiba's cluelessness, in and of itself, really funny. Partly because it's his last line of defense, and like all his defensive systems sometimes it doesn't work so well; and partly because he's so smart and analytical in so many ways that his gaping blind spots are just funny.

I think Seto has allowed himself to be aware of his attraction to Yami because he knows his anger and general distrustfulness will keep him from getting close. Kaiba, who does trust Yami, has relied on not noticing his and Yami's attraction, way past the time when it was obvious to just about everyone else. Since he's nothing if not stubborn, he's still not seeing that Yami could actually care about him. The farthest he's willing to go is to admit to himself that he likes seeing Yami in his bedroom… or office.

I don't blame Yami for sometimes wanting to yell at him. Or kiss him. Or both.

**RSPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Yami, Kaiba and sleep:** _(EcoGoth, samurai-ashes)_ I think Yami would really like being held tightly – sort of the ultimate proof that he exists. And I think he would want to see the proof of just how deeply he has penetrated (sorry, couldn't resist) into Kaiba's feelings – especially since it's not like Kaiba's going to express them. But I also think he'd get a kick out of yanking Kaiba's chain and watching him react – sort of like it's another point to him. And I can definitely see them both being competitive enough to notice who fell asleep first, or woke up first.

 **Scars:** _(EcoGoth)_ Like you, I noticed how Kaiba is always in something long sleeved – even in one Labor Day special where they're all at the beach. And I think when you see an adult, standing behind a frightened child, laughing while holding said child's head up with a riding crop, physical (not to mention psychological) abuse seems like a safe bet. I also think I tend to see Kaiba with scars, although they vary with in size and location (sort of like his tattoos) from story to story – because they are an external sign of his internal damage. And I wanted to show that even though he hadn't said more than three sentences, that he did trust Yami – that that was an important component of his decision to sleep with him.

 **Yami and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Desidera, EcoGoth, Karoru Metallium, Kurosaisei, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Nachzes-Black Rider, Sylvia Viridian)_ Thanks. I was nervous about this chapter. At some point when I was plotting this all out, I started thinking about whether to rate it NC-17 or R. But I realized that it's all told in first person narration – and I couldn't imagine either of these guys getting that detailed. Also I wanted to tell the love story part of it solely in terms of what the characters were feeling, as opposed to physical descriptions. It made it a little surreal and dreamlike – which I think is the way it felt to Yami.

I think Yami does think of this as a game that he has to win – and to his mind winning is having Kaiba open up, and realize that he is both capable of loving and worth being loved himself. In fact, I think that's a battle that Yami feels he can't afford to lose.

At first I had Yami keep using Kaiba simply because 'Seto' was so closely associated with the 13 year old version. But then I also thought that this is what Yami is used to calling him – and Yami has only one name himself – so it might feel more natural to just keep saying Kaiba. He'll come up with a few other things to call him along the way.

 **Kaiba's instincts:** _(laura m)_ I wasn't trying to say that Kaiba cares what the Yugi-taachi think of him – I don't think that he does. I was trying to show that he trusted his ability to read people and their motives when he had to. After all he did manage to manipulate Gozaburo into adopting them, and in the Virtual World arc, in the subtitled anime, it's clear that he understands that the Big 5 are trying to trap him and probably have something underhanded planned. He walks into the trap believing he can defeat them anyway, and deciding he has to take the risk if it's the surest way of getting rid of them.

 **Differences to "I Guess it was in the Cards":** _(laura m, Kekewey)_ Wow, I'm glad people noticed that! I see the relationship as evolving differently in Déjà vu, because they're not exactly the same characters, and they're not in the same situation, and I was influenced by different parts of the manga/subtitled anime. When I wrote the first draft of "Cards" I hadn't seen DOMA or the end of Alcatraz, although I had read summaries of it. So my picture of Kaiba was strongly influenced by Battle City, the Battle Ship, Duelist's Kingdom, and especially Death-T (well, okay, that's a never ending fascination on my part…) Anyway, I pictured a Seto Kaiba who was still locked in his battle with Gozaburo, and didn't know how to free himself. And I pictured Yami as separating from Yugi, not because he wanted to, but because he believed it was best for Yugi. I pictured him as being ambivalent about whether he wanted to be his own person. I also sort of pictured him a bit as a Tolkein elf.

In "Déjà Vu" I was influenced by the end of Alcatraz, and what I've seen of DOMA in the subtitled anime (I still haven't seen the end of the arc) so I pictured a Kaiba who really gets what he has to do, and is searching for a way to live with his past. I also, since I was dealing with Seto and how he became Kaiba, writing a lot of flashback scenes showing his interaction with Gozaburo – which led me to portray a person who was a lot more closed down emotionally – who was in many ways withdrawn as much as angry. And DOMA really influenced my portrayal of Yami. At first he was guilt stricken, almost catatonic – but later I think it was clear that part of him was enjoying being independent. There's this one scene where they are being chased down this hallway by all these monsters and they both have these big shit-eating grins on their faces. So I tried to capture that. Also, although I still see him as having this kind of ancient wisdom, I have tried to make him a little less of a Tolkein elf, and a little more human.

Since I imagined the characters a little differently, they ended up with a relationship that is also developing along somewhat different lines. So if you ask me which version is the true one – contradictory as it sounds – they both are.


	20. The Macarena

**NOTE ON NAMES:** Well, first I nicknamed Seto ** _, Koryuu_** , which means little dragon. But, I knew it wouldn't be long before Yami adopted it for the older Seto Kaiba as well, mainly because I think part of Kaiba remains in some ways child-like. I mean he feels things with an almost child-like intensity, and he really doesn't understand how people can care for and support each other, never having really experienced that. I think that lends him almost an innocence, that would make the word 'Koryuu' come to Yami's mind. But that's only one side of Kaiba, and the more hidden side. There's also the part of him that will never give up, that's unyielding in his determination, that is incredibly aggressive, that can face and, usually, prevail against all challenges. So I think the name that would spring to Yami,s mind, then would be **_Ryuujin_** , which means Dragon. So the following two names are both used for the 18 year old Seto Kaiba in this chapter.

 ** _Koryuu:_** Little Dragon

 ** _Ryuujin:_** Dragon

 **SUPPLIMENTAL AUTHOR'S NOTE:** One of the perks of writing a story is that occasionally you get to embarrass your friends. Which leads me to announce: **HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAGEMIHARI!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 20: THE MACARENA**

**SUGOROKU'S POV**

Even the most indulgent grandparent can't be expected to be pleased to learn that their grandson is sharing his body with a 3,000 year-old spirit – ex-pharaoh or not.

I didn't blame Yami. He hadn't asked Yugi to assemble his puzzle; hadn't asked to be thrown 3,000 years into the future. And, although he didn't realize it, he had been so young when he died. I had been thrilled for Yugi – that he was finally free. But some of my pleasure had been reserved for Yami as well. He deserved a second chance at life, and I was curious to see what he would make of it.

Who would have expected it to provide so much entertainment?

I was glad that Yugi's taste ran to Anzu, but I admit, I was amused by Yami's choice. He had managed to find the only teenager in Domino who was even older than he. Of the two of them, Kaiba was the funnier… and the more poignant. If anything, he spoke even less than usual, now. But he couldn't resist coming to wherever Yami was, couldn't resist standing silently by his side, as if they were connected by an invisible string. If he had hung a sign over his head, he could not have made it more obvious that no one had ever cared about him before… and that he couldn't even recognize, much less handle his new emotions.

And I was seeing a side of Yami that probably no one but Yugi had seen before… the part of him capable of not just resolution and courage, but tenderness. And he was considerate enough to show that side when only Yugi and I were present… as if he instinctively recognized not just Kaiba's struggles, but his limitations.

"Come on, Kaiba – where have you hidden them? You were wearing them that first night. We all saw them." Yami whispered to Kaiba as they stood side by side as usual. The taller boy was in, what were for him, casual clothes: a black turtleneck, black slacks, a dark blue trench coat. The locket that we all knew hid Mokuba's picture was in its usual place around his neck.

"What the hell are you babbling about?" Kaiba asked impatiently.

"Sweatpants."

"If you want to get me out of my pants that badly – just say so," Kaiba smirked. It was a deflection that didn't work.

"I want to see you in something that makes it look like you're at home."

"Not when I have company."

"Are you always this formal with people who's lives you've saved?" Yami asked.

"I tried to kill them too. How's that for an introduction?"

"Think of them as…" Yami tried the expression out, "in-laws."

But I could see Kaiba translating that in his mind as, "an adoptive family", and so I was not surprised to see him stalk away, apparently thinking he had ended the conversation.

But when he returned, drawn irresistibly to Yami's side, I heard the spirit whisper, "A T-Shirt would look nice, too, Koryuu."

I smiled to hear Kaiba called by Seto's nickname. It was charming seeing a lighter side to the dark spirit. It was funny seeing him try to throw Kaiba off balance; even funnier to watch him succeed.

Of course none of that explained why Kaiba was still coming into my kitchen at 6:00 AM every morning…

"I'm surprised to see you," I said.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" he asked.

"Just that I would have thought that you'd prefer to stay in a warm bed."

He froze, his face becoming even more arrogant and less expressive than usual, if that was possible.

"I suppose," he said disdainfully, "That Yami told Yugi, and Yugi told you."

"Wrong again, terrible boy. _You_ told me – just now. But it wasn't hard to guess. Your shoulders relax about a quarter of an inch whenever he comes into the room, and you pace at a slightly slower rate."

He left without coffee.

Everyone ends up in the kitchen eventually. Even disgruntled ex-pharaohs.

"I'm old and single," I said to Yami as he came downstairs an hour later. "It makes sense for me to be up this early. What's your excuse?"

"Do you approve?" he asked, staring out of the window.

I smiled. I guess, in a way, he still thought of me as his Jichan, as well as Yugi's. "It depends on why you're here instead of in bed."

"There's no point in staying in bed alone. Kaiba wakes up before I do. He's long gone."

"I can see him running as fast as he could. He's a difficult child."

"He's not a child." Yami snapped as he left without breakfast.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

An electronic version of "The Macarena" woke us up. It was 5:00 in the morning.

"What the hell is that?" Kaiba snapped, instantly awake.

"It's Mokuba's watch."

"He looked around for Mokuba, expecting to see him in the room with us.

"He lent it to me," I told him.

"You couldn't just leave it a tie, could you?" he snarled. "You fall asleep last. I wake up first. But that wasn't good enough for you, was it King of Games? You just had to…" He suddenly stopped in mid-tirade, looking puzzled. "Mokuba helped you?" he asked.

"Yes. And that should tell you that I didn't do this just to score a point off of you in some competition that exists solely inside of your own head," I answered.

"Why bother, then?"

"For this…" I said kissing him. "This is how I want to wake up in the morning. With you."

"I have work," he said slowly, when I let him talk. But he had tilted his head to allow me easier access to his sensitive neck, to his ears. I took the hint and slid my tongue in and out of his ear; drawing moans with each flicker. I whispered, "Yes, but you don't have to run off to the office. You could bring your laptop to bed and wait for me to wake up, couldn't you?"

"You want it that much?" he smirked, but there was a rare note of shyness in his voice. His eyes were clouded with desire, but I could still read the surprise in them.

I looked at Kaiba as he lay there… his hair tousled, his lips parted, his body still tangled in the sheets. I drew in a shuddering breath. The air hissed as I exhaled. I felt the twin stirrings of anger and desire. Kaiba could arouse one as easily as the other – or sometimes, both together, in an unsettling mix.

We had spent half the night making love. He had fallen asleep, exhausted, in my arms; clutching me as if he would never let me go; the tightness of his hold lending weight to my frame. But each morning, he buried his emotions in his graveyard, only to be surprised to find them at the top of his deck again by nightfall; in a cycle that I longed to break. For each new day brought the proof that he had opened his eyes convinced that he meant nothing to me. As if I would let just anyone take me. As if _he_ was merely a warm body to be used and tossed aside. As if he was as insubstantial to me, as I had been to the world.

Really Sugoroku was right. He had taken on a man's responsibilities at an impossibly young age; he had fulfilled them all. Yet in some ways, he remained a difficult child.

' _My Ryuujin,'_ I thought to myself, ' _What have I ever done to make you think me so shallow?'_

"I'll be happy to show you just how much I want you," I said aloud. Then, abandoning words, I trailed kisses down his body, stopping to taste each nipple, to trace the lines of his ribs with my tongue, to teasingly dip in and out of his navel, to feel him jump beneath my touch. I brushed my way up those long legs; felt their weight settle on my shoulders, as Kaiba wrapped them around my neck when I finally took him deep him in my mouth. I smiled. It was much easier dealing with Kaiba when he was incapable of speech.

"Do something useful with that mouth of yours," I said as I traced his lips with my fingers. I smiled as he kissed them obediently, as he explored their outline with his tongue.

There were times when Kaiba needed to be held, to be caressed, to be kissed softly. There were times when he needed to feel, for once in his life, what it was like to be cherished.

But this morning, he did not need gentleness, he needed proof. He needed me to take him long and hard. He needed me to show him how much I wanted him. To show him, though he would never accept the words, that I loved him, that he belonged to me. He needed me to claim him over and over, until exhaustion drove the message home.

And he needed to prove to the both of us that he trusted me in return – something he would never acknowledge beyond the borders of his bed. But I wanted to cross that boundary. I wanted him to feel me all through the rest of that day, to think of me every time he moved – or even thought about moving.

I ran into Sugoroku later, when I finally staggered downstairs.

"I can answer your question now," he said with a smile, "I approve."

* * *

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 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, that was pretty fluffy. But I really thought the guys deserved a break. This update took a while, not so much because of this chapter, but because I wanted to take a look at the story as a whole, something I'm still doing. I've gotten so much really interesting feedback, both from reviews and e-mails – everything from whether Yami will have a flashback of his previous life with Seto, to the evolution of Yugi and Yami's friendship as they learn to be more independent of each other, to how Seto will feel about Yami and Kaiba being together, not to mention how the rest of the gang will feel about it. Laura m absolutely cracked me up by pointing out this is the one aspect of Kaiba's life that the gang _hadn't_ bothered to speculate on/gossip about. Anyway, some things I wanted/needed to think through, and some things were things I had in my head and wanted to make sure that I remembered to put them on paper.

 **Kaiba Note:** I can see Kaiba being pleased and surprised to see Yami every night. Like I don't think he ever really believes that he'll actually be there. And I can see him waking up and smirking every morning when Yami's still there – and asleep. But I can also see him sitting in that bed, having too much time to think – which in Kaiba's case means too much time to brood. And I can see him telling himself that the previous night meant nothing, and that he's got work to do, until the weight of his own thoughts pushes him out of bed – and out the door.

I think Yami gets this to a certain extent – at least he gets that Kaiba is pretty messed up, and probably doesn't mean to hurt him. But that doesn't mean that he wouldn't be hurt and angry. And I think he'd realize that if someone's going to break this impasse it has to be him. And Yami is the kind of duelist who's always been able to accept temporary setbacks as long as the final victory remains in sight.

 **Note on Kaiba and Yugi-tachi** : Kaiba managed to arrange, without saying a word, for Mokuba to find out that Yami and him were sleeping together. But I can't see him making any announcements, mainly because that would mean revealing something about himself – and that's something Kaiba is allergic to doing. Also, when it comes to the Yugi-tachi, I doubt he cares what anyone is thinking or speculating, as long as they're not bothering him.

 **Sugoroku Note:** Well, Sugoroku turned out to be a bit of a matchmaker in this episode. But he clearly comes to care for all the stray teenagers who have entered his life as Yugi grew up, and I think that would include Kaiba. I also think he's the only one who looks at Yami and Kaiba and doesn't see an all-powerful spirit, and an arrogant CEO, but a couple of kids, fumbling their way through their emotions. And I think he'd be quick to realize that they are as out-of-their-depth in this area, as they are coolly confident in all others. So I can see him being sympathetically amused in an 'I'm glad I'm not young anymore' kind of way.

 **Kitchen Note:** Since they're still at the mansion, technically speaking, it's Kaiba's kitchen, but I think, as Sugoroku seems to have installed himself there, he's started to think of it as his.

RESPONSES TO REVIEWS

 **Kaiba and Yami:** ( _Amarin Rose, AmunRa, Desidera, EcoGoth,Erickachan, inarae, Kekewey, Kurosaisei, MotherCHOWGoddess, psyche, samurai-ashes, Siiarrei, Sylvia Viridian_ ) I think there are some parallels between Yami and Kaiba. They are both just discovering their emotions. Yami, because he's in his own body, and he's just starting to figure out his own needs and desires. And Kaiba has denied his for so long, he doesn't really believe they exist. And I agree – Kaiba would be terrified, in denial, and happier than he's ever been. But I don't think Kaiba would really recognize happiness – or know what to do with it – or believe in it. And I think that ignorance would show itself in a variety of ways. One thing that struck me, is that for someone who is as uncomfortable expressing his emotions verbally as Kaiba is, sex might be almost a method of communication for him. And then, of course Yami would have to correctly interpret his often mixed signals. It's a good thing he likes puzzles…And I think Yami would look on this as a duel he can't afford to lose. It a way this builds on the Alcatraz duel. I always loved it that the manga title for that episode was : "Becoming Friends".

 ** _Note to Nachzes-Black Rider:_** Upcoming chapters, do deal with how Seto feels, and why Mokuba and Kouma aren't scarred for life….

 **Akunadin's whereabouts:** _(A-verbis-ad-verbera)_ One of the things that's been the hardest about writing this story is that it's really three interwoven story threads. The first deals with Akunadin, the Sennen Items, and the reasons that Seto was brought forwards in the first place; the second deals with the repercussions of that journey as the two versions of the brothers meet and live with each other; the third deals with Yami and Kaiba's relationship. Events in one of the threads impacts on the others. For example, it too both Shadi's invasion of Kaiba's mind, and the shock of Mokuba deliberately throwing a game to Seto, to get Kaiba to lower his defenses long enough to let Yami get close. But right now the threads are pretty loosely interwoven. That changes in a few chapters. Once Yami and Kaiba come up for air, Akunadin reenters the picture, and the stoey threads starts to (hopefully) tie together.

 **Voices:** _(Katie Torango, laura m, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Mother CHOWGoddess)_ The other thing that's really challenging, is trying to figure out, not just what the characters are saying, but how they would say it. Often this involves me figuring the what out first, and then going back and trying to edit out my own voice, and replace it with theirs. (Ironically, the character that most resembles the way I actually sound – lame wisecracks, sloppy grammar and lousy vocabulary, and all – is Jounouchi.) Kaiba usually ends up using both absolutes, and speaking precisely – he's an engineer and systems designer by training and inclination. So where Yami is using metaphors to describe his emotions, Kaiba is ataloging what he felt, what he wanted Yami to feel – as if describing it exactly, quantifying it, will make what happened easier to understand. Since most of what Mokuba says is so wise, I try very hard to use simple sentences, and to sometimes have him at a loss for the right words, since he is, after all fairly young.

 **Mokuba** _(Desidera, EcoGoth, Katie Torango, Kekewey, Kurosaisei, laura m, Sylvia Viridian, Wintersslayer)_ One thing I love about Mokuba is how he just sort of takes everything in stride. And I love the way both brothers look at everything based on what would be best for the other one. Like in Duelist's Kingdom, as soon as he wakes up, Mokuba is ready to fight off the Yugi-tachi, when the want him to rest – because all he can think about is that his brother needs him. And I thinkif you want to look at what Kaiba really values – you have to look no further than Mokuba, Because if love and warmth and openness, and all the things Kaiba affects to scorn weren't important to Kaiba, he wouldn't have worked so hard to see that Mokuba kept them.

 **Mokuba and Anzu:** _(samurai-ashes)_ Thanks. It's funny to think that both Seto and Mokuba are 13, and that they're both going through their first crush. With totally opposite reactions. I think Anzu was always special to Mokuba. She might have been the first girl he ever spent any time with – I mean his mother dies when he was born, he was sent to what looks like (in the photograph) a boy's orphanage, and then to Gozaburo's mansion – where you never see any women. Also, she's the first person who shows a sincere interest in what he's thinking and feeling – and who gets him to talk. So I can see her becoming very special to Mokuba very quickly. Then I can see him waking up one day, looking at her and thinking, "Wow, she's got breasts!" I'm not sure that Mokuba quite knows what to do with this piece of information, though, I think it would make him feel a little shy and awkward – which lends him a kind of innocence. (A word that does _not_ spring to mind when thinking of Seto's desire for Yami.)

 **Darkness/hope and Kaiba's tattoo:** _(inarae)_ It's funny – sometimes I write things unconsciously. They sound right, but I don't know why. Then every now and then someone reviews and tells me why. I really liked what you said about the dragon, not being destroyed by the blast, but instead being lifted up by the heat of the explosion. That fits the mood I'm trying for. Like the manga itself, Déjà Vu is a dark story – because of the darkness at the heart of Kaiba's past – but I find the way he struggles (sometimes in the wrong direction) to change and to grow, very hopeful.

 **DOMA Summaries:** _(Nachzes-Black Rider)_ You can find DOMA summaries at Janine's website. I don't have the address but you can get to it easily if you google Yugioh. Also I'm in a Yami/Seto group – or a Seto/Yami group, depending on your preference (again, I don't know how to do links, but it's at and any time a summary or a new anime episode came out, people posted stuff about it – admittedly, mainly looking for inferences of Yami/Seto action that might be useful in slash fiction. I've seen DOMA up to Jounouchi and Varon's duel in the sub, but the newer episodes hadn't shown up on the last time I checked. I know some people have found them on e-bay, though. I hope that helps.

 


	21. Welcome to the Monkey House

**SETO KAIBA NICKNAME VOCABULARY NOTE:**

**Koryuu** – Little Dragon – is back in use as the nickname for the 13 year old Seto Kaiba.

 **FIGHT** (I really couldn't call it Martial Arts) **VOCABULARY:**

 **SHURIKEN:** Any small blade that can be thrown at an enemy. Usually in the shape of stars – especially in kung-fu movies, but they could also look like knives or darts.

 **BO or BO STAFF:** This is basically a long stick, about the height of the person using it. Using mostly two-handed (with some one-handed and release moves) the person makes sweeping, slashing and thrusting moves very quickly.

 **HAMBO:** This is a three foot stick that is used for various striking and chopping moves. Typically used for kata, not sparring – and only a single Hambo is used as opposed to the one in each hand method I described here.

 **NOTE on BEWD PLANE:** In the DOMA arc Kaiba's BEWD plane gets trashed.

* * *

**CHAPTER 21: WELCOME TO THE MONKEY HOUSE**

**JOUNOUCHI'S POV**

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. For one thing, Mokuba had every video game known to man. For another, Kaiba was polite, when he spoke. Which wasn't often. And he only occasionally rolled his eyes when he thought someone (well, okay, me) had said something stupid.

I couldn't believe we were all spending so much time hanging out at the mansion – although in a weird Kaiba sort of way, I suppose it made sense. Kaiba wanted Yami. Oh, it's not like anything resembling an expression, let alone a smile crossed his face. It's not like he said anything, and no one had the nerve to mention it to his face, but it was obvious: he had it bad.

Maybe if he'd acted like a typical, horny, teenager I would have had some sympathy for him – but who am I kidding? That would have been the one thing that would have had me laughing out loud, instead of just to myself. I mean, let's face it, it was a real hoot thinking of Kaiba being led by his dick. Here I was all these years, thinking his brains were in his ass…

It was funny. We'd both done time in the Shadow Realm. We'd both been turned into statues by Noa. We'd both had our souls stolen by DOMA. You'd think all that would have created a bond between us, wouldn't you? But you'd be wrong. I have to admit, I didn't really hate him the way I used to. Well… not until he walked in the room, and his high and mighty attitude pissed me off all over again.

I mean… who did he think he was fooling with that Ice Prince act? Take away his money and his corporation and the flunkeys who jumped every time that he sneezed… take away his planes and limousines… and he was just another street thug. The only difference between us, was that my way into a new life was through my friends. His idea of a winning move was apprenticing himself to a murderer. And he acted like that made him the better man. He acted like we weren't worth the time it took to ignore us.

I shook my head. In a way though, I'd misjudged him. I always figured that Kaiba was the kind of guy who thought that his hand was the only thing good enough to touch his cock. And to think it was Yami, of all people, who brought him down. Again.

It would have been even funnier if I could have convinced myself that Yami was just playing him. (Man, would I like to see someone use and throw away Kaiba, for a change.) Or that after 3,000 years, it was just that Yami was horny enough to jump anything that moved… even Kaiba. But I knew – Yami wasn't playing. He cared. It was as if he had come all this way to find himself, only to discover he needed Kaiba. Not that he said anything, either – at least to me. I suppose he told Yugi something.

I couldn't get why Yami wanted an ice cold killer like Kaiba. And Mr. CEO was so stuck on himself, it was hard imagining him getting down with the only guy ever to beat him twice. But I was all for it. I mean Yugi had a thing for Anzu like, forever. It had to clear the field a little, having his main rival screwing his main rival.

So if Yami and Kaiba had a duelists-with-benefits thing going, I could live with that. My friends have always been more important to me than my enemies, anyway. And besides Yugi, Yami was one of the best. That's the real reason I kept my mouth shut. (Besides the fact that my run-ins with Seto hadn't exactly left me aching to find out just how much damage Kaiba could do, if he put his mind to it.)

We'd all been through a lot together, but it was pretty damn embarrassing realizing how little I knew about Yami. I mean I hadn't even known he was into guys – let alone homicidal computer geeks – and that's a pretty big item to miss. To be honest, I'd never really thought about Yami before. He was this 3,000 year-old dude who lived in Yugi's puzzle, and only came out to save our lives, or when a hot duel was going down… and I'd always kind of left it at that.

So it was like I was seeing him now for the first time… now that he'd finally found something new… now that he'd finally found something that stripped away those 3,000 years.. reminding me that he'd been a teenager like me the day he had died.

Yami was almost as mum about whatever was going on as Kaiba was. And that made me realize something else – Yami had never talked much. His thoughts and feelings had always been filtered down to us through Yugi. As far as I could tell, Kaiba was the first thing Yami wanted for himself – the first thing he had thought of that hadn't been in Yugi's thoughts first. I wouldn't have been much of a friend if I hadn't tried to help Yami figure out who he was, and what he wanted – even if his wanting Kaiba had me convinced that his puzzle had been dropped on the floor once too often.

I don't suppose Kaiba liked us, any more than we liked him. But he was always one for dealing with the facts on the ground. He accepted that Yami wanted Yugi, and the rest of us came along as a package deal. Just like we accepted that Yami wanted Kaiba, that Yugi would be there for Yami, and the rest of us were along for the ride.

There was one thing that we all agreed on. We all loved Mokuba… both of them.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I don't know how Mokuba had talked me into taking the punk with us when I took them up for the first flight in my newly rebuilt Blue Eyes White Dragon jet. But I was touched that Mokuba had remembered how much I had loved being in the air when I had been Seto's age – even with Gozaburo at my side for each business trip. Mokuba had remembered how much I had wanted to take control of the plane myself… how much I had wanted to be the one flying.

And today… I had planned on taking Mokuba and Kouma with me. It would have been cruel to exclude Seto. But that doesn't explain how he ended up in the co-pilot's seat, with Mokuba and Kouma in the back.

I had gone over the specifications with Seto as it was being rebuilt. They were familiar, of course. The jet wasn't all that different from the fighter plane he had just finished designing. Except this time, the only payload we were carrying was named Mokuba.

Seto and I might have been sitting next to each other, but at least Mokuba wasn't expecting us to talk. I guess most people would have been able to think of a lot to say to their younger (or older) selves. But I looked at him and saw my failures; saw the criminal who had designed Gozaburo's weapons; saw the traitor who had tried to kill Mokuba. Seto hadn't done it yet… but he would.

And he looked at me, and saw the proof of his worst defeat; saw the proof that he could be broken. I can never undo my actions, any more than I can cleanse the reminders of Gozaburo that are branded into my soul… or erase the shame that goes with them. I had tried running. I had tried fighting. Now, for the first time, I was hesitantly trying to learn to live with the scars, instead. And how could I expect Seto to understand something I couldn't figure out, myself?

Although Seto and I rarely talked, we were together surprisingly often. We sparred together, almost every night; practiced kata. Although I don't know if beating the crap out of each other on a regular basis counted as bonding.

I looked at Seto. It was good to know that I was five years smarter – or at least five years subtler. The punk should have known that I'd be on to him… that I'd know about his little meetings with Akunadin. After all, there wasn't an escape from the mansion he could come up with that I hadn't tried first.

But he was a little too sure of himself… just as I was. It was going to get him in trouble… one day.

Oh, I set a few roadblocks in his way. If he'd escaped too easily every time, he'd have smelled a rat. So I threw in just enough obstacles to make it interesting, and let him go often enough to convince him that he'd duped me along with everyone else. I didn't mind the effort. It was fun. He was a worthy opponent.

Even if I hadn't been monitoring his movements, his conversations, I would have known something was up. Seto should have realized that his video game would give him away – after all, we'd been working on it together for weeks. He probably assumed, that even if I figured it out, I'd let him continue as long as the meetings continued to improve the product. There was some truth to that assumption, but it wasn't the whole story. I knew what was driving him, better than he knew himself.

He was a perfectionist. And he was designing an Ancient Egypt so real, so vibrant, that anyone playing his video game would lose themselves in his world. He had found his escape – the only one that he would permit himself.

It was interesting watching him. He couldn't resist embedding a piece of himself in the program; hardwiring his DNA into its codes. And so the characters and plot had started to resemble the little action-adventure drama we were currently engaged in. I wondered if their unfolding dilemmas would be ours…

Nobody… not even Mokuba… not even Yami… not even myself… understood how I merged with my creations… or why I couldn't design the simplest program without leaving a splinter of my heart in its core. The game was in Seto's blood now, it had become a part of him. And I couldn't take that away – not without greater cause.

And there was another reason why I didn't put a stop to it… the real one. Mokuba was running interference for him. And I wouldn't go against Mokuba, ever again.

I glared at Seto in the co-pilot's seat. He looked even grungier than usual – possibly in honor of the plane ride. His T-shirt was sloppily tucked into the front of his jeans, revealing his dragon belt buckle. It was the one item I approved of.

The T-shirt had started life midnight blue; the jeans, black. They had probably been unexceptionable before Seto had decided to throw bleach all over them. He had burned pinpoint holes through the shirt, each with their own white tail. If you squinted and used your imagination, it looked like a meteor shower was passing across his chest. If you didn't, it merely looked like Seto had fished his shirt out of a dumpster… after the rats had gotten to it.

There were no holes in the jeans. The tougher fabric had defeated him – or more probably, he had decided to rinse the bleach out sooner. It had merely discolored the material, fading it in cloud-shaped splotches to a dingy, yellowish gray, and then to white.

"I can't believe that, left to my own devices, I could ever look like such a piece of shit," I told him, sourly. "Maybe it's just as well that Gozaburo kept me on such a short leash."

"Leash is the word all right," he responded.

After a moment I joined his laughter. And nodded for him to take the controls. He knew how to fly, had been in simulations before. He had created the plane's basic design. It was time he knew what it felt like to fly, for real.

Of course the punk started spiraling on purpose – keeping the altitude steady as he rotated the plane until we were upside down then right-side up again. He was banking through the clouds; trying every trick he'd practiced in simulations when he thought no one was looking. As he gained confidence, he picked up speed. I hoped he'd have the sense to stop before Kouma threw up.

I glared at him, then looked away. I had never seen a look of pure joy on my face before; never seen a wide open-mouthed smile. I shook my head. He looked like a fucking asshole.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

In the early morning and late evenings, when Yugi's friends were absent, the mansion was a subtly crazier place.

For once, they were in the other kitchen. The chef had fled. The reason for the change of venue was clear. There was more room… and more implements. They were using the kitchen utensils for some sort of demented fight game. Sugoroku was sitting at the table by the door, in open-mouthed appreciation.

Koryuu (and it was easy to think of Seto as a little dragon, watching him fight) had grabbed pizza cutters, shrimp prongs, paring knives – anything that was small and pointed – and was using them as shuriken – flinging them at Kaiba, point first. Kaiba was wielding a long handled omelet pan, using it, as I had seen him use his sword, to deflect the objects back at Koryuu, who was using an oversized ladle as a shield of his own. Both were laughing maniacally.

"YUGI!" I called, using our mental link to wake my sleeping aibou. "You have to come down to the kitchen and see this!"

Seto had finally run out of pronged implements. With a cry of frustration he threw the ladle at Kaiba's head. Still laughing, Kaiba opened the freezer door to block it, then reached around and started lobbing the frozen food inside at his younger counterpart. Seto grabbed a wok to catch the missiles and was busy hurling them back as fast as they came. There was a big oval work table in the middle of the room. They were on opposite sides and were ducking behind it occasionally for cover. I started to wonder what had set them off this time, then decided I really didn't need to know, and took a seat next to Sugoroku to enjoy the show.

Yugi came in, rubbing his eyes. He stopped on the threshold, blinking, before joining me with a grin. He was followed by Mokuba and Kouma, who seemed to have a sixth sense for those rare occasions when their older brothers were enjoying themselves.

Kaiba had finally reached Seto, vaulting over the table as Seto ducked behind it. He threw the boy over his shoulder, as he had Shadi, clearly aiming for the wall again… but Koryuu rolled out, stood to face Kaiba again.

Kaiba was pressing his advantage, using his longer legs to close the gap between them. But Seto grabbed the oil can, and poured it at Kaiba's feet. He slipped on the slick surface, his feet flying out from under him, but in midair he managed to turn it into a flip; landing on his feet once more. But Seto had put the length of the table between them, again. This time, Kaiba tried jumping on top of it, kicking everything on its surface – food, pans, appliances – in Koryuu's direction. The younger boy had grabbed a broom, and broken off the head. He was using it like a _Bo Staff_ , trying to sweep Kaiba's long legs out from under him.

One of Kaiba's feet kicked out, neatly snapping the _Bo Staff_ in half. With out missing a beat, Seto started swinging both sticks in unison, "Did you forget that _Hambos_ work just as well for me?" he taunted, as Kaiba jumped down on the opposite side of the table. As the faced each other once again, Yugi said, "Jounouchi was right. You guys really do look like a Jackie Chan movie."

That got Seto's attention, although not enough to break his concentration. It was just as well. They were fencing with BBQ prongs.

"Who the hell is Jackie Chan, anyway?" Seto yelled in frustration, whether at his ignorance, or at his inability to skewer his older self was difficult to say.

Kaiba disengaged… stared at Seto as if suddenly seeing him. "That's right," he said in wonder, "I never saw a movie until Gozaburo died." He gave a harsh bark of laughter. The sound sparked Seto's anger. Suddenly he wasn't play fighting any more. He dropped the prongs and reached for the cleaver instead.

"I wouldn't," Kaiba warned. "If you kill me, you might destroy your own future, too."

"Would that be such a loss?" Seto retorted.

"I don't know," Kaiba replied, his humor deserting him. "For what it's worth – I wasn't laughing at you. Or if I was, I was laughing at myself more."

Seto released the cleaver, but his hand still twitched. And the anger hadn't left his eyes.

Kaiba smirked. "Go ahead. We both know you're dying to."

In one motion, the boy picked up the cleaver and threw it. I hoped his aim was off on purpose. Even I could see that the knife was probably going to sail over Kaiba's head. Probably. Kaiba could have ducked, but at the last moment he grabbed the cutting board and swung it over his head, embedding the cleaver, blade still quivering, in it's surface.

"How's that for a finale?" Kaiba asked, addressing his audience for the first time, before turning to Seto to say, "Come on… we have some movies to catch up on."

* * *

.

 

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

**THANKS** to laura m and Kagimihari. Laura m started the ball rolling on this chapter with some really thought provoking questions on how the Yugi-tachi felt about Yami and Kaiba being together. Our e-mails helped me to figure out what was in Jounouchi's mind. Before that, the narrative was four paragraphs long, and much weaker. And thanks, as always to Kagi for listening to me sort things out in my head.

 **Seto:** In a real way, Seto hasn't learned to put limits on his own behavior. His life has taught him that those in power set the rules, and they are neither fair nor just. But the limits on his behavior have always been external – he was wary of Gozaburo, and probably careful not to push him too far. I think that's part of the reason he went so crazy after Gozaburo's death – all of a sudden those external limits had been removed, and he had nothing to replace them with. I see him being in the same situation here – a little bit. (There's not as much pressure on him, in that he feels safe, and also he hasn't been as badly damaged – he's still about two years younger than the Death-T version.) But I can still see him being borderline out of control

 **Seto's clothes:** I tried to carry that rebel/punk idea in his clothes. Seto's very creative and very destructive – so I thought he might express himself with deliberately (and artistically) damaged clothes. And like his older self, he might have a flair for the theatrical.

 **Title Note:** One of the cool things about picking books, movies, etc, as chapter titles is that you occasionally get to sneak in a favorite author, in this case, Kurt Vonnegut.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**

**Yami and Kaiba:** _(Darkstar71, Desidera, EcoGoth, laura m, Mistal: The Poisoned One, MotherCHOWGoddess, Nachzes-Black Rider, QueenOfGames2, Sylvia Viridian)_ Yami realized that first night, that getting Kaiba to recognize and accept his feelings was going to be a long battle. Kaiba isn't intentionally being difficult or cruel. And he's not trying to insult or hurt Yami. He simply doesn't believe that any of this is real, because he can't imagine what it would look or feel like to have someone care for him, and he's not any more in tune with his own feelings (not to mention that he's DENSE.) He also doesn't really know how to act around people out of a business setting, or believe that he matters enough to Yami for his actions to hurt.

But just as the tightness of Kaiba's grip helps reassure Yami that he's solid, I think he would be hurt when Kaiba treats the relationship as though it was an illusion. I think he would understand how difficult this is for Kaiba, but he would also make it clear when his behavior is unacceptable.

 ** _Timeline, competition, sex (that got your attention, didn't it?):_** I picture abouttwo weeks going by betweenChapter 18, when they first sleep together to Chapter 20. I go into a little more detail on what happened those two weeks a few chapters later. I picture them being kind of competitive from the beginning – one of the first things Yami notes is that he's pleased Kaiba fell asleep first. As to how often they are having sex… well they're two teenage guys – one of whom is in his own body for the first time in 3,000 years, and the other of whom is in a relationship and feeling cared about for the first time – between their age, hormones, and emotions… pretty often would be my guess.

 **Akunadin, Seto, flashbacks:** _(Clarity, Katty Sarcasm. Nachzes-Black Rider)_ I know – I'm beginning to realize that this story requires a lot of patience. First I made everyone wait for 18 chapters for Seto and Yami to hook up, now I'm making everyone wait for Akunadin's reappearance (not to mention more Seto and more flashbacks.) But I'm not just being a tease (honest!) I'm trying to set things up so that when Akunadin re-enters the picture, the events that follow make some kind of emotional sense. The story isn't quite as meandering as it seems (or maybe it is, it's hard to judge your own work.) Anyway, I seem to be asking for patience. Again.

 **Sugoroku:** _(AmunRa, Desidera, Katie Torango, QueenOfGames2, samurai-ashes, Skecchi, Wintersslayer)_ Sugoroku's had this really interesting life – he was this Indiana Jones style archeologist/treasure hunter. But I can see him, enjoying settling down and being 'Jichan' – and maybe being pleasantly surprised to find that watching Yugi's friends is just as interesting as the rare artifacts he used to search for. I can see him being amused by all the drama, and laughing at Yami and Kaiba – neither of whom are used to being laughed at.

 **The Macarena:** _(AmunRa, MotherCHOWGoddess, Wintersslayer)_ I actually considered using Beethoven's Ode to Joy – but I couldn't imagine Mokuba picking it. I was trying to think of a really silly pop song that everyone would recognize, and which would be even sillier and more annoying when played on a watch alarm. Then I saw a VHS show called "One Hit Wonders" and the top spot was won by "The Macerena".

 **Ryuujin:** _(Kurosaisei)_ Your Japanese was correct. I should have said Dragon King in my notes – which I have corrected. When I think of Kaiba defeating destiny in his duel with Isis, or summoning his BEWD to save Mokuba in his duels with Noa and Amelda, there is something not only Dragon-like, but Dragon King-like about Kaiba. I think Yami would respond to that side of Kaiba. Also I wanted something as far from Koryuu – Little Dragon – as possible.


	22. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance II

**_KAIBA NICKNAME NOTE:_** Just a reminder that **Ryuujin** means Dragon King.

* * *

**CHAPTER 22: ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE II**

**SUGOROKU'S POV**

I was glad that Yugi and his friends were at the movies when Kaiba entered the room. He paused on the threshold, his tension drawing my eyes. Yami laid a hand on his shoulder, then withdrew it before Kaiba could throw it off. I realized Kaiba was in a T-Shirt. A black T-Shirt above dark blue sweat pants. On him, the bland outfit looked elegant.

He was slightly pale, even for him. Yami stood next to him in silent encouragement. I grinned to myself. Was that a bite mark peeking out of the collar of Kaiba's shirt?

It was only as he came closer that I noticed the burns, and my impulse to laugh, fled. There were four of them, round and deep. One at the bottom of each bicep, and two on his left forearm. Someone had mistaken his arms for an ashtray. I understood how difficult it must have been for him to enter the room; to reveal a secret he had spent his young life in concealing. He had done it to please Yami, and I understood the reason why Yami was standing so protectively at his side. "Come on, Ryuujin…" he whispered.

It was strange, I mused… they were both such ruthless, driven people… and yet they were so careful with each other. So loving, although I doubted Kaiba would recognize the word their actions illustrated.

But my face was as expressionless as Kaiba's as I said, "So terrible boy, I didn't know you owned something as ordinary as a T-Shirt and sweatpants."

He smirked, my taunt steadying him as nothing else could have. "Not quite ordinary. Mine are custom made."

Mokuba smiled at our exchange. Of course he must have seen his brother's arms before; was old enough to understand the significance of those marks. But for once, Kaiba had forgotten Kouma, until we heard his gasp. He reached out to touch the burn on Kaiba's forearm asking in a shaking voice, "When did this happen?"

I saw Seto fold his own arms defensively. Unlike Kaiba, he dressed with defiant casualness. The only preference the two versions seemed to share was a taste for heavy belts. Seto's was ornamented with a huge silver dragon buckle. But the neat vest and slacks he had arrived in, had been instantly replaced by baggy jeans with the knees torn out. And his T-Shirts were always over-sized – the sleeves hanging far below the elbows. He usually had on a black denim jacket for good measure. I had assumed it was a fad. Now, I wondered for how long he had been hiding himself from Kouma.

Kaiba smiled and knelt down so that he was at eye level with his littler, little brother. "Remember I told you that penalty games are a way to learn to be perfect? Well, look… it's a circle – the only perfect shape. See, it's 360 degrees – just like a baseball diamond – but no corners. Any hint of a corner, and it's not a circle. And every point on the edge has to be the same exact distance from the middle. Pretty cool, huh?" he looked at Yami, "Sometimes I need a reminder not to make mistakes."

Kourma laughed as he hugged him, saying, "You never make mistakes. You are perfect – my perfect big brother."

Kaiba smiled, but I saw him flinch at the unintentional reminder of his shortcomings, as I am sure he did not at the making of the scar. As Kouma ran off smiling, Seto came up to Kaiba and said in rare acknowledgement, "Good catch."

"I've had five more years of practice at lying to Mokuba than you."

But unnoticed by the older pair, Mokuba had gone up to Kourma, and in an equally rare show of affection, had given the younger boy a hug, saying, in unconscious imitation, "You did good. You distracted him. And even if he doesn't agree, you made him feel better." Kouma beamed up at him, nodding.

I was reminded that for all the elder Kaiba's reputation, Mokuba had always been by far the more deceptive of the brothers.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I wasn't worried that Mokuba and Seto seemed to disappear for a couple of hours a day. I knew Mokuba was as safe with Seto as with me. But I was… curious. I knew Mokuba thought he owed Seto; he thought he owed me. He was wrong. But having tried to teach Mokuba that the one thing that defined a man was his ability to stand by his promises, I had no right to object, now. Mokuba was old enough to decide for himself what his obligations were and how to fulfill them.

If I had thought about it, I would have known where they were. But I had never expected Mokuba to _like_ Seto. So I was surprised to find them at the motorcycle track. At _my_ track – which was much too big and tough for either of them. I hadn't forbidden Mokuba to try it. I knew it was too tempting; that sooner or later its lure would overpower his common sense. But looking at them – at Mokuba's placating face; at Seto's defiant one – I knew who was to blame.

Although I understood; although I wasn't mad – that didn't mean I wasn't going to yell. But three things got in the way of a really satisfying explosion. First: one of the guilty parties was Mokuba. Second: Yami was with me. Third (and most important): I had Kouma clinging to my back as I arrived at the track in a cloud of dust.

There were limits to how loudly I could scream at the little viper for luring Mokuba on to the track, when I had the even younger version up behind me on the back of my own bike.

And I didn't need Yami as an audience, enjoying my dilemma.

I had taught Yami to ride. He was on the same motorcycle I had learned on when I was 15. It was black, with four plumes of silver smoke on the sides – one for each of the four dragons I'd hoped to capture. It was a little too flashy for me now, and way too small. I had grown about a foot since then. It's a good thing Yami was such a shrimp. I could have bought him a motorcycle of his own, of course; a newer model. But I liked the fact he was using mine; I liked the idea of him warmed by my dragons' breath – even if there was one plume of smoke too many.

I figured it wouldn't be too hard to teach him. After all, he must have ridden horses in Egypt. How much different could this be? Not that I had ever been on a horse. Not that I planned to admit that. (I bet the priest had been a champion rider, whatever else he had fucked up.) All of which was distracting me from my brother and the punk – both of whom were clearly waiting for me to explode.

It was odd seeing them standing next to each other… the same size… the same age… their arms around each other's shoulders. They weren't just brothers. Somehow, they had become… friends. I would cheerfully die for Mokuba, but I don't know if you could say that made us friends. There was the five year age gap for one thing… although that was narrowing every day. I looked at them, and for the first time I was sorry Seto wouldn't remember any of this. I would have to remember it for him.

That didn't mean I didn't have a few choice words for him, first. I opened my mouth, but Mokuba spoke first. He knew I wasn't really angry, and that he wouldn't have been the target anyway – but he jumped in to defend the little punk.

"I wanted to try it out, Nisama. You know that," he said.

Seto reacted immediately. "That's a joke. He never had an idea in his head that I didn't put there first. He went along with what I wanted, just like always."

"No I didn't."

"You did."

"Didn't."

"Did!"

This was actually getting pretty funny. But the years since Gozaburo's death must have mellowed us both more than I had thought, because neither Mokuba nor I noticed Seto's growing agitation until he exploded. Until he shoved Mokuba in the dirt, yelling, "Shut up! Who said you could talk?" He turned to me. "Even you couldn't be stupid enough to think that a weakling like him has any influence over me!"

Great. Let's air all our family laundry. Not that I cared. If Yami hadn't figured out exactly how fucked up we were by now, he was never going to. And I didn't have to be the picture of mental health to be good in bed. Which was probably the extent of our connection, anyway. (It's not like he had ever said a word that indicated he wanted or felt more than that.)

Not that it mattered. Seto was the immediate problem. There was no telling how far he might go in an effort to convince Gozaburo's ghost just how little he cared about Mokuba.

I didn't blame Seto. If anything, I relaxed at the reminder that even this late in the game, he was still putting Mokuba first. Then he turned, shoved me and yelled. "I'm going to use this track whenever I want. You can't control me, and you know it."

Although I understood, I can't say I appreciated being cast as Gozaburo's understudy in this little drama. But at least I knew what Seto needed. And it would be my pleasure.

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

His backhand lifted me off the ground. His next blow had me sprawled in the dirt. His words followed… harsh… cutting… comforting… calming. "I know exactly who's to blame. I know it's your fault. Why would I blame the mouse, when I have you?"

Shit.

Old habits die hard. The words were Gozaburo's, but the voice was Kaiba's; the voice was mine. I had forgotten where I was. I had forgotten _when_ I was. I had forgotten everything but my need to protect Mokuba – whether from my misdeeds or his own had never mattered. After all, Gozaburo wanted me alive. Mokuba had no such guarantee.

But Gozaburo was dead. And Kaiba had turned his formal gardens into a motorcycle track.

Yami was looking from Kaiba to me like I had given him a piece of a puzzle, and he was trying to decide where it fit. But he was also looking concerned – and that pissed me off. He had no right to look at me as though he cared, when I wasn't the one he was fucking.

At least I didn't have to listen to them banging each other. Kaiba had soundproofed his room and installed monitors so that he could still listen for nightmares. He had been decent enough to connect Mokuba's room to mine, so that I could still tell when Mokuba was having one of his now-infrequent nightmares; so I could hear Kaiba easing him back into sleep. In fairness, I kept the volume down too low to hear what they were saying. I was pleased that nothing, not even Yami's powerful presence could keep him from Mokuba's side (either one), but the sight of him in my room, sweaty, in a hastily donned pair of pants, patiently singing lullabies to Kouma, disturbed me. It made me feel like a kid… like a dumb, stupid, kid… who was a lot more than five years away from experiencing the same thing.

Now Yami was looking at me like he cared, when he wasn't even expecting a payoff, at least not from me. I didn't have to take that shit. Not from him.

"What's your problem, Red Eyes? Stop looking like you feel sorry for me – or I'll give you something to feel sorry about!" I snarled.

I was trying to get him mad. I bet he had a temper, though I'd never seen it. But he just gave me that maddening half smile of his and said, "In five more years, you'll learn to express yourself more elegantly… but the sentiments will remain the same. As does my answer: I'm not offering you pity, but respect."

His response left me wondering how many times we were going to have this little exchange in the next five years. Apparently often enough that Kaiba just ignored him, saying, "As long as we're here, we might as well ride."

It wasn't a race. Yami was setting himself to learn the course. They were clearly going to be back later, racing all out. I could have figured that out, even if I hadn't heard their exchange…

"I'm ready to take you on for real," Yami said.

"Just so long as you're ready to pay off when you lose." Kaiba replied with a grin.

"You're gloating before the match is over again, Blue Eyes. It's a habit I look forward to breaking you of," Yami purred.

"Any time you think you can take me, you're welcome to try," Kaiba responded, his low voice, even lower.

When I saw Yami's smirk, part of me wanted to challenge him myself. When I heard his seductive drawl, part of me wondered how much Kaiba would mind losing….

It wasn't a race. Kaiba had Kouma with him, and that was making him cautious. And I was damned if I was going to be any less responsible with my Mokuba than he was with his.

It wasn't a race. It didn't matter who won or lost. It shouldn't have been fun – but it was. Anything with Mokuba and Kouma was fun. And Yami was good to look at… in a sleeveless shirt, his arms straining to control the motorcycle; his ass lifting off the seat at times. He must have been stronger than he looked. I liked that.

But if I liked Kaiba's boy toy, I liked his hog as much; wasn't sure which one I'd rather have under me. Not that it seemed like I was going to get near either, anytime soon. But for once I was wrong. Not that Kaiba was passing around Yami. But after ignoring me most of the afternoon (not that I wanted his notice), he pulled up in front of me, cutting me off, and slid Kouma off his motorcycle.

He looked at me. His lips twitched. It was the closest either of us usually got to a smile. "Okay, viper… if you think you can refrain from sinking your fangs into my back, climb on, and I'll show you what it's like to fly."

By the time we had finished a lap, there was one thing I was sure of: Yami could call himself the King of Games (whatever the hell that was) all he wanted. When it came to motorcycles, I hoped he liked whatever Kaiba had in mind. Yami was going down.

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** At Alcatraz, when Yami tries to explain to Kaiba that there skills are equal, he yells at him, "Are you daring to offer me pity?" And Yami kind of sighs and says that he's trying to tell him that he admires his skills as a duelist. But I think mistaking affection or friendship (the title of the episode is 'Becoming Friends') for pity is a mistake that Kaiba would make. As he regards any kind of self-revelation, or relying on others for anything, especially emotional support as a weakness, being offered, as he sees it Yami's pity must seem like the ultimate insult.

 **Clothes Note:** By the time that Seto was 13, the vest and pants from the orphanage, had been replaced by the white uniform/suit he was wearing at Death-T. But since Seto was running away at the start of the story, I figured he'd opt for something less noticeable than that white suit. Also since he was trying to escape the person he saw himself becoming, I thought he'd reject the outfit connected with Gozaburo for the type of clothes he'd worn prior to his arrival at the mansion.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Note:** questions on the future, will answered when they come up in the future.

 **Seto and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Anonymous, Clarity, Desidera, KakyoTheStickInTheMud, Nachzes-Black Rider, QueenOfGames2)_ Anger and a certain amount of dislike would be part of their feelings towards each other, because it's part of their feelings about themselves. But, while Kaiba is angry at Seto, for the acts he's about to commit (and I agree, since it's in the past, its acts he has no choice but to commit), he also understands Seto better than anyone, and almost in spite of himself can't resist giving him pointers on how to cope with his surroundings, and trying to give him experiences that he can remember wanting very badly to have. To a certain extend, each version is looking for signs that the other is human, but then being disturbed when they find them.

Seto does resent Kaiba. More than anyone, except possibly Mokuba, Seto realizes how damaged Kaiba became in his battle with Gozaburo – and I think he'd see that as a weakness. I also think he'd be resentful and jealous of the things he sees Kaiba as having that he doesn't – and that includes Yami. How Seto feels about Kaiba… how Kaiba and Yami's relationship effects him… are an ongoing part of the story.

 **Jounouchi:** _(AmunRa, Anonymous, Clarity, Desidera, Psyche, QueenOfGames2)_ I wanted to include a snapshot of Yami and Kaiba's relationship at this point, as seen by an outside voice. I think a lot of Kaiba and Jounochi's dislike of each other is based on the things they recognize in and about each other. At the start of the manga, Jounouchi is a bully, pure and simple. I think he must remind Kaiba of the bullies that picked on Mokuba at the orphanage. And I think Kaiba, who's paid a heavy price to be more than, as he put it in the anime, "a atray dog from the gutter," would look down on Jounouchi as an example of all he left behind. I think Jounouchi sees all his worst faults… his anger, his destructiveness… magnified in Kaiba. And I could also see him feeling like Kaiba, with his money and power is pretending to be "better" than the rest of them. And I think they would both be reluctant to admit that although they are both right about the other one's past – they are equally off base in refusing to see how the other one has grown.

 **Seto's clothes:** ( _Anonymous, QueenOfGames2)_ This was something I put in almost unconsciously. I just kept seeing Seto in these outfits. And it wasn't until I got your review that I realized – of course – Seto would wear them at least partly because he knows how much they bug Kaiba.

 **Fight:** _(AmunRa,Desidera, Kekewey, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Nachzes-Black Rider, Psyche, QueenOfGames2, Yume no Zencho)_ This was another scene that sort of popped into my head. I meant it to be funny, at least in part, and it was a blast to try and choreograph. It struck me how isolated Seto's life has been in some ways, and how many things that the Yugi-taachi take for granted that he never got to experience. I wanted to show that, and I thought that someone as into martial arts as Seto probably had never been to a Jackie Chan movie – because I don't suppose Gozaburo took him – illustrated that.

 **Atemu and Priest Seto:** _(Nachzes-Black Rider)_ In this story I see Atemu and Seto as having been lovers in the past, but not as having been in love. I see them more as friends and comrades who were also lovers. Yami talks about his feelings for the two versions in Chapter 17, and it comes up later in the story. By the way, I loved the description of Kaiba as burningice, and Yami as frozen fire – that was so cool!


	23. No Name

**KAIBA NICKNAME NOTE:** Just a reminder, Yami uses the following nicknames for the 18 year-old Seto Kaiba:

 ** _Koryuu:_** Little Dragon

 ** _Ryuujin:_** Dragon King

* * *

**CHAPTER 23: NO NAME**

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Yami and I had breakfast together suspiciously often. I was flattered, and it was nice having company, but I couldn't help wondering what the hell was going on. I mean, it's not like Yami needed my permission. I wasn't sure if he wanted advice (and if it didn't occur to Yami how bizarre it was for him to be asking his lover's 13 year-old brother for advice on how to manage Nisama, I certainly wasn't going to clue him in), information, or just a friendly face… but whatever he wanted was fine by me.

When I had seen my brother in that T-shirt, showing Sugoroku his arms – I knew – Nisama loved Yami and would do anything for him – even reveal what he thought of as a weakness. When I saw how Yami had stayed by his side… how he had supported him without saying a word, I knew – he felt the same. And that was all I needed to know.

It figured – out of the whole gang – my brother had picked the weirdest one. That he had also picked the most dangerous, I considered par for the course.

Most people, when faced with my brother's moods, his temper, his inability to face, let alone express his emotions – would have either given up, or simply accepted the limitations he put on the relationship. Yami did neither. And that's when I knew that my brother had managed to find someone as rare as him.

So I was a regular little cheerleader. I must have overdone it though, because it attracted Yami's attention; made him ask, "Not that I'm not grateful, but why are you being so helpful?"

Maybe he was asking for my permission, or at least my approval, after all.

I wasn't sure what to say. The real answer was too silly to try to explain. It was because of the fruit. It had appeared wherever my brother might be working, unobserved… in his offices, next to the computer in his bedroom.

I had once caught sight of him slowly, meditatively, eating strawberries, while staring at his monitor, lost in thought.

Only one person could have done it. I was ashamed it hadn't been me. I had tried all my usual tricks – the tear filled eyes, the trembling lower lip – but I had never managed to coax Nisama into choking down more than a few mouthfuls of food at a time. Even the restaurants where he had his business lunches knew enough to serve him a significantly smaller portion than anyone else… so that it wouldn't be obvious how little he ate. But it had never occurred to me that if I simply left his favorite foods out, he might eat them absent-mindedly, almost accidentally, while his mind was on something else. I guess that's why Yami was the King of Games.

I searched for a reason I could give, without telling Yami that I was helping him because of a bowl of strawberries.

"Nisama's never wanted anyone before. And no matter what he's telling you… no matter what he's telling himself… he wants you for more than a quick lay," I said. "And I've seen a lot of people want my brother. But I've never seen anyone care about him, or push him, or tease him. As long as you're on his side… I'm on yours."

"You have something very special. A bond that cannot be broken, even by betrayal. Kaiba's very lucky."

I knew he was thinking of Yugi. But I had to set him straight.

"You've got it wrong. Everyone does. Nisama never betrayed me. Not ever. You of all people should understand that there's no shame in trying your hardest and still losing. Sometimes that's all you can do. He may have lost, but he never surrendered, and that's what counts. Isn't that what you tell Jounouchi every time you beat him?"

Yami ignored my question for one of his own. "I may have been Kaiba's opponent at Death-T, but I've never understood what brought him to that point."

"You're the one who shattered his heart. Can't you read it?"

"No. I have never quite known what action he will take, or why."

"No one can predict what the knight's going to do," I reminded him.

He smiled. "Perhaps, one day, I should study chess." His smiled faded as he thought of Death-T again. "I expected to face pure evil, that day. I planned to destroy him without a second thought. His façade fooled me as well as everyone else. When I faced him, though, I saw a boy whose rage and hatred weren't directed solely at us. A boy who deserved the chance to become more than the demon he had created; a boy who was just as trapped by Death-T as Yugi, or I… or you. And I knew Kaiba had the strength to rebuild his life if I broke his self-made prison. I knew that he had deliberately, systematically razed his own soul until there was almost nothing left. But I have never known why."

He looked at me, expectantly. For years, I had been waiting for someone to care enough about Nisama to ask. For someone to look at my brother and want to know, not what he had done, but _why_. Before Kouma had appeared to give me a long hard look at myself, I would have answered without hesitation. But now I knew: this was Nisama's secret, to share when _he_ was ready. There was a lot I could, and probably would, end up telling Yami, but It wasn't my place to answer Yami's question – not until my brother gave a sign it was what he wanted, as well. And just like I had believed that my brother would come back to me, I believed he could do this, too.

"I'm sorry Yami, I just can't answer… at least, not yet." I said.

"You've picked an inconvenient time to learn discretion," he commented.

"I know. But Nisama needs more time."

"My life has been on hold for 3,000 years, and you're asking me to have a little more patience?"

Put like that, it sounded awful. But Yami was smiling as he said, "If there's one thing I've learned, it's how to wait. I first loved your brother 3,000 years ago. It's taken me 3,000 years to fall _in_ love with him. If it takes me another 3,000 years to understand him, I'll be here at the end of that time. There are some things worth waiting – even millennia for – and your brother is one of them."

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

I was the King of Games. Now for the first time, it was the prize and not the contest that fascinated me. Now, for the first time, I had learned to fear losing.

I loved Kaiba, too deeply for denial. Somewhere, inside himself, Kaiba loved me. I knew that. I clung to that. But he could barely bring himself to accept even this fragile connection; this uncertain elixir of physical desires and unspoken thoughts. It was like being in the middle of every duel we had ever fought… I was standing, alone and suddenly vulnerable… facing my rival and his seemingly impregnable forces. I could only trust that the ending could be as familiar; that, once again, I would prevail – for Kaiba's sake… and my own.

Each night, Kaiba knotted his hands in my hair. Each night, he kissed me hard enough to leave my lips bruised by the memory the following morning. Each night, I deepened the marks on his neck, his torso, his thighs – tattooing the already scarred surface. He never commented. He never tried to stop me. He had even stopped covering them up. I didn't know why, or what (if anything) it meant.

I had lived inside of Yugi for so long; had floated among his thoughts until they were as familiar as my own. I loved Kaiba. I didn't know him. I didn't even know if he would ever trust me enough to _let_ me know him. But Kaiba was not the only stubborn one in this partnership… or the only one who played to win.

I stared at the Duel Monsters card in my hand with satisfaction. I had worked for an afternoon in the Game Shop in exchange for it. Sugoroku had smiled as he slid it across the glass counter towards me.

"Find something else you couldn't resist adding to your collection? Or is it just that he reminds you of someone you know?" he asked, tapping the image on the card with his fingernail.

"Oh, I have plans for this card, all right," I laughed. But it's not for me. You're right – they belong together. I can't wait to see Kaiba's face when he gets a good look at it."

"Don't be surprised if he doesn't recognize it," Sugoroku warned.

"Of course he will. Kaiba has practically every card in the game memorized," I said confidently.

"I was referring to the gesture, not the card," he answered.

I had earned the card… but it seemed that Sugoroku still had the habit of giving away puzzles.

It was a good card, _Bottom's Wall_. That would insure Kaiba's attention. The Trap Card let you protect your weakest monster on the field for two turns – but only if you used him as a sacrifice at the end of that time. I had bought it for the picture, though. I grinned in anticipation. I enjoyed teasing Kaiba. Moreover, often, the only way to learn anything about him, was to get him annoyed enough to speak unguardedly.

Of course with Kaiba, no game ever went as expected.

"What the hell is this?" he demanded irritably, as I threw him the card.

"In case you don't recognize it, it's a Duel Monsters card," I answered blandly.

"What do you want in return?" he asked, eyes narrowed. He put the card down and reached for his briefcase. He still hadn't looked at it. I had helped Yugi and Jounouchi build their decks. I had seen them give each other cards routinely. Foolishly, I had expected Kaiba to recognize a present when he was given one.

I shook my head. I hadn't expected Kaiba to demand an explanation until he had actually looked at the card.

"Nothing," I answered.

"You must want something. Why else…" For once, his voice trailed off awkwardly.

I had never given him a gift before. Nor had he given me anything in the traditional sense. But as with most things involving Kaiba, appearances were deceptive. Without a word things… like motorcycles… had suddenly appeared, reserved for my exclusive use. This had accorded so well with my vague memories of my past, I hadn't noticed. Until the day I had left the mansion with Yugi and Jounouchi to find a limousine ready to take us to our destination… and even I couldn't miss Jounouchi's knowing grin as he suggested heading out to the airport to see if a plane was waiting as well…

"It's a gift," I told him quietly. "It reminded me of you."

That finally got him to focus on the card. His eyes narrowed further as he took in the figure in the ancient Egyptian garb that reminded me of his ceremonial robes… as he stared at the man's body that was topped by a donkey's head.

"There are times when a jackass seems much more in tune with your soul, than even your dragons," I explained. "I mean for a man who professes not to believe in the past, you're spending a lot of time trying to gather information on a certain Egyptian priest and sorcerer, who coincidentally happened to be your father. Since you claim not to believe in any of it, I wonder why you're bothering to try to track him down." I nodded at the card. "You and Mule Boy are definite soul mates."

He drew himself up to his full height, glaring at me. He threw the card. I caught it as it bounced off my chest. It was made of paper. In his hands, how had it turned so hard? Only Sugoroku's warning; Kaiba's slight wince as I said the word 'father' – and the fact that he had not aimed for my face, enabled me to keep my temper.

"Never pretend you're giving me a gift when all you're doing is proposing a trade – a card for information. It was a trap card all right," he spat out.

"No," I said firmly, reminding myself that he was young and had never learned to accept gifts graciously… had possibly never been given one, before. I walked up to him, tucked the card in his pocket. "It's a gift. I would like to know why any mention of the past bothers you… but you can tell me anything you wish... or nothing, and I will accept your decision. It's your choice what knowledge you want to give me. Just as giving you that card was mine. Think of it as my way of saying that even a stubborn mule like you has to admit that those visions we saw at Alcatraz, had been real. That you had a past life… one you shared with me."

"Why is it always the past with you? Who cares who I was? I built who I am with my own hands," he retorted.

"Yes, but you built him on the foundation of who you were," I answered.

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why I wish you'd just take a hint and drop the whole subject. The first time, I seem to have ended up with a father who literally sold his soul to the devil. The next time, I did even worse – and I chose Gozaburo myself. I can only hope the cycle stops here.

Look at what I've done in this lifetime. I designed bombs and the missile systems to deliver them when I was Seto's age. I followed that up with Death-T. Are you really so surprised I don't want all the details of whatever I screwed up in a past life too? I'm too busy with this one."

"I don't remember everything," I said, "But I remember you."

He stood up, faced me as though we were on a dueling field; looked me in the eye, ready for the verdict. I don't think I would ever get tired of seeing him stand like that – staring down his challenges.

"He was like you. Arrogant… stupidly sure of himself; far too reckless and stubborn for his own good. He was an honorable man. You would recognize him – as do I. You have built on a strong foundation, Koryuu."

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

Koryuu, again.

For a person who hated nicknames, I seemed to be acquiring a lot of them. Yami called me by Seto's nickname: Koryuu (fucking Little Dragon). Sugoroku: Terrible Boy. Of the two, I preferred Terrible Boy.

Ordinarily I would have reacted to being called a terrible _boy_ , much as Seto did to being labeled _Baby_ Kaiba, but Sugoroku was different. After all, he was a fossil himself. Anyone under 50 must have looked like a kid to him. Besides, the 'boy' part at least was familiar. It was what Gozaburo had called me most often, rarely bothering to remember or use my name. 'Terrible' was Sugoroku's little addition. If it was meant affectionately, at least it was affection offered with an edge.

Yami was another matter.

I've always been Nisama. I've never cared what anyone else called me: Seto… Kaiba… boy… stray dog… fucking bastard… it was all the same to me. Until Yami breathed "Koryuu" in my ear. Until I began to listen for it.

" _Little_ Dragon? I'm at least a foot taller than you, midget." I snarled.

"Just the right height, Koryuu," he agreed, pulling my head down to his; kissing me until I could barely breathe, much less argue. When had he learned that kissing me was the most effective way to shut me up? And when had I learned to allow it?

Somehow, the simple act of fucking Yami had changed the equation. And I had allowed that, too. Worse, I found myself living for the moment when I could finally lock the door behind us; when I was free to fondle Yami as I desired, when he would caress me in return. That at least made some sense. Sex is, after all, partly a matter of hormones and opportunity… and Yami was incendiary. But it wasn't just the sex I craved. It was the affection.

How had this game changed so quickly? If I had a weakness when dueling Yami, it was that I never could quite figure out his end strategy. It was so seldom motivated by a pure desire to win. And so, I admit, I was now mystified by those seemingly random, semi-public embraces; moves that could not possibly be construed as a prelude, or even an invitation, to sex. Those brief, casual touches whose meaning I could not decipher… the fleeting hand on my shoulder… the butterfly kiss on my neck. Yami's timing was as impeccable as ever. He would withdraw before I could shake him off… leaving behind the imprint of his hands, his lips.

And yet, each touch, each kiss, disturbed something deep within me. It was not that I was afraid of losing my edge. I still had that, every time I left the mansion; every time Yugi's friends walked in the door. It was as natural as breathing, as much a part of me as my scars… When needed, I could feel my rage settle on my shoulders like a trench coat.

It was not even all these people Yami had brought in his wake. Yugi, I could ignore. I privately though of him as Yami's shadow, anyway. Sugoroku was harder to figure. In his place, I wouldn't have wasted a second on me. But I suppose, since he was in my mansion, drinking my coffee, he figured he owed me some conversation. That, at least was an explanation I could accept. I knew that wasn't the whole story… there was the nickname for one thing… but it was close enough for me. Besides, he was a gamer. I didn't really hold it against him that he had fallen to my dragons. Except for Yami, everyone did.

I would never see the same world that Yugi and his friends saw; the world that everyone else lived in. That was fine by me. 'Everyone else' wouldn't have survived Gozaburo. Yugi's friends would have been dead meat within a week. I didn't dislike them. I just didn't have anything to say to them. The way they laughed and cried, and hugged each other, and insisted on talking about how they felt… it made my skin crawl. Then they would start in on me. Expecting some kind of response… expecting some kind of light bulb to go off in my head. I honestly have absolutely no idea what they wanted, or why – and was uninterested in supplying it anyway. And they were unwilling to accept that. Or had been.

I tried to tolerate them. I owed Yami that. It wouldn't be fair to make him feel uncomfortable in our joint presence. (Besides, he probably preferred them.) And lately things had improved. They would say hello as I entered the room, and ignore me… finding me less interactive than the video games I designed. And I could watch their antics in peace and silence. I guess you could say we'd reached a truce.

It was unsettling learning Yami and I had never been enemies, 3,000 years ago… just as we had never really been enemies now… even at Death-T… even at Alcatraz. Of course I went straight from wondering just how evil my past self had been, to wondering just how much Yami missed him. As if the only constant was my need to avoid giving life to my feelings; my need to avoid having to acknowledge Yami's.

"I know I'm just a replacement for my past life version, anyway," I told him. I don't know why I said that. Well, actually I know exactly why I said that – I was hoping to be contradicted. It was as close as I could come to asking him if he cared

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I've heard the way you talk about him. I bet you never had to shatter his heart to wake him up."

He shook his head.

"Only you could possibly be jealous of yourself," he smirked. "But I'm encouraged. Are the unspoken limits you put on our relationship starting to chafe?"

I ignored that and focused on the simplest part of his statement. The part I could argue.

"He's not me! And you never did say which you prefer… not that it matters. I can guess."

"You are impossible! There are times, Seto Kaiba, when I tire of your willful blindness." he said sternly.

Shit.

I hated it when he used my full name. He only did it when I had disappointed him yet again. I thought I was as stone faced as usual, but something must have slipped, because his eyes softened.

I knew what was coming next, and although I wanted it, in some ways it hurt worse than his disapproval. (Disapproval at least was familiar.) But now he was going to remind himself that he couldn't really expect more from a stray dog like me. He was going to caress me and breathe Koryuu in my ear. He was going to try to soothe me; try to make it 'all better'. And I was going to allow it. I was going to melt into his touch; I was going to prove to him just how helpless I was to resist him. And I wasn't going to hate myself for it either – which was the scariest part.

"Koryuu," he whispered, taking my face in his hands, kissing me… until he had transmuted my anger into passion, sharpened my confusion to desire. Until my hand was tangled in his hair as if I'd never let go. Until I was stripping his clothes; breathing in his scent; before finally re-dressing his body with my own. Until we fell, once again, to the bed, already entwined.

I was starting to feel like I was leading two separate existences. My old life: raising Mokuba, running my business, ignoring Yugi's friends. And this new life, here, with Yami… inhabiting an almost-speechless, almost-wordless world; an existence made of touch and sensation… where the only sounds were our cries; the only words, his whispered Koryuu… his whispered Ryuujin.

I knew I was coming to feel some nebulous something for Yami. I hoped he was coming to care for me. But I also knew, and with equal certainty, that those feelings were as dead as my fourth dragon; that I had killed them as surely. I had no cause for complaint. I had given them up of my own free will. And I was afraid to discover that there are some things that even Monster Reborn can not bring back.

Most people desire the illusion of love. But, Yami had given me something even more precious: the illusion of indifference. He had done me the favor of not putting words to his emotions – of not asking me to name mine. If I chose, I could pretend that it was simply a coincidence that we ended each night in my room; in my bed. He granted me the silence that I needed. But he did not allow me to pretend that he was merely using me; he did not allow me to treat him as if he was as insubstantial as the shadow he had never been to me. He did not allow me to leave in the morning without saying good-bye. Even the gift of thoughtlessness has its limits… and its price.

* * *

.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Kaiba's DENSE, but he's not stupid. He's certainly smart enough to realize that this relationship is really about more than sex, and that Yami is letting him get away with pretending otherwise, but shoving his emotions aside to deal with later (or not at all), is part of Kaiba's operational style. Also, while he's (barely) starting to realize he might possibly want more from Yami, the status quo gives him enough of what he knows he wants (like Yami in his bed) that he'd be unwilling to change it. For his part, I think Yami would be moving very carefully – because one of the few things he does get is that Kaiba has a really hard time admitting to emotions. And I think he would be frustrated at not knowing Kaiba well enough to be sure what his next move should be.

 **Kaiba and eating:** One thing everyone notices about Kaiba is how skinny he is. Partly, I think that's a function of his being so tall. And if you look at the manga, he has a tremendous growth spurt from the beginning to the end. So he probably has a pretty high metabolism.

But another thing stuck me. I definitely don't think of Kaiba as being anorexic, but the only scene where you see him eating is the one where he first arrives at the mansion. Gozaburo and Seto get into this screaming fight, and it ends with Seto's toys being taken away and his getting separated from Mokuba to boot. If that's what mealtimes were like at the Kaiba household, I wouldn't be surprised if the sight of food made his stomach clench.

 **Kaiba and Ancient Egypt:** In the first scanlation I saw, when Kaiba realizes he can read the hieroglyphics, he sees scenes of himself fighting Yami and sacrificing Kisara, and says "What did I do?" Now this could be a scanlation error, because elsewhere I've seen it translated as "How can I do this?" But I started thinking about how all the images Kaiba sees of his past life are profoundly destructive. Given his own history building weapons, and his guilt over it, I thought that might be the reason behind his distaste for anything relating to his past life.

 **Incredibly Eccentric Title Note:** One totally odd thing that struck me is that fanfiction on the Internet has managed to update (or recreate) the experience Victorian era readers most have had reading serialized novels. Most Victorian writers – Dickens springs to mind (unless you're like me, and Christmas Carol aside, prefer never to think about Dickens), published their novels in installments in magazines. And then readers would have to wait more or less patiently from month to month to find out if Little Nell died. Of course readers today have the added insecurity of wondering if their favorite stories will be suddenly abandoned…

Anyway, my favorite Victorian writer isn't Dickens, (well that was probably obvious), but Wilkie Collins. I love _The Moonstone_ , which is coincidentally (or not, I'm never sure how coincidences work) told through a series of interlocking first-person narratives. Anyway, _The Moonstone_ just wouldn't work as a chapter title; then I remembered Wilkie Collins had written a book (not as good) called _No Name_. Which is about two sisters who get declared illegitimate and disinherited. And the older one swears to do whatever it takes to protect her younger sibling. How could I resist?

 **Card Title Note:** The jackass in A Midsummer's Night Dream is named Bottom. I know… there are thousands of cards in circulation, and I always seem to end up making them up.

**RESPONSE TO REVIEWS:**

**Sweatpants:** _(Psyche)_ When writing the scene, I imagined Seto wearing these low cut sweatpants with a T-Shirt that came down to about his belly button. So, about an inch or two of skin below his navel would be exposed between the hem of the shirt and the top of the pants. I tried to work in a more detailed description, but the scene was described from Sugoroku's POV. And there was no way to do it without making people wonder why Sugoroku would be ogling Kaiba. Which struck me as pretty funny, but definitely a topic for another, even weirder story…

 **Seto, Mokuba, Kaiba fight:** _(Clarity, QueenOfGames2)_ Guess that chapter was more confusing than intended. I was trying to show that when Seto saw Mokuba trying to take the blame, it reminded him of situations where it would have been dangerous for Mokuba to do that. And he forgot where and when he was, and sort of flashed back to how he would have reacted if Gozaburo had been alive. Kaiba realized what was happening, it would have been all too familiar. But I think he realized that until the scene kind of played itself out, Seto was not coming back to the present. The scene should make more sense after Chapter 24 which has a flashback scene.

 **Seto and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, BH, Psyche)_ I guess I've always been interested in what happened to turn the boy from the orphanage into the architect of Death-T. There are only a few glimpses of the 13 year-old Seto in the anime. The one that always struck me is the one where he's fighting for control of Kaiba Corporation. He's talking about how he decided he had to do whatever it took to get control, because he had to stop Gozaburo. He certainly doesn't sound ashamed – but he's obviously not proud either. He's simply determined to do whatever it takes to meet his objectives, and is willing to defer any moral or emotional fallout. And given how many of Kaiba's early choices were destructive to his own well being, I thought brining the two of them together would be interesting.

 **Motorcycles:** _(baby mar-mar, Ceribi Motou, Kurosaisei, Nachzes-Black Rider)_ I Definitely agree regarding Kaiba on a motorcycle. Much too hot for his own good!

 **Seto and Yami:** _(Amant de Mort, Desidera, EcoGoth, QueeOfGames2, Sylvia Viridian, Wintersslayer)_ Given that Kaiba has such a deep attraction to Yami, it seemed logical that Seto would share it. Except, he'd be more likely to resent being attracted, and he doesn't know Yami well enough to really either trust or respect him (in fact, I think he'd be fighting pretty hard against doing either. That was a good point – until I read the review I didn't realize that Yami had gotten on Seto's nerves exactly the same way, in the manga/anime, he always gets on Kaiba's. Also I see Seto as thinking and expressing himself more crudely. I have to admit that his blunt observations are fun to write.

 **Mokuba:** _(Nachzes-Black Rider)_ One thing that struck me is how often Mokuba is sneaking around - I mean we see him escape from Pegasus and Malik, and he's caught spying on the Big 5, and you also see him spying on everyone at the mansion in the flashback scenes, not to mention tricking the butler into giving Seto his cards. And he follows blatantly cheating in his early duels with Yugi, by trying to outright steal his star chips at Duelist's Kingdom. I think given the environment he grew up in, and given that he's younger, smaller and just generally less intimidating than his brother, spying, lying, cheating, and manipulating others, would have been a survival skills.

 **Writing in general, Déjà Vu in particular** _(BH, Kurosaisei, laura m, Mistal: The Poisoned One, mezu, Moonrunner, Sarcastic Bastet, t.a.g.0.)_ Thank you for your encouragement. I'm the kind of person that loses themselves in the story when I read. Like on some level, I think that Middle Earth is a real place (don't say yeah – it's in New Zealand) and that somewhere, Kaiba and Yami are dueling on the streets of Domino. So, although I don't own Yugioh, I have tried to recreate my own little corner of Domino. At first I worried that putting all these details, and character introspection was just a frill that slowed down the story. It took hearing from people to realize – it wasn't slowing down the story – it was part of the story. And I needed to have confidence in that. So, thanks again.


	24. The Ghost Road

**IMPORTANT STYLE NOTE: _ITALICS_** are used to indicate a flashback. In this chapter, Mokuba is telling Yami about an incident in the past..

 **NINJA NOTE:** The Samurai were the warrior class in pre-modern Japan. Ninjas, in contrast, were sort of your all purpose spy/assassin/whatever-it takes-to-get-the-job-done kind of guys.

 **NOTE ON NAMES:** In the manga and the subtitled anime, Mokuba invariably refers to Kaiba as Nisama. However, that could get confusing, with two of them. So although, when speaking to them, he continues to call them both Nisama, in his thoughts he uses the following names:

 ** _Nisama:_** refers to the 18 year-old Seto Kaiba

 ** _Oniichan:_** refers to the 13 year old Seto Kaiba. Oniichan is a more affectionate, less forma way of saying Big Brother. I thought it was more in character than having him use Seto, even in his thoughts.

**MARTIAL ARTS VOCABULARY:**

**_KATA:_** A series of choreographed moves designed to show different techniques.

 ** _BO or BO STAFF:_** This is basically a long stick, about the height of the person using it. The type of Bo I picture Kaiba using is a modern one – it would be six feet long, about the diameter of a broom stick, with tapered ends. Using mostly two-handed (with some one-handed and release moves) the person makes sweeping, slashing and thrusting moves very quickly.

 ** _HAMBO:_** This is a three foot stick that is used for various striking and chopping moves. Typically used for kata, not sparring – and only a single Hambo is used as opposed to the one in each hand method I described here. But I really could picture the guys getting into whacking at each other with it.

 ** _DAI KATANA:_** Samurai swords are generically, Katanas. The Dai Katana is the longest sword, over 30 inches in length. Given Kaiba's height, I thought it would be the most appropriate.

 ** _SHINOBIGATANA:_** Short, straight sword, according to legend, used by the Ninja.

* * *

**CHAPTER 24: THE GHOST ROAD**

**MOKUBA'S POV**

It's a common misconception that my brother is some sort of recluse, who only comes out to duel. It makes for great gossip, but how did they think he ran an international gaming empire if he never talked to anyone? Programmers would stop by all the time, and we'd stay up half the night chewing over some problem. The hardware stuff bored me, but I loved the software. And as everyone at Kaiba Corporation admitted – when it came to hacking, I was almost as good as my brother – and better than everyone else.

And although my brother had never joined a dojo – he was welcome at all of them – and not for his name or his money, either. And martial artists sometimes stopped by… weapons masters, mostly. My brother's collection was both admired and envied – and he knew how to use them all. But I admit, hanging out had never been his thing.

But Nisama and Oniichan had finally decided how to deal with the crowd at the mansion. They spent most of their time practicing martial arts by themselves in the back of the house. It worked out pretty well. Kouma and I hung out with the gang, in the game room, or watching a movie. The only time my brothers would join us was if Jackie Chan or Jet Li was on the program – and then they would usually end up trying to imitate the moves. (I'd banned _"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"_ after the time I'd caught them chasing each other across the roof.) Then as Kouma started to get tired, he would get restless to see his brothers. To my surprise, I would get restless for them to see him. I mean, I still thought he was a useless little worm, but he was doing his best, considering he was just a kid…. and he gave them so much pleasure. I've always known just how much I cost Nisama. But I'd never quite realized how happy I made him. Until I saw him smile at Kouma. Until I heard him laugh as he swung my younger self over his head.

I loved seeing the way Nisama's face would light up each night when we joined them. Especially if Yami was there as well. He usually came for a visit at about the same time as we did. Sometimes Sugoroku or Yugi would drop by for a few minutes, after the others had left, before heading up to bed… but it was mostly Yami and us.

I was always a little more nervous when Yami was there. My brother loved showing off. He loved playing with swords. It made for an unsettling combination. But it was nice to have company. To sit on the couch together, watch my brothers, and talk.

Kouma grinned at Yami. The little guy had really taken to him. "He's cool, isn't he?" Kouma asked, nodding to Nisama and Oniichan.

"Cool, indeed," Yami replied.

"I like it here. And I like having two Nisamas."

A shadow passed over Yami's face at the reminder. I answered for him, ignoring the first part of Kouma's remark.

"Yeah, so do I. It sure makes life interesting."

"I can't believe I'm going to be as tall as Nisama!" Kouma said, literally bouncing up and down in my lap. I shook my head. After all that had happened, he was still smiling; still looking forward to the next adventure. Maybe he reminded Nisama to do the same… well, the looking forward to the future part, anyway. Yugi and the others kept telling me that giving Nisama someone to love was enough. But it wasn't. Not to me. That's why it was such a relief to discover that I'd been helping Nisama, all along, just like he always said… at least a little. It was nice to know that I'd been more than a silent partner in our joint venture.

"Do you think I'm going to be taller than him when I'm all grown up? That would be the coolest thing ever!" Kouma added.

Yami laughed out loud at that. "I wouldn't be surprised," he smirked. "And I can't wait to see Kaiba having to look up to you. Just promise me you'll call him a shrimp."

I laughed and shook my head. Kouma surprised me though. He looked Yami in the eye and said, seriously, "If I have to do that, then I don't want to be taller than Nisama." I hugged him. He really was a loyal little guy. I guess I could have done a lot worse.

When Kouma was awake, my brothers would practice kata or play _Judo_ on the padded side of the room, counting on that sport's rigorous rules and tradition of cooperation and discipline to keep them in line. Now, all martial arts are a sport. But once they had all been used for combat, once they had all been a matter of life and death… all except one. Over 100 years ago, Jigoro Kano had taken a form of warfare and turned it into a game, the game of _Judo_. And his quest had become my brother's.

Nisama had grown up with _Jujitsu_ ; he loved weapons practice. He had been born 300 years too late. He was a samurai from the Tokugawa era – and I had been his unwilling Shogun. More than anyone I knew, he embodied the bushido; _the way of the warrior_. But after Alcatraz, he had begun to study Judo; _the way of gentleness,_ in earnest, as though its lessons had become his own.

Now my brothers were working on separate katas, with different weapons. Nisama had the _Dai-Katana_ , the samurai sword; Oniichan, the shorter, _Shinobigatana_ , the Ninja's knife. I smiled. "I'm glad my brother moved on to the long sword."

Yami nodded. "It suits his austere beauty."

I rolled my eyes. Yami was the only person who could get away with saying something like that, and still sound cool. But for once, he had missed the point. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Yami might have been the "King of Games", but so few of the things my brothers played were games.

"That's not it." I said. "Look at their weapons. Nisama has the samurai sword, Oniichan: a ninja's dagger. Nisama has chosen a warrior's weapon – Oniichan, an assassin's."

"And the _Bo Staff_?" he asked, referring to the favorite weapon of both versions.

"That will always be their favorite. It's a peasant's weapon – used for defense against the ruling class. All their games come back to Gozaburo."

Kouma had fallen asleep. Nisama and Oniichan put away the swords and started sparring, swinging their _Hambos_ in earnest. They had forgotten (again) that _Hambos_ were only supposed to be used for kata. And I guess they considered me old enough to watch them try to kill each other.

"How long has he been doing this?" Yami asked.

"Fighting or Martial Arts?" I replied with a grin. "All his life, I guess. They taught Judo at the orphanage. But Nisama usually lost his privileges – for brawling. He only fought when someone picked on me. But by the time an adult got there, all they'd see was him beating the shit out of someone. So they'd make him miss Judo, and the bullies would get to go. It was so unfair!" I burst out, before I could stop myself.

"Yes." Yami agreed quietly.

It felt a little disloyal – but it was so good to be able to say that something was unfair, without hearing my brother point out that life wasn't fair – as if that made the injustice acceptable.

"Did he ever try to explain?" Yami asked curiously.

"No. Sometimes I'd try, but nobody listened. They'd pat my head and say how nice it was that I was trying to protect my brother from the consequences of his actions. Then later, I'd hear them talking about how Nisama didn't deserve me." I sighed. "That's the story of our lives, isn't it? Nisama gets pounded for trying to protect me. Then everyone blames him, and says what a swell kid I am. It sucks."

"But he never asked you to stop, did he?" Yami said unexpectedly.

"No."

I'd wager that it meant more to him that you cared enough to defend him, than he minded missing class."

"Yeah. Nisama would say that since we were a team, it was just as well we weren't both in trouble at the same time. But the orphanage was one thing… Gozaburo was another."

_"Dinner had been hell," I told Yami. " Nisama had been caught in my room when he should have been working. Gozaburo kept picking on my brother for disobeying him. Nisama never had much of an appetite anyway, but that night he was just pushing the food around his plate, as if that would make it disappear. In another minute Gozaburo would be all over him for wasting food. Suddenly, I couldn't take it any more._

_"Stop picking on him!" I yelled. "It's my fault – not his! I asked him to help me with my homework."_

_"So, the mouse squeaks." Gozaburo said, his eyes glazed as a cat's. But before he could say or do anything else, Nisama's blow knocked me from the chair._

_"Never speak again without my permission. Do you understand, dog?" he hissed at me._

It wasn't the words, or even the blow that shut me up. It was the look of terror in his eyes. I think I knew what Nisama was going to do before he did.

_"As for you… father, did you forget that Mokuba is mine to do with as I will?" He kicked me for emphasis. "Or are you looking for easier prey? After all, you've never beaten me yet – you pathetic fool. We both know your brain is no match for mine. Are you afraid of me as well, old man? Isn't that why you need these guards? As you're so fond of saying, it's time to test a theory."_

_He was grinning as he grabbed Gozaburo's wine bottle. He broke it with one swift motion and leapt for him. He never made it, of course. Faster than I could react, he was lying face down on the table; Gozaburo was holding the broken bottle to his throat._

_"So you're fond of playing with sharp objects? And your sensei tells me that you've made progress," he smirked. "Let's see how good a fighter you really are."_

"When I saw him that night, he had that cut," I explained to Yami, pointing to the three inch scar that lay parallel to his right collarbone, the tip barely peeking out from his shirt. Unlike Oniichan who wore a traditional Gi top, Nisama always wore a modern V-Neck tunic over his Gi pants, cut high enough that the tips of his collarbone barely showed. I saw Yami's gaze sharpen as he looked at Oniichan and realized that although most of the burns were already in place, he had none of the cuts that marred my brother's skin; that made the high-collared, long-sleeved shirts necessary.

"Gods," he said to himself, "It's like looking at a work in progress."

That was another thing I liked about talking to Yami. He wasn't from Domino. If I had told this to anyone… even Yugi… even Anzu… they would have thought of my brother as even more of a freak show than they already did. But maybe people carved each other up a lot more wherever Yami was from, because he didn't turn a hair. All he said was: "What happened next?"

_I waited in his bedroom 'till he got back. The first thing he said was, "What are you doing in my room? Never come here again." He was bleeding, but he kept apologizing for hitting me._

_"Never mind about that," I cried, "Look at you! You're cut up!"_

_"It's okay. I'll just have to block faster next time."_

_"Who did that? Was it… Sensei?" I hoped not._

_"No. He just watched. This was a stranger. He was good though... better than anyone I've ever fought," he smiled. "It took him a while. I made him sweat first."_

_"Did you get a shot in?" I was surprised. I knew how well my brother fought._

_"Yeah. One. It didn't matter. My sword had a blunt edge," he laughed. "You didn't think Gozaburo was going to let me get my hands on a real sword, did you?_

_"I should have kept my big mouth shut. I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay, Kouma. We're a team, right? We're just like two pieces on the same side of a chessboard. You're the King, and I'm your Knight. And you don't have to worry about me – not ever." He flashed me his confident grin. "I'm too valuable to kill, or even injure. Gozaburo still doesn't have anyone to be his heir, but me. The old fool just doesn't get it. I never promised to be his puppet… I never promised that. And I'm not going to play his games a second longer than I have to. I don't care what it costs – my life is going to be lived on my terms – not his. After all, I'm the one who won that chess match."_

_He looked at my tear-streaked face. "I know how hard it must have been for you to just sit there and watch," he said quietly. " Just remember – it's only a game, and you know I always win, right? I'm going to win this time, too. I swear it. I'm sorry I didn't manage things better. I'll do better, I promise. No mistakes next time – right?"_

_I hugged him, smearing his blood across my face. "You're the best brother anyone could have. And I'm fine. I'm happy, really… I swear it. And I'll never do anything to attract his attention again. I promise."_

Yami looked at me.

I shook my head. "I wasn't as good as Nisama at keeping my promises."

No wonder Yami was so good with my brother. He always knew when to change the subject.

"I always wondered how he got so good at all of this," he said, gesturing around the room.

"Well, he had his own private Sensei. I never knew his name. He died pretty soon after Gozaburo. Just before you met my brother. Sensei must have kind of liked Nisama. He left him his belt. Or maybe Sensei just felt guilty."

I shook my head. "Gozaburo never made any sense. There was no way Nisama was ever going to design weapons for him, but he was prepared to respect and obey the man who had adopted the both of us. But Gozaburo didn't want my brother's respect or even his obedience. He wanted Nisama's hatred and fear, instead. Well, he got one, but he was never getting the other. And Gozaburo was never going to stop trying. He played a lot of head games on my brother, but he never overlooked the most obvious method of trying to inspire fear, either. He used to knock Nisama around pretty bad. After my brother got too big, he'd have his guards work him over. But he also hired a Sensei to teach him to fight back. And he never minded when Nisama won. I never understood Gozaburo… I don't know if anyone did except my brother."

"I hated Sensei because I kept expecting him to do something, to tell somebody what was going on. So I got mad when he didn't. Maybe my brother liked him better, because he never expected anyone to help him, so he wasn't disappointed. Sensei was supposed to teach self defense and jujitsu. Just the moves. Gozaburo wanted to make my brother fiercer, more intimidating, more competitive – like my brother needed to learn that. But maybe Sensei did care for Nisama, at least a little. Because he taught him the philosophy, too. Sort of like your "Heart of the Cards" stuff. And he taught him some history about the end of the Shogunate, and the end of the samurai…" My voice trailed off when I saw Yami's face. "They taught it at Domino High. You know… the Meiji era… when Japan sort of came together and became a whole country, instead of this feudal state thing…"

I sighed at Yami's look of total non-comprehension. I mean, I know he had been in a puzzle, but still… he'd gone to school with Yugi every day. Hadn't any of it sunk in? I almost laughed. My brother had spent years being forced to study 20 hours a day... no food... no sleep... and he had wound up with a guy who had managed to miss out on every important event of the past 3,000 years.

But Yami was always a quick study, and it wasn't like he was going to major in Japanese history anytime soon. He just wanted something that would give him more of a handle on my brother. And I was the only one who knew which story had been Nisama's favorite.

"It was a long time ago… well, okay, not long for you, but long for the rest of us… like over 100 years. There was this military government – the Shogunate. But it was a mess. To tell you the truth, I always thought it sounded like the final days of Gozaburo's reign at Kaiba Corporation." I grinned to myself. Maybe that's why I always aced history. I knew all about revolutions… after all, my brother had staged one.

There was this big civil was between the Shogunate and these revolutionaries, who wanted an emperor instead." I scrunched my nose. I've never been sure why that made them to looking-to-the-future-side. I mean, an emperor sounded pretty old-fashioned to me… but I knew better than to bring up any side issues. "Anyway, they kept fighting. It was real bloody, because most battles were fought with katanas – you know, like Nisama's. And people would rather die than surrender."

"I can see why the story kept Kaiba's interest," Yami commented.

"We haven't gotten up to Nisama's favorite part, yet," I said. "Most of the fighting was done by the samurai, but the Sekiho Army was different. It was a peasant's army." I shrugged. "They backed the winning side, but they lost, anyway. When the Imperialists knew they were going to win, they realized that they couldn't afford to keep their promises to the farmers who had helped to give them their victory. So they sold the Sekiho Army out, and executed its commanders. Nisama said that their leader, Sagara Sozo, deserved to wind up with his head on a pike for believing in the Imperialists' promises.

My brother liked hearing about them the most, although he'd never admit that to Sensei. But at night, Nisama would talk to me about them. He said that most armies fight for money or land or power. They carry the banner of a king or a general. But the Sekiho Army was fighting to change their world, and they were carrying their future on their shoulders. My brother would say that was the only cause worth dying for."

I shrugged again. "Nisama might have liked hearing Sensei's stories, but he never really trusted Sensei, and Sensei never asked for Nisama's trust either. I mean, they both knew who was paying his salary."

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

Considering how much I liked imagining Yami naked, you'd think I'd be pleased to know that I was going to find out what he looked like for real. But I wasn't. All seeing Kaiba and Yami together did was remind me that five years is a fucking long time. I'd been with Gozaburo for three. Five years was 1.667 times as long; it was 38.462 percent of my life.

It also seemed to have been long enough to turn me into the kind of person who would actually have a lover… and I didn't know how I felt about that.

I wanted to fuck Yami, pure and simple. I didn't want him in my head, listening for my thoughts. I didn't want to know him, and I sure as hell didn't want him knowing what was up with me. I wanted Yami for a toy when I felt like getting my rocks off. (Although if that was the case, I wasn't sure why it was Yami's body and no one else's I wanted.) It didn't matter, because deep down, I knew Yami was never going to play the role I had assigned him, anyway. He was nobody's toy.

So if Kaiba was with Yami, it meant Kaiba had decided that he wanted more than a plaything, he wanted a person. My first rule has always been: Never let anyone close enough to scent out your weaknesses. It was a rule that pre-dated Gozaburo; that pre-dated the orphanage. It was a rule I had clung to ever since the day I had looked into my aunt's eyes and seen her weighing how quickly she could take our inheritance and discard us; since I had seen her weighing whether it might be better to keep me, for the prestige value of owning a genius child, while throwing out my less promising sibling. It was a rule that had never failed me. And if Kaiba was with Yami, it meant he had thrown the rulebook away.

Even if I wasn't sure I wanted Yami on those terms; even if I thought Kaiba was paying a fool's price… one fact remained: Kaiba had Yami. I didn't. And Kaiba might have been me – but he was also a rival. And I hate losing… even to myself.

Thinking about Yami always left me frustrated and annoyed, so, I was looking forward to my meeting with Akunadin. It was familiar. And it was good to be facing a formidable opponent once again. I had missed it. As much as I hated Gozaburo, I loved meeting every sick, twisted challenge he set me.

Leading Akunadin on had become a game. That might have been enough to keep me coming back, especially since, although the old fool didn't realize it, I held all the cards. But of course, I had an ulterior motive. I was getting all kinds of great details about Ancient Egypt that I was recycling into my video game. I would never have bothered asking all those questions, if it didn't have a practical purpose, but surprisingly, I loved hearing his stories. I had never known anything about Egypt before, and it was like stepping into a whole new world. It was wonderful. I could listen to him for hours.

Gozaburo would have laughed at me for caring about a dead civilization; for wasting my time on stories. Kaiba could barely stand the mention of the word 'Egypt', although he was painstakingly recreating a world he professed to hate. But considering how real Kaiba's virtual worlds were, and how seductive; considering how easy it was to escape into them… I was willing to bet, he understood my impulse to lose myself in the far past, very well, indeed. And given how popular his designs were, he was clearly tapping into a desire more universal than I could ever have imagined.

I was surprised that Akunadin never asked me why I was interested in all this stuff, since it had little to do with our potential business, but he seemed to like to talk. Maybe he missed his home. Idly, I wondered what it would be like to have a home you cared enough about to miss. Had Kaiba managed to make one for himself and Mokuba? It was hard to tell.

I pointed to the golden eye that had been half hidden by his hair. I was willing to bet that the Rod was somewhere around.

"So tell me old man, if you have the Eye and the Rod, why do you need duplicates from me?"

He hesitated. He would talk about anything to do with his past life – except the Sennen Items.

"All you need to know is that I want them. You don't need to know why."

"Yeah, but I have a thing about secrets. I don't like them… unless they're mine."

I could see him chew that over; and decide to humor me by answering. "Somehow, 3,000 years ago, the power of the items became halved, possibly because Seto and myself were both legitimate holders, and were at odds with each other – an error I'm trying to correct. I kept one version of both items with me. The other was buried and continued into this timeline. Neither item will have its full power until they are united – by me."

"Don't you mean by us?" I smiled. I knew screwing around with potential futures had to be more risky than he made it sound – and Mokuba seemed happy in this one. So Akunadin hadn't really offered me anything I wanted, or could believe in. Yet I was willing to listen, willing to learn whatever he wanted to teach me. I wasn't about to join him, but he didn't have to know that. I wasn't going to reject him either, at least not right now. Knowledge is power, and I intended to keep mine to myself for as long as possible.

"If you went to all the trouble to find me," I continued, "Something must have happened to the original Seto. The one from way back when. It sounds like he wasn't on your side, even then. So what's up – why wasn't he your willing tool?"

My question had surprised him – but not as much as he surprised me – by giving me an honest response. "I loved him too much. I raised him as my son, with my code of loyalty to our beliefs – which he chose to honor, rather than join me. It was another mistake."

I froze. I know a lie when I hear one, and what I was hearing was the truth… or at least one version of it. Akunadin might have been lying to himself, but he wasn't lying to me… at least not deliberately. He believed every word. And anyway, it's not like anyone had ever bothered even pretending they had cared, before. It might have been just another story, but I suddenly wanted to hear it told in full. I replayed his words in my head. All I could think was: had there ever been a time, even 3,000 years ago, when someone had loved me?

For once, I couldn't hold on to my stone face. Akunadin knew he had captured my interest, and he knew that I wouldn't concede anything further, any time soon. Besides, he was probably ecstatic just to have finally established a base of operations for further forays into my non-existent soul. For the first time I was seriously considering whether Akunadin might have something to offer Mokuba and myself. Something that would be worth the risk of rearranging time.

The damage, if damage it was, was done. I had tipped my hand. At least that meant there was no point in lying; no point in pretending indifference.

"So tell me about your son, old man," I said. "Tell me a story…"

* * *

,

 

 **THANKS TO CLARITY** for proofreading and helping me to correct what could be considered my eccentric grammar (if you're being charitable) or my substandard grammar (if you're being honest.) I know this is a weak spot, and I really appreciate the help. Any compliments on increased readability are due to her efforts. Of course since, at times, I decided to keep the grammatical errors intact, so I guess any complaints should go to me…

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** While writing this chapter I was whining (electronically) on the difficulty of throwing in things like the history of Judo and the Sekiho Army – and trying to have it all come up naturally. My friend (understandably) asked: why _are_ you throwing in all that stuff? It took me a couple of days to come up with an answer. But I think with a character who is as inexpressive as Seto Kaiba (much less two Seto Kaibas) things like what martial arts he plays (and why) or what stories he likes to hear becomes more important. Anyway, both martial arts and the Sekiho Army become sort of running motifs.

 **Sekiho Army Note:** _Rurouni Kenshin_ (I can't believe I finally remembered how to spell that) fans will hopefully recognize the stuff on the Sekiho Army. It's funny, while I was writing this chapter I did a bit of research to find out if they existed, or if they were a figment of Nobuhiro Watsuki's imagination. (I have no idea why it was important to me to find out if they existed, but it was.) Anyway, when I googled them, a ton of sites were listed. Unfortunately the top choices were in Japanese – so I had no idea if they were historical sites or _Rurouni Kenshin_ shrines. Then I tried researching Japanese history of the Bakumatsu. Finally I went back to the Sekiho Army, and found the historical notes for a (Japanese) movie called Red Lion – about the Sekiho Army! Anyway it had all these historical notes, because the producers were trying to impress people with their historical accuracy.

At the end of the Tokugawa Shogunate, there was a certain amount of chaos in Japan, partly because this once fairly isolated nation had a sudden infusion of foreign (i.e. Western) contact, and partly because after over 200 years the government was starting to break down and there was a certain amount of social unrest. Anyway, the revolutionaries or the Imperialist side) wanted to turn Japan from a feudal society to a modern nation state, unified under an emperor. At this time, there was a peasant revolt, mostly over land and tax issues in many provinces. The pro-Imperialist side encouraged this, as a way of further weakening the Shogunate, and sent Sagara Sozo, among others, to organize the farmers, creating the Sekiho-tai. However, when the Imperialist side realized they were going to win, they also realized that they couldn't afford to keep the tax relief promises Sagara had made in their name. They declared the Sekiho-tai to be imposters, and arrested and executed Sagara and other top commanders. In 1928, the government offered an official apology, clearing their name, and honoring the troop.

Anyway, with its themes of future vs. past, and trust and betrayal, it seemed like the perfect story for Seto Kaiba.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Mokuba:** _(AmunRa, Ceribi Motou, Desidera, Katie Torango, MotherCHOWGoddess, Nachzes-Black Rider, Wintersslayer)_ I agree that Mokuba is the person who sees Seto Kaiba the most clearly. And I like the point that the Yugi-tachi think they have him figured out, but that's different from really understanding him. But I also think that Mokuba recognizes that there are limits to what he can do for his brother. I think, as he gets older, he might come to feel that there are some things he has to wait and hope that Kaiba can learn on his own. But that's a good point that it's amazing that someone who has grown up in such an anti-social environment as Mokuba can be so insightful. On the other hand being loved as deeply as Mokuba is by Kaiba would probably have to help.

 **Yami and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Desidera, EcoGoth, Kanoi1, Psyche, QueenOFGames2, Sarcastic Bastet)_ I see Yami's patience as being strategic in nature. He's very patient when he duels, setting things up carefully, and willing to retreat, or take losses if he has to, to get the ultimate victory. So I sort of seeing his Game King persona being front and center here. And I think Kaiba would recognize that, even if he realizes that he doesn't get Yami's motives, which was why I had them both describe their relationship in dueling terms.

And it occurred to me how surprised in the anime Yami often is by Kaiba - not just his strategies, but often his decisions, motivations and actions. And I think Yami is used to being the one who has the answers - so this would push his boundaries as well as Kaiba's I'm trying to show a relationship where both sides have something to offer and to learn.

It is interesting that both Bottom and Kaiba have mystical lovers though…

 **Kaiba's past life/jealousy:** _(AnimeFan-Artemis, Clarity, Desidera)_ Between Kaiba being jealous of his past life version, and Seto being jealous of Kaiba, there's certainly enough jealousy floating around…

 **More Kaiba:** _(Clarity, QueenOfGames2, Sarcastic Bastet, StainofCurare)_ I see Kaiba as being an interesting mix. He's utterly confident while executing a plan, as well as coldly logical and efficient. But he also treats himself and his own life and happiness with such flagrant disregard. In that way I also see him as very mature when it comes to practical things – after all he's raising Mokuba and running a business, but very young when it comes to dealing with his emotions. That's why I have Yami sometimes call him Ryuujin (Dragon King) and sometimes Koryuu (Little Dragon). That was also what was behind Yami's observation that he was very young. Since there's a lot he missed out on as a child, I think there's a part of him that has remained child-like. There's a scene in the Grand Prix episodes where he's watching one of the duels on a monitor – and all I can think is that Kaiba should be out there, just playing for the fun of it – instead of having _any_ of these responsibilities – much less _all_ of them!

One thing interesting about writing Kaiba is that you always have to check your assumptions. Like when I imagined Yami giving him a card - I sort of had to stop myself and wonder - oh yeah - has anyone but Mokuba ever given him a present?

 **Transition chapter:** _(Kurosaisei)_ Explanatory is a good way to describe it. I was trying to show where everyone was emotionally before moving on to the next stage of the story.

 **Motorcycle race:** _( )_ I imagine that Kaiba won it. He's stronger, has quicker reflexes and more experience racing.

 **Gozaburo** _(Demon fritillary)_ As you can see from this chapter, through flashbacks, I eventually go into the continuing struggle between Gozaburo and Seto that led to Gozaburo's suicide.

 **DOOM/DOMA:** _(Dark Illusionist)_ Thanks. I thought DOMA was a bad translation of DOOM! I've corrected it in future chapters


	25. Here There Be Dragons

**IMPORTANT! NOTE ON CHARACTERS IN SETO'S VIDEO GAME:** Seto describes the characters in the game he's designing, way back in Chapter 11. But since that was quite a while ago, I'm giving an abridged version here: _"You could chose from a real range of alter egos: a mischievous imp, like the Monkey King of Chinese legend, recreated as a boy; a fairy tale prince; and my favorite, a tall blue-eyed Elven warrior, graceful and deadly. You could even choose to be a villain: an evil sorcerer, or his demonic King."_

 **NOTE ON ELVISH:** Quenya is one of the Elvish languages created by Professor J.R.R. Tolkien. Thanks to Kagemihari for the translation.

 **NICKNAME REMINDER:** Koryuu means little dragon. It is used as a nickname for the 13 year-old Seto Kaiba.

* * *

**CHAPTER 25: HERE THERE BE DRAGONS**

**KAIBA'S POV**

The punk thought he needed my help. He was about to get a lot more than he bargained for. What he needed was a lesson in the finer points of gaming – and I was about to make my next move painfully instructive.

We had been working on Seto's game for weeks. Even if I hadn't been keeping tabs on him, the game itself would have told me more than I wanted to know… more than I could stomach. Now it was time for me to add a few little details of my own. Then it would be time to _play_. If the original designer, with unconscious flattery, had given the Elven warrior my brown hair and blue eyes, he had also given the Monkey King, Mokuba's mop of black hair and improbable lavender eyes. It hadn't taken much to punch up the resemblance. The gaunt sorcerer now matched Shadi's description of Akunadin. Seto would be able to tell if the likeness was true far better than I. In a frill of my own, I had not been able to resist adding a few details to the prince, changing his eye and hair color to match Yami's. (After all, no one, even in a video game, has crimson eyes.)

I had lost Yami. I knew that. I didn't need to wait for him to tell me that he had had enough, and there was nothing else for either of us to say, anyway. When I thought of how close Seto was to betraying Mokuba, and why… I knew this was one thing I could not accept about myself… could not expect Yami to embrace. Still, I couldn't resist preserving some semblance of Yami in a game I would never be able to bear playing.

I should have known better, but I had been well and truly seduced. At first, coming face to face with Seto had me hoping that Mokuba had been right all these years. It had reminded me that although it had all gone horribly wrong, I had begun this journey wanting only to protect Mokuba. I had never given up. I had been defeated. I kept repeating that to myself… kept reminding myself that there _was_ a difference. Until I thought I had convinced myself. Until, although I still felt the shame of that loss, the guilt had started to lift, a little.

I had been seduced into believing that my younger self wasn't as vile as I remembered, that betrayal didn't lie at the heart of my nature, that I had something worth offering to Yami. Another delusion.

It was appropriate that it was a game that had shattered my illusions.

Seto's game.

The thing that had caught my interest… the thing that had brought Seto to me for help… was that this game was different. The characters could now make choices that would alter their future course. They could even try to atone for their actions, although redemption became harder with each wrong turn. I smiled. Like it or not – it was time for the punk to play his own game.

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

I might not like him – but right now I needed him – and I've always understood necessity. I knew I was taking a calculated risk. Kaiba was smart enough to read between its lines, so my game had probably revealed my secret. But he was also the only one who could fix it – and in the end the game mattered more than the secret.

Besides, it was fitting. We reveal ourselves through our games. I thought of Kaiba's deck; of his soaring dragons, his insidious virus cards… how they were a mixture of light and dark… yet all were creatures of strength and determination. His deck was about power, pain and sacrifice. It was a deck a man could be proud of.

And what did my deck reveal about me? After all, the strongest card in it was Mokuba's hand drawn dragon – a card everyone but me believed worthless, a card I could never use in a duel. A card whose importance I could not reveal without risking its loss.

I looked at what had been my video game. The characters had changed. Oh, not the Demon King. Each time we had met, we had added funnier details: a business suit, bushy eyebrows… finally a cigar. Kaiba had laughed, and said we'd have to change him back before we released the game to the public. It wouldn't do for Gozaburo's loving adoptive sons to picture their generous benefactor as the root of all evil. "Besides," he added with a grin, "I guess we do owe this all to him."

But the other characters were different. And I knew. This was Kaiba's game now. And I would have to play it.

He had given some of the characters names. I looked at script under the Elven warrior. "Ninquiloce," I read aloud. "I like it. It suits him. What does it mean?"

"White Dragon," he said with a cold smile.

Shit. This was not going to be fun.

"What language is it?" I asked, stalling for time.

"Elvish. Quenya, to be exact."

"Been talking to any Elves lately?" I sneered.

"Only in a manner of speaking. You can find out almost anything you want to know on the Internet."

He pointed to the screen, suddenly business like.

"What we have to do now," he said casually, as though he wasn't springing a trap, "Is pick a character and go through all their possible courses of action. Let's take Ninquiloce. He's your favorite, isn't he?"

I nodded, as if I didn't feel the trap closing.

"Well then – what's he after? He has to have a goal, doesn't he?"

"Uhh, saving the world?"

"That's such a boring motive. And over-used. Only the prince could get away with that one. Not our Elven warrior. But what if he just wanted to save a piece of it?" The arrow clicked on the Monkey King who was now Mokuba's double. "What if he looked on him like… a brother? Wouldn't it add… spice to the game if the characters were drawn to each other – for good or for evil? What if they could decide who to commit to?"

I nodded. It was what I had wanted, why I had sought him out. But I was suddenly wary of where he was going.

"So, the Monkey King is his angel," he said. "Now, which one will lead him into darkness?"

I pointed at the sorcerer who now looked like Akunadin. "There's no way he'd be stupid enough to fall for the Demon King. So it has to be this one."

"What would you say is the lure? If our fine Elven Warrior is going down – there has to be a reason. So our sorcerer needs to have some attractive qualities," he smirked, "Except for our Demon King, here – most people have at least one. What would seduce a proud elf warrior?"

"Besides the promise of power? Well, maybe have the sorcerer care about Ninquiloce… at least a little bit." I found myself blurting out. It really was like talking to myself. (Which was what he had banked on, of course.) "Like the sorcerer's using him. He can't help it – it's what he does. But maybe, he kind of likes Ninquiloce, too."

"Ahh, a worthy trap. So, we'll make our sorcerer a little… parental, shall we? An interesting decision. But then, we'll have to make Ninquiloce a little younger, won't we?" A couple of clicks, and it was a young teenager, not an adult who faced us. His name had changed also, from Ninquiloce to Locelle. I didn't need to ask, to know that it meant Little Dragon… to know that his name was now Koryuu.

"So, our Little Dragon has an interesting choice – to be a parent or a child." Kaiba said. "In the end, Locelle won't be able to have both the Monkey King and the Sorcerer."

"What makes you so sure? The game's not finished yet. Just because you couldn't have both, doesn't mean I can't. Maybe I'm better than you," I snarled.

"Why do I always have to learn everything the hard way?" he asked the ceiling, before turning to me and snarling back, "No, the game's not over – and you're playing it through to the end."

At first I thought I could beat the game. I thought Kaiba was wrong, and I could have both. Until I saw where my decisions had led us. Locelle and the Monkey King were surrounded in an alley. There was only time for one of us to escape – if the other bought that time with his life.

I turned to Kaiba. I was pissed at him for pulling such a lame-assed stunt. "Are you really stupid enough to think that I need to be reminded that Mokuba is my responsibility?" I laughed in his face. "I'm not likely to forget that any time soon, am I?"

My hands moved easily on the controls, moving Locelle into the line of fire, when Kaiba's voice stopped me in my tracks.

"No," he said. "You have to try every combination, not just the familiar one."

I looked at Locelle and the Monkey King, standing side by side, their arms around each other's shoulders.

"Not that one," I whimpered.

"Did you really think that Locelle could emerge unscathed from this game he's playing? Did you think he could do whatever he wanted, regardless of consequences? Do you think that actions exist in a vacuum? Now who's being stupid? Locelle won't be the one to pay the price for your blindness… for your failure… at least not yet. Review your actions in your mind. When you stop lying to yourself, you'll admit that there's only one move left for Locelle to make. Do it!" he ordered.

Even as I followed Kaiba's barked command… even as Locelle grabbed the Monkey King and swung him in front to use as a shield a living shield… I kept expecting something to happen… something to save Mokuba… because even in a game, I couldn't kill him… I couldn't watch him die.

But nothing came between Mokuba and the lightning strikes aimed at us… aimed at him.

Mokuba's likeness shattered and turned to dust before our eyes.

I could say that it was just a video image on a screen… but I didn't believe that, any more than Kaiba did. If there was one thing we both knew it was this: games are real. I looked at Kaiba's face. It was as white as mine.

"Why the hell did you tell me to do that?" I yelled.

"Because the worst mistakes are the ones made in ignorance," he replied.

"How could you let Mokuba die?"

"I didn't," Kaiba said quietly, almost gently, "You did. You were the one at the controls, the one whose choices brought you to this point. This is _your_ game, Seto – and has been right from the start. I'm just showing you how it ends," he added as he left.

If it was my game, why did I feel like I had just lost?

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for betaing this chapter._ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** It's funny… al the way back in Chapter 8, I needed an excuse to get Yami and Kaiba to Kaiba Land, so Kaiba could look out the window, have a flashback, and talk to Yami. On a whim, I put Seto in charge of a work group designing a video game that took place in Ancient Egypt (funny how he took it over, huh?). Anyway, I realized that I'd just filled a plot hole by giving Seto an excuse to keep meeting Akunadin, who was his source of information on all things Egyptian. I needed to extend the contact long enough that Seto would be tempted by Akunadin's offered affection.

But somewhere along the line, I realized how well the characters could fit into a video game. I keep trying to figure out what Seto and Kaiba's common language is – since it certainly isn't any spoken one – and one answer is – it might be gaming. I admit I'm curious to know if people were surprised after I kept mentioning Seto and Kaiba working on a game, that it turned out to be relevant.

Another thing that's funny – I keep saying that I picture Yami as sort of a Tolkien Elf – yet in the game, that character is played by Seto Kaiba. I honestly think Kaiba is too volatile and troubled to be anything but human… but with his height and thinness – which gives him an odd physical combination of fragility and strength, and given the fact that when he's focusing intently on a duel, or about to laugh maniacally, his expression can only be called other-worldly, he kind of looks like an Elf from a video game. By the way, for _"Demon Diary"_ fans, I used _Eclipse_ as a model for his hair and clothing.

 **Title Note:** I know it's not quite a book or song title, but a while back, _Katie Torango_ reminded me that maps, when showing the spaces beyond the mapmaker's knowledge often said in warning: Here there be dragons… and it seemed too good to resist. Thanks for the suggestion.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Seto:** _(AmunRa, AnimeFan-Artemis, Desidera, elirian19, Lightning Sage, samurai-ashes, StainofCurare, Troubled Talent)_ Yeah… he's pretty raunchy. And I'd agree, I think he's like a sponge, too. Only his experiences would lead him to look at people as objects or pawns, because that's what he's absorbed from his observations of how the world works. I also wanted to give him a kind of teenage bravado… like he's covering up ignorance and uncertainty with boastfulness. And I am trying to give Seto a voice that sounds distinctive from Kaiba's (more raw, with his emotions – well, mostly rage – closer to the surface) and yet make it believable that Seto's voice and thoughts could evolve into Kaiba's.

 ** _Writing Seto:_** The interesting thing about writing first person POVs is that you get to hide behind your characters. On some level I feel like: don't look at me… I didn't say all those crude things – Seto did! I just wrote them down. Okay, I'm not getting bonus points in the sanity department with that response, but at least it's honest. The only thing that I really look at and kind of ask myself: "Did I just write that?" is Gozaburo flashbacks. I really don't want to admit that most of what he says and does came out of my head. I feel the same way about any scene where

 ** _Seto and Akunadin:_** The story started with Akunadin and the Sennen Items, and I then spent most of the intervening time ignoring them! It was actually deliberately done. I needed that time in order to set things up so it made some kind of sense when they start working their way back into the story. It's probably the one decision I wonder about the most… so at the end of the story (which is still a while off) I'd like to know if people think it worked out. But for now at least, I was trying to show that Seto's awareness of and resentment towards Yami and Kaiba's relationship had left him a little more open to Akunadin. It was the reason I opened Seto's POV with him thinking about Yami and Kaiba. And I picked liking stories as one of the links that connect Seto and Kaiba. Thanks for letting me know that came across.

 **History:** _(BH, elirian19, Kanoi1, Lightning Sage, MotherCHOWGoddes, Wintersslayer)_ Thanks, I was afraid of boring people by throwing in all this historical stuff like the Sekiho Army. I know only little about that period, besides being a Rurouni Kenshin fan, but if I'm going to mention something, I do try to research it first, to try and avoid any really glaring errors. I can see Seto Kaiba identifying with the courage of the Sekiho Army, while being both admiring and disdainful of their idealism. I find him a bit of a contradiction in that way: Kaiba openly disparages ideals such as friendship, faith or hope, yet his own goals were to turn Kaiba Corporation from a weapons manufacturer to an entertainment empire, and to build Kaiba Land as a place that gave children the kind of happy childhood he never experienced.

 **Martial Arts:** _(BH, Desidera, Lightning Sage)_ That was an interesting observation… in many ways I see the Martial Arts Seto or Kaiba might study as revealing as their decks.

I did want to note, though, that when I called Martial Arts a sport, I did not mean to imply that they were trivial or frivolous. I think the chapter showed how important they were emotionally to the characters. I used the word sport to describe martial arts because I was trying to differentiate Judo (an other modern Martial Arts) as a sport from their Jujitsu (or Jujutsu) origins as a form of unarmed combat. The years in which Jigoro Kano, the founder of Judo, grew up and developed Judo (1860-1882), were years of enormous change in Japan. Sped on by the opening of Japan to Western influences, the Tokugawa Shogante and the feudal society it presided over crumbled, and after a civil war, the Imperial Government which replaced it was established, with the goal of turning Japan into a modern, western-style nation state. Jigoro Kano's aim was to combine the best of the principles of the varying styles of Jujitsu, with an emphasis on cooperation, respect and concern for one's opponent, and mental and physical development to create a new martial art that would carry Japan into the 20th Century. This emphasis on consideration for the safety of one's opponent, and using martial arts as a way of promoting peace distinguished Judo from earlier martial arts, which were a form of warfare. It struck me that this history might resonate with Kaiba and echo his own personal journey.

 **Mokuba:** _(Desidera, StainofCurare, Troubled Talent)_ The story focuses mainly on Kaiba (and Seto), but looking more deeply into Mokuba's emotional growth and change, is something I probably need to look at more. Thanks.

 

Thanks to _Hikari Ryu, laura m, Mistal: The Poisoned One, Nachzes Black-Rider, Seto's Darkness_ for your encouragement. One of the challenges of the story has been combining a plot that (hopefully) moves forward while trying to show the characters thoughts and development – and do it using several different voices. It seemed a lot easier before I started! It's nice to hear that you're enjoying the story.


	26. The Tempest

**NAME REMINDER:** Mokuba refers to the 13 year-old Seto as Oniichan in his thoughts.

* * *

**CHAPTER 26: THE TEMPEST**

**KAIBA'S POV**

I couldn't even pretend Mokuba had a nightmare. This time, I was the one who needed him; needed the comfort of his sleeping presence. He was the only thing I needed – my weakness and my strength.

Yet if you asked me if I loved Mokuba, I wouldn't know how to respond. The answer people expected was "Yes, of course." After all, I'd offered up my soul for his. And Mokuba had told me that I loved him. He was speaking the truth… as he saw it. But I honestly didn't know what love was any more; had surrendered the capacity to feel it beyond reclaim. The only thing I could say with certainty was what I had told Gozaburo long ago: Mokuba was a responsibility. Mokuba was mine.

If you asked me if Mokuba loved me, I would be on surer ground. For Mokuba knew how to love.

At first he had loved me as simply as a child loves his father. After all, frightening as it sounds, I am his stability, the constancy in his life. Even now, as long as he is by my side (and I am not trying to kill him), he is content. But I can not pretend that Mokuba has a child's love for me any longer. For he both sees and accepts my flaws and failures – in a way that I can not. No, now I am the one who loves as a child does (if love it is): simply, unquestioningly, uncritically. I look at Mokuba and see no flaws.

I stared at his sleeping face, trying to trace a likeness. Not to me, thankfully, but to the birth parents I had almost forgotten; whose faces I could only see in silhouette. I had been too young to remember my mother, and my father had been home too infrequently. As adept as I am with computers, I have never done a search, never tried to find their images. Although sometimes I have had a faint curiosity: to see if they were as tall as I, as tall as Mokuba would be one day (even now, he'd be at least an inch taller than Seto, if he'd only stand a little straighter.) I wonder if I would find my blue eyes, or Mokuba's wonderful lavender-gray, his tangle of black hair. But in the end, I have never needed to search. I have the best of them in Mokuba.

I remember looking through the plastic hospital bassinet… seeing him for the first time… looking in wonder at this perfect being. He stole my heart without opening his eyes.

Later when my father explained what had happened… how Mokuba had cost my mother her life… I accepted it, as my father, in his adult wisdom, could not. It was an exchange – as if my favorite baseball team had traded one player for another.

But nothing could divide me from Mokuba. He was my world. And my only true failure lay in forgetting that.

At the orphanage, I had never looked for a father. Not for myself, not even for Mokuba. All I had asked for was someone… anyone… who would give us a place to live. Who would allow me to provide for Mokuba. Which was precisely what I had received. It has always tempered my anger at Gozaburo. If he had given me no more than I had asked for, he had given me no less. Any harm to Mokuba came at my hands, not his.

For the first time I wondered what would have happened if we had been adopted by that mythical creature: a loving father? What would I have done, if Mokuba had found someone else to look up to? Someone else to love? Would I have found the strength to let him go? In the end, it did not matter. No magical parent had appeared, and the only threat to our bond had come from me.

And now, Seto was reaching out for a father in his own way – not having learned the futility of the hunt. It was a need I had covered over so well, I did not know it existed, until I had seen the longing in his eyes. A need I would not have believed in, if I had not caught it electronically.

And for the illusion of a parent's love, Seto was prepared to slice out his own heart. Mokuba was his life, but Seto was poised to become Mokuba's death.

Mokuba wasn't in any real danger, of course. I could stop Seto long before he did any damage. If necessary, I would kill him. I considered it, calmly. It had its advantages… at least it would end the threat he presented, once and for all. And Seto had shown me precisely how little I had to lose… and how much. For eliminating Seto would destroy the timeline I had committed myself to preserving. Worse, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be around to protect Mokuba from the chaos that followed. And that would be an abandonment… a betrayal… to rival Seto's.

Mokuba blamed Gozaburo for what I had become, but Seto exposed that for the lie it was. For Gozaburo had been dead for over two years; Seto was here… and running the same headlong course towards betrayal, as if it was my nature to turn against that which was most precious to me. What had been the good of shattering my heart, if evil was engraved on every piece? And if betrayal was at the essence of my heart, how could I offer Yami so stained a gift?

I had spent my life always standing and fighting; never running. Now I was sitting here in the comforting darkness of Mokuba's room, hiding from Yami. There was nothing I could do, up to and including attempted murder, that would lessen Mokuba's regard for me, and no one else's opinion had ever mattered... until Yami. Although we talked about everything but our feelings; everything but what we were doing each night, I had started to hope that I meant more to him than a nightly fuck… until Seto had shown me the hollowness of my own heart, and had reminded me of the foolishness of dreams. And yet, I could not let go of them, even after Seto had proven beyond doubt that despite everything I have tried to do in the years since Death-T, I can never truly escape who and what I am.

Night after night, I avoided Yami, as if by refusing to go next door, I could delay the inevitable moment when my unacknowledged dreams would splinter in my hands, broken into frozen shards by the ice in Yami's glare.

I was being foolish, and I knew it. After all, there had probably never been anything to lose, except in my imagination. I reminded myself of all the times I had angered or disappointed Yami: our first Shadow Game, Death-T, Duelist's Kingdom, Alcatraz. I tried to tell myself this new betrayal didn't matter. I had dueled him enough to know his opinion of me. I would probably never have his respect, much less his affection. Yami had seen into my heart; he had shattered it; he had to know how little was there. I was probably just a knock-off version of his High Priest. Someone to pass the night with, since we seemed to have the same screwed up sleep schedule. He had never offered more. And affection, much less love, had never been part of the package. If love had been on the table, that first night, I would have refused the deal. So, as with Gozaburo, I had no one to blame but myself if I had received no more and no less than requested.

And yet, Yami thought I was honorable… had always thought it really… even when I had given no sign that I had a clue what the word meant. And, in truth, as the world defines it, honor has had little place in my life.

But debt and responsibility I understand. Yami would expect me to tell him of Seto's weakness. And that laid an obligation on me that I could neither avoid nor face. For how could I betray Yami's trust? Yet, how could I confess to him so hideous a betrayal and so shameful a longing?

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

"What's happened?" I asked. "And don't tell me nothing."

"How long have you been awake?"

"A few minutes. Long enough to know you're here, and not in your room… where you belong."

"No. I meant… how long have you known?"

"Through most of it, I guess."

"Even Gozaburo…"

"Not at the time." I shrugged, "When I got a little older, it wasn't hard to figure out. I mean we'd be under the covers, talking. It was cool. It felt like we were somewhere safe. Then before you'd leave, you'd tell me to scream and cry like I was in a horror movie. It was fun, actually… just laying there, yelling my fool head off. It felt great." I smiled. "Gozaburo should have remembered – no one can ever predict what the Knight's going to do. You were worried he'd bugged the room, weren't you?"

"God, Mokuba… I've failed you so badly. How can you ever forgive me?"

"Haven't you heard a word I said? You've never failed me. The fact that I know just how far you went to save me, how much you gave up along the way – that doesn't make your sacrifice worthless. It makes it more precious… at least to me.

Don't you get it, Nisama? I look at myself every day, and feel like the most special, the most wonderful person in the whole world – because that's what I am to you. I feel like I'm going to live each day to the fullest – because it's a day that you've given me. That I'm going to be the best person I possibly can – because that's the only way to honor what you've done. If I regret anything… it's the price that you paid. Now tell me – what's happened?"

He was sitting, huddled into himself; his arms folded across his chest. He looked down and shook his head. I sighed. Sometimes talking to my brother is like playing 'Twenty Questions'.

"Does it have something to do with… well… with my other Nisama?"

He nodded. I didn't bother pointing out that Oniichan's sins weren't his. Nisama barely grasped that Gozaburo's weren't his, either.

"Does Yami know what's wrong?" I asked, wondering how many nights my brother had spent in my room.

He shook his head, eyes still lowered.

"Whatever it is, tell Yami. He'll understand." I would have added that Yami loved him – I mean anyone but my brother could see it – but I wasn't sure whether that would do more harm than good at this point. Besides, as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew how stupid they were. My brother could barely bring himself to talk to me, much less Yami. I mean – I'd just spilled my guts and he'd said about four sentences. Which was probably a record.

My brother's real good at yelling or insulting or even (when he can be bothered) explaining. But talking…. forget it. I knew why, of course. I had heard Gozaburo's words too: "Never reveal a weakness that a potential enemy can exploit. And never forget, boy – everyone is your enemy." The difference was, Gozaburo's words hadn't been directed at me. I tried to think of another way.

"If you can't tell Yami, can you show him, somehow?"

Ahh. I'd given him a problem to solve. He nodded.

"Go back to sleep," he said.

"Not unless you're here with me," I answered; giving him an excuse to stay in my room until morning.

* * *

.

**Thanks to Clarity for betaing this chapter.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I really see Kaiba, at the start of Déjà Vu as trying to learn to accept both his past and himself as a person. But I don't think he knows how to do this, any more than he has a clue how to be in a relationship. Mokuba forgives Kaiba for Death-T because he understands that Kaiba sacrificed a good part of his soul to protect him, and he can accept the fact that Kaiba was pretty psychotic by Death-T. That's Mokuba's line of reasoning – but I don't think that Kaiba ever really agreed with it. But I can see Kaiba, in his usually intensely wrong headed way trying to will himself into accepting his past – and thinking he's succeeded. So when he sees Seto making the same error – and worse, neglecting to put Mokuba's needs first – I think it would devastate whatever fragile peace with himself he's achieved.

In the same way, in his quieter, more secure moments, Kaiba realizes that Yami is allowing _their_ feelings to remain undiscussed because he's giving Kaiba the room to sort out _his_ own. But the flaw in that game plan becomes obvious – under stress I think Kaiba would find it very easy to tell himself that Yami really doesn't care, and that any affection he felt was an illusion produced by his own desires – because that's his default position on life, and it's one that has been borne out by his experiences. So feeling alone, and like there's no one he can trust, much less depend on has become the rubric by which he measures all experience, and I think that's something that is very difficult to change.

In a lighter note: at one point I realized I had no idea how Mokuba would refer to Seto when talking to Kaiba! After mumbling, great, what do I do now? To myself, I decided to take a leaf from Yugi's book, and have Mokuba refer to Seto as his other Nisama.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**

**Seto, Kaiba, and gaming:** _(AmunRa, babymar-mar, Ceribi Motou, Desidera, EcoGoth, elirian19, Kanoi1, laura m, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenOfGames2, Sarcastic Bastet, servter, Seto's Darkness, StainofCurare, Sylvia Viridian, Tuulikki, Wintersslayer)_ I can't see Seto and Kaiba talking for any length of time, about anything non-technical. But I do see gaming as being a language that they're both comfortable with. And I agree that Kaiba would make a good teacher in this instance. He wasn't putting Seto through this maliciously… he was honestly trying to show Seto the mistake he was about to make, and realized that nothing short of going through the experience of losing Mokuba (even a video-Mokuba) would make an impression on Seto.

And I agree, I think Seto sees in Kaiba someone he both wants to be and wants no part of. He's rebelling against Gozaburo, and yet he's deeply influenced by him, and has absorbed a lot of his values and outlook – so I think he's be repelled by the parts of Kaiba that seem to show Gozaburo's influence most strongly, but also anything that showed how Kaiba had changed would seem both alien and frightening. I think Kaiba represents a future he both hungers for (the control and possibly the possibility of a relationship) and is almost repelled by.

As for the game itself… it occurred to me – mostly from Zelda how Elf-like video characters are. And it was a lot of fun matching the Yugioh characters to standard video characters. The Son Goku version I was going for is the one from the manga Saiyuki, by the way.

While watching Sonic 2, where you can either be the hero, Sonic, or his evil counterpart, Shadow, it occurred to me how limiting that was… and that both Seto and Kaiba might be driven to create something more true to their experiences. By comparing himself to Yami or Yugi in that saving the world was more likely to be their motive than his, for once, he wasn't putting himself down – after all he is the person who took considerable risks to destroy KC's weapons capabilities. I think he was acknowledging (and reminding Seto) that he will always be someone driven most strongly by his devotion to the people he cares about.

Since I was basing it on actual games, a little, I was pleased to see that it felt like an actual game.

 **Kaiba and Yami:** _(AmunRa, Ceribi Motou, Desidera, Kekewey, laura m, Maris, Seto's Darkness, StainofCurare, Wintersslayer)_ In Kaiba's mind, he's already lost Yami – because he doesn't doubt for a minute that Yami will judge him as harshly as he's judging himself. So he doesn't really see his actions for what they are: in his mind, he's not dumping Yami without a word, he's accepting something that's already happened, without realizing that it's happened only in his mind. And yes, I agree, Kaiba doesn't really feel safe enough to accept what Yami's offering, and has too little experience with being cared for to even recognize what's going on in his own relationship. Yami never pressed the issue because he had decided keeping quiet was a better strategic move. For a while that worked, but it also made it easy for Kaiba, under stress, to ignore the signs, that Yami actually does care. Yami's reactions to these new developments occur over the next few chapters.

 **Elvish:** _(Desidera, Ceribi Motou, Nachzes Black-Rider, Sylvia Viridian)_ Being a total LOTR fanatic, how could I resist? Especially since so many video game characters look vaguely Elvish. That was a good point reagarding Feanor and his ill-fated sons. I was thinking more of the LOTR than the Silmarillion, when I said that Kaiba was too human to be an Elf. And I wasn't implying that he had read (or enjoyed) the LOTR, just that if he was going to have an Elf, he was enough of a perfectionist to research out the proper name to give his character. It was also a bit of a joke on myself, since I used the Internet in the form of an e-mail to my friend Kagi, to get the translations.

 **Seto and Noa:** _(Maris)_ Thank you! I had never considered the similarities between Seto and Noa before, but once you pointed them out, it was one of those real 'duh – of course – why didn't I see it!' moments. Your right there are considerable similarities in both their feelings towards the older Kaiba and Gozaburo.

 **Writing:** _(AmunRa)_ I never took a creative writing course, but it's nice to know I figured out a golden rule on my own!

 **Character Development, Complexity:** _(Soul Sister, Yume no Zencho)_ Thanks! The story line is pretty complicated, and the characters never have just one reason for anything they do – and sometimes I worry about being able to tell the story in a way that makes sense, that not only has characters doing things, but that shows why they feel the things they do, and how who they are guides their choices. So the encouragement is very… well… encouraging.


	27. Talking With Dragons

**CHAPTER 27: TALKING WITH DRAGONS**

 

**YAMI'S POV**

Kaiba called me into his office downstairs. I had not seen him in over a week; had given up waiting for him to come home… or to bed. It would have been amusing, if it hadn't hurt so badly – Kaiba had literally avoided his own bedroom, in his efforts to evade me. If we ran into each other in the hallway, he would look at me… no he would look right through me… as though we were strangers… as though I was invisible.

And I had no idea why.

My love for Kaiba was the one thought… the one emotion that I was sure was truly my own. And so my passion for him became the Rosetta Stone through which I interpreted all feelings. At first, I had wondered if my new found desires had led me astray, had deluded me into imagining that Kaiba had felt more than he had expressed… if I had substituted my feelings for his… or if it was simply that Kaiba had exhausted his limited capacity for intimacy.

Then, one day, as I was debating whether to tell Yugi that it was time for us to return to the Game Shop which no longer felt like my home, I walked past Kaiba, and felt his eyes burning into my back. I turned abruptly; caught him staring at me with an expression of pain and grief and longing on his unguarded face, before he disappeared around a corner.

I knew then, that whatever he was feeling – it wasn't indifference. Suddenly I understood. Something had happened that was so bad he had retreated to lick his wounds in private. But that didn't make his abrupt withdrawal any easier to bear… or to forgive.

He was tense now, very formal… as if we were back to being wary allies… as if we had never been lovers.

"I have a prototype of the game that Seto's been working on. It's very informative about Ancient Egypt and its people. I must show it to you."

I pondered his choice of words… _'must'_ show it to me, not _'want'_ to.

"It's not a standard role-playing game any more," he continued, in that same stilted voice. "Now, it's Seto's game. I suppose that makes it mine."

Kaiba flicked through the initial screens, stopped at the character selection. I saw what he meant. The Monkey King was now Mokuba's double. The sorcerer resembled Akunadin. My slim frame, wild, tri-colored hair and crimson eyes had been lovingly recreated in the prince – fairy-tale handsome no longer – but real, as if awoken by a kiss. I looked at the prince's half lidded eyes, his tousled hair… he looked like he had just finished making love.

I was startled. The whole time Kaiba had been avoiding me, he had been bringing this avatar to life. He had never said the word, 'love', yet his love was staring back at me from the screen. I looked at the prince's name.

"Mornie," I repeated slowly. "What does it mean?"

"Darkness."

"I wish he was all I was bringing you here to see," he added harshly. "But he's not. For this game, you need to be not Mornie, but Ninquiloce."

I looked at his selection. It was the Elf warrior. He was masculine, yet possessed a delicate, deadly beauty of his own. Threads of his brown hair almost covered his jeweled blue eyes, the rest was caught at the back in a pony-tail, a few strands escaping to frame his thin face. The resemblance to Kaiba was unmistakable.

"The course of the game is predetermined," he told me. "Just accept the choices being made. Don't try to change any of them. Don't try to save Ninquiloce. You can't… not really. I know that now. All you can do is delay the inevitable." Kaiba handed me the controller, and added, "Whatever you think of me when this is over… remember – whatever it takes – I will win this game. I promise, no mistakes this time.

Kaiba was right. It was not your standard game. Usually you can be the hero and try to save the world. Sometimes you can be the villain and try to take it over. Here the choices were far more fluid. I closed my eyes and saw myself facing Rafael, so sure of my own power. Like me, my screen alter ego, (Kaiba's double), could choose evil, and then either try to redeem himself, or continue his downward path. At times it was hard to tell which choice would lead where, just as it had been on that day dueling Rafael; just as it had been atop of Pegasus's Tower. And it was this interplay, more than the inevitable battles and scavenger hunts, that gave the game its tension.

The Ancient Egypt background was frighteningly realistic. As if Seto had lived there – or had heard about it from someone who had.

Following Kaiba's instructions, I let the character follow his downward course. Eventually Ninquiloce met the tall gaunt sorcerer with the gray hair and flowing robes, who had so resembled Akunadin. My interest quickened. I was certain that this was what Kaiba had brought me here to see. And yet, the scene was deceptively calm. As the pair walked through the streets, the older man pointed out the sights to the teenaged boy at his side, as if he wanted nothing more than to share his world, and tell of its wonders. I had to force myself to remember that the sorcerer was the villain of the story; and that his intent must be evil.

I watched them meander peacefully through the town, looking for all the world like a father and son enjoying an outing, but I soon realized that there was nothing random about the path they were treading. Ninquiloce turned down an alley, seeming to grow younger with each step, until he was Seto's age, not Kaiba's. I frowned at the screen. Kaiba did nothing by chance. He was telling me something, or trying to. Suddenly I remembered Kaiba saying that this was Seto's game… which made it his.

The young Ninquiloce retrieved a small item. It looked like a ball. The sorcerer nodded his approval as the youth knelt and offered the golden orb to the older man as the proof of his allegiance. I watched in growing horror as the sorcerer shoved it into his own eye, blood spurting across the screen (Yugi and Jounouchi would love this, I suddenly thought). The sorcerer fell to the ground, writhing in pain, before gaining control and standing up, taller and more commanding than ever. I looked at my poor elf warrior. His eyes were as blank as after Death-T; the pupils gone. He stood proudly at his master's side. My Little Dragon's transformation to evil was complete – and at the beginning, unwitting.

I sat back stunned. Anyone who had ever played a game designed by Kaiba knew – from Death-T, to his hologram duel monsters, to his virtual worlds – he put a piece of his soul in each one.

"What are you telling me?" I whispered, though I thought I knew the answer. But I could have shouted. The room was empty. Kaiba had disappeared again. Of course… he would see Seto's downfall as his own.

I reminded myself that this was simply one of many possible endings. I was still sitting, staring at the "Game Over" message when Shadi reappeared.

"It's time to re-open the idea of entering the younger Seto Kaiba's soul room," he said.

"I think I just did."

"He has made contact with Akunadin."

"I know."

"Then let me enter his mind. He will not have the defenses the older one has," Shadi said urgently.

I shuddered at the thought of Shadi rampaging through Seto's mind. He considered Seto a danger, not a child. I knew Shadi well enough to know that he would not be gentle – nor care how much was left.

"No. I have another way. That's an order." I said as I left.

"Where are you going?"

"To talk to Kaiba," I said, remembering his promise to win at all costs.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I was waiting for Yami in the conference room next to my office. I had left the door open so he'd know where to find me. I didn't want the inevitable confrontation to take place in a room where we had… in my bedroom. As at Death-T, I wanted Yami to shatter my heart on neutral ground. I would have deserved it if Shadi had appeared instead. I swear, I would have let him do his worst. But I knew… Yami would come after me himself.

"He's been going to see Akunadin?" Yami said as he entered the room. It was not a question.

I shrugged. There was nothing to say, and it clearly wasn't news, anymore.

"Why?" Yami asked.

"Seto figured that he could keep Akunadin on a string, while learning all he could. He wanted to scope out the situation for himself. You don't think he'd take our word for anything, do you?" I answered. "Besides, he needed details about Egypt for his game, and Akunadin looked like the best source. It's ironic, isn't it? An Ancient Egypt-flavored game became his escape. He was losing himself in his own storyline, and he wanted it to be perfect. That's all Seto was after – at first."

"And now?"

"Now he's tempted by Akunadin's offer."

"How do you know?"

I went to the computer and opened a file. Akunadin's face filled the screen. His lips were moving, but I didn't turn on the sound. The last thing I wanted to hear was Akunadin telling Seto Egyptian fairy tales, again. I sighed at Yami's look of incomprehension.

"There's a mini-web cam in the dragon belt buckle he wears. I can see and hear everything he does," I explained.

"You spied on yourself?" Yami asked incredulously.

"Who better to know how little I can be trusted?"

Yami came over to me then, and laid a hand gently on my shoulder – as if we were still lovers. As if my confession hadn't ended that.

"What's tempting him, Kaiba?" he asked softly.

I hesitated. It was bad enough he knew that I was a traitor… knew that Death-T was part of my very nature. Even here, away from Gozaburo, I was still about to betray Mokuba, once again. Maybe I was born to betray him. Maybe I was not only the stray dog Gozaburo had always called me, but a rabid one too – attacking those nearest me.

Fine. Yami finally had the proof of just how evil I could be – of just what was sleeping inside of me. Did he have to know what a weak fool I was, too?

But he was entitled to an answer. If nothing else, I would pay my debt in full. Forcing the words out, I said, "Seto was too cocky. And not quite as good at hiding his emotions as he thought he was. He showed Akunadin a weakness to exploit." I paused again, and finally said, "He's starting to think of Akunadin as a father."

Yami didn't stop me as I left the room.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for betaing this chapter, and helping to make it a lot more complete._ **

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS** : Thanks to Amarin Rose for suggesting "Talking With Dragons" as a chapter title. Of course considering it's about Kaiba, "Talking with Dragons who are not answering" might have been more appropriate.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** The interesting thing about writing first person POV is that you can't get ahead of your characters… and you can't know more than they do. Like in this chapter – when you look at how Yami duels – he's very patient – he studied his opponent and he rarely acts until he feels like he understands what's going on. So I think he's hold off on confronting Kaiba about his behavior until he felt more confident he understood why Kaiba was avoiding him. Also, he's the King of Games – I think he's be way to proud and reserved to demand an explanation. At first I tried to think of how to get that across – but then I realized that it wouldn't even occur to Yami to demand an explanation from Kaiba – which means I can't either – at least not in his POV.

 **Kaiba Note:** I know, Kaiba does a lot of walking away in this chapter. But he tends to do that in the anime, whenever the conversation turns to his emotions. Like in Noa's World, when the gang all gets together after learning about Noa, and Seto's history with Gozaburo… and learning that Noa has brainwashed Mokuba. Kaiba's at the fringes, as usual, but he's hanging around – until Yugi expresses sympathy for what he must be feeling. And Kaiba abruptly turns and walks away. So I think retreating, almost without realizing it, is a strategy Kaiba employs when he's under stress and attacking isn't a viable option.

 **Slightly silly Author's Note:** See, I play fair! I mentioned Seto's ridiculously oversized dragon belt buckle twice before. In fact, Kaiba noted it was the one article of Seto's clothing he approved of.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Mokuba:** ( _AmunRa, BH, Desidera, elirian19, Kanoi1, laura m, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenOfGames2, sglily, StainofCurare, Troubled Talent, Wintersslayer)_ In the beginning, I think Mokuba did see Seto as a father. One of the most touching scenes in the anime is when Seto promises to be his father and take care of him (and immediately tells Mokuba that the way to be happy is to never trust anyone!) You can see Mokuba looking up at him with these large trusting eyes. But I think this dynamic changes at Death-T. For the first time Mokuba sees Seto as someone who has lost his way, and needs Mokuba's help. It's interesting that losing two shadow games has no effect of Mokuba's attitude, but being shown a totally undeserved kindness, first by Yugi and then by Anzu, shocks him into seeing what has happened to himself and his brother.

From then on, although Mokuba's love for Kaiba hasn't lessened, (if anything, it's grown) it's now an aware love. He physically cares for Kaiba through his coma, tries to save Kaiba Corporation, because he can't stand to have Seto's sacrifices been in vain, and he tries to help his brother complete the same journey of finding another way to live, that Mokuba himself has begun. (Okay, I have to admit, if there's a character I'm in danger of idealizing, it's this one. The great thing about fanfiction is I can put a lot of the blame on Mr. Takahashi for creating such a great little guy.)

It's funny, I didn't realize that having Mokuba talk about how special he is could sound boastful. That wasn't my intent, although I can see how it could come across that way. I pictured him trying to get through to his brother how much he's done for him, and having this all sort of burst out of him.

At first I did think that Mokuba might feel jealous of Kouma, but the more I thought about it, the less likely that seemed. I could see Mokuba resenting Kouma, because he looked on his younger self as the source of Kaiba's problems – sort of thinking, 'if it wasn't for me, Seto would have had a good life with one of those families that wanted him.' By now, however, seeing how happy Kouma makes Kaiba, has him looking at his younger self through new eyes.

 **Birth Parents:** _(elirian19, StainofCurare)_ Although it's tempting to picture Kaiba having a happy family, I don't think that's the case, at least not since Mokuba's birth. Because if you look at how Kaiba deals with emotional stress, it's by denying his feelings exist, and by throwing himself in his work. It seems to me that his earliest role model for that might be his father. I guess I also see Mokuba being the central person he had to love, even before the orphanage. I think that's part of the reason he was so devoted to him after the death of their parents. One thing I've always admired about Yugioh as a story is the way it really looks at how loss has affected the brothers so deeply.

 **Kaiba's denseness:** _(Ceribi Motou, EcoGoth, Kanoi1, Maris, Troubled Talent, Yume no Zencho)_ Complicated Personality Syndrome pretty much sums Kaiba up. But the one thing that always strikes me is that he has very good reasons for feeling the way he does. I mean his entire life has taught him to not to trust people, and certainly not to expect love or even friendship to be words that apply to him. So I think that it's only as he builds up new, more positive experiences, that he can learn from them, and possibly change (although the jury's still out on that one.) And that makes the idea that Yami could care, in a way, a scary idea – because accepting it overturns all his beliefs.

 **Akunadin recap:** _(Desidera, Hikari Ryu)_ Yeah, it's probably easy to lose track of Akunadin. Basically, his part of the story revolves around the Sennen Eye and Rod. 3,000 years ago, these items were split – with each copy having half of it's original power. Akunadin and his master, Zork, have one copy of each. Since these are Sennen Items, they can't just grab the other ones – they must be freely given them or win them in a duel from the legitimate holders – which in this case are potentially Seto and Kaiba. So basically Akunadin's in a holding pattern until the two versions of Seto Kaiba claim the items. Yami way back in Chapter 15, realize that this gives them the time they need to get their act together. This is made more complicated by the fact that Seto is tempted by Akunadin's offer, because he's resentful of Kaiba and Yami's relationship, and drawn to the idea that Akunadin might actually care about him. Kaiba, who's been spying on him, becomes aware of this, which is where we are now. As to how Akunadin feels, you'll have to wait for further updates.


	28. War and Peace

**New nickname:** Koibito means lover.

 **Nickname reminder:** Koryuu means "Little Dragon."

* * *

**CHAPTER 28: WAR AND PEACE**

**YUGI'S POV**

I didn't need a telepathic connection to know that something was up. Kaiba had disappeared abruptly, with no explanation… not even a good-bye. Yami had returned to my room each night – dry-eyed, tight-lipped. For once I did not try to enter his mind. He had taken his first steps towards becoming his own person. Even if he stumbled, I was going to respect his choice and his privacy.

So I had spent the entire week pretending that I hadn't noticed anything unusual. And Yami had stayed silent the whole time. He smiled at me each night – grateful for my presence – and the absence of any difficult questions. But now that Kaiba-kun seemed to have finally decided to rejoin the human race, Yami was ready to talk. Kaiba-kun knew that Yami would tell me what had happened. He accepted our relationship by ignoring it… as if I was simply part of the price he had to pay for being with Yami.

"Can we trust him?" Yami asked me.

"Which one?" I replied.

He sighed. "I believe in Kaiba, despite all appearances. He would never betray Mokuba, at least."

I knew what was bothering him. "You must know that he'd never betray you either."

"He is the only person whose heart I can shatter, but not gauge; the only person with the power to surprise me. He is incalculable."

It was hard letting go of Yami, letting him find his own destiny, especially such an uncertain one. But Yami wanted Kaiba-kun; that hadn't changed. And I wanted Yami to be happy. Besides, over the years I'd grown to like Kaiba-kun, and to respect him. That hadn't changed either, no matter how pissed off I was over his latest screw-up.

Yami trusted in the bond that he had felt with Kaiba-kun every time they dueled. I knew Yami lived on challenges. I knew he was the King of Games; but this looked like a risky move, even for him. And several times this week, up until tonight, when Kaiba-kun had finally opened up to Yami (at least a little) I'd wondered if our old rival was going to prove me right – was going to hand Yami his second defeat.

Jounouchi doubted whether Kaiba-kun could love anyone not named Mokuba. I didn't, but I'd been nervous – not of Kaiba-kun's heart, but of his willingness to own up to its contents. But there was only so far I could blame Kaiba-kun for being the fucked-up jerk we all knew he was. (And anyone who hadn't noticed what a train wreck Kaiba-kun's life could be, hadn't been looking. Nobody gets that many people trying to kill them by accident.) Besides, Yami didn't need my anger. He needed my encouragement. He needed me to add my faith to his. I wouldn't have lied to Yami, even to make him feel better. But I was surprised to realize that I didn't have to pretend. I was surprised to find that I was honestly optimistic. Because there was one thing I was sure of… one thing I knew to be true… one thing I could tell Yami without hesitation: "No matter how big an asshole Kaiba-kun can be, whenever you've needed him, he's been there. And he's done it for you, not the rest of us, every time."

Yami continued as if I hadn't spoken. "He was the first person to truly see me – even when I was but a shadow. Why did he pretend I was once again, invisible?"

"You were never invisible to him, Yami. Kaiba-kun was the one who wanted to disappear."

"Why did he need to? Why not tell me about Seto from the beginning? Why hide from me?"

I knew the answer to that. If Yami hadn't been so hurt, he would have seen it at once, too.

"Repeat what he told you," I replied.

"That Seto had revealed a weakness… You're right aibou," he said with a smile. "Kaiba would hug that admission to himself for as long as he could. And he expected me to reject him. I could see it. I wish he knew how to trust me."

"Why do you think he let the meetings continue?" I asked. I would have expected Kaiba-kun to cut off any weakness immediately. But Yami was confident once again. "Kaiba never really had a father, did he? Maybe he's starting to care about his younger self more than he wants to. Maybe he's starting to realize he really was just a child," he observed. "And that's another thing he'd hate to admit."

"Where are you going?" I asked as he got up – although I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

"Kaiba's sitting in his room right now – convincing himself not only that I hate him – but that it's what he deserves, for whatever transgressions he imagines he's committed. I want his trust. I want him to believe in us… to believe in my love. But how can I expect that when I've never told him how I feel? It's time he knew that whatever happens – I believe in him."

"I thought you were mad at him," I said with a smile.

"I was… until I saw him."

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

Yugi had been bullied for most of his teenage years. But he had a loving grandfather; he had Anzu; he had friends. Foolishly, I expected Kaiba, who had been abused or abandoned by everyone he met, to have Yugi's capacity for trust. He didn't. Life had taught him other, far more destructive lessons. And I realized that this is what Kaiba had been trying to tell me, when he had undressed so defiantly that first time. These were the scars he was asking me to accept. He had issued a challenge that night. I had accepted. It was time that he knew that, too.

I was through babying him. Although I didn't pretend to have fathomed Kaiba's mind, I'd seen enough to know that it was time to switch tactics. Kaiba always played better when challenged… and he was in for the duel of his life. But first, it was time to change the rules of the game.

Of course, in some ways, Kaiba is nothing if not predictable. As soon as I opened the door, he snarled: "Why are you here?"

"Why shouldn't I be here? This is where my koibito is."

I saw him flinch, as I knew he would, even as he told himself that the expression was a casual one… that it meant nothing. As he told himself he didn't deserve even a casual endearment.

"I didn't think you could stand to look at me, much less fuck me."

"I don't give up any more easily than you," I warned him. "Not when I have something worth keeping."

"Something worth keeping? Who are you lying to… me or yourself?" he asked harshly. I knew better to approach him as he paced the floor. Only his determination never to leave the field to a rival kept him in the room.

"It's time to tell me, Koryuu… what is troubling you?"

"Gozaburo was right all along," he answered tonelessly.

It had taken all his will power to grind out that one cryptic sentence. And I had no idea what it meant.

"Stop it!" I said, my voice as fierce as his so often was. "You've come too far to let Gozaburo define you now. Don't give up."

I still wasn't sure what was going on, but my words seemed to calm him, or at least to get him to stop pacing. Sometimes with Kaiba, it was enough just to give him a new battle to fight.

"Seto's going to betray Mokuba all over again," he said.

"I don't believe that," I replied. "You said that he was tempted, not that he had given in. And he won't."

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Because I know you."

Kaiba came to stand in front of me, then: his head down, his cinnamon hair shielding his eyes.

"I should have told you about Seto and Akunadin from the beginning."

"Yes."

"I let you down."

"No. Never. You came as far as you could. I should have been there to meet you. I never stopped trusting you. I should have made sure you knew that."

"Seto's used to measuring his life by his victories," he said, his voice oddly pleading. "It's all he has. And it's so hard to keep fighting, when there's nothing but yourself and your own demons left on the field. And Akunadin would have reminded Seto of Gozaburo. That would have attracted him."

My head shot up at that.

"Seto chose Gozaburo," Kaiba explained, impatiently. "Part of him lives for Gozaburo's challenges… lives to beat him… lives to prove himself to him. Didn't my game teach you anything? Not all bonds are made of light. Of course Seto would seek out Akunadin. What Akunadin was offering was so familiar… and it's all Seto knows. This game is all that's left for him. And he's learned the hard way – he can only rely on himself."

It was unclear if he was referring to Seto, himself, or both. I reached up to him then, kissed him.

"Now, just like the base of a pyramid, you have four things to rely on," I said. "Yourself, Mokuba, your dragons, and me."

"Don't make me any promises," he cautioned, hope and anger warring in his eyes.

"Do you think you're the only one who knows how to keep faith? I will always stand by you. What do you think of that?"

As usual, he didn't waste time with words. Instead, he reached over, yanked me to him, and kissed me with all his dragon's ferocity. His hand was tangled in my hair, holding me in place as he took my mouth, as if it was an enemy outpost. The tightness of his grip, the fervency of his attack, convincing me, as it always did, that I was solid… that this was real.

Once again, I was aware of my body… aware of my breath growing short… aware of my lungs expanding and still not capturing enough air… until I was forced to wrench my mouth from his, at least long enough for us to inhale, to take in a gasping breath.

I could feel his weight on top of me as we fell, as we landed on his bed, as he ripped my clothes, and sent them flying. As each piece of my body was revealed, he kissed it, attacked it with his mouth, leaving marks of his passage.

It was more than just having been apart for a week. He had given up on ever being with me again, had buried our relationship in his graveyard, only to see it called to life as though with Monster Reborn. The loss had occurred only within his own mind, but it was real, nonetheless… as real as all his other losses. If stunned amazement can be in a kiss, if a desperate disbelieving relief can be in a touch, it was in Kaiba's. (When had I begun to find desperation, enticing? Or perhaps it just looked good on Kaiba.)

He was not gentle. He needed to imprint himself on me, before he would allow himself to believe in my presence… to believe I was here… to believe I would never leave. He needed to confirm my solidity as desperately as I.

Kaiba was beyond the words that never came easily for him; he had reached a place where he could only express himself through touch and movement… revealing his need, his longing, and his hope with each kiss, with each caress. As if he could feel only when he touched me. As if feelings were as new to him, as having a body to express them with, was to me. Even as his hands penetrated every inch of my body, made me blissfully aware of its needs… my body reached just as deeply into his spirit, into that soul he refused to believe in, and held it just as close.

Kaiba was gasping now, his sweat splashing me, cooling the flesh he had warmed. He was wild to be inside of me, but took the time to make sure I had caught his fire. He kissed me until we were both breathless, until I was dizzy and glad I was already lying down. He sucked on my nipples until they were painfully, pleasurably tight, until he had left marks covering their small aureoles. He reminded me how well he knew my body… how sensitive my legs were… not just the inner thighs, but my feet, the crease behind my knees.

Kaiba was not the only one who felt reborn. For this was Kaiba's own particular brand of sorcery… when I was with him, I felt my body as if it had just been created that morning, and I was still learning its secrets, discovering its wonders.

With each harsh caress, I was reminded that skin was made to be touched, was made to heat under his hands, was made to shiver under his tongue. I was aware of the pull of my own blood; coursing through my body, drumming in my ears, throbbing in the pulse at my neck, before rushing to swell my arousal. Then finally, I was aware of nothing but that wonderful, all-encompassing ache that only Kaiba could create… that only Kaiba could cure.

I looked at Kaiba as I lay panting beneath him, ready for his possession… and I knew, beyond doubt, beyond certainty, that I had a body… a body that could be taken… a body that could be given. Kaiba looked at me, and I saw that his eyes were not merely mirrors that gave me back myself. They were windows. And beneath the wildness, behind the desire, a need for reassurance lurked in their blue depths.

"I promise." I repeated.

He opened his mouth, but only my name, _"Yami,"_ escaped, as he joined me; both claiming and claimed.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks once again to Clarity for betaing this chapter, and helping to make it easier to read and understand._ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Since the story mainly concerns both sets of Kaiba brothers, Yugi isn't in it as much as say, Mokuba is. But Yugi is as important to Yami as Mokuba is to Kaiba, and I think he is the one person Yami would turn to for advice or comfort – or at least turn to as far as Yami would permit himself to. But Yami is a very private person, for someone who was living inside of someone else's body, and I think he'd be a little hesitant of telling Yugi what was wrong – until it looked like it was in a fair way to being right again.

I think during the time Kaiba was hiding out, Yugi would have wanted to hunt Kaiba down and find out what the hell was going on. But I also think that Yugi would have had too much respect for Yami, and his journey towards becoming his own person to do that. I think Yugi would realize this is one battle Yami has to fight on his own

The truth is, I find Yugi very difficult to write, mainly because he's optimistic and charitable – and yet, he's not blind or naïve, or innocent in a childish sort of way. It's almost like he's chosen to see the best in people. I admire that quality, but it's difficult to write in an acceptably believable way.

 **Lime Note:** I was trying to show this as a physical re-awakening for Yami, and an emotional one for Kaiba.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Game characters:** _(Desidera, laura m, Troubled Talent)_ I find Kaiba a contradiction in that he's fairly inexpressive verbally (well at least any time he has to express an actual emotion) but his creations are all overflowing with life. I tend to think of his inventions as being one of the ways he expresses all the things inside of him – almost like this is a format that's just oblique enough to meet his twin needs for self-expression and secrecy.

Kaiba and Seto designed the Demon King together, making him look as much like Gozaburo as possible, since he still figures in both their minds as their chief foe. Later, Kaiba changed the other characters to drive the point home to Seto that his actions could endanger Mokuba. I kind of picture him altering Yami somewhat unconsciously. He intentionally changed the hair and eye color, but then I think as he was working on the game, he kept thinking (or brooding) about losing Yami, and created a portrait of everything he felt that he had lost.

 **Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, BH, Desidera, elirian 19, J, Shino Kataki, StainofCurare, Troubled Talent, YGO EcoGoth, Yume no Zencho)_ That was a good point – that the bad-guys-turned-good-guys often feel responsible for everything. I think that's particularly true of Kaiba who really has done some pretty unforgivable things, and who wouldn't want to admit that any of it was out of his control. When he tells Yami that the game is pre-determined, he's saying that his character is set – in his mind Seto has proved that it's his nature to betray the people he cares for – or at least to be so rash and blind that he will endanger them without thinking. But when he promises to win the game – he's saying that even though he believes that to be his nature, he will see that Akunadin is stopped.

I'd never heard the song Defying Gravity before, but I agree – it really fits Seto, especially in the period up to Death-T.

I agree, Kaiba's very good at walking away, and no, he doesn't expect any one to come after him. But I think, even if he did come to trust Yami, he's simply not used to being cared for, or having anyone care about him, and that will affect his actions and reactions in a variety of ways.

But I have to agree with _Troubled Talent_ , that it's a bit ironic that Yami who's pretty heavy into angsty fatalism himself, is appointed the one to talk (or shake) some sense into Kaiba.

 **Yami:** _(AmunRa, BH, Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, J, StainofCurare, Wintersslayer )_ In this story, I'm trying to look a little at what it would be like to go from being a spirit, to trying to sort of trying to discover the boundaries of this whole separate existence. I was probably influenced by the DOMA arc, where you see a more vulnerable side to Yami, and also by a review I got in 'Cards', from Blue September, where she talked about how Yami was really a teenager himself. So in Déjà Vu, although he's certainly not your typical teenager, I tried to write him more as an incredibly powerful, 3,000 year old teenager. Okay, that's a bit of a joke, but I am trying to imagine him feeling his own emotions for the first time, and yet, with the basics of his character – his steadfastness, patience and elf-like (okay, maybe that's just me) characteristics intact. In that way, Kaiba, who has always seen him for who he is, and regards him with such intensity, almost helps him to believe in this separate existence – so I think the loss of that regard would be very painful, especially since these feelings are so new.

 **Shadi:** (Dante Elle Namte, StainofCurare) In the beginning of the manga, Shadi is noticeably like the Death-T Seto Kaiba, in his coldness and the way he treats everyone around him as if they were his tools, and in his rejection of friendship, and the way he views caring for others as a weakness. I also think that after 3,000 years, there might not be a lot left to him but this overwhelming drive to fulfill his mission.

 **Characters:** (Katie Torango, Nachzes Black-Rider, Sarcastic Bastet, Sylvia Viridian) Thanks. One of the things I love about reading stories is the way I can lose myself in them. And the characters Kazuki Takahashi created are so vibrant and alive, that I almost can't resist writing about, if not the characters themselves, at least my interpretation of them. And somewhere along the line, in the course of writing (I mean this story's been going since May, 2004) my own refractions of these guys start to become real to me, as well. So one of the things that really floors me the most, is hearing that the characters in my story are detailed and complex enough to become sort of real to someone reading the story too.

 _Note to Maris:_ It didn't fit in with the mood of this chapter, but I think some territory marking on Yami's part is definitely in order. Thanks for the suggestion.

 _Note to Ceribi Motou:_ Thanks. One thing I think Yami and Seto Kaiba have in common is that they both understand that actions have consequences, and that sometimes these consequences can be impossible to understand, predict… or stop, so that was another passage that I really wanted to get across.

 _Note to StainofCurare:_ I thought the belt buckle was funny, too. I can always see Kaiba doing totally crazy things in a very matter of fact way.

 _Note to , Kai, Mistal: The Poisoned One:_ Thanks for letting me know that you're reading and enjoying the story.


	29. Escape from Alcatraz

**CHARACTER NOTE:** Isono is Kaiba's chief assistant/security/flunkey kind of guy… you know, the guy with the mustache who's always wearing a black suit. He's the one who keeps calling Kaiba "Seto-sama" even after he loses control of KC in DOMA. And when Kaiba corrects him, he says that since Kaiba was the one who changed KC from a weapons to a gaming empire, Kaiba will always be "sama" to him. Anyway he makes a brief cameo here.

 **SEKIHO ARMY REMINDER:** At the end of the Tokugawa Shogunate, there was a certain amount of chaos in Japan, partly because this once fairly isolated nation had a sudden infusion of foreign (i.e. Western) contact, and partly because after over 200 years the government was starting to break down and there was a certain amount of social unrest. Anyway, the revolutionaries or the Imperialist side) wanted to turn Japan from a feudal society to a modern nation state, unified under an emperor. At this time, there was a peasant revolt, mostly over land and tax issues in many provinces. The pro-Imperialist side encouraged this, as a way of further weakening the Shogunate, and sent Sagara Sozo, among others, to organize the farmers, creating the Sekiho-tai. However, when the Imperialist side realized they were going to win, they also realized that they couldn't afford to keep the tax relief promises Sagara had made in their name. They declared the Sekiho-tai to be imposters, and arrested and executed Sagara and other top commanders. In 1928, the government offered an official apology, clearing their name, and honoring the troop.

 **MANGA NOTE:** Seto Kaiba first sees the BEWD in Sugoroku's shop. He later steals it from Yugi. Yami challenges him to a penalty game. He accepts, but loses when the BEWD destroys itself, because it's torn between him and Sugoroku. Yami gives him the illusion/nightmare of turning him into a card, which sends him to the Duel Monsters' world where he's killed by the monsters. In revenge, Kaiba plans Death-T. He duels Sugoroku, puts him in this death simulation chamber which gives him a heart attack, and takes his BEWD card, and rips it up. At the end of Death-T, Yami shatters his heart to drive the evil out of it. Kaiba is in a coma until he can piece it together.

* * *

**CHAPTER 29: ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ**

**KAIBA'S POV**

For once, Yami had fallen asleep first. For once, he was the one tossing restlessly. He suddenly spoke into the night's silence, still half asleep.

"Don't ever look at me as though I'm not there… don't make me doubt my own existence. Don't ever do that to me, again," Yami said, his eyes still closed.

I stared at him, slowly absorbing what he had just said… what he had just done. I'd spent the week ignoring him… _hurting_ him… I hadn't done it intentionally, but I'd done it nonetheless. And he'd repaid me by deliberately revealing his greatest weakness. He had handed me a knife, shown me where to stick it, and then closed his eyes in a gesture of blind faith. In revealing his deepest fear, Yami had proven himself fearless. He had dared to say aloud something I hadn't admitted to myself: that like him, I had ceded my rival a power over me.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I never believed that I could," I told him, sincerely.

Nor was I sure I could do what Yami was asking. I was too used to disappearing into my own silence; to retreating within myself as though moving behind castle walls. I opened my mouth, ready to promise, anyway. Before the words escaped, his hand came up and covered my lips.

"No. I don't want to be yet another promise in your life. Just try. That's all I'm asking."

"You are not invisible to me and I will never treat you so, again," I swore. Despite his instructions, despite my intentions, the words were a vow. Another impossible, unbreakable promise. And yet, I relaxed as I felt the familiar hooks of my oath sink their weight into my heart.

Yami fell back asleep, quieter now… and I was alone in the darkness of a bedroom that had never truly been mine.

It had been Gozaburo's. I had taken it over. Some nights, with Yami, I felt like I was exorcising it. Sometimes I wondered why I stayed here, when I had the money to live anywhere. But although it had never been my objective, I had ended up paying a high price for this particular piece of real estate… and I've never learned how to let go of anything that's mine. Ironically, Gozaburo's bedroom held fewer phantoms than most of the mansion's rooms. Thankfully, I had never been in it until he had died.

His office held more memories, although in compensation, it also contained the pleasurable one of him sailing to his death. (Damn. I knew I should have recorded it. I could have shown it to Seto – sort of the ultimate popcorn movie for us.)

But if his bedroom had come to represent a new beginning, his office reminded me of the futility of dreams – and how little I deserved them. When Yami said that he believed in me – that was only because he didn't know me. Who could believe in someone who had killed God-knows how many people when he was Seto's age? Who could want someone who had tried to add his own brother to the list? Yami knew all the facts – or thought he did. But he didn't know that he was wasting his time on someone who was dead inside. I knew. I had presided over the funeral.

I had rarely gone to Gozaburo's office until that day. I had never sought him out. All our confrontations had taken place in the privacy of the mansion that I never referred to as my home. But this time I had no choice. Lives other than mine were at stake, and it seemed that my conscience wasn't quite as dead as my heart.

 _"They weren't just homework assignments – just a bunch of exercises to see how good I was. And I didn't fail – no matter how many times you beat me up to make me think I_ _did. You're producing weapons from those designs. You're killing people with them." I didn't expect a denial – and I didn't get one._

_"For a genius, you're awfully stupid sometimes. Of course I used your designs. What else are you good for?"_

_"I hope they have a long shelf life. They are the last things I will ever design for you. You can't turn me into your house killer."_

_"That's exactly what you already are. Don't pretend that I ever did anything more than bring out what was already inside of you. You should thank me for introducing you to the real Seto Kaiba. Now go home and get back to work."_

_"No." It was all I said, but the finality in my voice caught his attention._

_"What do you mean, no? Do you think I can't force you?"_

_"You have no hold left. What can you threaten to do to me that I have not already done to myself? What is left to take from me, that I have not willingly given up first?" I walked to the window, leaned against the glass, looking downwards. I spread my arms and legs wide, making an X of my body, as if I could meld into the window's surface; as if I could will myself through it… accomplishing my final mission in the time it would take to traverse the tower's 50 stories._

_"What's left – my life?" I laughed. "I imagine the glass splintering beneath my touch. I imagine falling, to shatter on the ground below. It's the only thing that soothes me to sleep at night." I turned away from the window, turned away from the only dream I had left, and walked back into the game._

_"Do you want me to show you how easy it would be?" I taunted, "Your new weapons genius would have a hard time coming up with ideas with his brains all over the sidewalk, wouldn't you say?"_

_"What of Mokuba?" he spat out._

_"What of him? I broke that link long ago. Under your tutelage, I might add. So you can't use him as a chain to tug on me now."_

_It was true. When I searched my heart for Mokuba's presence, I could no longer find him. He was gone, as surely as if he had never taken up residence there. A hunger for power, a need to win at all costs had filled the void left by his passing. There was truly nothing left in my life any more, except this twisted chess match._ _Win or lose, I was going down. I knew it. I wanted to take no one else with me, wanted to cause no more collateral damage._

_Gozaburo yanked my face up and stared into my eyes. He released my chin and grunted, "Yes, your eyes are dead, aren't they, my proud heir? And Mokuba looks on you with fear, not love. He still follows you, but that's only because you're all he has left, and he can't bring himself to face the truth. And you're right. He's never interested me before, he doesn't now, and he never will. And I only torture that which interests me._

_But you, boy – for better or worse… you fascinate me. So, you think you have no feelings left?"_

_He slowly unbuttoned my shirt; gently slipped it off one shoulder. I knew what was coming, but it would be a lie to say that I was prepared. It was more that I no longer cared. He looked for an unblemished spot, then brought the tip of his cigar to rest on my chest, almost, but not quite, under the arm. He held it there until he had created another_ _perfect circular burn that I would have to hide. It didn't bother me any more than his words. I had another scar. I had lost Mokuba. They were both facts that I would have to deal with._

 _"So," he said when he had finished and re-buttoned my shirt, "You think you have won another round. Maybe it's time for the final game. You think I have no lever left? I still have the strongest one. The one that's always moved you – power. I'll give you a chance to win control of Kaiba Corporation itself. If you can take it over, it's yours. Do whatever you want with it – even use it to create your stupid games." He grinned, "It_ _won't do you any good, you know. You'll never play again. I've taken that from you – and you'll never get it back."_

_"And if I win, you'll just walk away?" I asked skeptically._

_He smiled, "No. I'll go through that window instead of you. You can watch."_

_I nodded. "Agreed."_

_"For a stray dog I took in off the streets – you seem confident of victory. Don't you want to know what happens to you if you lose?"_

_"I assumed I had already described it." To my surprise, Mokuba's name almost came to my lips, along with a plea that he be left out of this final game. I squashed the impulse, remembering I had locked him out of my heart to save him._

_But Gozaburo was speaking. "No. Your death will be a living one. You'll do as I say, design what I tell you, without question – for the rest of your life."_

_"First you have to win," I replied proudly. "And you've never beaten me yet."_

_But I lied. He had beaten me from the moment he used my designs to kill people; he had won the moment I let go of Mokuba. Gozaburo was right. For a genius, there are times when I've been criminally stupid._

_I was just as corrupt as Gozaburo; just as much a murderer. He had sold those weapons, but I had designed them… and it would be my legacy that lasted the longest._

_But if I was going straight to Hell for my little contribution to the world's misery… at least Hell would be familiar – and I was taking my mentor with me. Whatever the cost he had to be stopped – and I was the only one that could do it. I had to hold on, just a little longer. I might have been a hollow shell, but I had a task to finish before I broke._

In the darkness of Gozaburo's bedroom, I found it impossible to go back to sleep. But I didn't move. I lay there enjoying the feel of Yami's arms. I was far taller, far stronger. Yet I fell asleep each night with my head pillowed on Yami's chest. With his arms around me as if to protect me. With my arms around him; clutching him as if he was the teddy bear I had never had. I was starting to trust that his arms would still be there, circling me in the morning; that he would still be within my grasp.

I must have tensed, because Yami stirred, pulled me tighter into his embrace. "What is it, love?" he asked sleepily. I froze, telling myself he was half asleep; he didn't know what he was saying.

But I was tired of denying to myself that he cared. I was tired of being a coward. Because if I admitted it, I would have to worry about the inevitable day when he would stop caring. And he had to stop caring, because I didn't deserve him. He had to abandon me, because everyone did.

But… he had promised.

He had promised to believe in me; had promised to face life by my side.

And he took his vows as seriously as I. Promises are curious things; at once fragile and binding. I could feel his promise wrap around me, as I slowly let myself relax into its embrace.

"Go back to sleep. It's nothing." I said, as if I was talking to Mokuba. And my attempt at avoiding answering proved just as unsuccessful.

"With you, it's never 'nothing'. What were you thinking about?" he asked, awake now.

"Promises." I answered.

"I meant every word. Let me prove to you how well I mean to keep mine." He rolled me over until I was looking up at him as he lay on top of me. I could feel every inch of his skin melting into mine, his warmth seeping into my heart. It was only then that he started kissing me, slowly, gently… each kiss a new promise; each caress, a new oath. He brushed my hair off my face, looked into my eyes. His own eyes, glowing like crimson embers in the dim light, dropped to my neck… as though he could still see the mark he had given me that first night, the mark that I had carried ever since. It had faded almost to nothingness in the week we had been apart. His eyes turned feral, and he smiled, his thumb tracing circles, as though re-defining its almost invisible contours. His mouth replaced his hand. I moaned into the night at the feel of his teeth on my neck… as if Yami was setting the seal on his declaration; as if he was consummating his vow.

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

You couldn't really call it eavesdropping. I mean it wasn't like I was listening in on my brother and Yami making love. I just stayed by the door long enough to make sure that was the direction they were heading. As I jumped back into bed, I was clear on two important points. Yami really did love my brother… and he didn't understand him.

It hadn't been like the first time, after that first morning. That had been easy. I'd simply told the security guards and my brother's chief assistant to let Yami in when he arrived – and not to notify my brother. They all knew they'd never get in trouble for obeying my orders instead of Nisama's. I'd checked with Isono later. It was pretty funny watching him turn bright red as he reported stiffly that Yami had arrived at noon like clockwork each day, stayed for about ten minutes, and left, with his hair slightly mussed. Yami had kept that up for two weeks, until I had lent him my alarm clock, and Nisama had finally gotten the message, and stopped running to the office at daybreak.

But this was different. This was something Nisama had to deal with on his own – or rather, something he had to learn to let Yami in on, rather than just dealing with it alone – hopefully, before Yami got too badly hurt. And I could see (even if Nisama couldn't) that my brother's desertion had hurt Yami deeply. But I wasn't too worried. Yami might have been looked mad enough to knock my brother into the Shadow Realm – but he didn't look ready to give up.

And in the end… they had both come through, fine.

Yami might not have understood Nisama, but he had offered to stand by him anyway. That shouldn't have surprised me. I mean I knew Yami cared about Nisama, loved him even… and he was the kind of guy who knew how to hang tough… but it was just… unexpected, in a way. No one had ever done anything like it before. Me and Nisama had always been on our own.

Sensei had come the closest, but he'd been trying to ease his own conscience, not help Nisama. And his apology had come too late.

_I remembered the hospital room. It was the first time I'd realized that Nisama's Sensei was an old man. He'd been hooked up to these machines. Nisama was standing in front of the bed, looking bored. Gozaburo had killed himself. Sensei was dying of natural causes. I knew how I felt about Gozaburo's death. I didn't know how to feel about Sensei's. And Nisama just plain didn't know how to feel anything, any more._

_"I failed you," Sensei said to my brother._

_"Don't delude yourself. You couldn't fail me. You never mattered enough. I never put any trust in you, or anyone else."_

_"That's how I failed. You should expect more from people. You had the right to expect more from me… and you don't even know it."_

_"Since you're dying, the point seems moot."_

_"And you survived us all," Sensei smiled. "You're alive."_

_"I'm in charge. That's close enough for me."_

_"At least your brother is still at your side."_

_Nisama didn't even look over his shoulder._

_"Yeah, he's still following me around like a stray dog. I don't even notice anymore."_

_The old man sighed. "Sometimes things are set in motion that cannot easily be stopped. I'm sorry for that as well."_

_Nisama grunted._

_"I hear you've destroyed Gozaburo's weapons factories. That Kaiba Corporation is to be a gaming enterprise instead," Sensei continued._

_At first I thought Nisama wasn't going to answer. Finally he said, "I promised."_

_"I think you have made many promises. At least you were able to hold onto one. Maybe that will be enough. Whatever the reason, I am proud of you for what you are doing. It is a feat worthy of Sagara Sozo – and the Sekiho Army."_

_"Have your brains become addled as death approaches, old man?" my brother asked, harshly. "Do you believe your own fairy-tales, now? Have you deluded yourself that you've raised a member of the Sekiho Army – here in modern day Domino? When it was your job to turn me into a puppet of the Imperial Court that betrayed them, instead? Not that it matters – if they were stupid enough to believe in the future – then betrayal was inevitable."_

_Sensei didn't answer. It was an old argument, anyway. He gestured to the worn Black Belt, the symbol of his rank, on the table by his bed. I suddenly realized that for the first time since I'd met him, he hadn't been wearing it._

_"I would like you to have that," he told my brother._

_"What do you want in return?" my brother asked._

_"You've already given it to me. I wanted to say good-bye," he answered._

_"A foolish wish. But this seems to be the month for cutting all the ties that bind me. Die in peace, old man," my brother said as he whirled from the room, leaving Sensei's belt behind. He didn't look back to see if I was following…or to see that I had retrieved it._

Now for the first time, Nisama had someone who didn't have to be dying to want to help. I decided it was time Yami and I had another talk, preferably after Nisama had left for work.

"For Nisama, it all comes back to Death-T," I told Yami.

"I know," he answered."

"No. You don't," I replied. "You've seen it, but you've never really lived with it." It was something Nisama had never told anyone, even me. I should have felt disloyal. But I had heard Nisama last night… had heard him try to explain… had heard him mention Gozaburo's name. If he had come that far, I figured that gave me permission to tell the rest.

_"It was after Gozaburo had died. I really thought everything would be okay then," I told Yami. "Until I saw Nisama's face. It was after his first board meeting."_

_"They got what they deserved. The suckers," Nisama said scornfully._

_Actually, the Big Five scared me. But nothing ever scared my brother._

_"They actually thought I was going to be their figurehead. They actually thought I was just going to let them continue business as usual. Their mistake. Did they really think I'd risk everything for control of a corporation that would come to me if I was patient anyway, unless I was going to change everything? Maybe they've dealt in death for so long, they no longer notice its stench… but I'm choking on it. And I didn't beat Gozaburo just to surrender to his flunkeys."_

_"Nobody can predict what the Knight's going to do next." I reminded him._

_"I just couldn't stand by and do nothing. Not when I was killing people every day. Not if there was a_ _way I could stop it. I know what I've done, and sometimes the knowledge sticks in my throat until I can't breathe around it. Gozaburo was right. After a heart, a conscience is the greatest weakness. And I'm never letting it rule me again."_

_He was pacing through Gozaburo's office, his voice getting louder with each step. "Those fools didn't get it. If I had lost, I would have lived up to my word. I would have done whatever Gozaburo asked. They didn't believe that. That's why they backed me. Their own greed betrayed them, not me… and their own cowardice. I think they were afraid their top weapons designer was about to kill himself. Maybe that would have been the better, the surer option…" he said to himself._

_"Don't say that Nisama!"_

_"Don't worry, Mokuba. I remember my promises," he said shooting me an angry look. And I knew – he resented me for having exacted the vow that was now keeping him alive._

"In some ways, it was worse than when Gozaburo was alive, because it was supposed to be better," I told Yami. "Instead, it was like I was watching him caught in quicksand. All I could do was watch him struggle… watch him go under. You might have played that first Shadow Game with him. You didn't see what it did to him, afterwards."

_As I entered the room, saw him light one of our adoptive father's cigars. I didn't realize any were left after his death, but there were reminders of him everywhere. As deliberately as he did everything, Nisama held the glowing tip to the center of the Blue Eyes White Dragon I had drawn for him; until he had created a small perfect circle of fire; until the dragon had turned to ash._

_"What are you doing?" I cried._

_"It's time to put away childish things. And what could be more childish than holding on to dreams?"_

_"Don't say that. One day they'll be yours."_

_"No. I may be able to collect them, but those dragons will never truly be mine."_

_"Why are you saying this?" I was scared. I had never seen my brother look defeated before._

_"Because it's true. I had the real one today. I stood there looking at a piece of my heart… and it was in some old geezer's hands. I took it back. No one's ever controlling me, or anything that's mine again." He laughed. It was a bitter hateful sound. "Gozaburo was right about me. No matter what I do, I'll never be more than his house killer. That's the real Seto Kaiba. I was stupid enough to think I could hide a piece of my soul in a card, and call it from my deck when I needed it. I was foolish enough to think I could just snap my fingers, and that magnificent beast would come… like my soul would call it home… like I have a heart worthy of housing a dragon."_

_"Of course you do!" I yelled._

_"Didn't you hear me? I had a Blue Eyes White Dragon in my hands. Right before it destroyed itself, I looked in its eyes and knew… it could never belong to someone like me," he smiled. "I thought it was my heart and soul. But it's just one more thing I gave up along the way."_

_"You're wrong, Nisama. You are a Blue Eyes White Dragon!"_

_He hit me for the first time since Gozaburo died. As he left the room, I heard him mutter, "They're just pieces of paper… just one more thing that can be easily destroyed."_

"I've always known that whatever damage he took, he did to himself deliberately," Yami said quietly.

"That's the worst part. Everything that happened to him, happened with his consent. He's trying to change. I don't know if he can."

"Are you asking if I'll leave? I won't. He looked at me and saw beyond the spirit. I look at him, and see beyond the rage, beyond the pain. I don't know if he can change either. And I don't always understand him. But I do know that like his dragons, he will never give up. And I will never give up on him."

"Do you remember what I told you about the night Nisama got that cut?" I asked. It wasn't really changing the subject. It just seemed that way.

"Of course," he said encouragingly.

"Do you understand why he attacked Gozaburo?"

He looked puzzled. "He was trying to protect you, Mokuba. He was trying to distract your adoptive father."

"Not quite. That's not the whole story. It took me a long time to figure it out. Nisama didn't need to go to that extreme to get Gozaburo's attention. Our adoptive father never really noticed me anyway. All he wanted to know was that Nisama didn't care about me either. Gozaburo lost interest in me the minute Nisama hit me. And that's why Nisama did it. You didn't see him later. All he cared about was that he'd hit me. He knew no one would stop him; that no one would punish him. He was beating himself up on the inside about it. He was looking for someone to finish the job on the outside – and Gozaburo was there."

I looked Yami straight in the eye.

"That's the way my brother is. He plays people. That's why he set up Death-T. He knew you could kill him. That's still part of the attraction. He's his own judge, jury and executioner. That's why he disappeared last week. He figured he didn't deserve you. He's mean to himself. Then he looks for other people to finish the job."

"Don't worry. I won't let him."

"I'm getting too old for promises," I said.

"I'm not to old to need to make them." he answered. "You're not alone – either of you. I'll look after him."

I smiled, "Don't promise to succeed. Just promise to try."

I had told Yami all I knew. I figured he owed me an answer in return.

"Yami," I said hesitantly, "I heard a lot of what you and Nisama talked about… you know, Yugi and DOMA and all."

He nodded, unsurprised to learn that I had listened in. At least he didn't seem mad. "And you want to know…" he said encouragingly.

"How did you learn to get over it?" I blurted out.

"I don't think anyone ever really 'gets over' doing something like that. Knowing you're capable of becoming your worst fears, changes you." He held up his hand to stop my next comment. "But I know what you mean. I've come farther in two months, than Kaiba has in two years. It's hard to explain. Yugi was more than my host. He set the boundaries of my world. And Yugi's world is a generous, charitable place."

He paused. I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. We both knew who had set the parameters of my brother's world.

"I was lucky," he continued. "I had Yugi to teach me how to forgive others. And I guess I learned enough along the way to practice on myself."

"Then why can't Nisama?"

"When has your brother ever been able to learn from anything but his own hard won experience?"

Maybe he knew Nisama better than I thought.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for taking the time to beta this chapter._ **

**_Thanks to Maris_** – I kept feeling like the end of Kaiba's narrative was missing something, but I couldn't figure out what. Then I read your review and realized that now that they are back together, and now that Yami was being patient and supportive when he needed to be – you were absolutely right – he might feel that a little territory marking was in order. So thank you for giving me the idea.

 ** _Thanks to Amarin Rose_** for coming up with the title for this chapter "Escape from Alcatraz" It made such a wickedly appropriate pun, I couldn't resist.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** It's tempting to get annoyed with Kaiba for being so dumb and dense that he just can't get stuff like friendship or trust (much less love). And when it comes to these things – Kaiba really doesn't get it. But he doesn't get it for some very good reasons. For the first 16 years of his life he's never really been around anyone who had his welfare and best interests in mind. Not only that but he's been responsible for protecting his younger brother from the uncaring (and sometimes downright dangerous) adults in their lives, a trend that continues to the present, at least in his business life. So it isn't surprising that he has such conflicting feelings about trusting others.

 **Mansion note:** One thing that always struck me as kind of funny was that Kaiba stays in Domino. In the manga he's clearly shown as staying in the same house. Which is kind of odd – I mean you wouldn't think that the place has a lot of pleasant associations, and wouldn't a teenage billionaire prefer Tokyo or New York? I wondered if Kaiba thought of it as a spoil of war almost, or whether he wanted to rub it in everyone in Domino's faces how successful he's become.

 **Gozaburo Note:** I've always had the sense that Seto Kaiba accepts responsibility for the things that happened to him as a result of his choice of Gozaburo as an adoptive father. The one exception is Seto's own role in designing weapons. In the manga, he literally cries out that Gozaburo sold his soul to the military. To me, it seemed significant that this is the one time he blames Gozaburo for anything.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Kaiba and Yami:** _(AmunRa, Ayuma and Sakura, Clarity, Daje Elle Namte, Darkstar71, Desidera, dimonyo-anghel, elirian 19, Maris, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenofGames2, SoulSister, Sylvia Viridian, Troubled Talent, YGO EcoGoth)_ There's a real parallelness (is that a word?) to their feelings. Yami needs Kaiba to touch him to believe in his own body, and Kaiba needs just as desperately to convince himself that this is real. If you believe that love is a matter of both the heart and the body, you could say that they are both experiencing things they believed to be beyond their reach. There's an odd symmetry to them. Yami has faith in Kaiba, where he talks about having to unearth his heart which was buried in the rubble at the base of his duel tower, and even when Yami was a spirit, he was always real to Kaiba.

It's funny, I realized at some point (like really recently) that I'm trying to have each lime show a different aspect of their relationship, to sort of say something different about their characters or where they are at in relation to each other (well, besides horizontally), if that makes sense.

 **Duels of the heart:** _(StainofCurare)_ That was a great point – it really put something I sort of feel unconsciously into words. But that's true – in both Yami's duels with Raphael and Dartz, what he's facing are victories or defeats of the heart. All the duels Kaiba faces are really duels about (or for) his heart. The one that is always most striking for me, that way, is his duel with Noa – where he sacrifices his Extra Dimensional Dragon for his BEWD, knowing that even though he will lose the duel (and with it his life), it's the only card that will enable him to save Mokuba.

 **Yugi:** _(AmunRa, Cerebi Motou, Daje Elle Namte, Darkstar71, Desidera, StainofCurare, Sylvia Viridian, Troubled Talent)_ I was pretty influenced by the manga/anime version of Yugi. In the manga he fantasizes about Anzu's underwear, and borrows porn tapes from Jounouchi (who else?) although he's still young and shy enough to blush when he gets caught. Actually in the anime he curses a lot… well not a lot compared to the triumvirate of Kaiba, Mokuba, and Jounouchi, but still…. The thing I like and respect about Yugi is that his 'innocence' is neither childish or even naive. He has simply made the decision to look for and trust to the best in people. Of course that doesn't mean he could watch Yami get hurt without getting mad – he's a decent guy, not a saint!

 **Characters in general:** _(heaven shadow)_ One thing I've always admired about the manga/anime is that they don't soften the characters, Kaiba in particular, but show him struggling with this stuff, straight from Death-T to Alcatraz, when he finally seems to start to get a handle on what he has to do to salvage his life.

 **Kaiba and Seto in particular:** _(Macavity, samurai-ashes)_ One interesting thing about writing a time travel story was that I get to write about the 13 year old punk (I just love the brat) without having to give up the 18 year old version. And it's fun to contrast them, but I'm trying to keep the sense they are the same person, even while trying to portray them individually (did that make any sense?) I do think though that, particularly in Kaiba's case, they would judge themselves by what the other has done/seems about to do, which is why I think Kaiba would sort of take on any weakness he sees in Seto as proof of his own inherent failings. Also the 13 year old appears only very briefly in the anime/manga, even in flashbacks, so I guess I couldn't resist trying to fill in the dots.

 **Mansion:** _(Daje Elle Namte)_ Yami, Yugi and Sugoroku have been staying at the mansion since about Chapter 7. When Yami says in Chapter 25, that he was debating whether to tell Yugi it was time to return home, he meant that he was wondering if it was time for them to leave the mansion and return to the Game Shop.

 **Gozaburo:** _(elirian 19, Troubled Talent)_ I had never thought about it before, but yeah, I guess for Seto Kaiba fans, Gozaburo is the epitome of evil! I'm not saying that Seto was a saint-in-training before Gozaburo got his hands on him, quite the opposite. He was calculating, untrusting, and except to Mokuba, probably untrustworthy, hard and cold. And in some ways, I think having his relatives steal their inheritance and dump them in an orphanage might have been almost as damaging. In some ways though, that makes Gozaburo almost worse to me – that he took a child that was plainly damaged, and tried to break him further. And so many of Kaiba's battles are about his struggle to free himself from Gozaburo's influence, and I think from seeing himself and the world through Gozaburo's eyes.

 _ _ **Vocabulary:**_ Note to StainofCurare:_ I had to laugh at your comment regarding "aureoles." My dictionary also defined them as an "encircling ring of color or light. Either way, I guess it's a bit of a stretch. But one of the things I really like about writing is that there are all these really cool words, like anodyne or coalescence or fervent or well, aureoles, that you never get to use in casual conversation. (At least I've never managed to work them in.) So it's fun to finally get to dust them off, and show them around a little.


	30. Field of Dreams

**BASEBALL NOTE:** Hopefully, you don't need to know anything about baseball to enjoy this chapter, but I thought I'd include a basic explanation of any terms used in the story. If you're familiar with baseball, feel free to skip to the Jounouchi Insult Note, below.

 **Perfect Game:** The winning pitcher must make 27 outs in the course of a game (9 innings x 3 outs per inning 27) If a pitcher makes those 27 outs on 27 consecutive batters (no one reaches base for any reason – no hits, walks or errors) the pitcher has thrown a 'perfect game'. In US major league baseball, there have been 17 perfect games since they started keeping records in 1872. So you can see why there'd be a mystique around the subject.

 **Sacrifice:** A sacrifice hit is the act of deliberately striking the ball to allow the runner to advance to the next base, even though the batter himself is put out.

 **Error:** An fielder is considered to have made an error, if he allows a runner to reach base on a play that would have ordinarily been an out.

 **Baseball Basics:** As I was getting ready to post, I realized that some of the people reading this story are from countries where baseball is an unfamiliar sport. So I included a brief description of the game, which I paraphrased from wikipedia, an online encyclopedia. Baseball is played between two teams of nine players each. The game is divided into nine innings. During each inning, each team gets one turn to bat and try to score runs, while the other team pitches and defends in the field. In baseball, the defense always has the ball – a fact that differentiates it from other sports.

The teams switch sides every time the defending team gets three players on the batting team out. The winner is the team with the most runs after nine innings. If the two teams are tied at that point the game continues into extra innings until a winner can be determined. Baseball is also the only major team sport that does not end after a predetermined amount of time has elapsed.

The basic contest is between the pitcher for the fielding team and the batter. The pitcher throws the ball towards home plate, where his team's catcher is waiting to receive it. The opposing team's batter stands in the batter's box, and tries to hit the ball with a bat.

The four bases are arranged in a diamond shaped pattern and the batter must advance (in a counter clockwise direction) from home plate to first base to second base to third base and back to home plate to score a run.

Whew!

 **Jounouchi insult note:** Seto and Kaiba use two main insults for Jounouchi in this chapter. A **_make inu_** is a stray dog, and a **_bonkotsu_** is a mediocrity. I love that one, because being mediocre is the one thing you can't call Kaiba, so I love that it's one of his top insults.

 **Weapons reminder:** A Hambo is a three foot stick and a Shinobigatana is a short, straight sword, attributed to the Ninja.

 **Oniichan reminder:** Mokuba calls Seto, Oniichan in his narrative. It is a more affectionate (and less formal) way to say big brother.

* * *

**CH 30: FIELD OF DREAMS**

**YUGI'S POV**

I really had to tell Jounouchi to cool it before someone got hurt… probably him. Kaiba-kun clearly looked on being polite to Jounouchi as some sort of self-imposed punishment for having hurt Yami so badly. Of course since it was quite a switch from his usual behavior, it didn't take Jounouchi long to figure out what was up… or to decide it would be fun to see just how far he could push Kaiba-kun in return. But the other day, after Jounouchi had called Kaiba-kun, _'Domino's most famous drop-out'_ once too often, I'd caught sight of Kaiba-kun looking at Yami as though silently asking for his permission to kill Jounouchi. It was never a good idea to bet on Kaiba-kun's ability to keep his temper.

But I wasn't in any hurry to stop Jounouchi either. He wasn't the only one getting a kick out of the situation. I mean, I knew Kaiba-kun had his good points. I'd spent most of the past week repeating them to myself. He was honest. He really cared for Yami. He was brave. He was loyal. (He really cared for Yami.) And I even liked his dry (and often ghoulish) sense of humor, now that I'd learned to recognize it.

But when I thought of how badly he'd hurt Yami, for no reason (well, no reason that existed outside of his own fucked-up head) I wanted to punch Kaiba-kun in the mouth… even if I had to stand on a chair to do it. Inflicting Jounouchi on him was mild by comparison. And it made me feel better.

I didn't mention my ambition to rearrange his lover's face to Yami. I knew he didn't share it. And I knew Yami was right. I'm not good at holding grudges, anyway – and this wasn't even _my_ grudge to hold. Besides when I was with Yami, all I could feel was his happiness, and I knew Kaiba-kun was a big part of that. And to be honest, I couldn't help but see Kaiba-kun now through Yami's eyes, just a little… just like Yami would always have a soft spot for Anzu because of me. We didn't really talk about it. We were learning to give each other the illusion of privacy, but it was there. And it made a difference.

And Kaiba-kun was really trying. I could see that for myself. The first thing he did when he came in the house now was look for Yami. It was kind of funny seeing the way he couldn't quite relax until he'd seen Yami smile at him in greeting.

Something had really changed since the night Yami had gone to confront Kaiba-kun; since the night he'd stayed to comfort him.

There was a rightness to them. They fit well together. They were both made of darkness and light. Just as Yami was the bright spirit behind the Dark Magician; so Kaiba-kun seemed like the shadow that concealed the heart of his luminous dragons.

"The mansion is your true home, now," I said when Yami returned to my room late one morning.

He smiled. "Yes. When I'm with Kaiba, I feel at peace."

I hid my grin, though I knew he could sense it. But the thought of putting the words _'Kaiba'_ and _'peace'_ in the same sentence…

But for all we looked alike, for all we had shared a body, me and Yami were as different as sunlight and shadow. I loved Yami more than anyone, except for Anzu. But for all that our thoughts could wander in and out of each other's minds, I had never understood him the way I did Jounouchi. Just as, despite how deeply Yami loved me… his heart beat in time with Kaiba-kun's.

"It's nice to see you so happy. You know, I always assumed when you got involved with Kaiba-kun, our bond would dissolve. That didn't happen," I said.

"Kaiba didn't replace you, aibou. We forged another… a different link. But I built it using everything I learned from you."

He paused and frowned. "I'm stealing from you again, aren't I? First your time.. pieces of your life… even now, I'm still an intruder in your mind – you're not truly free of me. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? I don't want to be 'free' of you! God, Yami – I learned everything about who I am _from_ you. I learned where you ended and I began. And I learned to see myself by looking at the way you saw me. I mean here you were – this powerful spirit… you could have taken over any time… like Yami no Bakura did with Bakura-kun. But instead, you deferred to me. You listened to me. And that's when I started listening to myself. We're a team, Yami – and an unbeatable one."

Now it was my turn to look at him doubtfully. Had Yami been imagining my feelings or projecting his own?

"What about you, Yami? Are you disappointed that we're still tied? That you have your own body, and yet you're not truly separate. Is that what you wanted – to be free of me?"

"Never," he said passionately.

"Then why did you think I did?"

"Sheer foolishness. It seems that I still need you, aibou – to be my wisdom."

I would have corrected him. But after having looked on myself as this wishy-washy cry-baby for most of my life, I liked being called someone's wisdom.

"What about you?" Yami asked. "When this is over, will you talk to Anzu?"

"Anzu needs time. She needs to know she's not going out with me, just because she can't have you. I've waited for Anzu all my life. I can hold on a little longer."

I thought about it.

"I'd take her right now, even if she was just settling for me. It wouldn't bother me, but she couldn't live with that, so neither could I. It's funny… you know, if I'd met her at Battle City or in America, I bet we'd be going out right now. But she's spent her whole life thinking of me as this little kid who needs her protection. I'm asking her to look at me and see someone new… to take all her assumptions… about me… about herself… about us… and throw them out the window."

"That's a lot to ask of someone," Yami agreed. "When you ask someone to overturn all their beliefs, to ignore everything their life has taught them, to change how they see their world, how they see themselves… and to do it all for you… then, you are truly asking for everything."

I didn't need a special link to know that his thoughts had returned to Kaiba-kun.

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

It should have been any kid's dream. My guardian was my teenage billionaire brother who ran a gaming empire – and I could wrap him around my finger. I should have been a lot more spoiled than I was. I mean, he'd do anything I wanted, and everyone knew it. But years of watching my brother destroy himself trying to grant my unspoken wishes had made me very careful of what I asked for. Today it wasn't much. I wanted him to take Oniichan to a baseball game. My brother loved the sport. Of course. It was a game of geometry and statistics. The best fielder was the one who made the fewest errors and sacrifices never counted against your batting average. It was tailor-made for Nisama.

Although Domino's team was named the Dragons, my brother had never rooted for it, had never considered buying it. He just liked watching the game, even satellite feeds from America. It didn't matter who was playing, although he had a mild preference for the New York Yankees. It was the only thing he did without caring who won or lost. Secretly, I thought the game was pretty boring. But I knew the only way I could get Nisama to go was if he thought he was taking me. It was a comparatively harmless deception. And besides, it wasn't quite a lie. I might not have thought much of the game, but I liked sitting in the sun with Nisama; I liked talking to him; I liked watching him relax.

I knew I was asking Nisama to suspend hostilities against Oniichan for the day. Although he had made up with Yami (or Yami had made up with him), he was still as mad as ever at Oniichan. No, he was more than furious – he was agonized and guilty – which was how I knew it had something to do with me. I would have told him that his fears (whatever they were) were groundless… that I trusted Oniichan. But I knew he didn't and wouldn't, so I held my peace.

But Nisama hadn't been hard to convince. It didn't hurt that Eiji Sawamura was pitching for the Dragons. He was in his third year. Already in his career, he had thrown two shut-outs and a no-hitter. The opposing pitcher had also flirted with immortality. Masaichi Kaneda was older. He was just returning after 5 years in America. Although my brother had approved of his desire to play against the best – and for the highest pay – he also felt Kaneda had picked up too many bad habits overseas; had become out of shape and lazy. But as erratic as his first season back home had been, Kaneda, like Sawamura, had also managed a no-hitter. And my brother was dying to see a perfect game. This looked like his best chance.

Although I knew better than to mention it, I was also hoping that he'd remember just how badly he'd wanted to see a real, live, baseball game when he had been Oniichan's age.

Now Nisama had a luxury box for entertaining corporate clients. But he preferred his season tickets behind Home Plate. They weren't the most expensive seats in the house. They weren't right on the field. But they had the best sight lines for seeing the plays unfold. And they were 20 rows back – just far enough that the ugly chain link fence that stretched from foul pole to foul pole to protect the fans from stray balls (and the players from the fans) wouldn't obstruct our view.

I'd suggested inviting the whole gang. Nisama had surprised me by including Sugoroku. He'd told me: "That crummy little game shop is closed on Tuesdays, so the old man might as well come along, especially since he's closer to dying without seeing a perfect game than any of us." It was a long sentence for Nisama.

Nisama and Oniichan were both in black and blue, but as usual, there the resemblance ended. Nisama had black boots; Oniichan, black high-top Converse sneakers. Nisama was in a black silk shirt, black pants, and a long, sleeveless, midnight blue duster that swept the floor, and made him look even taller. Oniichan was in an oversized black T-Shirt, with a midnight blue skull on the front. The bottom of the shirt had probably been midnight blue, too – but Oniichan had burned it off, so that his dragon belt buckle showed through the charred remains. Even with the belt, his black jeans were threatening to fall off his hips. I couldn't believe Nisama let him go out in public dressed like that.

Of course, they were the only ones _not_ wearing the team logo. I wasn't surprised. The mascot was the cutest, cuddliest, baby dragon imaginable. It made Pegasus' Toon Dragon look like a killer. It had a baby blue body and big, dark blue eyes – which matched Nisama's in color – if not in shape or intensity. My brother grimaced every time he looked at their logo. I kept expecting him to buy the team – just so he could kill off the mascot and replace it with a more respectably intimidating dragon.

Yugi and Yami were in matching, sleeveless Dragon's T-shirts and matching cut-off shorts. Both pairs must have belonged to Yugi once – and Yami didn't seem to realize that since he was a couple of inches taller, the shorts were riding pretty high on his legs. I saw my brother's eyes narrow fractionally at the sight – and immediately re-evaluated my estimate of Yami's cluelessness. This was probably some new move in whatever game he was playing with my brother. It hadn't escaped my notice that there were times when my brother and Yami headed out to the motorcycle track, and Nisama would declare it off-limits to the rest of us – in a voice that brooked no arguments.

It was odd seeing Nisama have a life that didn't include me. On the whole, I approved – but Nisama and Yami on the motorcycle track 'racing' was definitely one more picture I didn't want running around inside my head.

I looked at Anzu instead. She was in one of those skimpy undershirts with the little straps – the kind that girls wear. It had, of course, a baby Dragon holding a bat on the front, sort of snuggled right between her... right on her chest. He had the best seat in the house. I would have traded places in a second.

The rest of the guys, myself included, were in regular boring team T-shirts. Jounouchi obviously had his for years – and spilled lots of food on it along the way. Sugoroku even had a Dragon's hat crammed on his head, instead of the usual bandana.

We were sitting in a row in the stands. Nisama was on one end. Yami was next to him, a buffer between my brother and the rest of the gang. Jounouchi was next to Yami, then Sugoroku, Honda, and Yugi, with Anzu on his other side. I had snagged the other seat next to Anzu, with Oniichan next to me – and as far from Nisama as possible. Kouma was unable to sit still. He kept bouncing back and forth between his brothers – not caring that he had to climb over the rest of us to do it. Of course, neither of my brothers made any attempt to rein him in. And yet, I was pleased with Kouma. If anything, he was even more bored with baseball than I was. But he knew this was Oniichan's dream come true. And Kouma didn't need to like baseball to have fun. I'd never noticed that before.

Kouma jumped into Oniichan's lap (again), grinning widely enough for the both of them.

"This is so cool!" he yelled.

"It's the best," Oniichan agreed.

But Kouma took that seriously, saying, "No, the trip to the aquarium was the best. But this is fun. You've got to take me… lots. Can I have some more ice cream?" he asked, hugging Oniichan. I couldn't believe it – the little midget winked at me over Oniichan's shoulder. I was a faster learner than I thought.

I was the one who ended up taking Kouma for his snack. I didn't want to disturb either brother. I wondered how often they had interrupted whatever they were doing to take care of me, over the years. I was glad to help out now, and proud they trusted me with him. Besides, I wanted ice cream too. And I have to admit, sometimes it was kind of fun talking to Kouma.

"Those lockets are so cool. How long am I going to have to wait to get one?" he asked, grabbing at my duel monsters locket.

"It'll be a while," I admitted. "Over two years. The first thing Nisama will do, as soon as Gozaburo is dead, is put it around your neck. Let me show you… it doesn't just have Nisama's picture. Behind it is the card that gives me access to the Kaiba Corporation computers. I'm a Vice President. You want to know a secret? I've decided, that when I'm old enough, I'm going to handle all the business and marketing stuff. Nisama's just going to design things all day. That, and duel."

(Maybe if he wasn't so busy taking care of me and running a business, he'd finally have the time to figure out how to beat Yami.)

"Cool," Kouma agreed. "I can't wait."

"Me, neither. And anyone who messes with Kaiba Corporation – or Nisama – is going to learn the hard way that there's a new Kaiba to deal with… Mokuba Kaiba."

"Mokuba…" he scrunched his nose, "Mokuba… Kaiba?"

"Yeah," I said firmly. "Mokuba Kaiba. Kaiba's the name Nisama picked out for us. It's not Gozaburo's any more. It's ours. And I'm going to stand straight up and spit it in everyone's face – just like Nisama does."

When we got back, I looked over at Yami. He had barely glanced at the field all day. I doubted he knew anything about the game, and probably cared as little as I. From the direction of his gaze, I was willing to bet that he was much more interested in watching the sunlight bring out the gold and red highlights in my brother's hair.

My brother and Jounouchi were being reasonably polite – well, polite for them. Partly it was because my brother had been on his best behavior since Yami. Partly it was because Jounouchi liked baseball, and actually knew something about it. Although of course, they were arguing.

Jounouchi, not surprisingly, was getting antsy with the pitcher's duel. He wanted to see some action – which for him meant home runs. They were leaning across Yami, arguing. He was regarding them with his usual smirk. I could see he was getting into watching Nisama enjoy himself; watching him have a fairly normal conversation – even if it was being conducted at the top of his lungs.

"Kadaihyouka Medachitagari is the best!" Jounouchi shouted as his favorite player, the Dragon's Left Fielder, came up to the plate.

"Only a mediocrity like you would consider that over-hyped buffoon to be 'the best," my brother sneered. Well, at least for once he was taking Jounouchi seriously.

"What do you mean, you walking hot air balloon? Medachitagari drove in, like 100 runs last year!"

"Ninety-two runs, to be exact. Which, to a shallow idiot like you, probably looks good. But between his propensity for striking out in clutch situations and his sloppy fielding, he cost them, conservatively thinking, at least 126 runs. That makes him a detriment, not an asset. He makes too many errors. And he misses too many balls he should be able to get. He hits home runs, but his game is too one-sided. He has no defense."

"Big talk for a guy who doesn't know how to put a monster face down."

I tried to hide my smile. Yami didn't bother, grinning and pointing at Nisama, as he said, "And he gloats too much, too."

It was one of the best games I'd seen. Then again, it was the first game I'd gone to with Anzu. Thanks to Nisama, I knew all the players' names and could talk about them. I knew a lot more than Yugi did. I was glad the Dragons hadn't gotten around to building a modern indoor stadium. There was something cool about watching Anzu in the sun. And the breeze was blowing my way. She smelled good. It's funny the way girls even smell different.

Considering we were surrounded by Yugi's friends, Nisama was pretty relaxed. But as much as I liked watching Nisama – and liked watching Yami watch Nisama – it was Oniichan who was attracting my attention. Since we were in public, his face was expressionless, but anyone who knew him could see how much he was enjoying himself. And nothing could disguise the intensity of his attention. I was sure that if you asked him, he'd be able to describe every pitch; diagram every play.

As the game when on though, I noticed he got a little tenser – although he still flicked me that little half smile, every time he caught me looking at him – just as he had when I was eight. But his eyes darted upwards and sideways, more frequently now, surveying the park. And I caught his brief flash of dismay when the camera started scanning the crowd, displaying the happy faces on the scoreboard.

My brother was famous; the stadium knew where his seats were. He was certainly not publicity shy – at least not when he was the one in control. But his unguarded image had never appeared on the scoreboard. I wondered how much it had cost him in bribes.

"You don't have to worry," I told Oniichan. "I think he's paid off the stadium. And there's no one to see or care that we're here, anyway." I paused. "You were worried about getting caught the whole time… whenever you took me out, I mean. Wow," I said as it suddenly hit me what those outings must have been like for him. "I'm sorry. It must have been hell."

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

Damn.

I should have known he'd catch me. The thing was – even though he had taught me how to ride his motorcycle – I kept forgetting he wasn't eight.

It was odd. For once I was going to make him feel better by telling him the truth.

"I remember every outing perfectly. So does he," I said, nodding towards Kaiba. "And I wouldn't trade a single one. Not for anything. Not even for that fourth Blue Eyes White Dragon that's out there somewhere."

I looked over at Kaiba. He was arguing baseball with the blonde kid as though anything that jerk was saying mattered. I was sorry Kaiba had pretty much stopped calling him a _make inu._ I loved seeing his stupid face get red, hearing him stutter – even though I had no clue why he reacted. I mean he hated Kaiba – so why did he give a shit what Kaiba called him? Not to mention that since he couldn't knock the smirk off Kaiba's face – why advertise how weak he really was, by admitting that something he couldn't do anything about bothered him? So many of the things that these people did made no sense. Sometimes I wished I was home.

I didn't have to ask myself why Kaiba put up with them. I could answer that with one word – Yami.

Most of the others I could ignore as easily as Kaiba did. But the _bonkotsu_ was different. He would have fit in just fine at the orphanage. He was just like the guys who picked on Mokuba because they were pissed off, and he was small enough to be a tempting target; because they needed to hit someone little, in order to feel big, themselves. The guys who acted like I had no right to beat them, since I was smaller and younger. The guys who never understood that I won because I had to, even though they were the first ones to teach me that the only alternative to winning was dying. They never understood: I wasn't going to lose, because they weren't really going to kill me, and I was ready to die. I couldn't lose because they were fighting for nothing, and I was fighting for Mokuba.

The mutt was just like all the guys at the orphanage who laughed in my face when I said that Mokuba and I were getting out. They didn't get that the difference between us was that unlike them, I would never give in. I would never accept the hand that I'd been dealt. I would never rest until I'd reshuffled the deck. In the end, I showed them. I showed everybody.

It was the top of the 7th inning and no one had reached base yet on either side. The others were rooting for the Dragons to win. Kaiba and I were rooting for perfection, and it didn't matter to us which pitcher made history. As if on cue, Medachitagari almost misplayed a routine ball, just barely made the catch to preserve Sawamura's perfect game.

"I guess you got a point," Jounouchi admitted. "He almost wrecked things for Sawamura. Imagine blowing a perfect game on an error. Ooops, shouldn't have mentioned it! I hope I didn't jinx him."

One more reason to despise him.

I hated the way the mutt confessed that he was wrong so easily, the way he joked about being superstitious. As if none of it mattered, as if he could reveal all his weaknesses and not pay the price.

"That just shows how stupid it is to rely on others for your victories," I sneered. "Not that I expect a _bonkotsu_ like you to understand."

I was surprised when Kaiba spoke up. He wasn't defending Jounouchi, (of course) but he _was_ disagreeing with me, speaking slowly, as if working the answer out as he spoke.

"Each player bats alone… fields alone… but for all that each performance is individual, like it or not, they are part of a team – and must stand or fall together. I never noticed that. I always followed each player's individual stats as though that was the whole. And yet, what is a team, but a collection of individuals forced into a temporary alliance?"

I heard Anzu giggle. She leaned over to Yugi and whispered, "I guess this isn't the time to mention that there's no 'I' in 'TEAM'?"

I would have pointed out that was pretty obvious to anyone who could spell, but I heard Mokuba laughing beside me, making me wonder what stupid joke I'd missed. Again.

Medachitagari's catch ended the half inning. No one had reached base yet, on either side. Kaneda cracked first. We had barely taken our seats after the seventh inning stretch, after the inevitable singing balloons and newly released doves, when he surrendered a single to the lead-off batter. Kaiba leaned forward in his seat.

"He's lost his perfect game. Let's see how well he handles it. Will he throw away his chance at a win, too? Let's see how good he really is."

Kaneda clearly hadn't left all of his skill in the United States. The lead-off hitter, Rukii Shinjin, who had just come up to the majors when I left home, stole second. But that was as far as he got. Kaneda struck out the side. Kaiba gave a brief nod of approval.

"What the fuck's wrong with you, Kaiba? You're happy that Kaneda got out of that jam? That was our best chance to score! We had the lead-off guy on second with no outs!" Jounouchi ranted.

Kaiba ignored him, but I couldn't take his inane comments anymore.

"Why the fuck do you care? You're not playing, you have no control over the outcome, and it isn't going to change your life, no matter who wins or loses. So why do you give a shit? You must be even stupider than you look."

"If you don't give a damn who wins, why do you like baseball so much?" he asked.

I glared at him.

I loved the game because it was… beautiful. I loved the right angles the bases made. There were 360 degrees on a baseball diamond, and 360 feet around the bases. I loved the way the outfield grass was cut into a cross hatch pattern of light and shadow.

I loved the way the batter faced those nine fielders on the opposing team, determined to beat the odds. It might have been a team sport – but for the batter, it was one against nine. And I loved the way, in a shut-out like today, the pitcher and catcher seemed to be having their own private game of catch, oblivious to everything around them. I always pictured them being me and Mokuba.

I loved how every aspect of each player's performance was measured, yet how so much was hidden unless you knew where to look. Like two players could have the same batting average, but until you knew how well they performed with men on base, you wouldn't know which one was better.

And I loved how, even in Gozaburo's mansion, I could look up the box scores the next day, and replay the whole game in my mind, where no one could take it away from me.

Not that I was going to admit any of that to the mutt – which left me with nothing to say.

"I don't know about Seto," Anzu said, "But I like watching, even if the Dragons aren't playing, because the game's just so… beautiful."

I scowled. Who did she think she was? Did she think I needed her help? I was about to snap: 'Spoken like a true cheerleader,' when I saw Mokuba's face. I couldn't insult her in front of him.

I hated this place. And I hated seeing the knowing smirk on Kaiba's face; the faint trace of sympathy in his eyes.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I didn't like him. I didn't trust him. But that didn't mean I was going to laugh in his face, either. Because I also knew where he was coming from. After all, I'd been there first.

Seto was restraining himself for Mokuba's sake. Because Mokuba couldn't defend Anzu without attacking him. But I could see how Seto longed to throw her gift back in he face. She had dared to know what he was thinking. Worse, she had given his unspoken thoughts, words. He was probably wishing for his _Hambo_ , if not his _shinobigatana_ , his Ninja's dagger.

Anzu had been trying to be kind. Is there anything worse than the kindness of the ignorant? They all expected Seto, in the few short weeks he had been here, learn the lessons I had not mastered in the two years since Death-T. And they expected him to as easily unlearn the lessons, our 'family', the orphanage, and Gozaburo had spent those years teaching, instead.

Yami had always cared for me. I knew that now. Even at Death-T, where he had shattered my heart. But that was the only gift he could have given me that I would have accepted, then; the only way to show his concern. Anything more gentle, I would have read as a sign of weakness, an invitation to attack.

I looked at Seto, who was still scowling. He didn't have an answer that he wanted to give the mutt. But staying silent meant tacitly accepting Anzu's help.

I smothered a grin. It was time for the punk to sit back, look, listen, and learn. I turned to the mutt. "Rooting for a team is stupid. The players come and go, and the only constant is that none of them will ever know your name. You want to know why I watch baseball, _Bonkotsu_? Then listen carefully. The answer is simple enough for even you to understand: _You have to respect a game that has a working definition of perfection_."

The mutt sputtered, but as usual, nothing intelligible came out. Yami was staring at me, as though he was considering my words. I didn't care what the others thought, as long as they kept their mouths shut. I glanced at Seto. He was still scowling, but he raised two fingers to his forehead in salute.

Seto had learned to hide his emotions. But he hadn't yet picked up the socially useful skill of revealing just enough of them to end the conversation.

I didn't really expect to see a perfect game, and I didn't. In the top of the eighth, the lead-off hitter rapped a single down the third base line. The Dragons' pitcher, Sawamura, recovered as well. The next batter hit into a double play, and Sawamura struck out the third to end the inning. He still had faced the minimum number of batters, but the perfect game was gone.

Finally in the bottom of the eighth, Shi Boru drew a walk, stole second, and was brought home by a single from Hoketsu Senshu, a journeyman infielder, enjoying his day in the sun. He had, it turned out, driven in the winning run, as Sawamura held on to the shut-out.

"Man," Jounouchi grumbled. "That's so unfair! Sawamura faced only 27 batters! It still should be a perfect game, even if that guy did reach first base!"

I didn't bother pointing out that since Sawamura hadn't fulfilled the requirements, there was nothing unfair about it at all.

"He made a mistake. End of story," Seto snapped. "He needed to be perfect. He wasn't. Why are you wasting your sympathy on him?"

As if Seto wasn't doing the same thing. As if he wasn't about to make the worst mistake of his life. Again.

"All games are perfect games," I pointed out, not looking at Seto. "Until the first pitch is thrown. From then on, it's just a matter of time until perfection slips through the pitcher's fingers, until he finally makes the mistake that will wake him up in the middle of the night, replaying the game in his mind, trying to change the ending… knowing all the while that he can't."

"But Kaiba," Sugoroku said quietly, "Have you forgotten? Errors are part of the game."

* * *

.

 

 ** _Thanks to Clarity for betaing this chapter_**.

 ** _Thanks to CrimsonVioletEyes_** for sending Yami to a baseball game in her contribution to the Round Robin on the Pharaoh's PalaceII (a yahoo group), and being kind enoughto let me use her idea and keep him in shorts.

 ** _Thanks to cool orchard_** for helping me come up with appropriate baseball player names and translating them.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** You know your story is an angst-fest when you decide to send your characters to a ball game in the middle of it. I went back and forth on whether or not to include this chapter. Even while I was researching it and endlessly rewriting it, I kept thinking: 'Okay, why are they going to a baseball game, again?' But after a while I decided, crazy as it sounds, we all needed a break, and a chance to sort things out… and a baseball game seemed the perfect place to do that. And it was a lot of fun figuring out which characters might be into the game. I eventually settled on Seto Kaiba (both versions), Anzu, Jounouchi and Sugoroku as the true fans. Anzu comes across as a bit of a tomboy in the manga. The first time you meet her, she's been playing basketball, and complaining that the boys are trying to look up her school uniform. And I think she'd appreciate the grace of the game. I could see Jounouchi rooting passionately for 'his' team. As for Seto Kaiba, what can I say… you have to love a game that has a working definition of perfection.

Researching this chapter was an absolute blast. I know quite a bit about American baseball, so it was fun finding out all the things I don't know about Japanese baseball.

 **Baseball player names:** When I first started writing this chapter, I had to come up with a bunch of names for the players, particularly the pitchers. While researching (which sounds so much better than goofing off by visiting random Japanese baseball sites) I was struck by how much the biographies Japan's two most respected pitchers, matched the characters in the story. I decided to borrow them, with all respect.

 ** _Eiji Sawamura_** threw the first no-hitter in the history of Japanese Professional Baseball. He went on to throw three no-hitters in his brief, seven year career. Eiji Sawamura never pitched a perfect game. Real life, in the form of World War 2 interrupted his career. He enlisted in the Japanese Navy, and was killed when a torpedo struck his ship in 1943. Today, Japan's highest pitching award, The Sawamura Award, is named after him.

 ** _Masaichi Kaneda_** , whose nicknames include being called "The God of Pitching" and "Emperor Kaneda" is Japan's winningest pitcher. He pitched for 19 years, from 1950 – 1969. He was with the Kokutetsu Swallows for 15 of those years, then fed up with the extreme workload of the Swallows (he pitched in about twice as many innings as the average US pitcher), he became Japan's first free agent by refusing to sign with or play for them. He went on to sign with Japans premier team, the Yomiuri Giants, and pitch for four more seasons. Although those seasons were somewhat erratic, he won the league's pitching crown in 1965. In a time when there was widespread feeling that Japanese baseball players, particularly on the Giants had to be of totally Japanese ancestry, Kaneda was very proud of his Korean heritage.

Pretty cool, huh?

As for the rest of the names… I tried to find words that described the players in some way and (luckily) had a friend translate them into Japanese, or used an online Japanese baseball glossary. Kadaihyouka Medachitagari means (literally) over-valued show-off, which seemed to describe Jounouchi's favorite player. Hoketsu Senshu means back-up player, since he was not a starter. According to a baseball glossary, Shi Boru means four balls, or a walk, and Rukii and Shinjin are both words that mean 'rookie'.

 **Dragons Note:** There really is a team called the Dragons – The Chunichi Dragons, to be exact. And in 2004, their mascot really was this adorable baby dragon with blue eyes. Over the winter they changed their mascot a little… he's now got black eyes. I used their original stadium as the model for the one in the story. (And baseball stadiums in Japan really do have a chain link fence from foul pole to foul pole, so people in the seats closest to the field have to peer through the links. For that reason the seats 20 – 40 rows back actually have better sight lines.) They have since moved to a domed stadium complete with stores, restaurants, and according to every website I visited, seats that are so far back from the field, the sight lines for actually telling what's going on in the game are terrible. It also has artificial turf (yuck!)

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Promises:** _(Desidera, elirian 19)_ As Kaiba notes, promises really are curious things. I think you're right, for Mokuba they are a kind of childish comfort, a belief that no matter what happens Seto will make it right. But now that he's older, and able to see the cost of those promises, I think he's reject the idea. But he's still a kid himself, so in spite of feeling (or wanting) to be too old for promises, he'd still feel comforted by Yami's. Similarly, Yami may not want to be another promise, but he also knows that this is the way that Kaiba expresses caring, so he'd also be comforted by this proof of Kaiba's feelings. As for Kaiba, well this is simply what he does. As you said, I think it's his way of reassuring himself that he can and will live up to his goals. I can kind of see him repeating his promises to himself.

 **Manga/anime:** _(Aramis-chan, Katie Torango, Wintersslayer)_ This may seem like an odd ambition, but one thing I wanted to do with this story was to work in bits of the anime and manga as seamlessly as I could, so that it would be hard to tell where the anime/manga left off and my story began…

 **Seto and Gozaburo:** _(AmunRa, Daje Elle Namte, elirian 19, Kagemihari, Kekewey, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenOfGames2, YGO EcoGoth)_ I've always pictured Seto as being an active and somewhat willing partner in his very destructive game with Gozaburo. Because I think the one thing he could never have done was admitted he was a helpless child, and that events were out of his control. So having, in a sense, trapped himself and Mokuba (and even Gozaburo) in this game, he would have played it to the best of his ability to the end, regardless of the personal consequences. And I agree, that for him (and I think he's intelligent enough to have realized this at some point) this became essentially an no-win game, where no matter what happened, he had lost, in the sense that he had lost his grip on the things that mattered to him.

Yeah, I wonder a lot about Seto's birth parents, too. As I've indicated earlier, I don't see him coming from a happy family, because he's far too ready to throw his life away by challenging Gozaburo, and I think he learned that trait very early in life. Also, I would imagine that his Dad, who would have been overwhelmed by the sudden death of his wife, and having responsibility for a small boy and an infant, might have withdrawn both physically (by working late) and emotionally. If you look at the way Kaiba reacts to stress, it's by withdrawing and repressing his emotions. It's not too farfetched to think that his father was his first model for this behavior.

 **Mokuba:** _(Ceribi Motou, Daje Elle Namte, Kagemihari, YGO EcoGoth)_ There's a line in the LOTR where Aragorn is talking about Merry, after his run-in with the Witch King, and he says: "His grief he will not forget; but it will not darken his heart, it will teach him wisdom." I've always thought that described Mokuba very well. One of the nice things about writing fanfiction is that you get to add all kinds of details to relationships that are mostly implied. But I think Mokuba and Yami would be interesting together. First, in his loyalty and his ability to both understand and love his brother, Mokuba has a lot of traits that would remind Yami of Yugi. And I think while Mokuba likes and respects Yami, he wouldn't be intimidated by him… after all he's used to dealing with arrogant overly competitive gamers.

 **Kaiba and Yami:** _(Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenOfGames2)_ I can see Kaiba being a bit shocked to find that Yami cares enough about him for his actions to hurt. But I can also see him understanding what he's done and taking responsibility for behaving differently in the future. But I also think there may be a big difference between acknowledging that Yami cares for him (which is a big step for Kaiba) and knowing what to do with that knowledge. And I can see Yami needing to confront Kaiba know what he's done, and feeling comforted by Kaiba's reaction – because it's one more proof to him of his own existence. I tried to write a conversation that left you with the idea that they understood each other, but where most of it was implied, rather than stated. I think Kaiba (or at least my version of him) would be pretty mute when it came to expressing anything relating to emotions… and I don't see Yami as being a lot better. I think the main difference is that Yami has a better sense of timing, and knows when things need to be said or dealt with.

 **Advantaging Kaiba:** _(Aramis-chan)_ That's an interesting point. Since the story is told mainly through the point of views of Kaiba, Seto, or the people who see their faults and love them anyway, like Mokuba and Yami, it does give Seto Kaiba a built-in advantage. For example, Kaiba's actions (basically dumping Yami without a word of explanation), not to mention Seto's (considering double-crossing the gang) are pretty bad. But because you see the story largely through their eyes, you see how their actions have come about and understand them. I admit, though, that when you care about characters you're writing about, it's hard not to portray them sympathetically, sometimes too sympathetically. I think that's part of the reason why I include narratives from Yugi and Jounouchi – from people more inclined to judge Kaiba based on his actions and their consequences.

 **First Shadow Game/Death-T clarification:** _(Moonrunner)_ I probably should have included a manga note, because it can get confusing. In the first Shadow Game, Kaiba steals the BEWD from Yugi. Yami challenges him to a duel in retaliation. Kaiba loses when he plays the BEWD, and it destroys itself rather than obey his order to attack Yami. Yami forces him into a penalty game where he is experiencing the illusion of being trapped in the Duel Monsters world and killed by his own demons. In revenge, Kaiba designs Death-T, and forces Yugi to play. When Yami defeats him at Death-T he shatters Kaiba's heart, which puts Kaiba in a coma. The flashback in the previous chapter shows Kaiba after losing the first shadow game. Death-T hadn't occurred yet at that point. (Remind me never to do a time travel story again, will you?)

 _Note to Maris:_ yeah, I've always thought Kaiba has a childish (or maybe child-like streak) And he's really driven to see that other kids have the chance to experience the childhood that he lost/gave up.

 _Note to Sylvia Viridian:_ Yeah, as you can tell, I'm a sucker for the Sekiho Army….

 _Note to Daje Elle Namte:_ Thank you for such a thoughtful review! I hope most stuff got answered. Regarding Isono: I loved the scene in DOMA where he tells Seto that he was the one who destroyed Kaiba Corporations weapons factories, and he'll always be the boss to him for that. With that one sentence, Isono suddenly became more than this black suit that kept following Kaiba around. And it struck me that given the fact he's had a front row seat for all of Kaiba and Yami's tangled interactions, he'd probably be embarrassed to be in the position of reporting on how his teenager employer's relationship with his main rival was going to his employer's even younger brother. Like Mokuba, I thought that was pretty funny.


	31. Third Grade Logic

**TITLE NOTE:** After borrowing from book, movie, and song titles for 30 chapters to come up with titles, it struck me that I missed an obvious source – fanfiction titles! So I immediately searched my mind for people that I knew well enough to ask to borrow their titles, who also had titles that made really bad puns. _"Third Grade Logic"_ is a lovely story by samurai-ashes, (if you've read the story the pun is pretty obvious) although I can't mention ashes' name without recommending _"Le Coeur a ses Raisons,"_ or _"Amor Vincit Omnia."_ Ah hell, just read anything by ashes – you can't go wrong. So thanks for the loan.

* * *

**CHAPTER 31: THIRD GRADE LOGIC**

**YAMI'S POV**

Seto and Kaiba were maintaining an uneasy distance. They were both rarely in the same place at the same time. They no longer sparred together in the evenings. Maybe they were afraid of killing each other. According to Kaiba, Seto was spending most of his time at Kaiba Land, working on his game – or more probably playing it over and over, trying to find an ending more to his liking. At night, he would head over to the corporate offices, where the retina scan would let him into Kaiba's office.

"Aren't you worried he'll hack into your system?" I asked. Considering the way Kaiba and Mokuba still routinely trashed Pegasus's Industrial Illusions network, as far as I could tell, for spite or amusement, I was surprised that he allowed Seto such easy access to his office.

"No. He hasn't touched the computer. And he doesn't have my skills – not yet at any rate. Besides… that's not why he's there."

"Why then?"

"He probably just likes standing at the window and imagining Gozaburo smashing to the sidewalk below. I do that myself – whenever I have a lot on my mind. It's relaxing."

"There's one thing that surprises me," I confessed. "You're tracking Seto's movements, but you haven't restricted them."

Kaiba continued staring out the window, looking at the mansion's grounds. He gave no sign that he had heard me.

"Forbearance has never been your strong suit," I reminded him.

I smiled at his continued silence. Kaiba was deaf to implied questions… and not much better with direct ones. But his actions, or rather his lack of action, had aroused my curiosity.

"Why are you giving him so much leeway?" I asked.

"Are you coming around to my way of thinking?" Kaiba asked. "If you prefer, I can keep him confined and sedated until this is over."

"As usual, you've mistaken my meaning." I answered. "I was expressing surprise at his continued freedom, not dismay."

"I can stop him before he does any real damage."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"How's this for an answer, then… I think Seto's a worthless little viper. You insist there's some value in him. Do you realize it's our oldest debate?" he snarled, suddenly angry. "It's time to settle it once and for all. You want to know why I'm giving Seto the rope he needs to hang himself? I'm waiting for Seto to force you to admit that your faith in him was foolish… that your dreams are nothing but illusions. I'm waiting to finally win this argument."

"Stop it, Kaiba! You are too intelligent to desire such a pyrrhic victory," I chided. "For once, you are being less than honest with yourself. I think you are waiting, as you have always waited, for me to prove your fears unfounded, for me to prove you can safely trust to your hopes instead. Tell me… whose view of yourself do you truly wish Seto to validate… yours or mine? For myself, I am content to wait. I trust Seto Kaiba unreservedly."

"Now who's gloating before the match is over?" Kaiba asked with a snort; leaving the room quickly enough to retain the last word.

Seto's appearance at the manor was usually Kaiba's cue to disappear. Kaiba was clearly torn between his guilt and his rage. But I found it impossible to be angry at Seto. The potential for betrayal was there. I could see that as clearly as Kaiba. But I continued to believe in him; to care for him. In his rashness and his defiant courage I could see the man he would grow into. I had played a part in tempering Kaiba, in breaking him. It had been necessary for his sake as well as our own; he could not have continued as he was. But if I felt no guilt, I did feel sorrow over my role. And so I found Seto's unbroken brashness; his almost innocent arrogance; his complete and utter conviction of his own invincibility… poignant. It would be gone so soon.

And although neither version would admit it, Seto was a child. He was being offered a parent's affection for the first time in his life. When I had faced Rafael, I had been caught by my own longings – my need to protect; my desire to win. Yugi insisted that I could not have resisted Rafael's lure. How then could I blame Seto for being tempted by Akunadin's?

Seto was on the couch in the game room, flipping through his cards. He paused at the hand drawn one. "I bet you think they're more than just pieces of paper," he said challengingly.

I nodded.

"It's stupid to hope that they're big enough to store a heart. Even a dragon can't do that."

"Do you want me to tell you that you're wrong, or would you rather wait and learn it for yourself?" I asked.

He ignored me; moved past Mokuba's dragon, to hold his Mystic Horseman and his Battle Ox side by side. I could see him combining them in his mind, recreating his Rabid Horseman.

"It's hard to believe that all these monsters were brought into being by just one man… by Pegasus J. Crawford," he said dreamily. "I'm glad I'm going to get to meet him."

I stared at Seto. I had never heard a note of respect in his voice before.

"How do you know that you're going to meet Pegasus?" I asked. "Did Kaiba tell you anything about him?"

"Why would I bother asking _Kaiba_ something I know anyway? It's common sense. I designed a holographic system based on his game. Of course we're going to meet. I'm just sorry I have to wait. I tried to find him, but his web site said that he disappeared." Seto shrugged, as if people vanishing was an everyday occurrence.

"His web site said that _you_ won his Duelist's Kingdom Tournament," he added resentfully. "You're lucky I wasn't one of the competitors. I have three Blue Eyes White Dragons. You could never have beaten them."

He shrugged again, as if glad to have that settled, and returned to his earlier train of thought. "I guess it doesn't matter that I couldn't find him. It's enough to know I'm going to meet him. It's enough to know we're going to work together. I can't wait to blow Pegasus's mind when he sees what I can do. When he sees how I can take his visions and make them come to life. When he sees that my holograms are so real you can almost touch them… can almost put your arms around them. I bet he freaks out."

All I could do was nod once more. Every word Seto had said was accurate, but so much was missing. I was relieved that he didn't seem to expect more of a response. We sat in a companionable silence until I noticed that he was starting to fall asleep, only to jerk himself awake every time his head nodded too deeply. As with Kaiba, the concept of bedtime seemed alien to Seto.

"Come on, it's time to get you upstairs," I said as I picked him up. I wanted him in my arms. He was going to be hurt so badly by the man he admired; suddenly I remembered that even I had almost killed him.

I liked carrying Seto. After all, it's not like the older version would let me. But I should have remembered that Kaiba, any Kaiba, was unpredictable. As I lifted him up, he put his arms around me and kissed me. On the lips… his tongue sliding between mine, seeking entrance.

God, he was good. His tongue was like liquid fire, burning itself into my heart. Did I say he was a child? He might have been only thirteen, but there was no version of Seto Kaiba that I would not desire. I started to respond. My mouth opened beneath his; my hand stole under his shirt. I felt Seto's hand reached up to grab my hair, to hold me in place. And in that familiar, possessive gesture, I found the sanity to end the embrace; to finish carrying him to bed. He grinned at me, as if he had won a round.

"What's your problem? You're my lover, aren't you?"

But it was not just the child whose heart I had shattered that I loved, but the man who had returned. If there was no version of Seto Kaiba that I would not desire, there was only one version that I truly belonged with. So I had only one answer to give him.

"Not for another five years."

I put him in the wide bed he shared with Kouma, but I couldn't just leave him lying there, looking so alone, even though Kouma was beside him. I folded him into my arms. He must have been tired, or worn down, because he let me hold him, let me rain feather light kisses on his hair. He sighed and moved into my arms, snuggled close, as Kaiba never permitted himself to do when awake. I whispered endearments in his ear until his eyes drifted shut and I could feel him relax into sleep.

Seto was all instinct and inexperience. His precarious innocence aroused my desire to protect… and to possess. But for all his steely determination, for all his bravado – he was only thirteen. He didn't really want to have sex, he just didn't know another way to ask for affection – unless he was proposing an exchange. And I wondered how much of him was left in Kaiba, who held me so tightly only when we made love… or when he slept.

Unless we were in his lair, I had been careful to offer Kaiba only the most fleeting caresses, as though he was a wild animal I was trying to lure close enough to tame… only to find that I was the one who had been ensnared.

But for all that Kaiba could be a feral creature, he was still a man, and had been a boy. This boy.

Everyone knew that Mokuba was the keystone of Kaiba's heart. But Seto was its foundation, and it would be within Seto, that Kaiba's battles were fought.

I had seen Kaiba, all icy confidence, making his deals. I had seen him, a modern day samurai, resolutely offering his life for his brother's. I had even seen him, like the spoiled brat he could be at times, throwing tantrums on the dueling field. I had met his ghosts in Noa's World. I had heard him speak of his anger, hatred, and despair at Alcatraz. But it had taken holding Seto in my arms to truly understand… except when he was with Mokuba, had Kaiba ever experienced any softer emotions? Was his resistance partly a matter of ignorance… and was tenderness a language he desired to learn?

His voice woke me as I lay dozing, Seto still in my arms.

"Should I be jealous?" Kaiba asked, amusement lacing his voice.

I disengaged my arms gently, wrapping Seto's around Kouma. He started to wake. Both Kaibas slept like cats. Then he held Kouma and relaxed back into sleep. I stood up to face Kaiba, _my_ Kaiba.

"No, not jealous. Possibly grateful."

"For what?"

"I think I discovered something tonight," I said, as I reached up to embrace him, to stroke his back. Even after everything that had happened between us, Kaiba had never once asked for more than what I had offered the first night: the pleasure and release that sex offered. But that didn't mean he didn't want more.

This time I did not stop with a fleeting touch. I hugged him, held him close. He stiffened in surprise, as I expected.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

"In case you don't recognize it, it's called a hug."

"Why are you bothering?" he asked curiously. "You know we're going to fuck when we get back to our room anyway."

I pretended I didn't notice his slip – when had he started to think of it as _our_ room?

"Did it ever occur to you, I might simply want to express affection, without looking for payback?" I asked.

He grunted.

But I noticed he had leaned further into my embrace. I led him next door. Held him in our bed, kissed his hair lightly, as I had Seto's, whispered the same endearments. I reached out not to my rival, nor even my lover… but to the boy who dwelt within Kaiba's thin frame. The boy who, like a prisoner on a hunger strike, had starved himself of all affection, until even the memory of those feelings was gone almost beyond recall... until his vocabulary had been stripped of words of tenderness. At first, I was careful to do nothing overtly sexual.

The result was electric.

I had been afraid to speak of love. Even now, I avoided the word. But Kaiba's response left no doubt – he was desperate to hear that he was precious to me; that I wanted him, not just in my arms, but in my heart.

How many times had I watched Kaiba ruthlessly using any advantage his opponent granted him? My rival had taught me well. In this bittersweet duel that had begun with a kiss, Kaiba's desire had been my strongest ally. I had become accustomed to using my body as the tie to bind Kaiba to me, until he was ready to accept other, even sweeter bonds. It was exciting to see him now responding just as surely to my words… to my feelings.

I had shattered his heart once, but all I had ever wanted was to make it whole, to keep it safe. But first, he had to learn to give it to my keeping, as I had already surrendered mine to his.

There was a faint confusion in his eyes, as he realized I was asking for a surrender beyond the familiar one… was asking for something he could not quite understand, but was eager to grant.

It was as if I had suddenly given him the missing piece of his heart's puzzle – a piece he hadn't even realized was gone until its return. He was the great, unflappable Seto Kaiba… and he was dissolving beneath my touch... when I finally touched him.

I looked at the bite on his neck, remembering how he fingered the pattern of my teeth when he thought himself unobserved. He caught the direction of my gaze and his breathing quickened. I wondered if he wanted a reminder that he was mine, as badly as I needed to mark him. My mouth descended to the soft flesh of his neck, biting and sucking, before moving up to his ear lobe, before whispering once again, the same endearments I had given Seto, into its shell.

I accepted that he could only answer my words with his actions… that, as he so often did, he would let his body speak for him. And so, I loved hearing the sounds that only I could draw from his throat, seeing the movements that only I could coax from his body. I loved hearing him moan beneath me, as my mouth took his, as he breathed his desire into my lungs, as I whispered that he was safe in return.

I loved seeing him writhing uncontrollably now, as my hands trickled down his chest, played with his small nipples, traced lazy circles across his body, between his legs. My mouth joined my hands, teasing and satisfying; creating that pleasurable, unbearable tension that he would reveal only to me, allow only me to sate.

I reminded him, in the language he understood best, that I loved him, that even as I was driving him to the brink, emptying his mind of everything but a fierce longing… I would never fail to bring him home. That even as he was falling, I would be there with him, joining his solitary flight.

He was lying beneath me now, with that combination of pliancy and steel that was so uniquely his; that yielding which seemed so alien, and yet, in its intensity, so familiar.

I had been in this position before, of course… looking down at him… the tips of my hair my hair brushing his face in that instant before I kissed him… before I claimed him. And yet this was different. For the first time, Kaiba understood that this was not an exchange, but a union. For the first time, Kaiba understood that I was asking, not just for his body, but for the heart that beat indomitably within its frame.

I looked at him, suddenly feeling like the next move would be an irrevocable one. (How many times would Kaiba do this to me – make me feel like we were newly discovering each other, make me feel like we were making love for the first time?) Kaiba met my eyes, matched me stare for stare… his own eyes dark and unreadable.

"Yami," he answered, as if that said everything. And maybe it did. He reached up, pulled me to him and kissed me with his usual ferocity, claiming my mouth, leaving my lips swollen before his. One hand, as Seto's had been, was knotted in my hair. His other arm was across my body, suffocating tight, constraining my movements. I relaxed in his hold, submitting to the strength in his wiry muscles.

Abruptly, the tension left his frame. He leaned back, softly opened his mouth beneath mine; wrapped his legs around mine... and waited.

I loved knowing that I was the one that he wanted, and even more precious, the one that he trusted. No words were evident in the cries he released as I started to move. None were needed. I understood what he was offering… and so did he.

It was more than just the act of possessing him. It was more than feeling him melt into me; feeling myself deep inside of him. It was that he allowed this intimate taking, craved it, enjoyed it. That told me more than all the words he could not say.

And I enjoyed holding him afterwards, while he relaxed into my embrace; accepting it even though we had finished making love; even though we were both still awake.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

The next morning, I was awake first, of course. But I stayed in bed, content to stare at Yami's sleeping face. How had he known that I wanted to be kissed? That I wanted to be held? All I had ever asked for was sex. Why had he given me more?

I could say he was naïve for caring, just as I said that Mokuba was a child. Neither was quite true. Against all odds I had given Mokuba a childhood, of sorts – but it was coming to its natural end. He was aware of much more than I wanted, and had been mature enough to hide his knowledge.

As for Yami – he had shattered my heart. I had accepted his judgment then, why was I so hesitant to accept his absolution now?

So much about Yami ran counter to what I knew of myself, to what I knew of the world. So much about Yami flew in the face of the lessons I had learned so well. And yet I should have been glad to let go of the lessons I clung to so tenaciously. After all, I had spent years trying to smash my past – as if I could come into my future only by destroying the person standing on its threshold. It's ironic that the rival who had shattered my heart was the only one, of the two of us, to find value in its shards.

For that was Yami's true challenge; the one I was still struggling to fulfill: to accept not just my past, but the man who had emerged from its flames.

Mokuba would tell me that we were safe now – that I had won. But he didn't understand. The last time I had relaxed my guard (after all, if being in a coma isn't relaxing your guard, I don't know what is) someone had snatched him. And even if he was right, even if we were safe, the truth was – I didn't know any other way to be.

Yami was asking me to be part of him. And yet… what has ever been worthwhile about me, except for my ability to stand alone? He was asking me to give up my isolation; he was offering shelter. But I didn't know how to be anything other than the lightning rod that had protected Mokuba from the storms that had raged around us. And a lightning rod can not be covered. It must face the elements… draw their anger. So how could I accept?

But Yami knew that as well as I. And even when he was spitting mad at me, even when he was snarling 'Kaiba' through clenched teeth; even when he was pushing me to the very boundaries of my being in return… Yami had never expected me to be anything other than the person I was. He had never asked for something I couldn't or wouldn't be able to deliver.

I frowned. I was missing something… something important… something Yami had assumed I knew. And I was tired of always missing the point. It happened every time we dueled, and it was happening again, now. I looked at Yami. I was glad he was still asleep. I needed peace and time and the near-darkness or our room to puzzle it out.

Then I had it. There was a reason why, even in a prototype version of a video game, I couldn't leave Yami as anything so insipid as a fairy-tale prince. Yami wasn't stupid enough to offer some ridiculous refuge I wouldn't believe in or accept. What he had offered was so simple, I had mistaken it for subtlety. He had offered, just as he had stated, to fight life's battles by my side.

And I was so tired of facing each storm in solitude.

I could never quite identify what I felt I gained each time Yami touched me… kissed me… each time I was in his arms.

He was my rival. I had never really beaten him – a fact that all his caresses could not erase. And yet… I found my thoughts turning instead to the battles we had fought side by side, as if that was where our true natures lay.

The message of our tag team match in my virtual world was not lost on me. I could close my eyes and see the Dragon Knight Master we had created. A creature born of my fire and power… born of my Ultimate Dragon; joined with Yami's sure sense of balance and purpose… joined with his Black Luster Soldier. The fusion had been… perfect. As perfect as his arms; as perfect as his kiss.

I remembered our final battle against DOMA. I had offered my life to Yami, content that my debts would finally be paid in full. As usual, I had survived. Once again, Yami had seemed to offer me death, only to snatch it away… until I no longer desired it. Or was it that I had discovered something I wanted even more? I do not think I was made to die quietly in bed – or at a ripe old age. But although I remain ready to accept Death's embrace when it comes, I have found that I prefer to be held in Yami's arms.

For when he touches me, I feel like a teenager for the first time. Like a kid – greedily, crazily, in something that could only resemble love.

* * *

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**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter!_ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, given both how aggressive _and_ how competitive Seto is, you didn't think he'd make it through the whole story without coming on to Yami, did you? I think Yami had never really thought about whether he was attracted to Seto… actually he was probably pretty careful _not_ to think about it. But if he admires Kaiba's strength, I think it's Kaiba's vulnerability, the sense that Kaiba needs him, that really hooked him. And Seto has this quality even more strongly. So I think Yami would be startled to realize that he is attracted to Seto as well as Kaiba – and more, that Seto is part of what he finds attractive about Kaiba, and that if he wants to reach Kaiba, he has to do it by addressing the needs that the part of him who's never changed from Seto has. Confusing, huh?

I always feel a little nervous having Kaiba show any emotional growth or ability to trust, but I do think (with the possible exception of Yami) Kaiba is the character who shows the most change in the course of the series. And I think in this story, it was time for him to finally use his smart head for something useful, and realize that Yami wouldn't be doing all of this if he didn't both understand him (at least somewhat), accept him, and care a whole hell of a lot. But I also think he would find it easier (at least in the beginning) to accept the idea of Yami being a comrade in arms so to speak rather someone who loves him.

I just realized something about the story (great, I've been posting it for almost a year – and I just discovered this!) In the beginning Yami and Kaiba have several in depth conversations, it's part of how they get close enough to actually become lovers. Yet the minute they start screwing, they stop speaking about anything important, and are only now, hesitantly working their way back to talking to each other. Am I the only one who thinks that's funny?

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Akunadin recap:** _(BH)_ Yeah, the story's gotten a little away from Akunadin and the Sennen items. But they're not forgotten. Actually Akunadin's back in the next chapter. Basically, his part of the story revolves around the Sennen Eye and Rod. 3,000 years ago, these items were split – with each copy having half of it's original power. Akunadin and his master, Zork, have one copy of each. Since these are Sennen Items, they can't just grab the other ones – they must be freely given them or win them in a duel from the legitimate holders – which in this case are potentially Seto and Kaiba. So basically Akunadin's in a holding pattern until the two versions of Seto Kaiba claim the items. Yami way back in Chapter 15, realize that this gives them the time they need to get their act together. This is made more complicated by the fact that Seto is tempted by Akunadin's offer, because he's resentful of Kaiba and Yami's relationship, and drawn to the idea that Akunadin might actually care about him. Kaiba, who's been spying on him, becomes aware of this, and let's Seto know. Whether Seto is in a mood to listen and how Akunadin feels, will have to wait until the next chapter.

 **Yami and Kaiba:** _(Daje Elle Namte, StainofCurare)_ It's easy to get the feeling that Kaiba is being slow or too stupidly stubborn to accept the friendship that's so obviously being offered. But doing so requires Kaiba to rearrange all his ideas of how the world operates and ignore all the evidence he's received to the contrary in the entire course of his life. It also requires him to question and re-evaluate the underlying assumptions that guide his behavior. This is an enourmous undertaking, and one thing I really admire about Mr. Takahashi's creation of this character is that he never glosses over just how difficult or how much of a struggle it is. I guess it's important to me to show that Yami both understands and appreciates that.

 **Kaiba:** _(Clarity)_ Interestingly, I think Yugi and company see Kaiba at his most childish – showing off or gloating or ranting when he's dueling. When you see him dealing with the Big Five or designing things, he's much more in control – at least in the anime and manga, if not the dub. I think that's actually a sign that admit it or not, he lets his guard down a little aroun them.

 **Jounouchi:** _(Daje Elle Namte, Demon, Wintersslayer)_ I find the continuing enmity between Kaiba and Jounouchi interesting. Jounouchi says he never forgives, but in the course of the story he forgives both Malik and Otogi quite easily. He reserves his hatred for Kaiba. And Kaiba usually doesn't notice people enough to dislike them. I think the two of them see a lot of their past in each other. Kaiba sees in Jounouchi everything he refused to be. I think that's why his favorite nickname for Jounouchi is mediocrity. And I think Jounochi sees the same in Kaiba – someone who's made a lot of terrible choices and been rewarded for them with material success and a close relationship with his brother.

I have to admit though, it was fun seeing Seto and Kaiba both arguing with Jounouchi. And I hadn't noticed until _Demon_ pointed it out that by being nice (well by Kaiba standards) as a way of making things up to Yami, Kaiba was, for once being nicer to himself to, by choosing a less self-destructive method of atonement. (Whether that state of affairs will continue is another story…)

 **Baseball, errors, perfection and hanging out:** _(AmunRa, BH, Daje Elle Namte, Demon, Desidera, elirian 19, laura m, Maris, Moonrunner, Mother CHOWGoddess, Nachzes Black-Rider, StainofCurare, Sylvia Viridian, YGO Ecogoth, Yume no Zencho)_ I did want to take a step back (at least temporarily, and show the characters hanging out, and having some semblance of normalcy. I tired to duplicate the flow of watching a baseball game where people get up and down for food, and generally enjoy the sun and the atmosphere, and the scoreboard is an ongoing presence, and people really do get into all kind of arguments, that are sometimes only vaguely related to whatever's happening on the field (Can anyone say Barry Bonds… or the Designated Hitter?)

One thing that's always struck me is how revealing casual conversations about things people do for fun can be. (Like try asking someone who their favorite superhero is…)

Kaiba rarely seems to accept imperfection – in himself or in anyone else. I think that's because there's been very little margin for error in his life, and the consequences of his own mistakes have been so dire. But I felt he needed to be reminded, as Sugoroku did – that errors are part of the game. That exchange was probably my favorite – in fact the whole chapter was meant to lead up to that.

 **Mokuba and Anzu (together and separately)** : _(Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, elirian 19, Kagemihari, MotherCHOWGoddess, StainofCurare)_ It's kind of fun contrasting Mokuba's and Seto's respective crushes. Anzu is the first person Mokuba confides in – and just as importantly, the first person who says that she believes him when he tries to explain that his brother is more complicated (and less evil) than appearances suggest. I think that would make a strong impression on him. So I can see him suddenly turning 13 and saying to himself: wow she's cool and she's got breasts! I can also see him viewing Yugi as the competition (after all, he is a Kaiba) even though at heart he knows he's too young for Anzu. Portraying Anzu is always a bit of a fine line – to make her nice without being sickeningly sweet. I have to add that this is a line that the dubbed version stomps all over.

 **Note on Anzu's bra size:** _(laura m)_ Yeah in the anime, a D cup looks about right. In the manga (particularly the earlier issues) she's considerably smaller. This actually becomes somewhat relevant at some point.

 **Yugi:** _(Desidera, Destiny, elirian 19, StainofCurare)_ Just as Yugi's feelings for Anzu would influence Yami, it occurred to me that the opposite might be true – that Yami's feelings might help Yugi to feel more sympathy for Kaiba. But I could also see, once the need for him to be supportive and sympathetic had passed, and once he realized how much Kaiba does actually care for Yami, he'd be a little freer to fell annoyed at Kaiba for hurting Yami.

 **Cursing Note:** _(Maris)_ In the manga and anime, Kaiba curses all the time. I don't think he can talk without starting every other sentence with the word, 'shit.' And while he's very protective of Mokuba's physical safety, I don't think it would occur to him to shield him from a commonplace reality like cursing (even if he sees anything wrong with his language, which I'm betting he doesn't.) But for all that he's protective of Mokuba, he also gives him a lot of responsibility and clearly treats him like a partner (okay, a junior partner.)

 _Note to Sylvia Viridian regarding the Yankees_ – can't you see Kaiba having a mild preference for the team everyone loves to hate? Not to mention the 26 World Championships…


	32. Here Comes the Son

**ANNIVERSARY NOTE!** I feel a little silly being excited about this,but as of today, I have been posting 'It's Déjà Vu all over again' for exactly one year. I think I feel a little like a hobbit (in a good sort of way) plodding steadily forward. But the one thing I am absolutely sure of is how touched/moved/amazed I am by everyone who's stayed with the story (especially those who've taken the time to let me know.) So I wanted to say: Thanks. It's been a lot of fun.

 **AKUNADIN AND SENNEN ITEMS RECAP:** Well, it's a year later, and I'm finally working my way back to Akunadin and the Sennen Items. But I thought, since it's been a while, I'd summarize that part of the story. Basically, Akunadin's part of the story revolves around the Sennen Eye and Rod. 3,000 years ago, these items were split – with each copy having half of its original power. Akunadin and his master, Zork (who's this sort of ultimate bad guy), have one copy of each. The other copy was guarded by the priests and continued being handed down through the ages until they wound up with Pegasus and Malik, respectively. They were eventually given to Shadi. Since these are Sennen Items, Akunadin and Zork can't just grab the other copies – they must be freely given them or win them in a duel from the legitimate holders – which in this case are potentially Seto and Kaiba. Way back in the beginning, Akunadin had targeted Seto as being his most likely ally in helping him gain control of both the Eye and the Rod. Before Akunadin could approach Seto, Shadi transported both Seto and Mokuba, who were running away from Gozaburo, five years to the future. So basically Akunadin's in a holding pattern until the two versions of Seto Kaiba claim the items. Yami way back in Chapter 15, realized that this gives them the time they need to get their act together. This is made more complicated by the fact that Seto is tempted by Akunadin's offer that if Seto helps him, he will in turn make it possible for Seto to stay in the future, because Seto's resentful of Kaiba and Yami's relationship, and drawn to the idea that Akunadin might actually care about him. Kaiba, who's been spying on him, becomes aware of this, and lets Seto know as well as trying to warn Seto of the dangers of what he's doing – which is basically where we are now. So on with the story…

* * *

**CHAPTER 32: HERE COMES THE SON**

_(With apologies to the Beatles)_

**SETO'S POV**

I didn't really want to fuck Yami, and I sure as hell didn't want him to fuck me. Unfortunately, it had taken his tongue in my mouth and his hands under my shirt before I'd figured that little detail out. I would have gone through with it anyway. No one was ever going to be able to say that Seto Kaiba doesn't finish what he starts. I would never have backed down, but I was glad when he backed off.

Kissing Yami had been wonderful though. It had been everything I had imagined it would be – and I have a pretty detailed and vivid imagination. Yami had tasted of honey and spice. He had been as exotic as one of Akunadin's stories. And yet his arms had felt familiar, as if I was coming back to the home I was too smart to believe in. I wish I'd stayed awake longer. How could something that felt so good, make me relaxed enough to fall _asleep?_

I liked seeing how far my tongue could go down Yami's throat. I liked playing with his hair, running my fingers up and down his body, cupping his ass in my hands. But I didn't like being touched, or I thought I didn't, until last night. (And I hated being confused even worse.) Yami's hands were a lot gentler than Gozaburo's, the things he was whispering in my ear were a lot nicer, but despite appearances, the message had to be the same, it was always the same: the one doing the touching was also the one doing the owning – and no one had a lease on _my_ ass.

I'd finally figured out that despite his threats, his insinuations, the way he'd touch me whenever and wherever the hell he felt like… Gozaburo wasn't really interested in following through. He wasn't going to seal the deal, not unless I pushed him a lot farther than I planned to. Sometimes a threat is harder to fight, and therefore more powerful when left to the imagination… and unfortunately, I have a pretty detailed and vivid imagination.

The bottom line was, Gozaburo wasn't the type to waste his energy, and he didn't need to fuck me to make me feel like his whore; not when he'd bought me, not when he could do whatever he liked and I couldn't do shit in return. Not when I let him touch me (up to a point) because keeping Mokuba and me out of the orphanage, keeping the dream of building a Kaiba Land for kids alive, was more important than keeping his hands off me. Not when I let him because the only thing that mattered anymore was winning this game… and everything has a price.

So I never argued the point. After all I'd seen his name on the check. And it didn't matter how many idiots called it a 'generous donation' when Gozaburo and I both knew it was a Bill of Sale. But Gozaburo never got it. He might have paid for me, but he didn't own me. No one did, or ever would.

So, like everything else, a hand under my shirt, a voice tickling my ear, was just the next move in the next game… a game that was going to go nowhere.

And unlike Kaiba, I wasn't dumb enough to forget that was all it would ever be, no matter how different it had felt last night, no matter how much I'd liked it, no matter how hot this new opponent was.

(I knew that. I knew it all. So why had I let my guard down enough to sleep in his presence? Why had I let Yami get so close?)

But even if I didn't want to go any further with Yami (and I didn't) that didn't mean I didn't know a rejection when I saw one. Yami wanted Kaiba not me, even though Kaiba had done something horrible. I could see it in Kaiba's eyes. I could see it in _their_ eyes whenever they looked at him. But Yami didn't care. He preferred Kaiba anyway. That stung, unexpectedly. So did seeing the way Yami looked at him. The way he couldn't take his eyes off of him. I don't know if Kaiba noticed. But I wanted someone to look at me like that… like I was worth looking at. And I didn't want to wait five years.

Well Kaiba could keep his Yami. Akunadin preferred me. At least that was the mood I carried to our next meeting.

"You will have to make a decision sooner or later, Seto… and I think we both know what it will be," Akunadin said. It was not a good start to our meeting. I don't like anyone thinking they can predict my moves.

"If you're so sure, you can afford to be patient," I answered.

"Maybe I can't wait to have my son at my side again."

I tried not to feel pleasure at his words. Part of me knew I was being played, I had to be, but it was hard to resist. And after all, was Yami so different from Akunadin? Yami had managed to get to Kaiba using the oldest trick in the book. Part of me knew that wasn't true… that was what hurt so badly… but for once I wasn't ready to listen to the more logical part of my brain. It was nice to hear someone call me 'son.' To want me – even if it was just a sham. Of course that didn't mean I was going to fall for it either. But it had been lure enough to keep me coming back.

"So why pick me and not the older version? Why come after 'Seto' and not 'Kaiba?"

I'd asked before, and I knew the real answer. He figured that I was younger and stupider… more malleable. But I was curious to see what lie he'd tell me this time.

 _"Kaiba,"_ Akunadin said, emphasizing the name, 'has made his allegiance clear. His loyalty is to his lover and that little boy."

"Mokuba?" I said. It was the first time his name had crossed my lips. "What's he got to do with this?"

"Nothing. He's a hindrance, but a minor one."

I saw the look in his eyes. The look that never left Gozaburo's. The one starting to come into my own eyes… the one Kaiba had not been able to erase, even five years later. A look that said its owner was calculating lives as if they were of no worth. It was a point of view I usually endorsed. If Akunadin had directed that look at me, I wouldn't have minded, having decided long ago that I could afford to give meaning to only one life. And that was the problem. Because the life Akunadin had deemed irrelevant wasn't mine… but Mokuba's.

I wondered how long it would be before Akunadin realized, as Gozaburo was starting to, that Mokuba was a line I would never cross. How long it would take him to decide to erase that line instead…

None of this showed on my face. I may have slipped up when it was my life on the line, but this was Mokuba's. I would be the perfect emotionless statue for him.

"If he's so minor, why bother to bring him up?"

"He's an intrusion. He didn't exist in your past."

"Times change. Who cares about Mokuba anyway? You've got a bigger problem. How do you expect me to get Shadi and the rest to trust me? I mean they'll probably trust Kaiba. Now that Yami's fucking him, they'll figure that'll keep him in line, but I'm a different story."

"There are two items, the Eye and the Rod. Each can only be wielded by one of you at a time. Kaiba, being the older, will be drawn to the Eye. If you bring the Rod here and surrender it to me, he will follow, and try to recapture it. But he won't have gained the experience necessary to have mastered the Eye in such a short period. He won't be able to use it effectively for attack… or defense. If you lead Kaiba into my trap, I can challenge him for the right to the Eye he will assuredly have in his possession by then. He won't back down. Once I've defeated him, I can reclaim his Eye and finally reunite your versions of the Eye and the Rod with my own. That is the only way they will regain their full power. That is the only way Zork Necropolis and I… and you… can succeed. The only way we can rule," he explained.

"Unless they trust me a little more, I'm not getting near the Rod, even if we do collect it. And no one's made a move to pick it up yet."

"You may be right. As much as I will miss your presence, my son, perhaps it's better not to come again until you have the Rod in your possession, or definite news of it. Patience, Seto. Soon we will rule together, as we were meant to."

I nodded.

"You seem to have dropped your pretense of indecision," he smiled.

"Power and family – it's an irresistible combination… Father," I bowed and was gone.

* * *

**AKUNADIN'S POV**

I didn't mind him staying with the others; didn't mind whatever double game he thought he was playing. Let him stay at the mansion. Let him play at Kaiba Corporation. Let him get a taste of the wealth and power that could be his. In the end he would dispose of his older self, as easily as Kaiba had once tried to dispose of the younger brother.

The tie I had crafted was stronger than mere ambition, and more unexpected. For who would have thought that this self-possessed boy would long for a father?

I had raised my son, the original Seto (that these others were all pale counterfeits of) in secret. But I had raised him none-the-less. I had loved him. I had sold my very soul to make him the pharaoh. Only to have him turn from me. Only to have him reject the power I offered him… only to see him accept that self-same gift at the hands of his cousin and lover, instead.

Seto had owed me his loyalty and his obedience. We were meant to rule together. But he could not walk away his obligations to me and to the fate I had chosen for him, forever. And now his reincarnation was poised to repay that millennia-old debt.

It was delightfully ironic. This time, having done none of the work of rearing the boy, I was now to reap the benefits of engaging his powerful loyalty. The God of Chaos himself, for whom my son was named, must be laughing.

I considered the younger brother. I had possibly underestimated the extent of that bond. I was surprised that Gozaburo had left such a liability alive. It was a mistake that, although Seto did not realize it, I was not about to repeat. The little viper was not going to get a second chance to betray me – especially for so slight a cause.

But that could wait. For now, whatever feelings he had for his brother would only make him more eager to carry out my plan, more desperate to remain in the future. The younger brother's fate could wait until the older one was ruling at my side; blind to all but his father's love; blind to all but ambition. The younger one's death could wait until darkness fell.

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

Gozaburo was right. Stupidity is the only sin, and life never fails to extract its punishment.

Akunadin had almost conned me. He had almost _won_. I had been considering joining forces with him – and for all the wrong reasons. Not for power, or revenge, or even to escape whatever fate sat so heavily on Kaiba. No, I had been tempted by the promise of having a father, by the promise of being a child.

What the fuck had I been thinking?

Part of it was their fault. They all treated me like a kid. Even Kaiba, who should have known better… giving me a nickname, taking me to ball games, the movies… until I was in danger of forgetting the only thing that mattered.

Mokuba.

As I had told Gozaburo, Mokuba was mine. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat at the unwelcome reminder of my lies. That didn't matter either. I loved Mokuba. I would never stop loving him. It was the one certainty of my life, the one thing I had to believe in, the one thing that made all the rest possible. The one thing that I would never lose.

Did Akunadin really believe I would betray my brother? How could Akunadin think that I would ever harm Mokuba?

It was strange. People kept wanting me because I was a genius. Then they kept expecting me to be stupid. If I had slipped, revealing my longing for a father (an admission that shamed me) Akunadin had slipped too, and worse. He didn't realize it, but there was no way I was going along with his plans. Nobody threatened Mokuba.

You could tell that Akunadin was still mad at his son, even 3,000 years later, for having had enough honor, enough integrity, to reject him and his crazy schemes. You could tell that the only value _I_ had in his eyes was that he figured I was too depraved to have a clue about right and wrong. He had a point. I'd seen enough _'wrong'_ up close and personal, and done enough too, to know it real well. But I'd never seen enough _'right'_ to figure it mattered… to believe it existed.

I was the conscienceless savage he thought me. After all, I had picked Gozaburo, even though I had known exactly who and what he was. I knew he made his money killing people – maybe not with his hands – but they were dead all the same. But I also knew that he was my best shot at protecting Mokuba, and that a conscience was just one more thing I couldn't afford.

Akunadin was right about me. I didn't care if he covered the whole world in darkness. I wasn't sure I'd recognize the difference anyway. But he figured that meant I didn't give a shit about anything – and that's where he figured wrong. There was one thing I cared about.

Mokuba.

I felt a faint warmth towards Kaiba. Whatever else he had done, he had kept Mokuba alive. He had kept his promise. The shadows were in his eyes, not Mokuba's.

So, for the first time, even though it meant confessing my criminal stupidity, I not only needed to talk to Kaiba… I wanted to. If he couldn't forgive my fall, at least he would understand what had been my salvation.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

The punk barged into my room (without knocking, of course) and announced: "Well, you'll be happy to know you were right."

"I'm sorry," I answered sincerely.

"For what?"

"About what," I corrected. "I'm sorry Akunadin let you down.

"You knew? Even before the game?"

I nodded.

"How?"

"Because it's what I would have done. I would never have let something this big be decided for me without checking out Akunadin myself… without trying to deal."

"I suppose you can tell me what decision I've reached too?" he asked sarcastically.

I shrugged. "This was the only timeline that guarantees Mokuba's safety. Sooner or later you'd realize that. Or Akunadin would screw up."

"He had a good plan. If it wasn't for Mokuba, it might have worked."

"I know."

"Why did you let me do it?"

"At first it was clear that you were just playing him, just using him to get enough data to design your Egyptian setting correctly. It seemed like a harmless enough diversion. Later… when I realized the bait Akunadin was using…" I shrugged. This meant admitting to my weakness as well as Seto's. But he had earned my honesty.

"I don't really remember our father," I said. "But I was eight when he died. I should be able to close my eyes and see his face. I've certainly never forgotten anything else. The truth is – he wasn't home enough to fix his place in my memory. I can't remember going to the park or a ball game with him, or even just hanging around the house. What I _do_ remember is trying – and failing – to stay awake long enough to see him when he finally came home from work. It was our first 'No Sleep Game' – until I realized just what a sucker's game it was. Then there was the orphanage. Then there was Gozaburo.

Like you said, the sorcerer was playing you; it's what he does. But he also kind of cared. That came across – even through cyber-space. In some ways Akunadin may have been the best of the bunch. You got to have something I never did, at least a little. I couldn't take that away from you."

"The moment I said 'yes' all that affection would have vanished like the wind."

"Probably. That's usually what happens," I agreed, hoping that Yami was the exception.

And then I remembered… how many nights had Yami fallen asleep waiting for me to come home; playing and losing a no-sleep game of his own? Perhaps the worst hells are the ones we recreate…

Ancient or modern, I could not undo the past. I could only resolve that in the future, Yami would never wait for me in vain, again. I wrenched my attention back to Seto, who was saying: "I came so close to betraying you… to betraying Mokuba. Why didn't you step in?"

I paused needing time to puzzle it out. I finally said with a note of surprise in my voice, "I guess I decided to trust you."

"That doesn't make any sense," Seto cried in frustration. "You know me better than anyone. How could you trust me?"

"I don't know. Maybe because Yami believed in me, and I wanted him to be right."

"Why did Yami trust you?" Seto demanded.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"You feel the same way, don't you?"

I shrugged again.

There was a long pause.

"What's it like?" Seto finally asked.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging a little helplessly this time. "It's different. It's… nice."

Now that Seto had proven his loyalty, now that he had proven my faithfulness, I felt a twinge of guilt for not telling him the one thing that could have driven him over to Akunadin; for not telling him about Death-T. I wasn't afraid of facing his condemnation. I faced that every day, every time I caught sight of myself in Kaiba Tower's mirrored windows. But I knew how far I would go to erase that day. It was possible that Akunadin had simply picked the wrong bait, the wrong Seto Kaiba. If he had offered me a chance to go back in time… to stop Death-T before it started… for the first time I felt some sympathy for Seto, some pride in his victory.

Because strange as it seemed, taking Akunadin up on the offer he had made to Seto instead of me, the offer to rearrange time, would have been for my benefit – not Mokuba's. As far as I could judge (having limited experience with the emotion) Mokuba was happy. He had adjusted to what had happened.

No one, not even Yami would understand. And only Seto (who I had no intention of telling) would approve. But some days, the knowledge that, in the end, Death-T had hurt me far more than Mokuba, was the only thing that kept me going, the only thing that made it all bearable.

It was the reason why, in the end, my answer to Akunadin would have been the same as Seto's. Taking care of Mokuba was my right and privilege. I was his Nisama. And no one, not Akunadin, not Gozaburo – not even myself – could ever take that away from me.

* * *

.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, I suppose I'm in a bit of a looking back mood. When I first started posting, I joked that I was writing a ridiculously long fanfiction novel. Well it's a year and I'm-afraid-to-think how many words later, and we're about 71 of the way through. When I started, one of the things that attracted me to this story was that I wanted to write a relationship between Yami and Seto where they both have admitted that they care for and trust each other, and see what would happen from there. Well it took me 31 chapters to get to that point. It also occurred to me that their relationship really follows three distinct arcs. In the first third of the story, Kaiba is helping Yami deal with the aftermath of the guilt he feels over not listening to Yugi at DOMA (which led to Yugi's soul being trapped). In the second part, Yami is the one giving Kaiba the time he needs to sort out his own feelings about their relationship, and now of course, we're ready for Act Three. Similarly, the first third of the story sort of set things up, both in terms of the Sennen Items, and the relationships between all the characters; the second third went into Yami and Kaiba's emerging relationship, as well as the often roller-coaster relationship between Kaiba and his younger self, and hopefully the last story arc (so to speak) will tie it all together.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Who's the main character?** _(Daje Elle Namte)_ That's an interesting question – and one I hadn't thought about. I'd probably have to say that the main character is Seto Kaiba – if you include both of them! I suppose it is a bit of a triumvirate with Seto, Kaiba and Yami being the three main characters (with Mokuba close behind – but a lot of his narratives are Kaiba-centric.) Similarly, although the main romantic/sexual pairing is between Yami and Kaiba, there are two relationships that are given equal weight. One is, of course, the relationship between Yami and Kaiba, the other is the one between Seto and Kaiba. And actually, these two relationships effect each other, which leads nicely into the next response…

 **Yami figuring out Kaiba from Seto:** _(Kagemihari, Lightning Sage, StainofCurare, Sylvia Viridian, YGO EcoGoth)_ To continue… for example, how Kaiba feels towards Seto, affects how he figures Yami will feel towards him. (I suppose this is on the order of if you can't be in a relationship with yourself…) Similarly, Yami has finally figured out that if he wants to get a clue what's going on with Kaiba, looking at Seto isn't a bad place to start. Also I think Yami could only be reassured to realize that even Kaiba's often hostile, hyper-aggressive 13 year old self is irrevocably drawn to him. Similarly, Kaiba, on some level must be relieved to realize that Yami cares for him – even for the version of himself (Seto) that he can't summon (at the moment) much affection for.

 **Why isn't Kaiba jealous of seeing Yami hugging Seto?** _(Aki, Ceribi Motou, Desidera, Stain of Curare)_ Sometimes I write things, and feel them very strongly, and have no idea why! Well after a few IM conversations and emails I figured out (with help from Kagemihari and Clarity) why Kaiba wasn't jealous. Part of it is that he recognizes Seto as a part of him, in a way that he doesn't acknowledge the High Priest. Part of it is that what he saw Yami expressing was affection, not desire (Yami was cuddling a sleeping and fully clothed Seto). So possibly he liked seeing the proof that Yami is drawn to even what he considers the worst part of himself, and the part of him that still wanted to be held felt better seeing his younger self get that affection.

Also Clarity reminded me that this is a time travel story. Even if Seto doesn't remember any of this – maybe it's somewhere in his unconscious – it's why he's willing to open up to Yami later – because on some level he associates Yami with feeling loved. In that sense the scene later between Kaiba and Yami is the continuation of the moment that began five years earlier between Yami and Seto.

 **Seto and Yami:** _(Aki, Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, elirian 19, Lightning Sage, Moonrunner, Sylvia Viridian, YGO EcoGoth)_ The more I thought about it, the more I realized that not only would Seto make a pass at Yami, given the opportunity, but that Yami would respond, at least initially, because as he notes, there's no version of Seto Kaiba he wouldn't desire. I agree, Seto's thoughts towards Yami aren't particularly innocent, especially in their expression (let's face it, not much about the little punk is innocent) but at the same time, he is 13. He has never allowed himself to be a child, but I think his youth does come through in his often confused thoughts about Yami. And I think for Yami that is what lets him respond to Seto's need for affection, and then use that knowledge to gain a better understanding of Kaiba's needs.

 **Kaiba POV:** (AmunRa, Aramis-chan, Ceribi Motou, elirian 19, Moonrunner, YGO EcoGoth) A lot of this story concerns Seto Kaiba's sort of loss of his childhood, and how that has an effect that ripples through his life. I thought one thing that Yami does, is give him a place where he feels safe enough to explore being, if not a child which he has outgrown, then a teenager. Another part of the story is how people can only see what they are ready to see, so even though the nature of Yami's offer has never changed, what is different is Kaiba's ability or readiness to recognize it and respond. And I agree – Kaiba is certainly used to fighting by himself, but I often think how tiring that must be for him… And while it has become second nature, I think allowing himself an ally would be a very important step for him. And yeah, Kaiba can be as dense as a black hole (a comparison that crosses my mind too) but he's not stupid, so slowly, in his own convoluted way he'd eventually start to figure things out. I think part of the reason my stories are so long, is that it takes him such a long time to do that, so he needs a lot of chapters.

 **Seto and Pegasus:** _(Aramis-chan, Daje Elle Namte, elirian 19, Kagemihari, Stain of Curare)_ If you think about it, Pegasus and Seto are working together on the holographic game chambers (in the manga) used both at Death-T and Duelist's Kingdom. Pegasus takes Seto on trips, he knows an awful lot about him – like how important Mokuba is to Seto, and his plans to create the duel disk – and those are probably his two closely guarded secrets. Also it's not hard for me to imagine Seto looking at Pegasus and seeing a slightly older, wildly successful genius game designer and CEO, and admiring him at least a little. In the anime, Pegasus chides Kaiba with feeling betrayed, and Kaiba answers with real bitterness that if he did, he had only himself to blame. I agree though, that Pegasus had to have deepened Kaiba's sense of distrust. I mean he emerges from a coma only to find that his business partner is plotting with his board of directors, that his employees have betrayed him and kidnapped Mokuba… and that's before they try to kill him. Sometimes Kaiba seems like the illustration of the line: Just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

 **The whole seme/uke lime thing:** _(Daje Elle Namte, Nachzes Black-Rider, StainofCurare)_ I have to admit I get a perverse pleasure in making it clear that Yami and Kaiba are making love without mentioning an unmentionable body part. Part of it is using first person narration. I can't picture Yami detailing exactly what goes where, and although I probably could picture Kaiba going into clinical detail, I'd rather not. (That's a joke, actually.) Beyond that, at some point I decided that each lime would have to either highlight a different facet of their relationship, or illustrate some change or evolution in the expression of their feelings. So I've concentrated on that rather than physical descriptions. For that reason, what position (seme/uke) either character is in changes, depending on what mood or emotion is being expressed. Also given their personalities, I've never been able to see either Yami or Kaiba staying with one role exclusively (particularly the uke one.) Also, real people like variety, so why shouldn't fictional characters get the same perks?

 **School Attendance** _(Amarin Rose)_ Well, you hit on the one detail I was hoping no one would notice! I never saw Yami or Kaiba being in school in this story. Yami has never attended school unless you count the times when he was in a puzzle, and the manga makes clear that Kaiba attends school for about a week during which time he steals Sugoroku's BEWD card, loses a shadow game to Yugi and ends up in a playing card. Not surprisingly, after that, he drops out.

As for Mokuba, and the Yugi-taachi, I'm afraid I have only a rationalization and a fairly unsatisfactory explanation. The rationalization is that from Duelist Kingdom onwards, you don't really see (except briefly in the anime) either Mokuba or any of the Yugi-taachi in school, and in fact it's hard to see when they would find the time. Now I realize this is the equivalent of saying, "Mommy, Kazuki Takahashi does it!" and that the proper response is: "If Kazuki Takahashi was jumping off the top of the Kaiba Tower, I suppose you'd do it too?"

Which leads to the explanation: since a few months have gone by since the start of the story, even when you add in summer vacation, clearly for some of the time they would have to have been in school. There's nothing in the story to contradict that, mainly because it's never mentioned. The truth is, I couldn't figure out a way to work in whether (and when) Mokuba and the Yugi-taachi were attending school without making the story too unwieldy for me to handle, especially since neither Yami, Kaiba, or Seto (can you imagine the havoc he'd cause?) would be in school. So I finally decided that not taking into account the whereabouts of the Yugi-taachi and Mokuba was a flaw that was inherent in the story – it was one that I couldn't figure out how to correct, but decided I could live with. By the way – only Yugi, Sugoroku and Yami are living at the mansion. The rest just stop by to hang out but are still at home.

 _Note to Aki:_ Thanks for reviewing! Actually until I saw your review, I hadn't realized that I had used the same phrase, 'I had been in this position before' once for Kaiba in Cards, and here for Yami. I wasn't trying to draw a parallel – it was totally unconscious.

 _Note To Daje Elle Namte on 'Little Viper' comment:_ Thanks! Kaiba refers to Seto as a little viper three times. The first time, in Chapter 8, he's sort of dispassionate about it, it's simply an observation, in Chapter 22 at the motorcycle track, as you noticed, he's being almost affectionate in the use of the term – it's almost a nickname. And the third time, in Chapter 31, it's an expression of his anger and disgust with both Seto and himself. I deliberately used the same word, but used it differently to sort of underline how Kaiba feels towards Seto at the different points in the story. I'm absolutely thrilled that you noticed!

 _Note to Moonrunner:_ When I was writing 'I Guess it was in the Cards' I got this incredibly helpful review from Blue September (it's a perfect example of the value of constructive criticism.) Anyway, I had referred to Yami as a bit of a Tolkien elf, and she politely pointed out that I was overlooking the fact that like Kaiba, Yami, both as pharaoh and as a spirit, was someone assuming large responsibilities from an early age. I realized she was right, but as Cards was more than halfway finished, I couldn't radically change Yami's character without derailing the entire story. But I decided if I ever wrote another story, I'd find and highlight the things that made Yami more human.


	33. Stealing Sweet Dreams

**MANGA NOTE:** Yami and Kaiba's first Shadow Game: Kaiba steals Sugoroku's BEWD from Yugi. Yami challenges Kaiba to a Shadow Game to get it back, promising Kaiba that the loser will experience death. Yami wins when Kaiba plays the BEWD. The dragon is torn between obeying Kaiba's order and it's loyalty to Sugoroku and destroys itself. As part of the penalty game, Kaiba is sealed in a Duel Monsters card, which lands him in the monsters' world where he gets killed by the duel monsters. He relives this experience through his nightmares, at least until Death-T.

 **TITLE NOTE:** Well, I'm back borrowing fanfiction titles from my friends. Stealing Sweet Dreams is a Gundan Wing fanfic by Kagemihari. She's written some great Yami and Seto stories, too. My favorite is probably 'Winding Road'. But Kagi can get me to read fanfics in fandoms I've never heard of. So check her out – but be warned – you might find yourself heading to the bookstore to check out Gravitation or Descendents of Darkness (Yami no Matseui.)

* * *

**CHAPTER 33: STEALING SWEET DREAMS**

 

**MOKUBA'S POV**

I was used to the speed with which my brother executed his decisions. Oniichan had come home shaken, the previous night. He had done something rare, for him – he had come up to me and hugged me. I could feel him shivering. I knew if he spoke it would be to apologize.

"Whatever it is, it's okay." I said first. It was kind of nice to be able to whisper in his ear without him having to stoop down.

"You don't know what I almost did…"

Luckily I had five years more practice with this mood than he had.

"Almost doesn't count. Whatever it was, you didn't do it. That's all that matters," I told him firmly.

"You should hate me."

"I love you. I'll always love you."

He flushed, but I could see he liked hearing that. It was another difference.

"I need to talk to Kaiba," he said as he left the room. I was thoughtful. Nisama had five years more experience, too. I just hoped he had learned some patience with himself along the way.

The next morning we were all on our way to Egypt to retrieve some Sennen Items. We met at the Museum of Cairo. Although his sister was the curator, I didn't see any sign of Malik. After Yami had banished the Malik created by the Rod (or whatever the hell he was) Malik had seemed to snap back to being a regular guy… of course, the 'regular guy' version had tried to hurt or kill everyone in the room. Since you could say the same about Nisama and me, I wasn't about to throw stones – but that doesn't mean I was buying the sudden switcheroo from homicidal maniac to one-of-the-gang, either. I mean everyone knows that _'Change of Heart'_ might be a powerful card, but it only lasts one turn. And Nisama had taught me that a real change of heart takes a lot of your own.

Maybe Isis agreed with me. We were there for the Rod. Maybe that's why she had left Malik at home.

Isis had given Nisama the God card he had held so briefly, the one he had rejected for his dragons the one time they had dueled. They hadn't talked since Alcatraz… since the day Nisama had thrown his 'Devil's Sanctuary' card to Yami. He had told Isis that he was doing it to show her that miracles didn't happen, that friendship didn't exist. Then Nisama had stood there waiting for Yami to prove his words a lie.

Nisama and Isis had been allies. They had been rivals. Now he stood in her museum, back in his Battle City gear, scowling down at her. I don't think they exchanged five words all day. Isis was smart enough to see that, for whatever reason, Nisama was doing what she wanted; she was smart enough not to talk through a sale. My brother's non-responsiveness was, as usual, more complicated. She annoyed him. It was more than her habit of spouting what Nisama termed, "superstitious mumbo-jumbo." She had failed one of his two basic tests – and it wasn't her skills as a duelist that were lacking. The only thing she had ever done that he approved of was to be willing to die with her brother. And he considered even that to be too little, too late.

"He's usually marginally politer… at least to women." Yami said.

I knew he would find it funny, so I answered, "He thinks she's a really lousy big sister."

At his look of surprise I added, "Well, you don't see any weird hieroglyphs carved into _my_ back, do you? And let's face it, if Malik had Nisama as a brother, he wouldn't have needed a psycho alter ego."

I was rewarded by Yami's laugh. Not too many people find my brother's particular form of insanity entertaining. I was glad he didn't answer though, because he couldn't agree with me without admitting my brother was crazy. We both knew it was true, but I was glad he wouldn't say so out loud… even to me.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

Isis opened the door to the long hallway that led to the items. But as we stepped into the room, the mists of the Shadow Realm closed around us. Then the monsters appeared. The first was the Battle Ox. For once, Kaiba seemed to have forgotten about his deck. He ran forward, saying with a lunatic grin, "I've had a lot of practice with this one,"

"Nisama!" Mokuba yelled, and started forward, only to be tackled by Seto. "Let me go! I have to stop him!" Mokuba insisted.

"You can't stop him. You know that. Right now, you can only distract him."

Mokuba nodded. As they stood up, Seto hugged his brother, saying "It'll be okay. He'll be fine." Although they were the same age, Mokuba relaxed at his words.

Kaiba had almost reached the Battle Ox. The monsters were the same as in the nightmare I forced on him after our first Shadow Game. Only Kaiba's reaction was different. It was so swift and sure that I knew only many nights of practice… of replaying the scene in his mind over and over after waking up in a cold sweat… could have made his movements so fluid.

Kaiba sprang forward, and the force of his leap pushed the Battle Ox's axe backwards, severing the monster's jugular. Spraying Kaiba, as must have happened hundreds of times in his imagination, with its dying blood.

Following the path of his dream, of the nightmare Shadi had witnessed and described to us, Kaiba swiftly decapitated the Hitosame Giant; then halved my poor Mystical Elf as she knelt and chanted. He was picking up speed with each monster he destroyed. This time he was ready for the Luster Dragon, swinging the axe to cut off her outstretched paw, talons and all; then burying the blade in her chest as she fell forward with a keening wail.

He managed to free his weapon just as Gaia, the Fierce Knight bore down on him. For a moment Kaiba was lost under his hooves, disappearing in a cloud of dust and sand. I gasped, expecting to see his mangled body, but it was clear that this was part of Kaiba's strategy when his blade flashed upwards, striking the horse's soft underbelly. The animal gave an almost human cry as it fell.

I stood there, stunned by the speed and ferocity of the battle – and by Kaiba's evident enjoyment—as Kaiba rolled away from the dying animal, and plunged the axe into the Gaia's back. He left it there quivering, as he grabbed Gaia's lance. Swinging it over his head, and moving almost faster than sight, he spun to thrust it home through Summon Skull's eye socket. I could hear Kaiba's harsh breaths as he yanked it free just in time to fend off the Wicked Worm Beast. The monster's tentacles slithered forward, as it reached for the weapon. Kaiba didn't struggle for possession. He pushed it towards the beast, buying enough time to grab the second lance from Gaia's lifeless hand, and throw. His aim was true. The point sailed straight through the monster's heart.

Throughout the entire violent skirmish, Kaiba had moved with a terrible lethal beauty that reminded me of his video game avatar, of the Elven warrior, Ninquiloce – except Kaiba was faster, and far more graceful.

Kaiba retrieved the lance and swung it lightly over his head, as I had seen him swing his Bo Staff. He turned to face us. He was bloody, disheveled… and laughing. "I guess practice really does make perfect," he smirked.

As usual, he had turned a moment too soon. I don't think anything could cure Kaiba of the habit of gloating before the duel was truly over.

The Wicked Worm Beast had been the final monster in his dream. It had not occurred to Kaiba that Akunadin might have other plans. Bicurbox, the monster Pegasus had used to steal his soul, popped up behind him, scythe in hand. I drew a card from my own deck, hoping it would be as real as Akunadin's monsters. The Dark Magician sprang to life, his staff pointed at the monster looming behind my Ryuujin. I hoped Kaiba would understand that my demon was there to help him, not to deliver the final blow. Kaiba's eyes narrowed as he took in the Dark Magician's threatening posture; he was still unaware of the danger at his back. Kaiba held Gaia's lance in his hand. Now, as he faced my faithful servant, his arm cocked back to throw. But Kaiba hesitated, unwilling to destroy my soul card. He looked past my Dark Magician; looked into my eyes. Suddenly his own eyes widened and he dropped to the floor; allowing my Dark Magician to fire at Bickubox, destroying his final adversary.

Kaiba turned to look at the remains, which along with the other monsters, was fast dissolving into nothingness, although their blood still stained his face and clothes.

"Your… Dark… Magician…" he stammered, as if being saved had shaken him more than almost being killed.

"Yes." I answered. "He protected you. He always has, and he always will. You don't have to leap forward alone, any more."

"But it was _my_ nightmare," he said, confused; before adding: "It wasn't even the worst. Are you really proposing to share those, too?"

"If necessary." I kissed his bloody face. " Now do you begin to understand? I will stand by your side, whatever we face. I promise."

"What I'll never understand is why," he replied with equal fierceness, before kissing me swiftly in return.

His arm was still resting on my shoulder, his hand was still knotted in my hair, as he turned to the open-mouthed group behind us, and said, "What the hell are you all standing there for? The way seems to be clear for now."

Shadi was waiting for us inside the next room. I heard Kaiba growl at my side. I was glad that the lance had disappeared, since he looked like he wanted to test Shadi's solidity once more. But my former servant surprised me. Instead of handing the Eye and the Rod to Kaiba or even Seto, Shadi offered them to me.

"I thought they belonged to Kaiba?" I asked.

"The moment Seto – either Seto – touches them, Akunadin will be aware of it. He may come after them swiftly." He turned to Kaiba, and said, "Do not claim them until you are ready."

But it was Seto who answered Shadi, rolling his eyes as he said: "Don't sweat it, Wonder Boy. You mean to tell me you've been studying this guy for 3,000 years and you still don't have a clue how he thinks? What an asshole."

It was unclear if he was talking about Akunadin or Shadi.

"Akunadin thinks he's got me in his back pocket – that is if he _had_ a back pocket in that get-up of his," Seto continued. "So he's not going to do anything stupid until he's had a chance to talk to me. And luckily he's used to waiting."

Shadi sighed. "Do not be so overconfident. It is always a mistake to underestimate your enemies."

Seto flared at that. "Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? You may think you know me, but you don't know shit."

Unexpectedly, Shadi smiled at that. "Perhaps not… but there are some moods I remember very well.

Shadi turned back to me and bowed. "I will rejoin you when you are ready to transfer possession of the items."

As usual, he disappeared.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

"At least that explains why it was so easy for us to get to the damn things. Akunadin wants us to have them." I pointed out.

"Easy?" Isis asked.

"Kaiba is right. This was just a feint. The Shadow Realm can be much more perilous," Yami agreed.

"Anyway, the main point is – when he comes after us, I want to have home field advantage. It's time to go back to Domino." I added.

"You don't mean right now?" Isis asked. "You can't go anywhere in your condition. You need to rest." She wrinkled her nose, "Not to mention clean clothes. You should come back and relax while we find you something to wear."

I could hear Mokuba and Yami whispering behind me. When had they gotten so chummy?

"I wish she'd lay off the big sister routine," Mokuba complained. "She should remember – he's an older sibling too. She couldn't have said anything more likely to get him behind the controls of that plane, probably still in that bloody coat."

I could feel Yami smirking behind my back.

"For someone whose moves are erratic enough to defeat destiny, sometimes he's remarkably easy to predict," Yami replied.

Good.

Just what I wanted them to think.

Of course I was getting behind the controls of my plane. I loved being in the air… soaring… free… as if I was melding into the plane's body – becoming part of its power and speed. As if I could outrun myself. As if I could chase down my dreams.

I thought of my recent flights. If Mokuba hadn't been in the plane, I would have loved the flight after my duel with Amelda. Engines screaming, the earth rushing up to meet me… the jet powered by my dragons (for in the end, weren't all dragons mine?)… every nerve straining to bring us home.

I had never confessed to anyone so fanciful a notion – but it was in the air that I felt closest to my dragons. As if my fire fueled their flight. As if I was part of their ascendance. As if they were welcoming me into the sky.

The customized Learjet Global Express XRS had been modified according to my specifications. Even fully loaded, it had a cruise speed of Mach 0.87. For a 19-passenger bird, it handled like a dream. It wasn't a bad plane, but I was sorry it would be the last one I'd fly. What I really wanted was my Blue Eyes jet. And to be alone – or with Yami beside me – to be with someone I did not have to protect; to have someone to enjoy the speed and beauty of the flight with.

I was glad I had taken Seto with us in the Blue Eyes White Dragon jet, glad I had shown him the sky. Mokuba had been right as usual. I had given Seto one more memory he would not be able to take back with him. One more memory I would have to keep in his place.

I'd be in the air today all right – to say goodbye. For I had read the message in that golden orb in Shadi's hand. One of us was going to have to shove that thing into his own eye socket. One of us was going to be half blind. One of us was going to lose his pilot's license.

Inadvertently, Isis had provided me with all the cover I needed. Her tactless, intrusive comments had ensured that no one would wonder about my decision to fly. I would be confirming their expectations, while inwardly confounding them.

I snarled at her. My annoyance was real. For someone who had failed so miserably at being a big sister, where did she get off lecturing me?

"Didn't you just hear Ghost Boy say we had to get this junk to a safer location as soon as possible? I'd say that rules out a shopping spree. I'll call my staff to bring a fresh set of clothes to the airport when we land. If anyone's offended by the blood – they don't have to worry – I'll be up front, flying."

Perfect.

No one said a word as I strode from the room.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter. I really appreciate it_ ** _._

**PHARAOH'S PALACE NOTE:** Once upon a time there was a yahoogroup called The Pharaoh's Palace. However it has just been deleted by Yahoo for the third time (someone has no appreciation for fine art.) Anyway the group manager/Palace Keeper, CrimsonVioletEyes moved the group to MSN. It is an adult group. The link is on my biopage. The address is http/ groups. msn PharaohsPalace (Please note I put in spaces because that's the only way I can put the address here without screwing up the formatting, so just delete all the spaces if you're trying to type in the address.)

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Oh – I hope it's clear that the very beginning of Seto's narrative takes place just before the conversation with Kaiba at the end of Chapter 32.

One thing that's always struck me about Malik is that while the alter ego that seems more connected to the Rod (the one that kills their father) is definitely the more psychotic of the two, the other one did kidnap and/or try to kill Yugi, Anzu, Jounouchi and Mokuba – so I'd hardly think he qualifies as nice-guy-of-the-year… a point that would not be lost on Mokuba.

I've often thought (yeah, I spend waaaaaaay too much time thinking about this stuff…) that from Kaiba's point of view, Isis was a total failure as a big sister – I mean look at the mess her brother turned out to be – and I don't see Kaiba as the type to accept excuses. I think he'd be fairly contemptuous of her failure to but her brother's welfare above what she saw as her duty to the pharaoh, her obedience to her father, and her beliefs. I mean she couldn't have thought living below ground with no human contact and getting his back carved to ribbons was going to be good for him. It was more that she didn't think – she just accepted that this was their destiny and the way things had to be. Can you see Kaiba in similar circumstances making the same decisions? And the only time she seems to inspire a sense of fellow feeling and respect in him, is when Kaiba realizes that she's willing to die if she can't save her brother.

 **Monsters Note:** As for the monsters from his Shadow Game with Yami…. The manga makes it clear that Kaiba re-experiences being killed by the duel monsters through his nightmares. I could see Kaiba staying up, replaying the whole experience in his mind, until he figured out a way to win.

 **Airplane Note** : There really is a Learjet Global Express XRS and the description is from their web site. Thanks to Boonta Champ and Madam Hydra for pointing me to the site in an earlier discussion about what kind of plane Seto Kaiba might fly.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**

**Seto (well, and some Kaiba):** _(Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, StainofCurare, Zak a.k.a. YGO Ecogoth)_ I think Seto has a kind of forced adult wisdom – because he's had to function as an adult for so long and in so many high pressure situations. But a lot of his reactions and feelings are still the ones of the young adolescent that he is… so I try to let them sort of seep out around the edges, particularly in his thoughts. I think that's part of what makes Yami and Kaiba such a powerful couple… because Yami gives Kaiba a place where he feels safe enough to explore his feelings and be a teenager. And I also wanted to show that Kaiba's difficulty with seeing touch as a show of affection has long roots.

 **Seto and Gozaburo:** _(Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, StainofCurare)_ In this story at least, I see Seto as being complicit in all the games he's playing with Gozaburo – that's part of what makes them so destructive – in a sense Seto is doing this to himself. I think this complicity is part of the nature of their relationship. So I think from that point of view, a milder form of sexual abuse, that Seto would have permitted as a price he was willing to pay to achieve his goals, was more likely than an outright rape, which he probably wouldn't.

 **Akunadin:** _(Desidera, Nachzes Black-Rider, StainofCurare, Yume no Zencho, Wintersslayer)_ I think Akunadin does care about Seto – he could never have come so close to persuading him if at least part of his feelings weren't sincere – but it's a very kind of selfish caring. I think he likes Seto as a reflection of himself – which is why he sees it as a betrayal when the original Seto won't follow the path that Akunadin has laid out for him, or live out Akunadin's dreams.

 **Seto and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Ceribi Motou, Daje Elle Namte, Wintersslayer, Zak a.k.a. YGO EcoGoth)_ One thing that struck me at the end of Battle City/Alcatraz is that when Kaiba thinks about reclaiming his dreams (and his life) it's the 10 year old version of himself that comes to mind. But one thing that attracted me to writing this story (well besides the fact I wanted to give the 13 year-old punk a story of his own) was the idea that maybe it was time for Kaiba to get to know his 13 year-old self a little. Writing their conversations is interesting because although neither talks much to each other, they both understand each other very well. But while I wanted to give them their own individual voices, I also wanted them connected enough to make it believable that Seto could grow into Kaiba. And I just realized that the last chapter was the first time Kaiba and Seto managed to talk to each other and resolve things without having Mokuba as an intermediary. And I didn't realize it until Daje Elle Namte pointed it out – but the first person Kaiba admits that he gets that Yami trusts and cares for him and that he returns those feelings to – is Seto.

 **Kaiba and Yami:** _(Amarin Rose, Bishonen no Miko, Troubled Talent, StainofCurare)_ It's interesting how almost straight through Yugioh, Yami does trust Kaiba and has faith that he can be a better person than he's indicated. And Kaiba is often in the position of disagreeing with Yami and looking for him to prove that friendship and trust are real. So I tried to think how that would play out in terms of a relationship, where I think feeling trusted by Yami would be important to Kaiba, and give him the ability to try and trust himself (or Seto). Another reason I like this pairing is because I think Yami is one of the few characters with the patience to give Kaiba the time to sort thins out on his own.

 **Destiny:** _(Maris)_ Well in this story I tried to provide a loophole by saying that if Seto makes different choices, he could change the past. (Really remind me never to write a time travel story again!) But I agree – it's ironic that both Seto Kaiba's get the implications, and Shadi – who should certainly believe that whatever is meant to happen will happen – is the one who's worried. And I agree about Battle City too – if Isis really believed in destiny, why wasn't she more relaxed?

 **Yugi-taachi:** _(kittycat1158)_ One of the advantages of writing fanfiction is that you get to focus on the characters you want to – which accounts for Sugoroku's increased time. So this story focuses more on the Kaibas (all of them), Yami, and to a lesser extent Yugi, than the rest of the Yugi-taachi. Anzu is more interested in her own dilemma of whether to go out with Yugi. Her feelings about Kaiba and Yami were explained in Chapter 13. Ryou Bakura isn't in this story (which is complicated enough without adding _another_ Sennen Item.)


	34. Homeward Bound

**CHAPTER 34: HOMEWARD BOUND**

**YAMI'S POV**

Once he had gotten the plane in the air, Kaiba relinquished the controls to his pilot. He routinely permitted others to fly his helicopters and his blimp, but I had rarely seen him allow anyone else to fly his planes. He probably wouldn't have done it now, either. He had something to prove… and he loved flying. For all his obsession with dueling, I would wager that it was here, in the air, that he felt closest to his dragons.

But Seto had questions about the game they were designing. I wanted to believe that Seto had noticed Kaiba's condition, and was uncharacteristically trying to take care of his older self. But one glance at his face had disabused me of that foolish hope. Seto simply wanted to talk about their game, and (as usual) was oblivious to everything but his goal. At least, it had been enough of a lure to get Kaiba away from the controls of a plane, I could not imagine he was fit to fly, after the day he had.

At my side Jounouchi clearly agreed. "He's covered in blood. I bet he's sorry he picked today to wear his Battle City get-up. That is one messed-up coat." he laughed. "But look at him! He can barely stand. And the jerk thinks he can fly a plane? Did he ask us if _we_ wanted to die when _he_ goes down in flames?"

Kaiba and Seto sat down near us and immediately started discussing the game's specifications. I was eavesdropping. I neither understood nor cared what they were talking about, but their interaction fascinated me. Kaiba had a streak of cruelty that was either innate or so deeply engraved by his life that it could not be expunged – not that he showed any signs of wanting to. But now, he tried to confine it to his business dealings – or his exchanges with Seto, where it seemed to be the language they were both most comfortable with.

"You realize from a marketing point of view you've made a glaring and rather stupid error." Kaiba was saying, "You've forgotten to include any female characters. Never ignore or insult a potential customer. Besides, without some equally well thought out female characters, your game is simply a shallow boy's action fantasy."

"I suppose you're going to pick one of them to be – since you seem to be going in that direction anyway," Seto said sarcastically.

I ignored Jounouchi's grin.

"Not once the test runs are over. Like you, I'll probably pick Ninquiloce," Kaiba answered calmly. But that doesn't change the fact that you've missed the perfection you were seeking."

"Who would you use as a character guide?" Seto asked seriously, almost shyly. I suddenly realized: his mother had died when he was five; he had grown up in a boy's orphanage, and Gozaburo's mansion. How many girls could he have known?

"I don't know." Kaiba answered, clearly giving the matter some consideration. "I'd probably add a bubble-headed cheerleader type."

"Ahhh, thoughts of Anzu," Seto said with a grin.

"Yes. But to be fair, I'll give her some kick-ass moves. She's earned them." He frowned. "She's a little flat-chested for a video game character. Then again, too many boys want action figures on steroids for avatars. Maybe the girls will have more sense. It's worth a try."

"How big is she anyway?"

"24-B. I guess Mokuba figures more than a handful's a waste. Sensible really."

"It's a good thing he's got small hands." Seto laughed.

I thought Jounouchi was going to jump out of his seat. I put a hand on his arm, and sure enough Kaiba said sternly, "Never insult her. I owe her for Mokuba, and so will you. Besides when you insult her, you're insulting Mokuba. And he's right. If your taste runs that way, you could do a lot worse than Anzu, who has proven her loyalty."

"But you don't like her."

"I don't have to like someone to respect them. Or to be indebted." he said evasively.

"We'll probably also need more of a female Ninja type – you know someone mysterious – maybe armed with a _shinobigatana_ and _shruiken_. Those star-shaped ones are cool," Seto said, predictably more interested in the weapons than the character who would wield them. "And then we'll need a babe for the Demon."

"Well, she'll be there for the guys to look at. That's where we'll put the boobs and the thong." Kaiba gave a bark of laughter. "It's a shame Gozaburo never brought home whoever or whatever he was fucking. At least we'd have a model."

Seto gave a matching bark. Were they really laughing?

"Yeah. Imagine someone letting Gozaburo fuck them voluntarily." Seto shook his head. "Talk about proof that money really does buy happiness."

* * *

**YUGI'S POV**

I found myself sitting next to Mokuba on the way back. We both wanted Anzu, but she was on the other side of the plane, sitting next to Kouma. His head was in her lap. We both envied him. As if he had read my mind, Mokuba suddenly turned to me.

"You know, you've got six years."

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"You heard me. I'll be 19. She'll be 24. Nineteen isn't too young for 24."

I didn't laugh, or point out that even when he was 19, Anzu would still look on him as a younger brother. And I didn't tell him that by the time he was 19, he would probably have fallen in love with a dozen different girls. He wouldn't have believed me, and I know what it's like to have people assume that because you're little, your feelings don't count. Besides, I kind of admired Mokuba. The only reason he wasn't making a pass at Anzu right here and now was that he'd decided that it wasn't good strategy. He had the balls for it though. He wouldn't wait around for ages because he was afraid of being rejected. And maybe I shouldn't underestimate him. After all, Kouma was the one who had ended up with his head in Anzu's lap.

"Thanks for the warning." I said. "I don't plan to wait six years, or even six weeks. I just wanted to give Anzu time to get to know me again. I wanted to make sure that this is what she wants… that I'm _who_ she wants."

Mokuba clearly didn't understand my scruples. But anything that delayed my asking Anzu out was fine with him. He settled back in his chair, obviously pleased to have the point settled. Despite the events of the day, he seemed as cheerful as ever, and I realized that he must be used to Kaiba-kun trying to kill himself. It struck me how much we had in common, besides Anzu.

"It's tough, isn't it?" I asked.

"What is?" he answered.

"Watching your partner running into danger. Knowing it's part of his nature."

"Nisama's my partner, all right. But we're not like you and Yami. We're not opposites."

"I can't imagine Kaiba-kun agreeing with you on that one."

"I don't care. Look, when people call Yami your darkness, they mean he's powerful and mysterious and… cool. When they say it about Nisama, they mean he's evil. Like I got all the goodness. Why does everyone forget I was with him every step of the way?"

"Because you were clearly there only because of him."

"So Nisama gets blamed even for the stuff that I do? Did anyone ever stop and think that maybe _he_ was there only because of _me_? That maybe I'm not just some stupid kid who blindly believes whatever his brother does is right?"

I thought of myself pushing Yami out of the way of Rafael's Penalty Game… letting my soul be taken in his place… sure that Yami would reclaim it.

"It's not blind faith when you know the person so well that doubt vanishes," I agreed.

He looked at me thoughtfully; thinking of Kaiba-kun at Death-T; remembering Yami at DOMA. "I guess we do have more than I thought in common," he said, echoing my thoughts.

He paused, and added hesitantly, "You know, Nisama didn't mean to hurt Yami. He'd never do that deliberately."

"I know. But intentionally or not, he did hurt him. Badly. And your brother's got to take some responsibility for that." I replied, suddenly angry all over again.

"So does Yami," Mokuba spat back, just as quickly. "He knew just who my brother is, and he chose Nisama anyway. He had to know what he was getting himself into. Did he think anyone could look like that without having some scars on the inside, too?"

I tried to look like I had a clue what he was talking about. I knew that Yami had seen something that first night which had made him fiercely protective of Kaiba-kun, but I didn't know what. Mokuba assumed that Yami had told me. But Yami hadn't. It was his first secret. I didn't know whether to be sad or hurt… or proud. But Mokuba's voice, low and furious, broke into my thoughts.

"So that's what Yami really thinks, huh? So that's what he's saying when it's just the two of you? I should have known that caring act of his was too good to be true," Mokuba hissed. I had forgotten how like Kaiba-kun he could sound. Or how he could jump to the wrong conclusion just as quickly.

"No. These aren't Yami's thoughts… they're mine. Yami would try to understand just about anything your brother does – no matter how crazy. I'd say he's forgiven Kaiba-kun but that makes it sound like he'd ever held anything against your brother in the first place. This isn't about Yami's feelings. Kaiba-kun hurt my aibou, and _I'm_ the one who's mad."

I finally got to what had been eating at me this whole time… even in the middle of celebrating with Yami over his getting back together with Kaiba-kun.

"If Kaiba-kun could do it once, what's to say he won't do it again?"

"Because it's different now. Nisama didn't realize before that he could hurt Yami. He didn't think Yami cared enough about him for anything he did to matter much. I know how it sounds… but Nisama gets confused sometimes."

I suppose that was one way of putting it. Yami had told me that Kaiba-kun had convinced himself that Yami hated him. Mokuba had just confirmed it. I had to accept that they both knew what they were talking about, but that bit of information had me questioning Kaiba-kun's sanity even more than usual… and the thought that Kaiba was even crazier than I had imagined, was not a comforting one.

But I had forgotten that Mokuba was used to hearing the things that people did not say.

"Now that Nisama knows, he'll literally die before he lets anything hurt Yami again." Mokuba looked at me, with his eyes narrowed. "Nisama promised him something, didn't he?"

I remembered how Yami had returned to my room that morning… how he had looked pleased, but flustered, as though he had been given an embarrassingly expensive gift, and felt guilty for accepting it.

"I think so," I replied.

"I knew it! Then you have nothing to worry about. Stop and think for a minute just how far my brother will go to pay off on a promise. And he only makes them to people he loves."

I closed my eyes… saw Kaiba-kun standing on Pegasus' Tower, ordering Yami to cut his throat with his cards… saw Kaiba dueling Noa; calmly surrendering the one card that could save his life for the one card that would save Mokuba's soul… saw Kaiba offering his life points for Yami… saw Kaiba falling into Yami's arms, smiling.

I was chilled by what Mokuba was saying… and finally reassured. I opened my eyes to see that my worries had transferred themselves to Mokuba's face. He chewed his lip then blurted out, "You're right. It's rough when you're watching the one person you love more than anyone in the world, as he keeps trying to find new ways to risk his life." Mokuba scrunched his nose. "Do you think that's why they like each other so much?"

I laughed. Yami himself couldn't have put it so simply – or so well.

* * *

**.**

**ANZU'S BUST MEASUREMENT MANGA NOTE:** Got your attention didn't I? Anyway, somewhere between the manga and the anime, Anzu clearly had some plastic surgery done. Early in the manga they make the point that manga girls have much more realistic proportions than American comic book girls (Jounouchi and Honda make it clear which version they prefer!) Anyway, I conducted my own totally unscientific poll of everyone who was online while I was writing the first draft of this chapter, and 24-B was the consensus winner.

 


	35. Goldeneye

**WARNING OF PROBABLE SENNEN ITEM CANON VIOLATION:** Up until now I've tried to stay as close to the storyline of Yugioh (at least until the point where Déjà Vu veers of in its own direction) as possible. But the Sennen Items are the exception. For one thing, the powers and rules vary during the course of the series itself, and they seem slightly different from the manga to the anime. What I've tried to do instead, is create a set of rules for their powers, and for how they can be activated and used, that preserves the idea that these are powerful, mysterious, artifacts, yet makes sense within the confines of _this_ story. Some of the rules, like that the Items can only be won in a duel, or given up voluntarily closely match the Yugioh storyline. Others are my own adaptations. They are necessary for my story to work. Hopefully how the Eye and Rod work will be explained in the story itself. I've noted any changes I've made (and why) in the Author's Note at the end of the chapter.

* * *

**CHAPTER 35: GOLDENEYE**

**KAIBA'S POV**

We were all back in Domino. Unfortunately, as promised, Ghost Boy was here as well.

"Each person can wield only one item at a time," he was saying.

"I thought you said Akunadin had the Eye _and_ the Rod," I challenged. "Last time I checked, one plus one equaled two."

"Akunadin might be the caretaker for both items, but I have seen him wield only the Eye. I do not know if he can control both the Eye and the Rod at the same time, but I do not believe so, especially given their divided nature," Shadi answered. "However if they are re-united and Akunadin and his master, Zork Necropolis, gain control of them, who knows…"

"Who gives a shit about all the things you _don't_ know?" I interrupted impatiently. "I got the point: as far as the items go, it's one per customer."

I paused, then gestured to the Eye in Yami's hand. "If we succeed…" I said, leaving the rest of my sentence unfinished. Given Shadi's admitted cluelessness, I wasn't sure why I was bothering asking him anything. And this wasn't the time or the place or the person for revealing a weakness. It wasn't even like the answer would change anything. But I had to know if there was a chance I'd ever be sharing the sky with my dragons again.

Luckily, however obliquely, Shadi chose to answer my half question. "Then the Eye and the Rod will be whole and complete, once more. They will vanish as if they had never existed in this timeline. All will be as it was. And with the re-union of the items, and the restoration of your timeline, Akunadin and Zork Necropolis will be resealed in their prison beyond time. I hope our actions will destroy them utterly, but their ultimate fate is hidden from me."

I found myself hoping Shadi knew what he was talking about, even as I wondered why people talked about 'hope' as if it was a good thing, instead of the edgy, uncomfortable feeling it was.

I opened the office safe and nodded to Yami. "The Rod can stay here," I said. I turned to Seto. "You know the combination. When you need it – it's yours." Yami handed me the Eye, next. I closed my fist around it.

"Why are you giving the Rod to the boy?" Shadi asked curiously.

I didn't feel like explaining that when this whole stupid plan went down in flames, I wasn't about to saddle a 13 year-old boy with a hunk of gold for an eye. So I needed a distraction.

I tossed the Eye in the air; caught it lightly. It was fun watching how upset these fools got every time you played with one of their toys.

"Shadi," I hissed, "You like fucking with people's heads. Did it occur to you that I have a toy of my own now? A trinket that lets me see into people's minds; that lets me steal their souls? Ever hear the expression, 'Payback's a bitch?"

Shadi turned to face me. So, he liked to meet his enemies head on. If he thought that made a bond between us, he was wrong. I studied my adversary. The arrogance and annoyance were gone. He didn't look frightened, but he wasn't a man for revealing a weakness, any more than I. For the first time though, he looked tired.

"I will not oppose you, Seto," he said quietly.

I growled. If he thought he was getting off the hook that easily, he had the wrong Seto Kaiba in mind. Who did he think he was to try and deny me the fight I suddenly wanted? Who was he to pretend he didn't want it too? I was willing to bet that with a little prodding, he'd come across.

"What's the matter, Ghost Boy? Not as much fun when it's a fair fight?"

"I do not glory in attacking the unarmed, Seto. I know as well as you, how dishonorable my actions have been."

"Spare me the fake regrets," I snapped.

His jaw clenched. Good. He was getting angry. But his words were disappointingly mild.

"What is it you want, Seto?"

"You know what I want, Ghost Boy. I want a rematch. We both know you're the kind of sick bastard who likes fucking with people's heads as long as you think they can't fuck back. But it's a brand new game now – and I want the chance to even the score."

Once again I saw that involuntary tightening of his jaw. Once again I thought I was about to get the fight I wanted. But once again, his words were annoyingly conciliatory.

"I am prepared to pay for my transgressions. If today is the day that reckoning comes due, so be it. I have given everything for this moment… for this chance to defeat Zork Necropolis and his henchman, Akunadin," Shadi said. "I have sacrificed all that was precious to me… my life… my dreams… my death. The slow fires of time have purged my soul of everything but my mission… have turned everything to ash, but my duty to my pharaoh to fulfill it. It has been my honor and privilege to serve my prince even as the years have lengthened, and I have become a shadow in more than seeming. Seto, my old friend, would have understood. He knew sacrifice and respected it."

Shadi set aside his key, leaving himself unprotected. "I did not stay long enough in your mind to know if the same could be said of you. But I trust that there are some things that even millennia cannot alter. The pharaoh and you were brought here for a purpose. My path is clear, and nothing will deter me. If you need revenge for my intrusion before you will move on, before you will complete our mission, then take it."

Damn.

I wanted revenge all right. If Shadi had challenged me, had said anything to goad me even one inch further… I swear I would have done it. It's what everyone expected from me – what the damn Eye wanted. I could feel it, warm in my hand; tempting me to see what kind of damage I could cause.

I frowned and shook my head, clearing it of my sudden anger. This had started as a diversion. How had it almost escalated to a death match, instead? I hated Shadi, but that was nothing new. I looked down. The only element that had been added to this equation was currently nestled in the palm at my hand. The lights flickered off its golden surface as it sat there, winking at me.

In spite of all that had happened (or maybe because of it) I had fought against believing in any Sennen Item bullshit. But now that I was actually holding the damn thing, I knew…

"You son of a bitch," I hissed at the Eye in my hand. "Who the fuck do you think you're playing with? Seto Kaiba is nobody's tool."

The Eye was seductively warm, faintly animate. It was powerful… and I've always been drawn to power… feel most myself when lost in its embrace. The Eye spoke directly to the flame that burned at the core of my heart… urging me to release my rage, to destroy whatever was unlucky enough to be in my path, to have stirred my anger. I'd done that before; I knew what kind of damage I could cause. I could feel my heart race at the prospect.

The Eye was encouraging me now, pushing me, as if it had a voice that tickled my ear as Gozaburo's had… until Yami's whispered 'Koryuu' had drowned it out.

Yami…

I turned to Yami. "Do you remember what you told me – that when I pieced my heart together, I had to do it with no mistakes?"

He nodded. Of course we both remembered. When someone shatters your heart, then gives you a chance to rebuild it… his words are meant to last.

I had known, from the moment I had seen the Eye, what I had to do. We were going to have to face Akunadin sooner or later – that was the point of this whole ridiculous enterprise. We were going to be on his battlefield, using his weapons – and I had 3,000 years of catching up to do regarding this one.

I took a deep breath, ready for the pain. Right now, the Eye was my true enemy, not Shadi. It had stolen my soul when I had barely put it back together. Worse, it had hurt Mokuba.

I looked at that golden orb, as though I could read its expression. I grinned. Now that I was no longer blinded by my anger at Shadi, I could see where the true danger lay. Until I had held it, had felt its weight, I had thought that the Eye was only a weapon to be deployed. Now I knew – it was an adversary to be defeated, as well. The Eye wanted to control me; to twist me as it had twisted Pegasus. Well, it would get its chance to try. I wasn't going to back down from its challenge. I remembered the Eye all right… and it was time to see how I'd fare against it a second time.

"You're lucky, Ghost Boy," I told Shadi. "You're _not_ my opponent of choice at the moment."

I also like to face my enemies head on. So deliberately, defiantly, I turned the eye until that the pattern, so like one on Yami's puzzle, was facing me. Then I plunged it in.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

"The fool!" Shadi cried.

Kaiba fell as irrevocably as a tree stuck by lightning. He lay on the floor, blood streaming from his ruined eye, as unmoving as after Death-T. The smooth, pattern-less, golden surface of the back of the Eye gazed back at us from the shattered remains of Kaiba's real one.

There is a difference between shock and surprise, and I was standing in sorrow on its border. I would not have opposed Kaiba, could not have withheld a Sennen Item from its rightful keeper. And I knew that when Kaiba finally accepted that the items were real… that they had power… he would be drawn to activate them. Nonetheless, the reckless speed of his decision had caught me off guard.

Mokuba was the first to reach him. He threw himself across Kaiba's chest crying, "Nisama!" as if his screams could revive him; as if he couldn't believe that his brother would refuse to answer his call.

"What has happened?" I asked.

"Do you remember what I told you about his soul room… about what lies in wait for those unwary enough to enter it?" Shadi asked. "The Eye has the power to see into the soul… and the power of judgment. When Seto turned it inward, he plunged himself into the heart of his own nightmares. It could kill him."

Mokuba answered him, saying fiercely, "You don't know my brother. There's nothing he can't survive. He'll come back to me. I know it."

"Even if he survives the shock, he could be lost in the maze of his nightmares forever." Shadi replied.

"You're wrong," Mokuba repeated. They're _his_ nightmares. He can find his way out."

Mokuba was half-right. Kaiba certainly had the strength to tread the path of his own labyrinth; he would not be stopped by his own monsters. But there was one thing that could defeat him, for he had taken his own worst enemy along. Shadi had said that the Eye had the power of judgment. Mokuba didn't want to admit it, but he knew as well as I, that Kaiba could easily decide that whatever nightmare world he was wandering in was what he deserved, was where he belonged. He might need someone to remind him that he was wrong… that he was loved.

I turned to Shadi. "I'm going after him. Use your Sennen Key to open a door into his soul room."

"It's dangerous," Shadi warned. "Once you are inside of the Eye, you will be beyond the reach of any of us here. And I believe that Seto is the only one who has even a chance of traversing its path to the end. If he does not accept your presence and you can not free yourself, you may be trapped there forever."

"I'm willing to risk it," I said as Shadi prepared to accede to my request. "I promised Kaiba that we would face the world together, and I will not be forsworn at the first test."

I took a deep breath like a diver before a plunge, all but grinning with anticipation. Mokuba had told me that although I had seen Kaiba's demons, I hadn't lived with them. This was my chance…

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing these chapters and for helping me sort out the Sennen Items…_ **

**_Thanks to Amarin Rose_** for suggesting the title ' _Goldeneye'_ from the James Bond could I resist any pun that bad?

 ** _Thanks to Madam Hydra:_** A while back, after Shadi's narrative in Chapter 16, Madam Hydra wrote that although it was clear that Shadi was only concerned with his mission, it wasn't clear why that was so. I realized she was right, and he was kind of one-dimensional in that regard. I pictured him as being sort of burned out to the point where nothing except his mission was real to him anymore, but I realized I needed to make that a lot clearer. Well it's taken me 19 chapters, but I hope Shadi's a little more three-dimensional now.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I admit, this was a pretty evil cliff-hanger. On the other hand the next chapter is really long, and had to be told in one unbroken chapter. One thing I _am_ curious about though… way back in Chapter 16 when Shadi invaded Kaiba's osul room, a lot of people wondered if Yami would eventually go into Kaiba's soul room. I'm wondering if people remembered that, or were distracted by all the stuff that happened in between, and only recalled that scene when Yami actually got ready to enter Kaiba's soul room (if at all).

 **Sennen Items Note:** One problem with writing a story involving the Sennen Items, is that the items themselves evolve over the course of the series, and vary between the manga and the anime (not to mention the dub version). For example, in the early manga, Shadi uses both the Key and the Scales, but after that, even when characters have more than one item, they only use one – and it's usually the first one they touch. (On that note, thanks to Clarity for reminding me that if Kaiba had picked up the Rod, even to put it in the safe, he might end up stuck with it.) Anyway, for example, Bakura gets the Eye from Pegasus. But even though you'd think a gadget that lets you read minds and seal souls in cards would be useful to a master thief bent on revenge, he never tries to use it. So I decided the 'one per customer' theory was at least a somewhat reasonable interpretation, and it works for the story.

The Eye doesn't exactly have the power of judgment – I think it's the Scales that have that. But it does have the power to not only read minds, but to look into souls, and the power to lock them away – so I decided tying it to the idea of judgment in some way was a reasonable bending of the rules.

Basically I'm trying to create a consistent set of rules that work within the confines of this story, even if they don't (and at times they don't) match the series itself. As I've tried to sort it all out, I'm really coming a lit closer to sharing Kaiba's distaste for the pesky things…

 **Kaiba Sennen Items Note:** In the dub version, Kaiba refuses to consider the existence of shadow magic, or the idea that the Sennen Items are real (or even that there are two people inside of Yugi) even after his face is shoved in the truth. In the manga, Kaiba is a lot more open-minded. From the start he acknowledges that Pegasus might have some kind of psychic power that lets him look into people's minds. It's why Kaiba designed the duel disks – to (hopefully) keep himself out of Pegasus's range and to hide his eyes. (He's not quite, right, but it's a pretty good guess.) Anyway, I'm going with the manga version and depicting a Kaiba who is much more flexible concerning the Sennen Items – especially once he's holding one in his hands.

 **ANCIENT EGYPT SPOILER WARNING:** One thing interesting about writing a long story based on an ongoing series, is that there's always the possibility that the series itself will throw in a curve ball. At some point I decided that once I started posting a story, it has to continue in its own path, regardless of what happens in the anime. When I plotted Déjà Vu out, I never imagined that anyone could use the Eye without sacrificing their own – but I think that happens in the Ancient Egypt version of the anime. (I haven't seen the episodes yet – because then I'd have to admit the series is over.) Anyway, to me that contradicts the earlier version in the manga, when Pegasus gets the Eye, where it was implied that to gain the power of the Eye, the user has to offer something of equal value, like his own Eye. That also ties in with the idea that Sennen Items are a test of sorts. And I think the idea that power only comes at great cost fits better both with the story in general, and Seto Kaiba's character in particular.

 **Yugi and Kaiba Note:** I think that Yugi respects Kaiba, but I also think they are the two characters who are most diametrically opposed. Yugi's strengths (and I see him as a very strong character, if less dramatic than say Yami or Kaiba) flow out of his sense of himself and his insightfulness and charity towards others. These are qualities that Kaiba not only lacks, but is almost unable to recognize (or even imagine.) At the same time, I think Kaiba's recklessness and lack of moderation perplexes Yugi. It's almost equally out of his frame of reference. If you look at how they react in similar situations – in Battle City, Yugi is fighting a brainwashed Jounouchi, with the possibility that one or both could lose their lives. Yugi is ready to sacrifice his life for his friend – but it's clear this is a last resort – he is trying to come up with a game plan where both will win (and live). In contrast, from the moment Noa threatens Mokuba's well being, nothing but Mokuba matters to Kaiba – and certainly not his own life. You can see Yugi trying to convince Kaiba not to throw his life away – and it's equally clear, Kaiba isn't listening.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Sennen Eye** _(AmunRa, Bishonen no Miko, Clarity, Desidera, Kekewey, Maris, StainofCurare, Troubled Talent, Wintersslayer)_ Well I learned one thing last chapter – if you're going to imply that a character may lose an eye – especially a blue one – be prepared for comments! I'm not sure what to say. Obviously I have no compunction about maiming my favorite character if it's integral to the story – which hope it's clear this is. But I promise, I wouldn't do it for shock value, or because I was afraid the story was dragging and wanted to spice it up a bit. Ironically I think what would bother Kaiba most is not the loss of his eye, but that he's losing the ability to fly, and with it the sense of freedom, and I think a sense of coming home that being in the air represents for him. I know that various anime/comic book characters fly with only one eye, but according to aviation regulations no one can get, or keep a pilot's license if they have an "acute or chronic pathological condition of either eye.. that interferes with the proper function." I'd have to think that having a mystical golden eye counts as a pathological condition.

I think Yami has too much respect for Kaiba to try and stop him, although, given the chance, he might have tried to get Kaiba to think things out a little. But I think jumping for self destructive solutions is part of Kaiba's character.

 **Yami, Kaiba, gloating, and the Dark Magician:** _(AmunRa, Bishonen no Miko, elirian 19, Kagemihari, mistressKC-wanteddeadoralive, Wintersslayer)_ I think Yami might find Kaiba's gloating endearing – partly because it's one of the few childish things about him. It's also a side that he really only shows to the Yugi-taachi. In his duels with Gantling of the Big Five in Noa's Arc, or later with Gozaburo, he's all business, even in victory. Compare his comment to Gantling in victoy, where he basically says that he will never be used as part of a war machine again, with some of the more childish Nyaaaah, Nyaaaaah, comments he indulges in with Yugi and friends. But I also think it's Kaiba's ferocity, his passion, and his sheer determination that really gets to Yami. Like in Kaiba's duel with Isis, you can really see how Yami admires Kaiba's determination to defeat destiny. On the surface, yeah, I'd agree – only Kaiba would think the Dark Magaician was there to hurt him. But I think Kaiba's unused to recognizing help, even when it's standing in front of him. And he's also used to seeing the Dark Magician as an adversary – he's used to seeing him on the opposing side of the field, so I think the mental switch to realizing that he is, and always has been an ally, would take some time.

 **Battle scene:** _(Clarity, Desidera, Kagemihari, elirian 19, Maris, StainofCurare, Troubled Talent, Wintersslayer, Zak a.k.a. YGO EcoGoth)_ Well I rated it as 'R' for general content – but yeah, the ability to commit fictional mayhem is a definite perk! I could picture Kaiba waking up from that nightmare and being more upset that he'd lost, than that he'd died. So I could see him replaying the scene over and over in his mind, until he had managed to find a way to 'win.' And I think part of him would welcome a chance to even the score. It is odd though – that in the end, the nightmare Yami forced on him, in this story anyway, ended up saving his life…

It's clear in the manga/anime that Kaiba loves to fight. You see him fend off armed thugs with a briefcase, jam a gun with a card, jump out a window, and threaten to snap a guy's neck with a briefcase. Not only does he fight very efficiently, but he fights with every sign of enjoyment. And I can't help but think Yami might find this side of him sexy.

 **Akunadin:** _(Moonrunner, supernerd3333)_ Akunadin probably could use his Sennen Eye to read Seto's mind – except he thinks he already knows what's on it. He's blinded by the idea that Seto will finally repay the debt he feels his original son owes him. Also Akunadin doesn't need to know what's on Seto's mind – he needs his freely given cooperation. In Battle City they make the point that the Sennen items can only be won in a duel or given voluntarily. I picture Akunadin as being aware when Seto or Kaiba claim the other items because the two versions are connected, so as the holder/caretaker of one set, he would be aware of major changes within the other ones.

 **Monkey King:** _(supernerd3333)_ I have to admit, that I was searching for a character that was small, resourceful, and maybe a little impishly sneaky – and the Monkey King just popped into my head. I don't know much about him, just from Lawrence Yep's Dragon series, and Goku in Saiyuki, so I'm sorry if I used him inappropriately. I don't think of Mokuba, however as a defenseless little brother. He's extremely resourceful – he manages to escape from Pegasus, and later the Big Five, assemble a search and rescue team for his brother in the Virtual World arc, and them evade them, when Yugi and Co. want to protect him, and manage to reach and free Kaiba first. He's little, but he's certainly not weak.

 


	36. The Chamber of Secrets

**CHAPTER 36: …THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS**

_(With apologies to J.K. Rowling)_

**YAMI'S POV**

I had expected to see the now-familiar monsters from the nightmare Shadi had described… the nightmare I had forced on Kaiba so long ago, in our first Shadow Game. But they were gone. I hoped my fighting by his side in Egypt had banished them.

If this _was_ a nightmare, it seemed suspiciously benign at first. I was in some sort of a classroom, although I seemed to be the only occupant. But everything was hazy. I squinted at the math assignment in front of me; the row of numbers blurring; running together. I tried to bring them into focus… and failed. I didn't understand what was happening to me, why I felt so strange, why everything seemed to be moving so slowly.

My eyes drifted shut, my head nodded forward, and I could control neither. For the first time, my body was refusing to obey my commands. A blow across the face shocked me awake, briefly clearing my mind.

_"Nothing in life is free, boy. If you want to sleep, you're going to have to earn it."_

Then the voice faded again, turned into the buzzing of bees in my ears. I stared at the page again, but the numbers refused to stay in their neat columns, kept jumping around on the paper, like frogs in a pond. I lapsed once more into a trance. Although I had never experienced it before, I recognized the symptoms. I was facing a sleep deprivation so profound, that I had to strain to tell the difference between my hallucinations and my life. I realized how easy it would be… how tempting… to just disappear into the mist that seemed to swirl around me; to surrender my sanity and stay in this comforting shadow forever.

The voice was speaking again. I could hear each word. They were separate… distinct… but I could not fuse them to form a sentence… could not discern their meaning. I gave up on the voice and concentrated instead on the blows that I somehow knew would be coming… using the pain to help me focus long enough to complete the next part of my assignment, before lapsing once more into my dreamlike state.

Again the thought occurred, less comforting now… I could stay in this room forever, alternating between confusion and pain, unable to find a way out.

All I understood was that this was, somehow, my fault… that if only I'd been quicker or smarter or more determined, I would have finished my task on time… and won the sleep my body was weak enough to crave.

Sluggishly I realized that more than sleeplessness lay at the heart of this sense of disorientation. These thoughts and feelings did not belong to me, for all that they overwhelmed my mind. I knew what was happening, now... in a way, it was familiar. Once I had lived in Yugi's thoughts. His love for Anzu, his optimism, his quiet faith had sustained me, had strengthened me.

Now the memories running through me, the emotions flooding me, were Kaiba's. This was his resolve clenching my jaw, his three demons of anger, hatred, and despair racing unchecked through my blood. The shock of his alien feelings should have caused me to lose my path… should have thrown me out of his soul, as it had done to Shadi.

But I had lived in Yugi's mind, knew how to navigate its waters. Yugi had been like a nourishing, placid pool, where I had learned to swim. Kaiba was a turbulent river, as I tried to ride out its currents, to avoid getting dashed on its rocks.

I had survived 3,000 years of my own solitude; survived learning that my surrender to my own darkness had almost killed my aibou. Kaiba had helped me find myself, in the labyrinth of my own guilt. Now I would walk the path of his nightmares if I had to… if I could… to find him… to bring him home.

For Kaiba did not need me to fight his demons for him. He had the strength to fight any battle… regardless of how strange the battlefield. What he needed was someone to stop from losing himself, once again, in his endless war; he needed someone to remind him that he had more than the next battle to live for.

I let Kaiba's analytical mind focus on the row of numbers in front of me, clinging to the purity of their logic; realizing that only by breaking their code would I win even a temporary release…

I smiled in satisfaction. I had survived the first round. But my grin faded as I felt ghostly fingers caress my cheek, my throat… heard a ghostly voice whisper in my ear…

_"I wonder what it would take to make you show emotion… to make you show fear… it might be interesting to find out…"_

Anger… terror… guilt… a fresh wave of emotions and experiences hit me, knocking me over. I tried to retain an awareness of myself, but it was like swimming against an angry current. And all I could hear was this voice, until it drowned out Kaiba's, until it drowned out my own.

_"Are you regretting that chess game yet? You will, in time… and I have all the time in the world. Did you think you won that day? Did you really think a stray dog like you could topple a man like me? That was just the opening gambit. Do you still feel like playing? Are you still so cocky? You're in a penalty game now, boy. To lose is to die… and we can worry about whose death will be the forfeit, later."_

Then another voice awoke in my head, beating out a response, as one drumbeat will answer another: "Don't reveal anything… not hatred… not fear. Don't let him win. Give him nothing but a cold hard stare, nothing but a cold proud smile."

I was the King of Games (or had Kaiba had that title before me?), but games now flashed before my eyes in a bewildering succession – games of strategy, of skill. I was losing myself. There was nothing beyond this endless game of leading Gozaburo on – using myself as the bait to keep a psychopath's attention away from my brother.

I gasped as though coming up for air, felt the waters of Kaiba's memories close over my head once more. It seemed possible that I would be the one to wander in this maze of nightmares forever, as Shadi had warned. My world had shrunk to a single voice that followed me… that haunted me.

_"Mokuba thinks you love him so much that you'd die without him. Is he right, I wonder? It might be amusing to find out if his death meant yours."_

I was thankful when the voice vanished, even as I fell into another nightmare that seemed composed only of pain. I was on the floor, spitting up blood. With rhythmic precision, boots were hitting my side, my back, my ribs. I could feel them shatter under the barrage of kicks, my body turning, twitching, with the force of each fresh blow. I had to get away, but my body refused to move, my head refused to clear. With each breath, I could feel my lungs contract instead of expand. I felt as if there was a fire, eating its way through my insides. Dimly, I wondered if this was what dying felt like.

Suddenly, I was aware of Kaiba… or rather, I was aware that _he_ had become aware of _me_. I could feel his shock ripple through my world – and his anger. I knew… he didn't want me to see him… to see this. And with that rejection, Kaiba's memories turned to quicksand, and I was sinking through them, never to resurface. My grip on my own individuality was too new. I could feel the edges of my identity start to fray, the center start to dissolve. I closed my eyes, no longer sure I could withstand the combination of the physical pain, these memories that kept assaulting me, and the knowledge Kaiba had once again turned away from me; that he wished me invisible.

Then, abruptly the pain lessened… I was aware that this savage beating was happening to someone else… to Kaiba and not to me. Once again I could sense myself… for I could sense Kaiba now…all around me, acting as my shield. For as long as his thoughts were here, with me, they were protecting me, insulating me from the harshness of his world. Although I was partly sucked into the intensity each scene – as long as Kaiba was here, as long as he was taking the brunt of each experience – I could remain myself. I could remain an observer, not a participant. I could feel still feel the pull of Kaiba's emotions, but I was aware now that they were not mine. With Kaiba's help, I could survive the rapids in his mind.

I could sense him so clearly now, as he surrounded me; finding my presence more disturbing than the storm of blows. A lifetime of hiding his true thoughts, his feelings; a lifetime of always standing alone; a lifetime of self-imposed rules was crashing around him, as he stood firm amid the wreckage. I could feel him force himself to accept my presence… force himself to control his agitation… force himself to live up to his promise.

(Had I ever said that I didn't want to be yet another promise in his young life? Now I found I didn't mind being carried so close to his heart.)

Shadi had said that anyone wishing to reach Kaiba's soul room would have to wade through his nightmares first. I was willing, even eager to do so. I had to show Kaiba that whatever happened, whatever I saw, I would stand as steadfastly as he, would be as true to my word.

With Kaiba's strength, with my renewed determination to see this through, I was back testing the waters of Kaiba's nightmares. I wasn't sure how he had survived this attack the first time, or what would happen if he didn't survive, now that he was reliving it so completely. Then I felt him smile and heard him say, "When you said you wanted to break me, old fool, I had no idea you meant it literally."

The fresh blows stopped, and I felt nothing but pure fury, even more intense than the pain. I felt Kaiba's anger that he had inadvertently said the one thing that might save his life.

I had never had Kaiba's rage. And I saw now that it was his fury that fueled his determination not to yield. It would be so easy for him… for us… to just sink below the pain, to let unconsciousness cover us, as though falling into deep water, never to surface. To let go of bitterness and despair; to embrace instead, the peace of oblivion, as dark and quiet as the bottom of the ocean… or the grave. I understood why Kaiba clung to his rage, cherished it; why he was afraid to let it go. His demons of anger and hatred might have almost killed him, but as much as his promises, they had also kept him alive.

I exhaled in relief. These nightmares could not be fought directly. They could only be defeated through being endured. And I had survived another one. With Kaiba's help I would outlast the rest. For the visions that guarded Kaiba's soul room formed a path to it as well. I could sense Kaiba ahead of me now, leaving pieces of himself as a trail marker. I would follow his lead; I would find him.

It was ironic. Once again I was a spirit in a Sennen Item. And yet I was more. Here, for the first time, I believed what Kaiba told me every time he touched me; I believed in my own existence. I had never been so aware of my own soul, as here, now, inside of Kaiba's. I had sprung to shadowy life as Yugi's guardian. Now, when I had been reduced to a mere shade once more, all I could think was that I was solid enough for Kaiba to make a promise to me. And I was human enough to be happy, even here, seeing him honor it.

Once again, the voice was back. I recognized it as Gozaburo's.

"I admit it, boy… you've shown some skill in acquiring knowledge," Gozaburo's voice rumbled in Kaiba's ear, as he stood behind his adoptive son, leaning over him; his breath raising the hairs on the back of the boy's neck. None of that showed in Kaiba's response.

"How generous of you to concede the obvious," Kaiba replied coolly.

Kaiba's head moved easily in time with the force of Gozaburo's hand across his face.

"Are we resorting to violence so early in the game?" Kaiba inquired politely. "Or is this your way of admitting I'm right?"

Kaiba grinned with satisfaction at Gozaburo's checked movement. If the larger man struck him, it would mean he was proving Kaiba's point. Yet if he didn't, he'd be doing his adoptive son's bidding.

I could feel Kaiba's glee at Gozaburo's dilemma, at having turned the tables so neatly. And I could feel his barely acknowledged pleasure at proving himself, once again, to the man towering over him.

"You think you've won a point, don't you, boy?" Gozaburo asked. "Well maybe I can afford to be generous. After all, it's not like I'd expect a stray dog like you to have any manners."

I could feel the rage Kaiba refused to show, as if the only thing he could control in this untenable situation was his own reactions.

He had learned the skill so young.

"With considerable effort, I've managed to cram some theoretical knowledge into that skull of yours," Gozaburo continued. "Let's see how good you are at the practical applications. Do you know what our business is here at Kaiba Corporation?"

"You kill people."

"Succinctly put," Gozaburo laughed. "Yes, and we're always looking for bigger and better ways to do it. Not that that needs to concern you yet. I don't expect you to design anything up to Kaiba Corporation standards for years. I just want to know if I've been wasting my time with you. God knows you're feral as a wolf pup… I want to find out if you're more intelligent than one."

"So you want to see if you've acquired a 'smart bomb'?" Kaiba asked with polite disinterest.

Gozaburo laughed, then swung around to strike Kaiba across the face, again. "It'll be interesting seeing if you're as clever as that mouth of yours. But don't kid yourself, boy. 'Smart bomb' is just a name for the Marketing Department. A bomb doesn't have to be smart. It just has to kill."

Kaiba's considering silence met his comment. It was impossible, even for me, even though I was being carried within his soul, to know what he was thinking.

After a moment Gozaburo handed his adoptive son a folder. "The specifications for your next set of projects are here," he growled.

Kaiba opened it and flipped through its contents.

"Look at you, boy… all that explosive power just itching to be unleashed on the world. Don't pretend you're not fascinated by what we do here. You want to know how to design a weapon?" Gozaburo's mouth was inches from Kaiba's ear, his voice low and seductive.

"It takes more than just the knowledge in that oh-so-bright brain of yours," he said, stroking Kaiba's hair. His hand slid down the boy's slender neck, slipped under his shirt. "You need to use everything in you," he added, his hand stopping just over Kaiba's heart.

"You take that desire you have to be the fastest – that need you have to show off, to outmaneuver everyone around you… that's the engine, the gears, the body of your plane. Then you take that urge you have to destroy, to smash everything in your way… take your rage... take the bloodlust that's always simmering here under my hand… and turn it lose on the world as a bomb."

I could feel Kaiba's heart beating in time to Gozaburo's words.

Gozaburo straightened up and walked away smiling. As he reached the door, he said, "Oh, and by the way, boy – forget about sleeping until you finish the job to my satisfaction."

Kaiba barely heard him. His eyes were glittering as he bent over the folder once more; the pencil flying across the page.

Abruptly the room disappeared. We were in the mists again. I felt Kaiba's presence… felt him hesitate, then glance back to confirm that I was still there. I could sense him searching in me for the disgust that colored his own thoughts. I could sense his surprise at its absence.

"I will not leave you… not unless you throw me out," I told him, as if he was standing next to me, as if we were talking in our bedroom late at night. I could feel his ghostly nod, could almost hear him say, "I won't. I promised," as he strode on to the next vision, the next nightmare… as he left the present and walked back into his past… on some road that only he could see.

I was back in the mansion. As if to give me the illusion of peace, I was lying in bed, with Mokuba in my arms. I had been in this nightmare world long enough to know that I didn't want to know what was coming next. But those were my feelings, not Kaiba's – and I had to be careful to control them, before their weight ejected me from his world. I had to match my mood to Kaiba's. And Mokuba was in Kaiba's arms. Kaiba was calm.

Then it happened; one moment I was aware of myself… aware of Kaiba… aware of our individuality… and in the next instant the boundaries had blurred. Kaiba's grip on the barrier that separated our minds had slipped. I shivered. His control had been so perfect, even as he had relived that savage attack, even when he had re-designed the weapons whose creation haunted him to this day.

But facing those nightmares must have taken a greater toll than I had realized… than he had shown. He should have paused to rest; should have slowed his relentless march. But that was not Kaiba's way.

Now he had no reserves left. For Kaiba was not walking through his nightmares, but giving himself to them – diving into each one, as I had plunged into his soul; submerging himself in his past until only the faintest awareness of his present, his future was left… understanding that this was the only way we could win through to the other side. It was the price of survival… for us both. But whatever Kaiba was about to face had jarred him badly enough that he had inadvertently let me deeply into his mind… so deeply that I was not observing his nightmare, but living it alongside of him, as if it was my own…

I gave Mokuba a final hug. "I have to go now, Kouma," I said softly. I got out of bed, and padded to the door. "Remember the movie I took you to? The one with the guy with the chain-saw?"

Mokuba had wanted to see it for two weeks. It had taken me that long to find a theatre that wouldn't ask questions when two underage kids showed up to see the latest splatter flick. It had taken that long to figure out how to sneak away for three hours without getting caught.

It had been worth it. Mokuba had screamed gleefully through the whole thing, as if life held nothing better than watching fake blood squirt across the screen. He was going to be the envy of his class tomorrow.

I thought the special effects sucked. Blood doesn't really stay bright red, that long. And people can't keep fighting when they've just been hacked up by a chain-saw. They always get the details wrong.

Kouma started ginning. This was his favorite way to say good night.

"Okay," I said, "Lights… camera… ACTION!"

Mokuba started screaming. He sounded just like he was being torn apart by a chain saw.

I looked at my watch. I was still pretending to be a movie director. Mokuba started undressing. After all, if you're setting a scene, you have to be perfect. I waited until seven minutes had passed. No one was going to come in until Mokuba had stopped.

"Cut!" I said. "Great! It's a wrap! I'll cast you in the sequel, too."

Mokuba grinned. "I learned to cry, too. Just like in the movies. Want to see?"

"You're the best," I said. "Yeah, but save it for our audience."

On cue, the guards entered, followed by the maids. Mokuba was in bed, sobbing quietly – the picture of ravaged innocence. In a way it was true. I had brought him into the mansion. I had made him my accomplice. I was in the process of stealing his innocence – just not in the way they thought. But that didn't make me any less guilty.

The maids had already bundled Mokuba into a bath, had stripped the sheets and taken them away to wash. Mokuba liked this part of it, too… getting cuddled by the maids… having them sing to him and tell him stories to get him to sleep. I should have been grateful that they were nice, but what I was really thankful for was their stupidity.

I would have checked the sheets. Hell, I would have checked Mokuba. At first I had made the scene look a lot more realistic, but I had learned – they wouldn't look to closely, they didn't want to know. And I guess, Mokuba's tear drenched face was evidence enough.

I smirked at the guards, and let them escort me back to my room, like a model prisoner. I had just bought myself some more time in Mokuba's company. I had just bought Mokuba some more time, period… and everything has a price.

I was back in my own mind. Kaiba had regained control. This time he did not look back.

I replayed the scene I had just witnessed. For the first time I understood what Mokuba had always known, had tried to tell me: Kaiba was never going to be capable of more than the silent, unswerving devotion we had all seen. He had learned too early and too well – that to reveal his love was to destroy it.

When I had first landed in this reality that existed only in Kaiba's soul, I had wondered why everything looked big. I had thought it was another disorienting effect of his nightmares. Then I realized, it was that I was so small… that Kaiba himself, had been so impossibly small. And yet so implacable. So unyielding.

Kaiba's heart was like a puzzle that I could fit together only to create an incomprehensible picture. He had become a participant in his own destruction rather than admit his helplessness. Kaiba had realized that a child could never hope to protect Mokuba. His solution, as usual, had been both coldly logical and wildly insane: he decided to forgo childhood, as if it could be tossed aside like the toys he would never get to play with. But there are some things that even Kaiba's fierce resolve could not order into being.

I knew that. But as he had done with Mokuba, Kaiba had made me his accomplice, as well. As much as I tried, and would continue to try to protect the child he carried unacknowledged within him, the child he had almost destroyed – I would never admit to its existence. I would never force Kaiba to concede how young he really had been… or remind him that even now, he had not left his teenage years behind him.

I lay in his bed, not sure if I was feeling his despair or my own. I was tired. The bed was soft. I could stay here in the warm darkness. And I knew, for all his endurance, for all his resolve… Kaiba had lain here, too.

I woke in darkness… if one can be said to sleep in a nightmare. I sat up, and faced… myself… as Kaiba had seen me at our first Shadow Game… dark, powerful, promising death. Hair golden as treasure dipped in blood, matching the crimson of my eyes. I smirked in appreciation. This vision of myself was… dangerously seductive. I didn't mind Kaiba seeing me this way.

Suddenly, I was once again, deeply in his mind. His thoughts and feelings replaced mine… become mine… as I became him. But this felt different… as if Kaiba had deliberately stepped aside… as if he wanted me to live this day through his eyes… to see what he saw… to feel what he felt…

I stared at the cards in my hand, seeing only one of them, focusing on the blue eyes so like my own. Everything… my life, Mokuba's, the orphanage, Gozaburo… had led up to this moment.

I had destroyed Kaiba Corporation's weapons. A gaming empire was about to arise from the ashes. But Gozaburo had predicted it accurately. I took no pleasure in playing; felt only a grim satisfaction in my victories. They made kids want to buy my products. But one loss, and everything would have been for nothing. It was another thing my adoptive father had been right about: to lose is truly to die.

And now, just when I needed him the most, my Blue Eyes White Dragon had found me, or I had found him. And he was going to drive home the lesson I had always known – even before Gozaburo had taught it to me: that winning was the only thing that mattered. He was going to prove that everything I had done, everything I had become, was worth the price. He was going to set the final seal on my victory.

I looked at the card in my hand. It held my soul – the soul I thought I had lost. It held my dreams – the dreams I had let go of. And now, they were back in my hands again; as if the heart I had destroyed could be so easily brought back to life… as if I could steal it back.

"Tell me, am I worthy of being your keeper?" I whispered, as I called my Blue Eyes White Dragon to life for the first time.

"Worthy? Don't make me laugh. Did you ever think that the Blue Eyes White Dragon was made for a stray dog like you? That a creature of light could belong to a murderer who gave himself over to the darkness so casually? You gave up any claim to the Blue Eyes White Dragon, long ago."

Suddenly I was myself again, as I heard my own voice spitting out words I had never said. Kaiba's Blue Eyes White Dragon – Kaiba's dreams – turned to smoke in my hands.

Was this the vision of me that Kaiba carried locked in his heart?

"This isn't true. This never happened. I never said that, love. I never thought that," I cried out.

But I _had_ hated Kaiba, once. Before I had known him, before I had seen him. It had taken facing him at his worst at Death-T for me to start to realize that what I felt was not hate. It had taken holding him in my arms at DOMA… it had taken my anger at Shadi for hurting him, to teach me that what I felt was love.

I felt my grip on the thread of his nightmares slip. The dissonance between my feelings and Kaiba's memories was jarring enough to eject me from his soul room. I calmed myself, forced myself to be a passive presence in his soul. I was not going to lose this game, now. I reminded myself that this was Kaiba's reality, not mine. As I let the condemnation wash over me, I realized – I had to find Kaiba – if only to show him how wrong he was.

Reacting to my horror (and misreading it as usual), Kaiba glanced back in apprehension, steeling himself for another rejection. I could feel a sense of wonder build in him as he reassured himself I was still there. Then he flinched, pulled back, as if I had touched a wound that was so sensitive, that even a caress was too painful to bear.

Then I could feel him wiping his mind clean of all emotion, resolutely thrusting all thoughts of me aside, as if acknowledging my presence, accepting the comfort I longed to offer, would weaken and not strengthen him. He would respond to my need; he would not allow me to serve his own.

"My foolish dragon," I murmured. "You have so much to unlearn."

But his reaction was not unexpected. For all that I was Kaiba's present… we were in Kaiba's past, now. And the lessons he had absorbed here, the lessons I had heard him chant… reveal nothing, neither anger or fear… depend on no one…had him in their grip.

I tried to reach him, knowing he was beyond hearing me. It was bitterly ironic. If it had not been for Yugi, I would have pushed Kaiba off the top of Pegasus's castle, would have hurled him down to shatter on the rocks below… and now I was the one charged with pulling Kaiba back from the brink of the precipice of his mind. And I vowed that I would not let him become trapped in his past, again…

The images had become even more surreal, more dreamlike. It was as if I was someplace where the words that Kaiba struggled with had disappeared, and only images and sounds were left.

I felt myself being torn asunder… and yet I was the cause of the destruction around me.. as if my hatred and anger was a missile, exploding outward, just as Gozaburo had said. Even as pieces of myself shattered, as a monster will when faced with a more powerful opponent, I could see, in merciless detail, the devastation I was wreaking – the bloodied limbs, the shattered homes, the ruined lives, the dead bodies. I was the carrier of death, but I was not aloof from the carnage – I was one with it – it tore at me as well as my victims.

As the images dissolved in a flash of white light as though from a Blue Eyes White Dragon, I realized what I already had known: Kaiba put a piece of his soul in everything he designed: from his holographic systems to his virtual worlds… to his missile systems and bombs.

As the white flare died away, I could see the ground beneath me. I was on the burial mound of my victims. For Kaiba, here was the moment of danger. For he truly believed he deserved to die here, to simply sink beneath their weight.

But an awareness of Mokuba colored even his nightmares – he would not leave him willingly. And almost against his will, Kaiba was a survivor – he could do nothing but fight – it was his nature.

I had come here to give Kaiba a companion. Inadvertently, I had given him something he responded to more surely… someone to protect. For as long as I was with him… for as long as he could… Kaiba would forge the way ahead, absorbing as much as he could of each experience back into himself; reliving it a second time, in order to keep me safe. Even here, atop the mountain of corpses that his weapons had created, he would not submit to the retribution he felt he deserved, if doing so would doom me along with him.

I no longer had any doubt… without Kaiba's help, I would have spiraled helplessly through his memories, trapped like a ship caught in a whirlpool. Unless, beyond hope, I had managed to find an escape… unless here, within Kaiba's very heart, I had abandoned him. But Kaiba was sailing in familiar waters, knew the inlets and egresses hidden from me. I wondered how long he had lived here, to know it so well…

And although I knew, beyond doubting, that Kaiba did not consider his life worth fighting for… Kaiba would always struggle towards that 'true future' he was so desperate to reach… that future he could barely imagine for all that he wanted it so passionately… the future that we had begun to build together.

I would match his courage. For I too, needed to keep fighting. Every time I ceased struggling, even if I only paused for breath, I was dragged further into this hideous pile. This carrion mound was not fighting me, but it would not release me its prey easily. Bodiless arms locked with mine, in an obscene parody of friendship, entrails looped around my legs. Everything was slick with blood, making it harder to gain purchase. With a sudden lurch, I finally propelled myself free, to tumble down that ghastly cairn, like a child rolling down a hill, to land, winded, at the bottom, to finally lay on a flat surface.

Flat was the word. I tried to move, and couldn't. One eye was blind, the other facing the horizon, as I looked out of its corner to try and see the sky. I was frozen in profile, half in shadow, half in sunlight. My lungs constricted, although since I was still alive, I must have been still breathing. It wasn't until I saw the hands reaching for me that I understood. I was a playing card.

I felt myself, weightless, being lifted helplessly through space.

"Look at you now, Kaiba-boy," Pegasus drawled. "So fragile, so delicate, so easily destroyed. But you always knew that, didn't you? You always tried to hide that, didn't you?"

The perfectly manicured hands moved to the top of the card; came together. "It's really so tempting to just… rip."

For once Kaiba's lack of surface emotions served him, and me, well. For he was numb, and mercifully, so was I. Perhaps Pegasus sensed this. For he laid the card back on the table, picked up the card that had lain unnoticed by its side – and held it up so that Mokuba's tear filled eyes looked into mine.

"What if I destroyed this one instead, Kaiba-boy?"

Kaiba's reaction was immediate. He was dashing himself against the confines of the card. He could never break free of its boundaries, but he would never stop trying. The card was rocking on the table now, with the force of his agony, his desperation, and his guilt.

"Ahhh. That seems to have gotten a reaction. It's true, then… you love Mokuba beyond your life… your soul… your sanity – don't you? It's a terrible gift. I know…" His voice became dreamy, distant. He had forgotten to drawl.

"I loved Cynthia that deeply. Do you know what it's like to lose the person who comprises your world? To put your soul into someone else's heart, and then have it shatter, leaving you with nothing but the memory of all you've lost? I would like for someone else to know that immense helplessness. I would like to inflict that inconsolable agony on another victim. It's poetic justice of a sort – isn't it? To hurt as I've been hurt? To steal what I've been robbed of?"

Pegasus' quiet words could barely be heard through the soundless screams reverberating in my ears.

Unexpectedly, I heard my name (or rather, my aibou's name) mentioned – this time as the source of Kaiba's salvation. Mokuba's card was laid gently back on the table.

"You've won a brief and temporary reprieve, Kaiba-boy. You're the ante in my next duel. It seems Yugi won't stand for anyone hurting you, but him. And he was clever enough to include Mokuba in the deal."

As Pegasus' words faded, I could feel Kaiba search for my presence, as if finding me was the one small pleasure he would permit himself in this nightmare world. Yet he never slowed down long enough for me to catch up with him. He had constituted himself my shield… and a shield must stay slightly in front to be true to its nature. But with Kaiba, things were never that simple. For here was the trap that Kaiba had laid for himself. He had decided at an impossibly young age to be a lightning rod. Like the samurai he so resembled, he had decided to count himself among the dead; to live in that place where his life meant nothing, and only his mission mattered. But he had set himself an impossible task… for even Kaiba could not stand alone forever… but he had never learned to lean on anyone.

I was glad of the chance to gather my breath. For there could be only one memory worse than this. Even after he had pieced his heart together, Kaiba had spent years trying to rip it apart in an effort to destroy his past… in a desperate, doomed attempt to erase this moment. But to reach the heart of his soul room, he had to go through the heart of his nightmares… and we were very close now. There was only one way out of this maze.

I expected to see Death-T's arena shape itself before my eyes. But all I could see through the smoke was white and black… It resolved itself into the white of my dragons… the black of the charred ruin of my… of Kaiba's soul room, as it had been at Death-T.

I had been relegated again, to the role of an observer. For once, this was not for my protection alone. Kaiba did not want me to see him like this, and since that could no longer be avoided – he would permit me to stay, as he had promised – he did not want me to understand. Kaiba would have preferred that I condemned him in ignorance… that I judged him for his actions, alone.

And in truth, his thoughts were so chaotic… so fragmented, as he attacked his own soul room, laughing as he tried to complete it's destruction… that I could not hold on to them. It took all that I had learned from my existence within Yugi to remain, a passive onlooker, here almost at the heart of Kaiba's soul. For all my power, I was helpless. I could only watch, when I longed to intercede. For this was Kaiba's battle… this was Kaiba's defeat…

The walls, the ceiling bore the marks of his fury. I kept expecting to be buried in darkness under the rubble. But the room was held up by the outstretched wings of his three dragons. They were not stopping him, but they would not let his soul room fall, either.

Kaiba looked at them and laughed, speaking to someone, only he could see.

"You're right. Do you hear me, old man? For a genius, I'm pretty stupid. I forgot the first rule of demolition. If you want to blow something up, you have to start with the foundation."

He stopped attacking the walls in a blind fury; and worked, with a terrible, deliberate, precision to lay wires around the foundation, to attach the explosives. He began to construct the detonator: fashioning the button and control panel he had used at Death-T to sentence Mokuba to death.

"Mokuba!" he howled. "I promised to be your father. I'm keeping my promise. It's just your bad luck that Gozaburo's lessons are the only ones I can remember, now. His voice is the only one I can hear any more. You should have run when you had the chance. Even the orphanage would have been better than me. But you could never see that, could you? And now it's too late."

As he finished the control panel, his fourth dragon shimmered to life, barring his way.

"Why are you haunting me? Or are you just back to drive the knife in a little deeper? I know what I am… what I've done," he screamed at the dragon, who's head dwarfed his body.

The dragon looked back, silently.

"Why are you here now, when you were the one to convince me I was dead inside? You were the final nail in my coffin. Or have you come back to enjoy the show?"

The dragon nudged him aside, away from the detonator. He was trying to be gentle, but the impact sent Kaiba flying… to smash into the opposite wall… to land, dazed, on the floor.

"You want a fight?" Kaiba screamed, "Good! I've been dying to pay you back."

Kaiba leapt at the dragon, Ninja dagger in hand. The dragon could have killed him, with one swipe of its mighty paws. Except it couldn't. Just as in that first Shadow Game, it was torn. It was Sugoroku's dragon, no longer. Possibly we had been wrong; and it had never really belonged to anyone but Kaiba, all along.

And like the other three, this dragon was determined to protect Kaiba. But unlike its brothers, it would not stand by and let Kaiba run his self-destructive course. But nor would it defend itself if that meant harming Kaiba further. There was only one way out of this dilemma.

As Kaiba reached it, the dragon made its choice. The mighty beast stretched its neck in front of Kaiba, and took the force of his hatred and his rage. It fell to the ground with Kaiba's Ninja dagger in its neck; sacrificing itself for Kaiba, in the hope that the boy would one day realize what his dragon had done… and why.

I finally understood Death-T. I understood what had happened when Kaiba lost touch with Mokuba, lost touch with his promises. The only thing he had left to cling to was this twisted game with Gozaburo, a game he was helpless to stop, even after his adoptive father's death, even after he had won.

The dragon shattered before my eyes, covering the room in a momentary darkness. I had reached the heart of Kaiba's soul. I had reached the center of the maze.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing the chapter, especially when you were so busy with real life._ **

**_Thanks to Kagemihari for bouncing ideas with me, for letting me (almost literally) chew your ear off, and for telling me to post._ **

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:** Madam Hydra wrote this wonderful story, "Moving Forward" about how Seto becomes an emancipated minor after Gozaburo's death. In it, she talks about Seto being willing to climb a mountain of corpses to protect Mokuba. I was drafting this chapter when I read it, and somehow the mountain became literal. So thanks to Madam Hydra for permission to use that image for one of Kaiba's nightmares.

 

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Uhhhh…. actually I can't think of much to say, except that I'd really, really, like to know what people thought. Oh, I did think of something… I know a lot of people were waiting to see what's at the heart of Kaiba's soul room – but this chapter mostly concerned the journey to get there. Because can you think of anything more heavily guarded than Kaiba's heart? In a way, although less obviously threatening, the only soul room equally dangerous, and equally hard to reach is Yami's. Another thing that struck me is that this might be about the only thing that would convince Kaiba of Yami's feelings.

**RSPONSES TO REVIEWS:**

**Yugi and Mokuba:** _(AmunRa, Bishonen no Miko, Desidera, Kagemihari, QueenOfGames2, Troubled Talent, StainofCurare, Wintersslayer)_ It was fun getting to show Mokuba and Yugi as something other than their normally sweet selves. Yugi has the hardest kind of strength to show (at least for me) because it's both quiet and unassuming. But he still gets mad, particularly on his friends behalf. As for Mokuba… I don't want to say that Mokuba's sweetness is fake, because that's not quite true, but it only last as long as nobody is threatening him or especially his Nisama. For right now, he's totally supportive of Yami… but that's only because he sees Yami as someone who is visibly helping his brother, He said it himself when he told Yami: "As long as you're on his side, I'm on yours." I think if he didn't believe that, you'd see a different side of him. But one thing that struck me is that they are both good at seeing other people's povs, and they seem the two characters (well the two male characters) most likely to work out their differences by talking.

As far as Anzu goes, yeah even at 19, Mokuba would still be too young – a detail that's totally blown by him. But since Kaiba is only 18 himself, I figured 19 must seem like an unimaginably adult age to Mokuba. And I think Yugi would be understanding and decent enough to take him seriously.

 **Kaiba, the Eye, and Yami:** (AmunRa, Desidera, dimonyo-anghel, Kagemihari, Maris, Nachzes Black-Rider, QueenOfGames2, sevter, SoulSister) I realized when I got ready to post chapter 35 just how influence I was by the LOTR, what with a sort-of-sentient evil artifact and all. But it also seemed to fit the whole idea that the items can corrupt their users, particularly the Eye. And of course Kaiba almost immediately gets into a fight with it. (Actually, he was pretty obviously spoiling for a fight with somebody – or something – by that point.) But I was also trying to show, that given Kaiba's combative, oppositional (generally hard-ass) attitude, shoving the thing is was kind of inevitable.

I didn't really think of it until _StainofCurare_ pointed it out, but in a way it was a bit self-centered of Yami to look at all of this as his chance to see Seto's past. But I don't know that Yami could just stand there and accept whatever happened – I don't know if that's a skill he's developed. So while Yugi's advice to just accept Seto for who he is (which I think Yami has done to a certain extent) is good advice, I don't think Yami's capable of taking right now.

Also, as (hopefully) this chapter made clear, Yami and Kaiba each had their own promises to live up to/deal with – Yami's promise to face life's battles by Kaiba's side, and Kaiba's to never treat Yami as if he was invisible. Both kind of came around to bite the guys on the ass… didn't they?

 **Seto and Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Desidera, Troubled Talent)_ I think the question of whether Seto and Kaiba like each other is tied to the question of whether they like themselves. But I do think they feel comfortable talking to each other, and may be, at times the only ones who understand what each other is saying. I also think they'd be unintentionally funny, just because most of what they say probably would sound disgustingly callous or simply odd to an eavesdropper. And yes, I think Yami's a bit infatuated with the little punk as well.

 **Yugi-taachi:** _(Maris, Troubled Talent)_ I think Kaiba is so far outside of their experience, that Yugi's friends almost have no way to understand him, even after repeated exposure… and except for Yami and Yugi, there's no sign they really want to. Like at Duelist's Kingdom (admittedly right after Kaiba beats Yugi by threatening to kill himself) Kaiba talks about how from chess to war there is no such thing as games played for fun – everything is about struggling for survival, and everything is life or death – because the only advantage God gives you in this fight is a single, (almost meaningless) chip called 'life.' It's clear he's speaking from the heart (and possibly feels he owes them an explanation.) In fact it's amazing how passionate he is. But it's also clear that not only do the characters disagree with him (which they do) but they also don't even understand what he's saying. Ironically, after mildly bashing Honda in my Author's Notes for about a year, he's the only one (along with Ryou, who everyone automatically discounts) to say there must be more going on than meets the eye.

Particularly in the anime, they mellow out on Kaiba a bit, but there's always a real sense of tension between Kaiba and them, and it takes them much longer to have Yami's trust in Kaiba (for pretty good reasons considering their early history). For example even as late in the story as Alcatraz, Yami puts Kaiba's card in his deck without looking at it, while Jounouchi is yelling at him that it's a trap.

 _Note to Livinia:_ Yeah when I saw Fable (I haven't played it) it was after I had thought up this whole story thread, but before posting, and my initial reaction (after I closed my mouth) was something like: I can't believe someone actually invented a game like this!

 _Note to SSSRoaB:_ Yes, I read the Dark Jewels trilogy by Anne Bishop, and loved it. Although my favorite character was not Lucivar but (surprise, surprise) Daemon. Say "hi" to Xesca. I'm glad she's still following my story.

 _Note to X-parrot:_ Glad you are enjoying this one as well.

 _Note to Inarae and Kurosaisei:_ Thank you. I think I write partly because I really love these characters (even the little punk) and want to give them new stories to exist in. But I've put a lot of thought into the story, and it's nice to know that it shows.

 _Note to StainofCurare:_ Not sure how Yami and Yugi celebrated… possibly beer was involved


	37. Dragonheart

**CHAPTER 37: DRAGONHEART**

**YAMI'S POV**

I opened my eyes to see Kaiba, surrounded by cold stone… standing behind bars, as he must have stood in Pegasus's dungeon. He looked as unflappable as ever. I studied his stone and iron cell, unsure if this place was his prison… or his sanctuary… or both. Had he actually been reckless enough to build an impenetrable wall around his heart, and blind enough to leave no door? Or was this a final test of my faith, was this, as was so much else about Kaiba, a challenge and a deception to snare the unperceptive?

As I looked on Kaiba I thought, not of the boy I had followed all the way to Death-T, but of the man who had returned; the man who had strode through the horrors of his past with such sure-footedness. Such a man would not be easily trapped, nor long contained… even by himself.

I smiled. It was time to test the solidity of Kaiba's prison. It was time to reveal the hidden door. I took a step forward. The bars melted at my approach.

"Enjoy the view?" he asked sarcastically, as though the answer didn't matter. But he held himself at attention, awaiting my judgment.

"There is no part of you that I don't love," I said fiercely, the first time I had mentioned the word. I pulled him into my arms. I had come so close to losing him, and I kissed him with the force of my phantom grief.

"How did you survive?" I murmured.

"Survive what? They're _my_ nightmares, after all. Besides, I know exactly who and what I am."

"No. I think you have no idea." I answered, the words blurring against his neck.

"Wow. My nightmares seemed to have turned you on," he smirked.

But it wasn't his nightmares. It was this man, with his cunning mind, and the strength to use whatever life sent his way. This man, for whom devotion was as natural as breathing. Although his tone was taunting, he wasn't resisting. His shirt was off, he was shivering from my touch. This was probably the closest he'd come to admitting that he was glad I'd come to find him.

But I had misjudged him once again. Kaiba took my face in his hands, bent his lips to mine, and said into my mouth, "You came… for me."

I was silent; letting Kaiba's own words sink in to his heart, giving Kaiba the time he needed to hear them.

"I could feel you following," he added. "I tried to clear a path for you."

"I know. I might not have survived, otherwise," I told him.

"You turned yourself into a spirit once again… for me. Do you think I don't know what that cost?" Kaiba answered fiercely. "How could I refuse to see you? I told you once, you have always been real to me, and I will never pretend otherwise again."

Kaiba kissed me then, as if he could only believe I was really there when our lips were touching.

"It would have been so easy…" he continued, speaking more to himself than to me, "to simply become one more corpse on that burial mound… scarcely noticed or missed."

"I would never have stopped looking for you," I said.

"I know. But even though I could feel you every step of the way, I didn't really believe that you'd stay."

Abruptly he released me. "Why are you still here? Why are you embracing me? Letting me kiss you? You know everything now. You know why I did it."

With Kaiba, there was only one event that needed no name.

"Yes."

"He was the only thing that kept me human. And I didn't want to be human anymore. He was the only thing that kept me alive. And I was so tired. I didn't want to feel… I didn't want to _be_ … but he kept me tied… to this world… to him. And I almost killed him for it."

"You didn't," I said, kissing him. "It's over, now."

"After what I just said, how can you still want me?" he asked angrily.

"Because I understand. Because you gave everything to try and protect him. In the end, you lost yourself… you almost lost him. Ryuujin… don't you know? Anyone can be broken. It's a rare person who can fit together the pieces of a shattered heart."

He started to speak, to argue. I put my finger to his lips, felt them tremble.

"I know you haven't finished the task before you; I know that you may never finish. But you've never faltered. You've met every challenge along the way – and you always will."

"You know what's the worst part?" he asked.

I was speechless. It seemed there were too many to chose just one.

"I keep thinking what I could have done differently – and I can't come up with anything. Each time I picked the only possible solution that guaranteed Mokuba's safety. And it led to my almost killing him. And yet… he's alive. He's even happy. So I can't even say I wish it had been different." He hit the prison wall. "What's the good of reliving all this shit, if you wouldn't change any of it?"

What could I say? That he should have loved Mokuba a little less, and himself a little more? They both might have been better off if he had. But I could not ask him to stop being Kaiba. And it was my Koryuu… no, my Ryuujin… with his insane loyalty, his reckless devotion – and the inability to moderate either… it was Kaiba, with all his self-destructiveness and his inner demons, that I loved. So I said the only thing I could, knowing better than to offer him a lie: "It's not about changing the past – but accepting it… living with it."

I couldn't resist his slightly parted lips. Left them only to move down his neck. To finally reach his chest with its stray cuts and burns, with the thin scar that curled like a garden snake at the bottom of his ribs. My lips were gentle on the harsher, longer scar that ran up and down his side. "I didn't find this along the way," I said.

"I guess it wasn't really a nightmare. It was more like a lesson… or a message."

"What happened?"

"It was weapons practice with the long sword. It would have been fun. Except I had a practice blade, and my opponents always had real ones."

That explained the random nicks decorating his body.

"One day, Gozaburo switched them, gave me a true blade. I thought he had finally made a mistake," Kaiba shrugged. "He just wanted to see what I would do."

"What did you do?"

"I cut my opponent – just over the heart. So he'd know I could have taken his life, if I'd wanted it. Then I tried for Gozaburo. I wasn't going to waste time on the decoy when my true enemy was on the field."

"What happened?"

"I didn't reach him, of course. Gozaburo gave my sword to my opponent. He said he wanted to teach me a lesson about the dangers of showing mercy."

"Did you learn it?"

"Who knows? I wasn't particularly merciful before. And he never let me get near a real sword again. You know what was odd…" he said, suddenly switching topics, "Gozaburo could have beaten me so easily. But he never bugged Mokuba's room. So he never knew how I really felt. I checked after he died. I guess he trusted to my depravity, to the darkness he could feel growing inside of me," Kaiba laughed softly. "Gozaburo should have known better than to trust anything about me."

His voice was dreamy, almost nostalgic. I realized that for once, for possibly the only time since I had met him, he needed to talk. I thought of his smile as he had fallen into my arms at DOMA, and realized that dying had not been among his nightmares. I looked at the gold eye glinting under his bangs.

"I hope Shadi's right," he said half to himself.

I looked at him, puzzled.

He shrugged, as he often did, as if to deny meaning to what he was about to say. "When this is over, I'd like to be able to fly again."

Gods.

He had known that he was giving up another piece of his soul… and he had hidden it from us. Even Mokuba hadn't guessed. I could only gauge the depth of his loss by the fact he had mentioned it at all.

"Ryuujin," I whispered. But he was already starting to minimize what he had said.

"It doesn't…"

"No." I stopped him by putting a finger to his lips. "You don't have to pretend. Not with me. Not on the day I've walked the path of your life."

He took my finger from his lips, leaned forward and kissed me slowly… as if my words or my touch had released some secret spring of gentleness in him. He explored my mouth, as if truly tasting it for the first time, leaving only to play with my neck and ear.

He looked at me, as if suddenly seeing my presence… here… for the first time.

"Yami," he said hesitantly, almost shyly, "Why are you here?"

"Because this is where you are. Because I love you. Because when I shattered your heart, its shards pierced mine in return."

Circumstances had forced Kaiba to let me into his heart as thoroughly, as intimately as possible. I needed him to know that he was just as deeply engraved within mine.

I gently pushed him until he was lying on the floor, looking at me, eyes wide. "Koryuu, let me love you."

At my words his eyes snapped shut. He shuddered and opened them, blue fire blazing into mine, as if we were dueling, as if he was facing my challenge.

"Tomorrow, I'll probably be back to my usual asshole self. Tonight…" his eyes softened. He looked a little lost, a little vulnerable. "Tonight, I would like to be loved."

Kaiba knew as well as I, that he would never be this open, this defenseless again. The moment we left his soul room and returned to the world outside, his walls would start to rebuild themselves, at least partway. But even though this moment would slide through his fingers, I wanted my dragon to have this memory.

I kissed him softly, as if my gentleness could make up for the harshness of his life. Took his nipples, teased them, traced the outline of each rib. I think he had forgotten we were still on the dungeon's cold, stone floor – or maybe he didn't care. "Do you think you could find us someplace more comfortable?" I asked.

I laughed. We were now on the floor of the room where he practiced martial arts. I could see his weapons hanging on the far wall: the _Bo Staves_ , the shorter _Hambos_ , the _Dai-katanas_. My smile widened. The _Shinobigatanas_ , the shorter Ninja swords were missing. The weapons of the peasant he had been, of the warrior he had become, were all in place. But Kaiba had expunged the assassin's weapon from his very soul. I would never underestimate my dragon again. I grinned from more than the pleasure of his caresses, from more than the joy at his response to my hands, to my tongue. At least we weren't in a computer lab, I thought. Kaiba was a practical man. He had chosen a room with a padded floor.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

He had walked the path of my life, had seen its fires – but he would never be consumed by the rage that fueled me. And I would never quite believe in the world he inhabited. The world Yugi created for him – where forgiveness was freely offered, and mistakes could be learned from instead of paid for.

And yet… we had come together.

Even in the beginning, even at Death-T, he had always focused on some small unstained shard of my soul, and ignored the dung heap in which it was embedded. He was doing that now. He was looking at me as if I was as precious as Mokuba.

Was this what it was like to be loved?

I could feel his lips wash over the scar at my side, as if his kiss could mend it. I could feel his tongue gently trace each once-broken rib, as if resealing the bones.

Was this what it was like to be loved?

His barely breathed _'Kaiba'_ drew my moans as easily as his hands or mouth. His breath was tickling my ear, my neck, as he left the imprint of my name on my body.

Was this what it was like to be loved?

He undressed me as if unwrapping a present. He peeled his own clothes off as if giving me the gift I had not been able to ask for.

Was this what it was like to be loved?

He flowed over me as the tide quenches the burning sand, filling me as the surf reaches so deeply beneath the shoreline, only to bubble up through its pores. I met him as the land meets the sea, and in so meeting, defines it. Each seeming so separate, seeming to pull against each other as strongly, as passionately, as they are drawn together, again and again, until they have melded, until the surf carries within its heart a grain of sand. Each needing the other for completion. Each shaping the other into being. In all the ways that mattered, like the elements I never believed in, we were well matched.

Was this what it was like to love?

I wanted to be the rain that caressed his body with invisible fingers. I wanted to be the wind that whispered in his ears until it drowned out all other sounds. I wanted to be the air that he forced out with each sharp exhale, only to recapture with each shuddering breath. I wanted to be the fire that heated his blood. I wanted to flow through him… to sustain him… to complete his joy.

Was this what it was like to be in love?

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter._ **

**_Thanks to Amarin Rose_** for her suggestion of _"Dragonheart"_ as a title. I don't think it matches the movie very well, but considering the scene takes place in Kaiba's soul room, can you think of a more appropriate name?

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** there were a lot of different theories on what would be in Kaiba's soul room, a basilisk as in Harry Potter (I brought that one on myself calling the chapter the Chamber of Secrets), worse nightmares, shattered mirrors… I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to that question, but I saw his soul room being more peaceful, and wanted the sense that the storm had passed.

It's sometimes obscured by his flaws, his mistakes and his loses to Yugi/Yami, but Kaiba's a strong person who's accomplished a lot in a very short period of time. And he has a simplicity I admire – he strives to reach his goals with everything in him. I think that kind of inner strength would have to spring from a place he managed to keep apart form the chaos of his life. I thought of his soul room mainly because I tend to see Kaiba as first and foremost a warrior, so the dojo tended to illustrate that. But I also wanted a practice or training room, because Kaiba is always struggling to reach his fullest potential as a human being and I also wanted the room to reflect that. It's funny I saw it very clearly as starting out as a prison/sanctuary, but wasn't clear why, until Clarity pointed out that this could represent the pre and post Death-T parts of his life – that in his past he had to sort of build up a wall around himself, then at Death-T that shattered leaving his soul room to reveal his true self.

 **Chapter 36 Note:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Now that's it's safely past, I can admit this was the chapter I stressed over the most. Earlier in the story, Kaiba talks about how he sacrificed pieces of himself until there was nothing left. I think that's what Kaiba literally did – it's why both versions keep repeating that everything has a price – but I think each time, he chose the most personally destructive option – telling himself he could handle the fallout – and never seeing that the sum total would be more than he could pay. Anyway, I was trying to show the disintegration of his soul and drag the reader along with me.

**RESPONSES TO REVIEWS**

**Yami POV:** _(BH, Bishonen no Miko, Livinia, Nachzes Black-Rider)_ I wanted Yami to be sort of a stand-in for the reader – that is I was hoping that people would feel that they were standing in Yami's place watching all of this. Also I thought Kaiba would be too caught up in his battles and his past to really process what was going on, so in that way, Yami would be a much better guide to what was going on in Kaiba's mind. And I wanted to have Yami see that first Shadow Game – to really understand what was going through Kaiba's mind, and why it had the effect it did, and to see how Kaiba sees him as both seductive and condemning.

 **Kaiba protecting Yami:** _(Darleneartist, Desidera, QueenOfGames2, StainofCurare, Wintersslayer)_ I wanted to show how their two promises wrapped around each other and kept each other safe (as well as biting them on the ass, as I said earlier.) And I didn't want Yami to have to save Kaiba, because I think what he's done through the series is give Kaiba the tools to save himself and others. And I also think Kaiba is better at protecting others than himself., and at that point his choices were to either let Yami in enough to protect him, or break his promise to Yami.

 **Pegasus:** _(Maris, StainofCurare)_ The one thing that struck me in the manga was the sense that Pegasus had had something happen to him (Cynthia's death) that he just couldn't handle, and he broke under the strain, caring for nothing else but his loss. The reason he tries to take control of KC is so that he can combine the Millennium Items with KC holograms to create the ultimate virtual reincarnation of his wife. So I think he would both recognize that same intensity of passion in Kaiba and delight in tormenting him with his own helplessness. And since this was the second time he was trapped in a card (the first being after his first Shadow Game with Yugi, I thought it would be even worst if this time, he was aware of what was happening. And I remember that discussion thread too – it was funny I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to suggest the whole Kaiba-knew-he-was-in-a-card scenario because I wanted it to be a surprise. I often find it easier to express what I'm thinking in a story than in a discussion, so I didn't know how to describe it without showing it, anyway.

 **Fourth Dragon:** _(Daje Elle Namte, Desidera, Livinia, StainofCurare, Wintersslayer)_ When Kaiba destroys the fourth BEWD, he tells it that it'll never get a chance to betray him again. I've always thought that this dragon was just as much a part of Kaiba as the others – that maybe it represented the part of him that was damaged by his relatives abandoning him, the orphanage and his years with Gozaburo, and his destroying it was kind of in tune with the way he destroyed pieces of his own heart. But I also think that when he took the card back, in his own mind, he was taking back something that was a part of him – I think that card would have called to him as irresistibly as the other three.

 **Nightmares:** _(BH, Desidera, Maris)_ Each nightmare scene was not just a flashback of a horrible moment, but also sort of a road-marker to Kaiba's own disintegration. That's partly why the only three voices you hear are Yami's, Mokuba's and Gozaburo's – because as Maris pointed out, those are the only three who really have gotten under Kaiba's skin – somewhat ironically two of the three voices are characters that have been a positive influence on Kaiba (I'm not sure what to make of that…) The order was a little tricky, since the nightmares weren't in chronological order, but sort of increasing in intensity of damage – which is why they led up to Death-T.

 **Kaiba and Mokuba:** _(Daje Elle Namte, Desidera. StainofCurare)_ So much of Kaiba's life has been spent playing these kind of deadly serious games, so I wanted to show how all his impulses, even the ones to protect Mokuba had become twisted in his own mind, until there really was no safe place for him any more. And yes, ironically he ended up creating a game that Mokuba enjoyed – because he was too young to understand what was going on or what the stakes were. Also, even when they are older it's noticeable how much of what he's feeling and thinking Kaiba hides from Mokuba – so I tried to imagine a way in which that could have evolved.

 _Note to Clarity:_ Thanks for all your help!

 _Note to Daje Elle Namte:_ Deliberate sleep deprivation is actually considered a form of torture. In the anime you repeatedly see Seto being denied the chance to sleep. I thought that was pretty horrible, so I wanted to show it's effects. In the manga, when Seto's putting the puzzle back together, he actually looks pretty happy. He's kind of sitting in the dark – it's clear it's peaceful. I've always thought that part of the reason he stayed in the coma so long was that he didn't really want to leave. Part of the reason I see him with Yami – is I have an idea he's looking for the peaceful darkness he experienced there and finds it in Yami.

 


	38. Remembrance of Things Past

**AKUNADIN AND SENNEN ITEMS RECAP:** Basically, Akunadin's part of the story revolves around the Sennen Eye and Rod. 3,000 years ago, these items were split – with each copy having half of its original power. Akunadin and his master, Zork (who's this sort of ultimate bad guy), have one copy of each. The other copy was guarded by the priests and continued being handed down through the ages until they wound up with Pegasus and Malik, respectively. They were eventually given to Shadi. Since these are Sennen Items, Akunadin and Zork can't just grab the other copies – they must be freely given them or win them in a duel from the legitimate holders – which in this case are potentially Seto and Kaiba. Way back in the beginning, Akunadin had targeted Seto as being his most likely ally in helping him gain control of both the Eye and the Rod. Before Akunadin could approach Seto, Shadi transported both Seto and Mokuba, who were running away from Gozaburo, five years to the future. So basically Akunadin was in a holding pattern until the two versions of Seto Kaiba claim the items. Akunadin believes he has recruited Seto, but Seto (finally) realized the danger Akunadin represented to Mokuba. Once Seto and Kaiba came to an understanding the gang headed to Egypt, where they reclaimed their versions of both items. Kaiba plunged the Eye into his own, plunging himself into the heart of his own nightmares. Yami followed…

* * *

**CHAPTER 38: REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST**

**SETO'S POV**

It was quite a scene. Kaiba was out cold. I was kind of sorry I could see his face, since it looked so much like mine. The gold eye gleamed weirdly from the wreckage of his real one. Blood was still trickling out of its socket. Yami was sprawled, face down, on top of him. Worse – Mokuba was crying. He had Kaiba's head in his lap. Kouma was sitting next to him, smoothing Kaiba's hair.

For a moment, I thought Yugi was going to follow Mokuba's example and pull Yami into his arms. But somehow, unnoticed in the confusion, Kaiba's arm had snaked around Yami, and was holding him in place. Yugi stopped short. He looked at the hand knotted in Yami's hair, and nodded slightly, as if his twin could see him, although what he was agreeing to was beyond me. The rest of the dimwits were clumped together behind Yugi, making a variety of howling and gagging noises. They looked even stupider than usual.

I hesitated. I should be the one comforting Mokuba and Kouma. But if Ghost Boy was right (on the theory that there's a first time for everything) and Akunadin knew that Kaiba had the Eye now, he'd be expecting me to report in as soon as possible. Besides, it was clear Kaiba wasn't getting up any time soon. That meant someone had to buy us some time – and I was the best candidate for the job.

Mokuba looked up. He eased Kaiba onto a cushion, and put Kouma in his lap instead.

"I'll look after Kouma for you," he said. "Go do what you have to. Kouma and me will sit here together and wait for Nisama to wake up. And I can tell him about all the times you're going to almost kill yourself… and how you'll always come back to us."

I frowned, considering his words. Anzu had joined them on the floor. I looked at Kaiba and Yami for a moment. When looked back at Mokuba, the idiot brigade had reformed around us, like some sort of mutant amoeba.

"It'll be okay. We have friends here, and so do they," Mokuba added, gesturing to Kaiba and Yami. "The gang will help if we need anything."

From where I stood, they'd been pretty useless up to now, but I wasn't going to argue. If Mokuba wanted them, that was enough for me. He got the whole friends thing better than I did, anyway. Kouma added his endorsement to the decision, saying: "I'll be okay with Mokuba."

I nodded and left. It was time to look up dear old Dad once again.

The first words out of Akunadin's mouth were: "It's good to see you, son." I tried not to feel bitter.

"I sense that Kaiba has claimed the Eye. When will you surrender Rod to me?" he asked eagerly.

"When I get around to it," I sneered. "We just got back. Anyway, what's your rush? I thought the plan was for me to get the Rod and then lead Kaiba to you, so you could challenge him for the Eye. Relax, we have plenty of time. Kaiba stuck the damn thing in his eye and promptly passed out. He's not chasing after me any time soon, Rod or not."

"You are wise my son. So, Kaiba is finding the Eye difficult to control." he said with satisfaction.

I grunted. I wasn't about to tell him that Kaiba had shoved it in backwards, just in case it was important. And he was only too happy to believe that Kaiba was his inferior.

"How did you know he'd pick the Eye?" I asked to cover my thoughts.

"Properly used, the Eye can be the more powerful. I knew he'd be drawn to it. He'd want to keep the best for himself."

Although I didn't show it, I was relieved. Akunadin really must have been my father in a past life, because he didn't know shit about Seto Kaiba – either of us – any more than Gozaburo had. I didn't have a clue why Kaiba had picked the Eye (although I was grateful he had, since I like both my eyes just fine the way they are) but I had seen Kaiba's face. Whatever he had been feeling, it sure as hell wasn't desire. If anything, he seemed to have a grudge against the thing. But Akunadin was talking, so I paid attention.

"How do you plan to get the Rod?" he asked.

"Piece of cake." I boasted. "I got Mokuba eating out of my hand. If anyone can get the Rod, it's him. Everyone trusts him, and he trusts me."

"I wish you had stayed in Egypt. I could have joined you there. My power would have been greater on familiar ground."

So Kaiba had been right to want home field advantage. I smiled. Akunadin had just given me the perfect way to buy some time.

"You want familiar? Give me three weeks, and I'll give you an Egypt that'll be so real, you'll be ducking sand storms."

"How will you accomplish that, in the middle of Domino?"

"That's my business. Kaiba Corporation business."

"Ahh, a marriage of magic and technology."

"Yeah, and the best part is, I'm going to sucker Kaiba into setting the stage for his own downfall, himself."

"How will you do that without arousing his suspicions?"

"Simple. Kaiba's planning to turn my video program into a virtual reality game anyway. All I have to do is to tell him to forget it. I'll tell him that I don't think he can do it with only one eye, and I don't want him screwing up my program, because he's too weak to handle the job. That should be enough to get him to the Kaiba Land basement bright and early. Kaiba will be so bent on proving me wrong, it'll never occur to him that this is really a double game – or that he's playing right into my hands."

"You are clever, my son. I approve. We will move on your signal. I must learn to curb my impatience. I have waited 3,000 years for this moment… for my son to finally declare his allegiance to me and embrace the destiny I have chosen for him."

This clearly wasn't the time to point out that destiny was bullshit, or that only a weak fool would accept a fate someone else had laid out for him, instead of making his own. I concentrated on looking dutiful, which admittedly wasn't one of my better acts. Luckily, like most people, Akunadin saw only what he wanted to see.

"To think boy, you are the one who will finally fulfill my plans… who will finally earn my forgiveness. Do you understand debt and obligation?"

I almost didn't bother replying. I was pretty sick of hearing about his beef with his son; and Akunadin wasn't really talking to me anyway, but to a guy who died 3,000 years ago. Akunadin was looking at me expectantly though, and we were supposed to be allies – no, we were supposed to be father and son. And his question seemed safe enough to answer.

"It might have taken a while, but I've got that one down cold, father."

He brushed the hair off my eyes, reached down to hold my chin in his palm. I stood still and let him. He looked at me.

"After 3,000 years, you are finally my son."

He was trying to manipulate me. I was deceiving him. Given what I knew about fathers and sons, I'd have to say his statement worked for me, too. But I was suddenly sick of Akunadin's convictions… and my own. It was time to go home and remind myself that there _was_ an exception to all the rules.

It was late when I got back to the mansion. The first thing I saw was Mokuba sitting on the steps. He spoke quickly.

"Kouma's okay. He's asleep." He held up a walkie-talkie. "The monitor is on in his room, and I've been checking on him. Nisama and Yami are both awake. They were out of it for hours. Then Yami finally opened his eyes and said, 'We made it back home." Mokuba smiled. "Nisama woke up at that and growled, 'What the fuck did you expect? I told you I knew the way.' They're upstairs now, resting… I hope."

I nodded. "Thanks for looking after Kouma for me."

His smile widened to a grin, "Don't mention it. That's what brothers are for."

I went straight to their room and walked in without knocking. I don't know if I was trying to embarrass them, but what I saw was worse than if I'd caught them fucking. Yami was sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard. Kaiba was lying down, his head in Yami's lap. His eyes were closed, and Yami was stroking his hair, almost absentmindedly. They were both worn out. But they also looked kind of… peaceful. For the first time in my life, I seemed content. I looked away. It was as intimate as if I really had caught them banging each other.

It was… nice. Five years is a long time to wait, but I wouldn't mind a having a future that had a moment like this one in it.

I slammed the door, making them jump. As Kaiba turned to look at me, I noticed that the pyramid pattern on his Eye was facing outward.

I knew what they were probably thinking, so I said it first, "I've been to see Akunadin." I didn't quite mean it that way, but I threw the words out like a challenge. If anyone was going to trust me, it would be Yami, so I was pleased when Kaiba spoke first.

"Good," he said wearily, closing his eyes again. He looked like shit. It was the first time he had shown any weakness in my presence.

"He knows we have the items?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"Yeah. He knew before I got there. He was pleased to hear that you didn't have a clue how to control the Eye. Don't worry. I didn't tell him you were stupid enough to put it in backwards."

I smiled at the slight flush on his cheekbones. Another first.

"You've got three weeks to figure out how to work the damn thing." I told him.

"How did you manage that?" Yami asked.

"He wants a place that feels like home for the upcoming battle. I bought the time by promising a simulation of Ancient Egypt that'd fool even him."

"It's important that we meet him on our territory, not his." Yami warned.

It was Kaiba who answered for me. "We will. He might think he's getting Egypt. But, what he's really getting is a man-made illusion – a Kaiba Corporation hologram. We'll be in Kaiba Land the whole time – inside the game we designed. You couldn't ask for a sweeter deal."

Yami smiled. "It's oddly appropriate. Think of how often Kaiba Corporation has been the venue for our battles."

He stroked Kaiba's hair again. "I suppose it would be too much to expect you to take it easy for a day or two, Koryuu?" he asked.

It took me a minute to realize that Yami wasn't talking to me. I didn't bother to hide my laughter. Koryuu, huh? I would have thought he'd have at least graduated to being called Ryuujin. But I have to admit, I wouldn't have minded hearing Yami call _me_ 'Koryuu' in that tone of voice.

"You heard Seto." Kaiba said, ignoring me. "We only have three weeks. And there's a lot of equipment to set up, if we're going to make the Kaiba Land basement into a virtual Ancient Egypt. Seto's not bad, but he's not me… yet. When it comes to holograms, the punk's just another wannabe."

I should have known he'd find a way to get me back. But the day must really have taken its toll. His tone was almost… fond.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

Kaiba's head was in my lap; his eyes were shut, hiding the golden one. I stole a quick glance at his chest, measuring its rise and fall. It was foolish. The faint pink of his lips told me that he was alive. But I needed confirmation. I had never seen Kaiba look so peaceful.

I smiled and shut my own eyes, then opened them, and hissed in surprise. Kaiba's head was still in my lap, but now his hair and skin had been kissed by the sun. Now we lay on linen sheets, as smooth and fine as the silk that they had replaced.

I had been wandering in Kaiba's memories all day. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that one of my own had surfaced.

"You had no energy left. You knew that. Yet you attacked anyway. You could have died today!" I screamed at the figure in my lap.

"Yes," my High Priest answered, his eyes still closed.

"Is that all you have to say?" I demanded.

"What would you have me say in its stead?"

"That you'll take at least a minimum of care with your life. That you won't rush in so recklessly. That you won't throw your life away protecting mine."

That made his eyes snap open. I had forgotten that they were just as intense a blue.

"I'm never reckless. You value my life, and I would never treat anything you value cavalierly. But you are my pharaoh. You are Ra's representative on Earth, invested with his divinity. You can not expect me to put your life above my own. I am your High Priest. You can not expect me to blaspheme against the will of the Gods. It will be my honor to die for you."

"Enough talk of death for one day," I replied, stroking the incongruously soft hair that had flopped down to shield his eyes, once more. "Go to sleep, Seto, and let us pray that tomorrow will be gentler."

As if in answer to my command, his breathing slowed, and his eyes drifted shut again.

I looked at the sun-streaked hair, the now veiled blue eyes. He had the calmness of a warrior whose strength had never been misused. The certainty of a man born to his faith, his time, and his place… as my vassal and champion.

I looked at Seto, and wanted Kaiba. I wanted the one whose love was unmingled with his duty… whose love, however unspoken, was untainted by reverence. I wanted the one whose wildness had lured me close; whose vulnerability had captured my heart.

I closed my eyes and opened them, relieved to see that the sun streaks had faded from his hair, relieved to see the tension stealing back into his figure, relieved to see that it was Kaiba in my arms. He clutched me, as though grabbing me back from the past, murmured my name, _'Yami'_ , as though giving it back to me. I smiled and held him closer, happy to be back where I belonged.

Then Kaiba started thrashing in my arms. This was more than his usual restlessness. For the first time since we been together, he was having a nightmare. "Anubis," he muttered.

I froze. We were back in the present. Why was my lover dreaming of the God who weighed the souls of the dead at their passing? The God who fed those unworthy to the monsters that lay in wait to feast on their victims?

"It will be all right, Seto. I'm sure that Anubis' judgment will be more merciful than your own. Go to sleep," I said, as I had said 3,000 years ago. "Let us hope that tomorrow will be gentler."

He eased into a deep, dreamless, slumber… my name replacing Anubis' on his lips.

* * *

**SUGOROKU'S POV**

After yesterday, I wasn't surprised that Seto was the first Kaiba in my kitchen. As usual, he was wearing his duel disk – the one Kaiba had given him. He loved seeing the cards come alive. This morning he was busy slipping cards in and out, trying different combinations. Even a quick glance told me it was Kaiba's deck, not his.

Seto frowned as he slipped the three Blue Eyes into position, added the polymerization card. Even the sight of his Ultimate Dragon didn't distract him. "Why are there only three? I keep feeling like one is missing. It should be here with its brothers – just like the four of us."

For once, I had nothing to say.

"There were four." As usual, I hadn't heard Kaiba come in. He nodded in my direction saying, "The old man held one. I destroyed it."

He had succeeded in shocking Seto. "Why? That card was part of your soul… of our soul… you know that."

"And you know that the game can't be played without a sacrifice. Or maybe I was just clearing away the dead wood." Kaiba said, a hint of weariness in his voice.

Seto's eyes widened slightly. "They weren't just homework assignments, were they? That's why he kept punishing me - to make me think I'd failed... to convince me that my designs were useless to him. And that's why he never let me sleep... the bastard wanted me too confused and tired to figure out the game within his game. And I fell for it."

Kaiba nodded. "Three months and four days, from the day you ran away, you'll figure it out. You're some designer. Five years later, your weapons are still out there killing people. Everyone loves good old Kaiba Corporation products."

"Stop it!" I yelled. "It wasn't your fault – either of you. You were a just a child!"

Two pairs of identical blue eyes turned towards me, rejecting any excuse, any attempt at consolation.

"My childhood officially ended the day I challenged Gozaburo," Kaiba stated flatly. "That was the day I seized control of my destiny; the day I declared my right to guide Mokuba's. Having thrown off childhood's restrictions when it suited me, I can hardly claim childhood's innocence, now."

"You didn't know," I insisted.

"What the hell difference does that make?" Kaiba spat out. Seto finished his thought, "I should have known. I knew Gozaburo. I knew what he was capable of. But I was so tired…"

"Yes," Kaiba responded.

"How many people did I kill?"

"Kaiba Corporation weapons in general, or just the ones we personally designed?"

"Me…" he whispered.

At last count, approximately 543,857 according to best estimates; with an injury total about three to four times that amount."

Seto's face was as hard and as still as Kaiba's.

"I killed 543,857 people because I wanted to sleep?"

"Yes."

"Shit."

Seto closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were as lifeless as Kaiba's sometimes were… as if he could only atone by stripping himself of his own vitality.

"Whatever it costs… he must be stopped," Seto stated.

Kaiba's smile was as keen and as cutting as a sword.

"He was…" Kaiba's low voice was huskier than usual. "I can never undo the damage I caused. But I will never stop trying. I swear it."

Seto nodded, relaxing a little, letting some energy leach back into his eyes. Then he frowned, as something occurred to him.

"I thought I saw the diagrams when I was embezzling money. Over three months… it'll take me that long to figure it out?"

Kaiba nodded again. A slight shiver escaped him before he rigidly controlled it; before he forced himself to stand his ground; to look his younger self in the eye. I was glad that I was an early riser. It had given me a chance to see Mokuba's Nisama; to get to know the man Yami had fallen in love with.

Kaiba braced himself for Seto's next question. But his younger counterpart was silent. Possibly all the mercy had not yet been beaten out of him. Or maybe, even his endurance had limits.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter._ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Thanks to everyone who asked about the delay between updates. I really appreciated hearing that people were still interested in the story.

I think that considering how deeply Kaiba regrets developing weapons for Kaiba Corporation, and his own analytical and exacting nature, he'd make it his business to find out exactly how many deaths he had caused. Madam Hydra explored the same idea in her beautiful story, 'Moving Forward'.

Quite a while back, laura m, asked, since so much of the story concerns the ancient past, and we've heard Yami and Shadi's impressions of the High Priest, whether we would see a flashback of Yami and Seto. After I got done thinking of all the reasons that wouldn't work, this scene came into my head and I saw all the reasons it would not only work, but be necessary. So it was a long wait, but here's a look at Yami and Seto in the far past..

It's funny – if you asked Akunadin if he loved Seto, he'd say yes – and it's probably the closest to love any version of Seto has known. And as Seto (the High Priest version) muses in the manga, Akunadin is the one who cared for him, taught him his sense of right and wrong and honor, and guided him – although Seto doesn't at that point realize that Akunadin is his father. But I also think it's a selfish kind of love – because Akunadin loves Seto as a reflection and an extension of himself – he loves Seto only when Seto seems to be fulfilling Akunadin's own dreams, which is different than valuing Seto for who he is.

**RESPONSES**

**Prison image:** _(Darleneartist, Desidera, Maris)_ Kaiba projects the image that he doesn't care about anything but power and winning, but I think the truth is just the opposite. He cares so deeply about the (as he puts it) few things that are crucial to him, that building walls around his heart, must have seen (given the circumstances) the only way to survive – which is why his illusion left it unclear if he was locked in, or locking the world out. But Yami has always been able to get past Kaiba's defenses – or rather to make Kaiba question himself, and want to move past them.

 **Kaiba:** _(AmunRa, Bishonen no Miko, Ceribi Motou, Darleneartist)_ I wanted to show Kaiba in a place where he was beyond his defenses, where there was nothing but his kind of elemental self; and where he had no need left for evasions. I wanted to show a part of Kaiba that he probably hasn't acknowledged since he was a very young child, if then. I think he would start to rebuild his walls almost immediately, but I also think he would remember this moment, and remember that Yami not only saw him as he is, but accepted and loved him for it.

 **Yami:** _(Darleneartist, Wintersslayer)_ In the manga and anime, Yami is always pushing Kaiba to reach his potential – there's a real sense that he won't settle for Kaiba being less than he can. But that's Kaiba's goal as well, and Yami isn't asking for anything from Kaiba that he's not already trying (often misguidedly) to accomplish as well. For me, one of the reasons Yami and Kaiba are believable as a couple is that Yami is one of the few people capable of loving Kaiba, not despite his flaws, but almost because of them – because they are part of what makes him the person he is, which is why he reminds himself – but I could not ask him to stop being Kaiba.

__

_Note to AmunRa:_ Thanks! It's probably the closest I'll ever come to writing poetry, but I wanted Kaiba to be kind of almost dreamily wondering what love was, and if he was finally experiencing it.

 _Note to Wintersslayer:_ Thanks I was hoping the repetition would sort of build up a nice rhythm, so I'm glad you liked it.

 _Note to x-parrot:_ I hadn't noticed it, but you're right – Yami never bats an eye at the macabre things Kaiba says. And thank you: 'angsty, yes; weak never' pretty much sums up how I see Kaiba.

 


	39. The Idiot

**ICARUS NOTE:** Icarus is a character from Greek mythology. He and his father, Daedalus, were kept prisoner by the King of Crete. Daedalus built them wings of wax and feathers so they could fly away from the Island of Crete, warning his son not to fly to close to the sun. Icarus (of course) didn't listen. The sun melted the wax and he crashed back to Earth, where he drowned in the ocean.

 **NICKNAME NOTE: _Oniichan_** is used by Mokuba to refer to the 13 year old Seto Kaiba.

* * *

**CHAPTER 39: THE IDIOT**

**YAMI'S POV**

As I entered our bedroom, the first thing I saw was Kaiba lying across the bed, motionless. His eyes were open, but unseeing. The pyramid pattern on the golden one was facing inward, once again. I froze, preparing to go after him, then realized I couldn't – not without Shadi's Key – and he was nowhere to be seen. I hesitated. Unlike the last time when I could sense his turmoil, Kaiba seemed calm. Whatever was going on, it wasn't hurting or frightening him, and there was no sense of danger.

But it was hard watching him lying so silently; with all signs of energy… of life… of everything that made him Kaiba… gone. As I stood there, staring down at Kaiba, my thoughts flew to his brother. Mokuba had been eleven at Death-T. And he had sat by his Nisama's side for months afterwards, refusing to give up hope. I realized that my Ryuujin was not the only Kaiba built to endure.

But I didn't have Mokuba's patience. Just as I thought I couldn't stand another minute of helpless waiting, Kaiba blinked and a weary blue eye looked into mine.

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?" I asked angrily.

"Practicing."

I could only stare at him. He apparently thought he was being reasonable, because he went on to say, pointing to the golden eye whose pattern was now facing outward again, "This is a weapon that I need to learn to wield before we meet Akunadin. And we don't have much time."

"So you were using it on yourself?" I asked incredulously.

"Who else? Would you prefer I turned it on Yugi, instead?" He smiled grimly when I didn't answer. "I don't know why you're so upset."

"I came in here to find your lifeless body – and you don't know why I'm upset?" I yelled. "How dare you risk yourself this way?"

"You don't have to worry," he said.

Gods. Now he was going to try to comfort me. I knew from bitter experience that his attempt at reassurance would either leave me shaken and afraid of whatever lunatic action he was going to try next – or angry at his unconscious assumption that whatever was bothering me couldn't possibly be a concern for his safety or welfare. So I should have been prepared for the words that left his mouth.

"Don't worry," he repeated. "I've been keeping a record of what I've learned on my laptop. If anything happens to me, Mokuba will know how to retrieve the data. And you'll still have Seto. He can try his luck with the Eye, next."

"Don't you dare to pretend I am concerned with Akunadin, or our mission, or anything but you," I warned.

Kaiba hesitated at that, but looked me straight on as he repeated, "If anything happens to me, you'll still have Seto. In a couple of years he could probably pick up where I left off with you too, so you wouldn't really be losing anything."

It took a moment for the enormity of what he was saying to register. A moment longer for shock to turn into rage. I was more furious than I could ever remember being – in either lifetime.

"You bastard!" I thundered, "To speak so casually of your death, and then to offer Seto to me as though I would neither notice or care. How dare you act as though we mean nothing to each other? How dare you value us so cheaply? You will not rebuild these walls, Kaiba. Not here. Not now."

"I wasn't," he said, looking at me in confusion. But for once, I was the one beyond hearing. Without thought, I raised my hand, fingers curling automatically into a fist. I was tempted to strike the words from his mouth. Except… he had received far too many blows already – that was the problem. Except… as he looked at me in concern, ready to accept anything from me, even violence – I realized that while Kaiba knew I was angry, he didn't understand why.

My fury fled abruptly, leaving a profound sadness in its wake.

He was still lying on our bed, looking up at me. I straddled him. My hand fell limply to cup his thin cheek. Whatever he had been doing with the Eye must have shaken him more than he had let on, because he was cold to the touch. I unbuttoned his shirt, then my own. I lay on top of him; letting the warmth from my body, from my heart, seep into his.

"Ahh, Koryuu… what am I going to do with you? You really don't understand, do you?" You're not some interchangeable blue-eyed Elven warrior from a video game. You are my beloved. And no one else, not even your younger self, will suffice."

Suddenly, something that had lain in the back of my mind for over a year slid into focus.

"We spent a whole hour searching for you at Alcatraz. When that island blew up, I thought you went with it. I've always wondered why you never told us you had another way off. It's because it never occurred to you that anyone would care if you lived or died, isn't it? It never occurred to you that we would look for you."

His stunned look was answer enough.

"Kaiba, I've always cared." I whispered. I kissed him, and couldn't stop. I finally lifted my head from his to swear, "If it takes the rest of my life, I'm going to teach you what it's like to be loved."

He gave me that surprisingly gentle half smile. The one he reserved for Mokuba. The one that came as close as he could to showing affection or warmth. "I'm glad you're not mad anymore," he said simply. "But that sounds like a vow. Be careful, promises are a bitch to keep."

"Not this one. Some promises are a pleasure," I said as I claimed his mouth again, pressing him even further into the bed's soft surface..

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

Warm.

He was so warm. And I had been cold for so long.

Warmth.

It was such a simple thing. How had I missed its importance?

I had been born in Fall. I had lived my life within Winter's chill confines. Now with Yami, for the first time, I felt the summer sun touch my face.

I could feel Yami's mouth on mine. His breath was a tropical breeze, as his lips left mine, moved down my neck to rest briefly on the pulse that beat in time to his own… then moved further to warm my heart.

Yami lifted his head from my chest, and smirked down at me.

His gaze sharpened, and as with any beam of light, abruptly his warmth intensified; converting instantly to heat. One look, and I was ablaze. (It was enough to make me believe in all that bullshit about Yami being some kind of half-assed Sun God.)

His hands ran down my body, causing my lungs to burn as I gasped for air. His tongue was a river of fire, igniting an answering flame in me.

The great thing about heat is – given the right spark – everything burns. And I've always liked playing with fire.

I was matching Yami now – move for move, flame for flame. Our tongues flowing together; his body, molten, arching downwards to meet mine. Our bodies, almost but not quite fused.

Then, briefly, I felt only the cool night air as the heat of his body was removed. I gasped (okay, I whimpered) at the sudden drop in temperature. Then I felt the heat of his mouth again, just where I wanted him most, surrounding me, taking me deep within its moist embrace, as his fingers slipped inside of me.

It was perfect. But it wasn't enough.

"Yami," I gasped, hoping he'd understand.

He gave me back my name then, as he gave me the heat that I needed… as he fed me the warmth I'd always dismissed as an illusion, only to be proven wrong again and again.

I took him in, rose to meet him, as if I was Icarus flying into the sun. And Icarus was right, because who could look on the sun, and _not_ want to fly into its embrace. Icarus was right, because life is fleeting, and nothing else mattered, not even death, in the face of this blinding need for heat, for consummation.

It was the same rush I felt every time I risked my life, every time I imagined falling from Kaiba Tower's windows… but Yami, for all his heady air of danger, had always meant life, not death. And it was life burning in me, blazing through me, now.

We screamed, our cries as fused, as melded together as our bodies.

And then I was falling… the fire, the energy spent… the heat softening to the warmth of Yami's arms.

Warmth and heat.

I could never get enough of either.

I listened in the now hushed room to the sounds of our heartbeats returning to normal. I was wide awake. I looked at Yami. His eyes were closed, his breathing regular, his face relaxed.

Good.

I felt safest talking to him when he was asleep.

"I love your anger," I whispered.

Of course, I had guessed wrong. One crimson eye opened.

"I suppose that's progress. But why, of all things, do you love my _anger_?" he asked.

"Once I would have said that it's because we're rivals. It made each encounter more charged," I parried.

"And what would you say now?"

"The only time I get you truly angry is when you see me discarding myself. When I look at the fire in your eyes, when I hear the fury in your voice… the proof of my worth is reflected in your rage."

"I'll try to lose my temper more often, then," he smiled. "My Ryuujin – how can you be so clever and yet so blind? I will never stop loving you. But I wish you didn't need my anger to gauge the beauty of your heart."

I looked at him confused. Beauty? Who the fuck was he talking about?

"Why is that so hard to accept, Kaiba?"

Because I still don't get it… and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that ignorance is deadly," I shook my head in frustration. "Anyway, how can I believe in something I don't understand?"

"How can you understand something you don't believe in?"

I growled. I hated it when Yami twisted everything around. I was about to ask if he'd spent the past 3,000 years reading fucking fortune cookies, but Yami was looking at me like he sometimes did when we dueled… like he was waiting for me, not to fight him, but to match him.

I'd learned to slow down when I saw Yami look at me like that. I'd learned to rethink my conclusions…

Yami smiled at the look on my face… which should have made me angry. Except he followed up his smile with a kiss… and I let go of everything but the feel of his lips on mine, the feel of him wanting me as badly as I wanted him.

I kept trying to pull Yami's feelings apart, as if I could inspect the circuitry to see what made us work. But here, with Yami in my arms, in the quiet of our room, in the darkness that reminded me of him – I understood something for the first time. There comes a point when it is avoidance, not acceptance, that is the true defeat. I still didn't understand Yami. Iwould never see myself through his eyes. But in the face of his love, that no longer mattered. I was smart enough to know I had been given a gift beyond my hopes, much less my expectations. I wasn't fool enough to throw it away.

It was time to set aside the rules I no longer wanted to live by, and embrace the man in my arms instead.

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

Why do people talk about eavesdropping like it's a bad thing?

Maybe it's just that I'm as bad as Nisama when it comes to following other people's rules, but the moment I heard Oniichan and Sugoroku talking in the kitchen, I stopped short of the door – right where I could hear everything without being seen.

"You should at least put some milk in that coffee," Sugoroku was saying.

"In case you haven't noticed, it's not going to stunt my growth."

Sugoroku chuckled. I wondered if this was a morning ritual. Surprisingly Oniichan was the one to break the silence that settled between them.

"That dragon, old man… where did you get it from?" Oniichan asked, obviously continuing an earlier conversation. I would have frozen, if I hadn't already been standing stock still. There could be only one dragon he was referring to.

"A friend gave it to me."

I hadn't known that. And I hadn't thought there was anything that could make me feel worse about Death-T than I already did – until that moment.

"What a lousy, half-assed way to get a dragon," Oniichan said, genuinely offended. "Unless you mean you beat him in a duel and he had to surrender the card?" Oniichan asked hopefully, obviously trying to puzzle it out.

I could hear Sugoroku's smile in his voice. "No, my friend gave me the card because I _lost_ the duel."

"Then he didn't deserve to hold on to him. You can't give away a Blue Eyes White Dragon like he's a worthless piece of junk; like he's a Kuriboh. He's the proudest monster in the game. You have to win him, or at least struggle to get him. Anything less is an insult."

"I suppose you think that I didn't deserve him either?" Sugoroku asked quizzically.

I realized how much Oniichan must like Sugoroku, because he hesitated for a moment before saying, "You didn't. I bet you kept him locked up in a drawer, instead of in your deck where he belonged."

"I treasured that card. I still do," Sugoroku pointed out.

"But a dragon isn't made to be treasured. He's made to be used."

"Perhaps. Loving is sometimes not the same as understanding."

Oniichan grunted, but it was his _'I'm-not-going-to-admit-that-I-don't-have-any-idea-what-to-say'_ grunt, rather than his _'I-can't-believe-I'm-wasting-my-time-talking-to-an-idiot-like-you'_ snort.

"You're a curious child," Sugoroku remarked.

I didn't need to see them to know that Oniichan's head had shot up at that remark, or that he was glaring at the old man.

"When you're my age, everyone looks like a child to you," Sugoroku pointed out, mildly.

"I don't see what age has to do with it," Oniichan answered. "Most people look like stupid brats to me, too."

Sugoroku laughed. I could hear the affection in the sound. For a moment I wondered what would have happened if we had been adopted by someone like Yugi's Jichan instead of Gozaburo. But it was a foolish thought. Sugoroku wouldn't have adopted us. He already had a family and a perfectly good grandson of his own. He wouldn't have been out trolling the orphanages, looking for stray kids to adopt in the first place.

I sighed, reminding myself there was no point thinking about the past. It was the future that mattered anyway. And as much as I was enjoying their conversation, there was only so long I could hang out in the hallway without getting caught.

I entered the kitchen. Oniichan and Sugoroku were sitting at the round table. Oniichan's laptop was open in front of him. I said hello and sat down next to him. After a minute, Sugoroku got up, took his dishes to the sink, washed them, laid them on the counter, and left.

I looked at the monitor screen. I don't know much about architecture, but I can recognize the floor plan of a pyramid when I see one.

"What's up?" I asked Oniichan.

"It's the tomb of some unnamed pharaoh. Wouldn't it be freaky if it was Yami's? Isis emailed it over. She sent a long-assed message with it, too."

"What did she have to say?"

Oniichan shrugged. "I don't know. Given how much of it was in bold face, she must have been worked up about something," he grinned, "Kaiba deleted it unread."

Oniichan turned back to the screen. "We have less than three weeks to turn the Kaiba Land basement into a virtual Ancient Egypt," he said. "The trick is figuring out how to recreate the experience without duplicating every detail. It's a question of deciding what's essential and what can be safely discarded. The underground complex at Kaiba Land is huge, but it's not as big as a pyramid, much less the Valley of Kings. I asked Akunadin what he wanted in the design, so at least we'd have something to go on…"

Oniichan grinned again at the look on my face. "Well, he _is_ the client, in a manner of speaking…"

I looked at the selection of doughnuts, picked one out, and sat down next to Oniichan again. He was working at a feverish pace now; flipping back and forth between files, opening and closing programs, until the monitor looked like a slide show on fast forward.

"How long have you been working?" I asked.

"I don't know. Since yesterday. I have to get this done before _he_ comes downstairs."

My mouth opened. I had heard those words before. But the _'he'_ had always referred to Gozaburo.

"Did Nisama say that?" I asked.

"No. He left the data with me and went to practice with the Eye. I told him I could handle everything on this end. I have to finish."

Nisama was still intense, still driven. But he no longer worked with Oniichan's life or death desperation. Something had changed, and as closely as I'd been watching him, I hadn't noticed.

But working must have reminded Oniichan of Gozaburo as well, because without looking at me, he mumbled, "Those weapons… when I found out what I did… Mokuba, did it bother me?"

In asking his question, Oniichan had answered one of mine. I'd always wanted to know why Nisama had tried to run away that time… if it had been for me… or if maybe, just once, he had put himself first. Now I knew: Nisama had tried to run away from the person he saw himself becoming.

Thanks to Shadi, that attempt had failed, but in a way it had succeeded as well – because it had brought Oniichan to me; it had proven that there had indeed been a moment when Nisama had tried to save himself, when he had cared; before his obligations to me and his need to stop Gozaburo had drowned out that small spark of self-preservation.

"From the minute you found out what Gozaburo was doing with your designs, you gave everything in you to try and fix things; to try and make sure it would never happen again," I assured Oniichan.

He relaxed at that, but I knew it wouldn't last. He had an assignment. Before I finished my doughnut, he'd be all hyped up over this latest deadline, once again. I knew better than to try to distract him with motorcycles or martial arts movies. That might occasionally work with Nisama, now – but not with Oniichan.

I looked at the computer. I wanted to help, but I knew Oniichan wouldn't let me do that either. It was uncomfortably familiar. It was a pattern Nisama and I had finally (thankfully) started to outgrow. But if I couldn't beat him, maybe I could join him – after a fashion. Most of the things my brother was so good at – engineering, systems design, inventions, architecture – were beyond me. But when it came to hacking… if I hadn't caught up to Nisama, I had certainly surpassed Oniichan. I grinned.

"Wouldn't you like to know what Isis said?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah. I bet it was priceless. It's a shame Kaiba deleted it," he replied.

"Which computer was he on?"

"The one in the office upstairs," Oniichan said, turning from his screen to look at me.

"Then come on – grab your laptop. While you're working, I bet I can retrieve that email."

Oniichan saved everything and closed his laptop. As we started upstairs he said, "I told you twice – Kaiba deleted everything. He even emptied the trash folder."

"Yeah, but just because you delete something, it doesn't mean it's gone forever," I answered. It was what I loved most about hacking – with enough time and patience, you can get almost anything back.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter…_ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I think even after Kaiba accepts that Yami cares for him, he still wouldn't know how to take care of himself or treat himself any better – because it's a skill he's never practiced. To put it simply: he doesn't know how people who are loved are supposed to act. Ironically, as Yami gets more comfortable with the idea that Kaiba is as fully committed to this relationship as he is, Yami would also feel more comfortable getting really angry at all the bone-headed things Kaiba does. I also think anger, being the emotion Kaiba is most familiar with, would also be the one he's in a way most comfortable with, and the one he can interpret best. So in an odd way, he'd have an easier time reading Yami's concern in a show of anger than in a softer emotion.

As for Mokuba, as I was writing this it struck me that Mokuba's self imposed mission (yeah, both Kaiba brothers have them) is to help his Nisama reclaim his soul – and the only computer activity you see him do regularly involves hacking – which is partly about retrieving hidden or seemingly lost information. That just suddenly struck me as interesting…

**RESPONSES**

**Kaiba and Seto:** _(Akito, AmunRa, BH, Ceribi Motou, Darleneartist, Desidera, Maris, Wintersslayer)_ At the beginning of the story, Kaiba thinks he knows all about his earlier self, and has already passed judgment. But throughout the story, he's been given the chance, both through living with Seto, and through revisiting his past on the way to his soul room, to take a second look at himself. I think that just as they judge themselves against impossibly exacting standards – they are also the two people who understand each other best. So harsh as it seems (but when has Kaiba ever recognized, much less valued gentleness?) Kaiba would know that telling Seto the truth he needs is, in an odd way, the merciful thing to do.

And I can see Seto at first being contemptuous of Kaiba for being weak enough to want/need Yami, but also, as time goes on, coming to see that this is something he wants as well.

 **Kaiba and Yami – past and present:** _(Akito, Bishonen no Miko, BH, Darleneartist, Desidera)_ Often there's a sense that the past version sort of overshadows the present day one. I tend to go back and forth on the past version – I can picture every combination from them being lovers who were so deeply in love that they would follow each other throughout the ages (what can I say, I'm a romance junkie) to them being a High Priest and Pharaoh who were kinsmen and comrades with no romantic attachment. But I think that Yami isn't really Atemu any longer – that is he isn't really the pharaoh – he has no memories (or only fleeting ones) of being Atemu, and he has, to a large extent, built a life for himself here. So I think now, he would require a different lover – Kaiba rather that the High Priest.

 **Sugoroku:** _(Akito, )_ I know Sugoroku can act very childishly at times in the anime, as well as checking out everything in a skirt. It might be my own eccentric take on things, but I always picture that being a bit of an act… like he's had this adventurous life, living by his wits, and now he wants to relax and be "Jichan.' But he sincerely seems to care about not only Yugi, but his friends, and his more insightful comments often concern them.

 _ ** _Eye Note:_ **_ I'm not sure if he could close his Eye – Clarity pointed that out when editing. I know you never see Pegasus close his eye, but I'm not sure that means he can't. I guess I was thinking more of how a glass eye functions as a model. Also I wanted to show both weariness and trust, and for that reason, Kaiba needed to close his eyes in Seto's presence.

 _ _ **Kaiba:**__ I always think that's one of the contradictions that go into Kaiba's make-up: he doesn't act like a human with feelings; people forget he is human; and yet he really can't escape (as hard as he often tries) from the fact that he is a human being that not only has feelings, but often cares almost too passionately about the few (as he puts it) things that are crucial to him.

 __My favorite line in that was Kaiba saying: Having thrown off childhood's restrictions when it suited me, I can hardly claim childhood's innocence, now, because I think that's how he sees the world, and it's so uncomproimising. As for putting the Eye in backwards – Seto clearly thought it was a mistake, since it knocked Kaiba out of action. But Kaiba didn't do it by accident – he did it deliberately, because he regarded the Eye as his true opponent, and was trying to meet him head to head (or eye to eye so to speak.) Okay, you can ignore that last pun, but that was the general idea.

 _Note to Nachzes Black Rider:_ **On keeping Kaiba in character** – I think the hardest part is that sometimes I have to throw out funny lines, because they sound like me, not Kaiba. Like when Shadi handed the Eye to Yami, I initially had Kaiba say: 'It figures, I'm the one covered in blood… he's the one getting handed the prize. Sometimes the story never changes.' But that's really more my style than his, so it had to go…

 


	40. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

**CHAPTER 40: CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN**

**KAIBA'S POV**

I was enjoying laying in bed, holding Yami, and watching the sun stripe the covers in ever increasing bands of light. I felt Yami stir and looked into alert crimson eyes. He looked as serious as if he was about to propose a duel.

"I need to know why you mutter Anubis' name in your sleep each night," he stated.

"You know?"

"Every night you have the same nightmare. Every night you cry out to the God of Death. I didn't say anything. I know how allergic you are to talking. But after last night…

I don't think I ever quite realized just how reckless you can be. And if I'm the one who will have to explain to Mokuba why you've gone, I need to understand it myself. If every time I reach out to open our bedroom door, I'm going to have to contemplate spending the rest of my life without you… beyond the possibility of ever finding you again… I need to know that you didn't throw your life away casually, as if it was a four-star monster due for sacrifice. I need to know what's going on in that labyrinth you call a mind."

 _'Never let anyone know what you're thinking or feeling.'_ It was the first lesson I had learned, the first one I had tried to pass on to Mokuba. Knowledge is power, and I never wanted to give anyone the weapon they needed to hurt me or mine.

Yami and I had been together for months, but it wasn't until that day in my soul room, that I had felt truly naked. And as much as I cared for Yami, I hated the thought that my life… no, my soul… had been an open book before his inspection. I was pleased to find that (at least) it had been written in a language he couldn't read. I suppose the point was moot – since I was about to give him the key he needed to decode it. But at least the choice was mine.

I had learned something important last night. Yami had followed me into the Eye not only because he promised, nor even because he cared… but because he loved me that thoroughly, because he wanted to know me that deeply. And I was going to respond to his need. I'm not sure why. Just like every time I faced those damn Magical Hats of Yami's, I had no idea where the true answer lay. Maybe I was tired of fighting a battle I no longer wanted to win. Maybe it was, as everything else in my life has been, an exchange: I could not accept his gift without offering one of equal value. Maybe his concern conferred an answering responsibility on me, saddled me with another obligation.

Maybe it was simply that I was finally ready to acknowledge that if you split my heart as you would an atom, Yami's name would be one of the two engraved at its core.

"You weren't there in the beginning… when I claimed the Eye," I told Yami. "I saw Anubis," I grinned. "And before you ask, this isn't some weird past life flashback. I wanted to know who was threatening me. He was there, that day. There were flames all around. I could here them crackle. And the monsters were the same ones as in that dream you gave me when we met. I guess you were just giving me a preview."

I saw Yami wince at the reminder.

"Do you remember what you did, Kaiba, when I told you that the loser would experience death?" Yami challenged. "You _grinned_ at me, as though you couldn't wait. It wasn't bravado. You really didn't care whether you lived or died. I had just rediscovered what it felt like to be alive, and I treasured each precious, brief moment of existence. But the gift that meant everything to me was meaningless in your eyes. It was a trivial present not worth the bother of returning. I wanted to show you differently. I wanted to show you the life within your own monsters; the life within your own heart. I wasn't trying to hurt you… or at least, that wasn't the only thing I was trying to do. But it was the first time I had sought to do something beyond merely meting our punishment. I guess I was too newly reborn… too unused to showing mercy."

"That's okay," I said. "I wasn't used to receiving any. And what Anubis was offering that day, was judgment not mercy. He was holding a set of scales in one hand and a feather in the other. He said that I had to walk the path of my own life… of my own sins… and that he would be waiting at its center. He said that if the sins of my heart were heavier than the feather, the fire and the monsters would devour me." I knew it would annoy Yami, but I grinned again. I couldn't help it. It was funny. "I still don't get the feather bit. And I wasn't crazy about being judged by a dog. But none of that mattered. I started though the maze as quickly as I could. If Anubis was going to weigh my heart, there could only be one verdict, and I just wanted to get it over with."

Yami looked angry again. "I'm not going to pretend," I told him firmly. "All I felt was relief. But then, suddenly… I could feel you. You were in there with me. And I had to keep you alive. I didn't really want you there, you know… seeing all that… seeing me…"

I know," Yami said.

I didn't really know why you were there, why you had followed. I figured it was only because you had promised. But that was enough. I know what it's like to make an unbreakable vow, and then fail. I didn't want you to have to live with that. So I had to hope that no matter what you saw, you'd trust me enough to keep you safe."

"You've always denied that the Sennen Items had any power," Yami said. "So how did you know you could protect me?"

I smirked at that. "I might not know shit about soul rooms, but those memories were made of energy, and I'm an engineer. I knew if I detonated each experience, forced each memory to expend all its stored power on me, then just like with a cell phone battery, it'd take a while to recharge. You were right behind me. As long as you stayed close, you'd survive. And the more I focused on keeping you safe, the softer Anubis' voice became. Until it disappeared. I was in the center of the maze waiting for his judgment… but you were the only one there."

I paused, then continued, "That night the dreams started. The challenge is different each time, but the game remains the same. The monsters are there. The fire is there. I'm still recounting all my sins. And Anubis is there. But he's not judging me, he's challenging me to a duel of sorts. I'm inside the Eye. It's like a maze that keeps shifting. And each time, the task he sets me is different. Sometimes, like last night, I start with the Eye facing inwards, then I have to find my way out of the center of my soul room. I have to turn the Eye until it's facing outward once more. Sometimes I have the opposite challenge: I have to march right through my nightmares, turning the Eye inward as I go; as I stride right into the heart of my soul room – and then I have to escape before Anubis can claim me. Sometimes I have to evade him, as he searches for me through the alleys and corridors of my mind, like we're playing some demented game of hide and seek."

I smirked again. "It's a good thing that my mind really is a labyrinth. And every time, I have to meet Anubis' challenge before the tape of my life, before the list of my sins runs out. I guess I'm lucky the list is so long. The same thing happens every time I practice with the Eye. Only it's not a dream then. It's real."

"What drives you back to Anubis, Kaiba? You haven't mentioned last night, but your skin was ice. Whatever visions you're seeing must scare even you. Why do you return to challenge the Eye? Is your need to win really so much stronger than your desire to live?"

If Yami had yelled, I would have clammed up or thrown his words back in his face. But Yami wasn't demanding. He was asking. He was asking because he cared.

"If Akunadin succeeds in changing our timeline, will Yugi ever assemble his puzzle? Will you even exist?" I challenged in return. "You were the one to remind me – the true battles aren't about winning, but about protecting the people you treasure. The stakes are too high for us to back down now, Yami. We've chosen our course of action, and whatever it takes, we have to see it through. For once, this isn't about winning. It's about understanding. I've been given a message. All life is encrypted. Even dreams follow their own mad logic. Everything, from our DNA to my laptop runs on code. And whatever it costs, I'm not resting until I crack this one."

"It's a riddle…" Yami said with a start of surprise. "Like the riddle Shadi gave me."

"You expect me to believe that Ghost Boy had something useful to say? Maybe miracles do happen."

"It was the first night Shadi came… before Seto arrived, before this all began," Yami said, ignoring my comment. "Shadi told me that in the coming battle my greatest strength would become my weakness. And that my weakness, if I could find it, would lead me to the strength I needed."

"Sounds like something that fool would say. He makes even less sense then my dreams," I snorted in annoyance. "Alchemy doesn't exist. You can't turn lead into gold."

"Maybe the change isn't in essence, but in perception," he answered.

"So we've both been given puzzles," I smirked. "Let's see who solves his, first."

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

"It worked like a charm," Oniichan boasted. "I told Akunadin that the test run on our Ancient Egypt simulation would be in two or three weeks. He's waiting for me to tell him the exact day, so he can sneak in ahead of us. It's the perfect set-up. It even gives us an excuse to bring the rest of these losers along, not that I expect them to be much good." Oniichan couldn't resist taunting Nisama, adding, "Ordinarily Akunadin would be too smart to trust me – but he also wants to believe that I'll sell you out; that I'll steal the items and deliver them and you for a chance to stay in this timeline. He figures I'm aching to be the one and only Seto Kaiba. He's got a point – I always thought you were superfluous."

"What makes you so sure you've got Akunadin suckered?" Jounouchi demanded. "Maybe Akunadin's figured out your little con game, and _he's_ the one stringing _you_ along."

"Don't worry," Oniichan drawled. The smirk on his face was eerily similar to his Death-T grin. Everyone but Nisama flinched at its appearance. "When it comes to playing double games, I learned from a master."

"This isn't a game, Seto," Jounouchi warned.

"Of course it is. Everything is. And I'm going to win," Oniichan answered confidently.

Jounouchi shuffled his feet, then looked at Oniichan and said, "For once in your life, will you listen to someone else? That attitude's going to buy you a world of trouble."

"Do you think I care?" Oniichan hissed back. "This attitude's bought me and Mokuba money, power and a home. And there's nothing anyone can throw at me that I can't handle."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that – just see how far it gets you. And I wasn't talking about your money, your power, or even your brother. I was talking about you."

Oniichan looked at him like he was speaking a foreign language.

Jounouchi had mellowed towards Nisama, but he'd never really forgiven him, and he couldn't resist throwing Death-T his face every now and then. Nisama couldn't have cared less what Jounouchi thought of him, but any mention of Death-T caused his face to set in those cold hard lines I kept trying to erase. (I came as close as I could to hating Jounouchi at those moments.) So I thought it was funny the way Jounouchi kept trying to keep Oniichan from making Nisama's mistakes.

But it was time to stop this before it got too out of hand. It was bad enough that Oniichan was going to have to live through Nisama's life, without having to hear about it in advance, too. And anyway, it was none of Jounouchi's business. I knew a lot better than him all the ways that my brother's determination and over-confidence was going to get him into trouble.

"So you're just going to walk into a trap?" I interrupted.

"He won't be going alone," Nisama answered. "Akunadin wants my version of the Eye – and there's only one way for him to get it. He also wants me out of the way. It would be rude not to give him the chance to get what he wants." My brother was smiling at the prospect of a good fight.

But they were leaving Kouma behind. That's how I knew, despite the grins, that they expected the fight to be a tough one. I wanted to go with them more than I've ever wanted anything. I remembered my brother saying, in Noa's World: "As long as you're by my side, I can fight." So how could I let them go to their biggest battle, alone? But they also needed someone to watch over Kouma.

* * *

**ANZU'S POV**

I looked at Mokuba. We're alike in this – we've always been the cheerleaders, the ones biting our nails on the sidelines, when no one was watching… the ones with the encouraging smiles pasted on our faces when our loved ones turned to look at us. I had been along on all the adventures, all the hair-breadth escapes.

I'd gone to cheer for Yami, each time. But Yugi needed me in a way that Yami didn't, and it's nice to be needed. I'd spent months asking myself which aibou I would have picked if the choice had been mine. But maybe that was the wrong question. Maybe I should simply have asked myself: did I want Yugi? I still wasn't sure, but there was no way I was going to get the answer by staying on the sidelines.

Just as I nodded to myself, ready to put my plan into action, I saw Mokuba's face. He was such a little cutie. I couldn't have been prouder of him if I'd been his sister… which was probably the worst thing I could ever say to him. I was his first crush… and that's quite a responsibility. I would never be able to give him what he wanted – which is why it was important that I do this, instead.

"Don't worry about a thing, guys," I said in my sunniest voice, "Kouma can stay with me. We'll wait at the Game Shop for you to come back and tell us all about it."

Kouma beamed up at me, as his hand stole into mine. I smiled back. He really was going to be a heart-breaker one day. He had Otogi's charm and Kaiba's determination. I pitied the unsuspecting female population of whatever High School he was eventually going to be turned loose on.

I looked up from Kouma, to meet Mokuba's eyes. He bowed, for once as silent as his brother.

"Thank you," he said, finally. "You couldn't have given me anything that means more."

Then he flashed that irrepressible grin. Definitely a heart-breaker… some day… for some other lucky girl.

As Mokuba and Kouma left the room with their brothers, I turned to meet another pair of violet eyes… darker, and without Mokuba's touch of gray.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I really wanted to be there, cheering you on, but…"

"But you wouldn't be Anzu, if you could pass a friend who was hurting, and just keep walking," Yugi finished for me. "It's okay – as long as it doesn't mean that you're going out with Mokuba, next."

"He'll always be five years too young," I assured him. "It's just that…"

"You're right. Mokuba needs you tomorrow. But the day after tomorrow?" he flashed me the mischievous grin I'd been looking at all my life, and never seeing.

"The day after tomorrow is yours," I promised.

"You know, Anzu… you could have anyone you wanted…" He stopped, thinking of the one person I couldn't have.

"Except Yami," I agreed. "That's okay. I think I've just decided that he's a little too tall for my taste, anyway."

* * *

**SUGOROKU'S POV**

I was surprised to see Kaiba enter the Game Shop for the first time since he had come looking for dragons. "Yami and Yugi aren't here." I told him.

"I know," he answered. "They're at the mansion."

Let's sit down, then," I said, leading him to the back.

As usual, there was no small talk. He slid a legal document across the table. It had two names on it – Mokuba and Kouma Kaiba. "If anything happens to me, I want you to be their guardian." he said calmly.

"Won't people question Kouma? I mean he just showed up out of nowhere. And he'll be a very rich young man. Are you sure whatever forgery you've rigged will work?

"No forgery was involved. His and Koryuu's births are properly registered in Domino's Central Data Base."

I shook my head. Kaiba had disliked Seto's nickname, but he wasn't above using it, if it served his purpose.

"You hacked into the city's computer system?" I laughed at his audacity.

"Not me, " he smirked. "I just supervised." He considered his statement for a moment, and added. "Seto's almost as good on the computer as I am."

"So is Mokuba." I said.

He looked at me, but let my statement pass unchallenged. So…. he was willing to deceive me by implication, but refused to give the lie direct. And, as usual, he was more than willing to tarnish his name, to protect Mokuba's. I wondered how Yami could stand him.

"You realize that I'm an old man," I said.

"Mokuba will be 20 in seven years. You're in good health. You'll probably last till then," he shrugged. "It's a reasonable risk to take."

I fought the impulse to smile. Kaiba wasn't trying to be rude, he simply didn't realize how offensive his brutal form of honesty could be.

"Besides…" he paused, took a deep breath, and said quietly, as if confessing a secret, "You did a good job with Yugi."

I looked at the contract, at the two names, at the blank space where the executor's fee should have been.

"You can fill that in yourself." he said. If I thought the money would influence you, I wouldn't be here. I know the money doesn't matter to you. It's never mattered to me either, except as a means to an end," he added under his breath, as if admitting something shameful.

"The power does." I said.

He nodded, eyes hooded and distant, body tense.

"I can't give them that." I reminded him.

"That's not what I want for them. On my death Kaiba Corporation will be dissolved. No one will be able to resurrect Gozaburo's weapons again. If Mokuba was a little older, I would leave Kaiba Corporation to him, but I don't want to steal what's left of his childhood. This way the money will be there for him when he's ready. Whatever he does, I have faith in him," Kaiba said with unnecessary belligerence. I had no inclination to disagree.

I didn't doubt that Kaiba's drive for power had begun with his need to protect Mokuba. But it had taken on a life of its own, become a part of him. In that way he reminded me a little of Yami, and even of my lost dragon. For the first time I felt no anger as I thought of that day. I wondered if I would ever ask what he had felt as he had destroyed the dragon that still lay between us… and if I did, whether he would answer. But this was not the time to rehash old wrongs.

I looked at the two names. There was one thing I could not let pass uncontested.

"What about Seto, or rather, Koryuu? Why isn't his name here?"

"He'll probably be with me when I meet Akunadin. I doubt he'll survive anything I can't. Besides, he looks too much like me – and I'm too well known. His presence would raise too many questions."

He looked me directly in the eyes as he advanced that preposterous statement with the utmost assurance. He was probably used to saying things to employees who were afraid to contradict him. Or possibly, he had never offered one of his dubious explanations to anyone who cared enough to challenge him.

"So we'll cut his hair. No one's ever seen your eyes anyway."

His lips twitched – it was the closest I had ever seen him come to a genuine smile.

"You don't have to worry about him. He'll land on his feet. It's what he's good at," Kaiba said.

"You never intended to include him – whether he survived or not. You were afraid it would make me refuse to take Mokuba, weren't you?"

He looked at me measuringly. Reluctantly decided that only honesty would serve. "If I'm dead and Seto's still alive, he's the one who will have to deal with Akunadin. And I'm not letting him drag Mokuba into another nightmare. I just want to find Mokuba and Kouma a safe harbor. It's all that I ever wanted. Besides, they'll be better off without Seto."

"But will he be better off without them? You didn't even stop to think about that, did you? You just assumed I'd reject Seto. When will you admit that Seto is, at heart, a child in need of a home?"

Kaiba didn't answer directly.

"You know what he is – what he'll become," he said quietly.

"No I don't," I snapped, finally angry with him, "and neither do you. Weren't you the one who said that the future is infinite? You have no idea what you'll become in the end."

"Of course I do," he smirked, "What everyone becomes in the end… a corpse."

I sighed and held my peace. Part of being old is learning when the young need to have the last word.

I reached out instead, and touched him for the first time. I laid a pen gently in his hand. "You wanted to know my price? I won't take the boys without their Nisama."

Kaiba looked at me. His eyes were so full of conflicting emotions, they were almost as unrevealing as his usual expressionless glare. Then he bent his head to the paper, and I watched as he slowly added the younger version of his name to the guardianship agreement.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter…_ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES** : After Duelist's Kingdom, it had to be clear to Kaiba that if anything happened to him, Mokuba is a sitting duck. I think the fact that Kaiba takes Mokuba into what are clearly dangerous situations is an indication of just how alone the brothers are, and perceive themselves to be.

I always feel a little nervous when I have Kaiba be a little more open… after all, in Chapter (I think) 26, Mokuba has to pretty much play 20 questions with Kaiba to get even a hint of what's going through his mind. But I think it goes to the idea of change. In the 15 or so chapters since Kaiba and Mokuba have their game of 20 questions, Kaiba has learned to an increasing degree to allow Yami into his life, to the point where I think he would be able to answer Yami's question, knowing that understanding was important to Yami, and that Yami wasn't trying to change his actions. So the conversation with Yami comes both after Yami has literally lived through part of his life, and had shown in Chapter 39 that he accepted Kaiba's actions even before knowing the explanation.

 **Anubis Note:** Anubis is usually shown as a jackal headed figure. However, according to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, there seems to be some disagreement as to whether in some of the statues attributed as being of him, he has a dog's head. Given that in Noa's Arc, Seto tells Mokuba he'll show the world that they are more than stray dogs, I liked the idea of continuing the dog motif. The souls of those deemed unworthy were fed to Ammit, not a squadron of duel monsters. But I figured since it's Kaiba's visions/nightmares, he would experience them through imagery that felt familiar.

**RESPONSES:**

**Sugoroku and Seto Kaiba (both of them):** _(Akiko, AmunRa, Desidera)_ In the manga, when Sugoroku first encounters Kaiba, he calls him a 'terrible boy.' What struck me about that expression was not the word 'terrible' (which was certainly deserved) but the word 'boy.' In spite of all Kaiba had done to him, in spite of Kaiba's money and power – Sugoroku looked at him an saw a child (albeit one in need of a spanking.) So I've tried to convey that in his narratives. And I agree, both Setos are so intense, that Sugoroku makes a good ground for their energy – I can almost sense him looking at them quizzically. I realized at some point that I hadn't yet had a scene that showed Sugoroku and the younger Seto Kaiba talking, without the older Kaiba being part of the conversation, which was part of why I included that scene.

 **Kaiba and Yami, sex:** _(Akiko, AmunRa, bnomiko, Darleneartist, Desidera, kori hime)_ Got your attention, right? I've tried to make each lime show another part of Kaiba and Yami's relationship. Since emotions are what Kaiba has forbidden himself (admittedly an impossible task) I've always felt that if he was able to be in a relationship, loving and being loved would feel risky and incredibly charged to him, which is part of why he compared himself to Icarus. (Not to mention that Kaiba's general all-or-nothing approach seems to fit in with the Icarus story in general.) And in the last chapter I was trying to show Yami startled and angry at the realization of how suddenly and casually he could lose Kaiba, then sort of changing to an acceptance of who his lover is. As is clear in this chapter, Kaiba does have reasons for testing the Eye even given the risks, but he's still learning that he has to share those reasons with the people in his life.

I love confused Seto and angry Yami too – they're irresistible! And I thought Yami being sort of wryly apprehensive about Kaiba's idea of offering comfort was funny too – a concern that was very well grounded, given Kaiba's subsequent comments.

 _Note to AmunRa:_ Yeah I thought anger would be the emotion Kaiba was most familiar with, and could read the best. Also, unlike most people, Kaiba, I think would find the passion in Yami's anger attractive.

 **Kaiba brothers:** _(Nachzes Black-Rider, Pkmnrocksmysocks, samuraiduck27)_ One thing that made me want to write this story, was to bring the older pair face to face with their younger selves, so they could sort of learn who they are, and be reminded of how far they have come. The little that is in the manga/anime about their past is so powerful, that I find myself drawn to filling in the outlines a little.

 **Story in general:** _(Duelqueen, Katie Torango, kori hime, Lady11Occult, Pharaoh Yel, samuraiduck27)_ Maybe I'm in a wrapping up mood, because I've just realized that with this post, there are only five chapters and four posts left (but they're long ones, honest!) A lot of the comments made me think about what I had wanted to do when I started this story. I wanted to write a long story that gave equal weight to the romantic (because I just can't resist pairing Yami and Kaiba) and platonic relationships in Kaiba's life (between Mokuba and between Kaiba and his younger self.) and one that had a balance between the plot and the romance. I wanted to write a story where everything tied in somehow, where the love story impacted on the action, and was affected by it in turn. I have to admit, it's been a lot longer, and in some ways, a lot more of a grind than I thought it would be, which is why I appreciate your comments on the story.

 __I love confused Seto and angry Yami too – they're irresistible! And I thought Yami being sort of wryly apprehensive about Kaiba's idea of offering comfort was funny too – a concern that was very well grounded, given Kaiba's subsequent comments.  I thought anger would be the emotion Kaiba was most familiar with, and could read the best. Also, unlike most people, Kaiba, I think would find the passion in Yami's anger attractive.

 _Note to Desidera:_ **Kaiba:** Thank you! You described exactly what I was trying to do in the chapter, which is a wonderful present. I meant the title, 'The Idiot' somewhat as a joke – because a lot of Kaiba's actions with regard to his emotions can seem pretty idiotic on the surface. But you're right – I don't think of him as an idiot, but as someone who is learning a lot of hard lessons about trust and sharing his life.

 **Seto:**   Believe me, there are days when I wonder what possessed me to tackle not one, but two sets of Kaiba brothers at the same time.   I love the little viper, though. Part of why I wrote this was to give him his own story where he could show off his totally obnoxious self in all its glory. And I'm glad you can see where Yami and Kaiba work in this story.

 


	41. Pyramid of Light

**SHADOW GAME NOTE:** In the manga, Sugoroku has a BEWD. Kaiba steals it from Yugi, and get challenged to a Shadow Game by Yami. He loses when he tries to play the BEWD and it destroys itself.

 **SEKIHO ARMY REMINDER:** At the end of the Tokugawa Shogunate, there was a certain amount of chaos in Japan, partly because this once fairly isolated nation had a sudden infusion of foreign (i.e. Western) contact, and partly because after over 200 years the government was starting to break down and there was a certain amount of social unrest. Anyway, the revolutionaries or the Imperialist side) wanted to turn Japan from a feudal society to a modern nation state, unified under an emperor. At this time, there was a peasant revolt, mostly over land and tax issues in many provinces. The pro-Imperialist side encouraged this, as a way of further weakening the Shogunate, and sent Sagara Sozo, among others, to organize the farmers, creating the Sekiho-tai. However, when the Imperialist side realized they were going to win, they also realized that they couldn't afford to keep the tax relief promises Sagara had made in their name. They declared the Sekiho-tai to be imposters, and arrested and executed Sagara and other top commanders. In 1928, the government offered an official apology, clearing their name, and honoring the troop.

* * *

**CHAPTER 41: PYRAMID OF LIGHT**

**KAIBA'S POV**

We had been working steadily for two weeks. Since the punk had recklessly promised an Ancient Egypt real enough to fool someone who'd lived there, it was up to us to deliver. The holograms were the easy part. It was the virtual world technology that was the pain in the ass. It had taken us over a week of the no-sleep game to figure it out, and even longer to complete the installation, laying the holographic system over its surface.

The whole time, we hadn't said more than was needed to solve the latest problem, or pass the equipment back and forth. I guess most people would have a lot to say to their younger (or older) selves, but Seto was out of questions, and I certainly had no words of wisdom for him. And I had discovered something – we liked working together in silence.

His hands were smaller than mine. He could thread the wiring more easily. My fingers were longer and more skilled. I was making the delicate final adjustments to the holographic projectors.

We were almost done with the final tests; by tomorrow we'd be ready to face Akunadin. I spoke, breaking the companionable silence.

"You'll survive," I said. "Gozaburo, I mean."

Seto looked at me, with unreadable blue eyes.

"Will you?" he asked.

It was Mokuba's question, Yami's question, now being echoed back to me, in my own voice.

I shrugged. "It's hard sometimes, having him dead. I kept him alive for years with my hatred and anger, just so I'd have someone to fight. Because if I admitted that I'd won, there'd be no one left but me and my demons. And it was my battles… against Gozaburo… against the orphanage… against everyone and everything that kept telling me to give up… that defined me, that gave my life meaning. So how could I admit that I'd won? How could I admit it was over?"

I expected this to feel uncomfortable. But it was just like thinking out loud. Maybe that's all talking really is. I went on, although I knew that Seto wouldn't really understand. That was okay. Maybe he would, one day. "It's taken me this long to realize that the past may have created me, but it doesn't have to limit me. _I_ was the one who gave it that power. I was the one who gave Gozaburo that power. And I can stop. Maybe I'm still being defined by my battles. It's just that this one is within myself."

I slipped my Blue Eyes White Dragon into my duel disk; watched him soar above us, sheltering us with his outstretched wings.

"I freed _him_ from the confines of his card," I said, nodding towards my dragon. "Can I do the same for myself? I hope so. I'm going to try. But first we have to get through Akunadin."

"No contest. Akunadin might be more powerful, but Gozaburo was worse. Next to him, Akunadin's just a clown in a dress," Seto laughed.

As always, Seto was just a little too sure of himself. It was going to get him into trouble… one day. But today, I laughed along with him. Only I could come up with a mortal enemy who was about to become the villain in a soon-to-be best-selling video game.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

I ran into Seto in the Kaiba Land lobby, as he was leaving. He looked even more disreputable than usual, which must have taken some effort. He was sweaty and covered in soot, as though he had been crawling on (or through) the floor. He was carrying a tool-box, which probably explained the fine coating of plaster dust.

"You're too late," he said. "If you're looking for your precious little Koryuu, he's gone."

"I thought you were going to be working tonight. Or is it too much to hope that you're both getting some rest before finishing up?"

"Us? We're done. I'm going to see Akunadin now. You might as well round up your usual collection of idiots. Tomorrow – it's _Showtime_."

"So soon?"

"Surprised?" he asked.

"No. I have always believed in you."

Like his older self, Seto shrugged off the praise.

"There's no percentage in sweet-talking me. Save it for Kaiba."

Seto hadn't really wanted to be my lover. But, no matter how gently, I had turned him down. I was under no illusions. He resented my rejection; it still rankled.

"Why do you think that only Kaiba is familiar to me?" I asked. "I remember the first time I met you. You were 16. Yugi had just assembled his puzzle. I had just been reborn into this world. I had no memories. I wasn't sure if I was myself, or some errant thought from Yugi's mind… or his heavenly protector. But you knew. You took one look at me… drew one card… and knew me."

"I suppose that made us fast friends," he sneered.

I smiled. "Not exactly. Do you remember those monsters from Isis' museum? Did you wonder why Kaiba knew just what to do? I shoved him into a Duel Monsters card and deposited him in the Shadow Realm, to face those monsters, unprotected. In case you were wondering… you deserved it."

His eyes lit up. "I can't wait," he said with Kaiba's manic grin. "It sounds like the kind of extreme challenge I've been looking for all my life."

"Some things never change. That's what you'll say to me when we duel for the first time." I reached out to cup one grimy cheek in my hand; felt something catch in my heart when I saw his blue eyes looking up into mine. "I've known you for a long time. Never doubt that you're worth waiting for." I left the imprint of my lips on his forehead.

He smiled, hesitantly. A smile I had only seen on Kaiba's face when asleep – or in his soul room, when he said that he would like to know what it was like to be loved.

"He's at Kaiba Tower," Seto told me, as if paying a debt, "I figured, he needed to look out Gozaburo's window more than I did, tonight."

Although the sun had set, the lights were off in Kaiba's office when I arrived. Kaiba was leaning against Gozaburo's window, staring unseeing at the city below. His hair sparkled in the evening light, and I realized he was coated with the same fine dust as Seto. I stood for a moment in the doorway, looking at him.

Kaiba didn't react to my presence. Did he want to talk? Considering I usually had to pretend to be asleep to find out what was on his mind, I doubted it. But I wanted him to know that I would listen, even if only silence answered my question.

"What is it, Koryuu?" I asked, my voice carrying in the empty room.

"Those weapons…" Kaiba said without turning around. "I enjoyed creating them."

"I know," I answered. "I was there. And I also know that you didn't realize that they would be produced… that they would be used."

"Do you think that matters to the people I killed?"

"The person it should matter to is _you_. Yes. It was your hatred, your anger… and your ignorance that designed those weapons. But it was Gozaburo's greed, Gozaburo's evil that gave them life. Do you remember what you told me when we fought side by side against Dartz at DOMA? That you had been forced unwillingly, to look into the darkness of your own soul… to see it shatter… to rebuild so that only the light of the future was left. Show me that light now, Kaiba. Come," I said as I approached him. "It's time to go home."

"I am home," he replied, pulling me towards him, trapping me against the window, as he kissed me, as he stripped the clothes from my body. I could feel myself grow solid under his hands, feel myself warmed by his breath, as surely as I could feel the smooth glass against my back. I was glad that, like Kaiba, I loved heights.

"Gods. When you touch me, I become real…" I groaned. "I feel my body, as if it only comes to life when you claim it. I will gladly risk everything tomorrow. Tonight I just want to believe in my own existence. Prove to me that I'm solid…. that I feel."

"Gladly," he replied, lifting me to him. I wrapped my legs around his hips, and settled between him and the window.

Life is contrast, measured by the gap between nothingness and sensation. Now, all I could feel was the cold of the glass, all I could feel was the heat of Kaiba's body… the smooth surface of the window, the even smoother surface of his skin. When Kaiba took me, as I had demanded, I was not only real, I was his world.

Poets talk of love as if it was purely a matter of emotion; as if rapture was brought to life solely by the mingling of souls. And in truth, without emotion, even ecstasy is meaningless. But love is also physical. And without a body to share… to give… the word is but half understood.

Too sated and content to be anything but human, I slid down, until I was touching the solid ground once more, although we were still 50 stories in the air. But Kaiba didn't leave the window. He pressed his naked form against the glass, looking outward. The sweat and plaster dust had combined to make his skin shine silver in the darkened room. He spread his arms and legs so that he was perfectly positioned in the center of that perfect rectangle.

"Once I stood here and wished the window would break. I dreamed of falling through the air; of shattering to the ground below," he said calmly, as if speaking of something so long accepted, it was almost unworthy of remark. "It was the only dream I had left, the only thing that I have ever wanted selfishly, for myself."

I wondered if he was lost once more among the ghosts that lingered in this room until he said, "But that's not enough anymore, Yami. I need to know that my life has changed; that I can have other dreams now. The next time I look out this window, in my mind's eye, I want to see your face over my shoulder, reflected back at me. I want to look into this window's mirrored surface and remember what it was like to see you gasping as you came."

"Take me, Yami," he ordered in a low voice. "Here, now… against this window. Take me so hard I can imagine it shattering beneath my touch. Do it so that I'll finally know that the glass will hold."

The moonlight was shining on his cheekbone as he turned to look at me. It glimmered in the hollow of his back. I exhaled sharply at the sight of him bathed by the night; growled as the echo of his words hummed in my ear.

I came up to Kaiba and hissed, my voice as low and feral as his, "As surely as I belong to you, you are mine, now – and nothing will ever claim you again… neither your past, nor your phantoms. Nothing but me."

Kaiba closed his eyes, and moaned, either from my words or the feel of my teeth on his neck. He braced himself against the window and opened his eyes, staring into my shadowy reflection.

As usual, I wasn't sure what was going through his mind. As usual it seemed to concern his past as much as the present. That was all right. Maybe it took a former spirit to lay Kaiba's ghosts to rest.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I was glad when Mokuba came into our room early in the morning. I was nervous. Not about our meeting with Akunadin, (I had held my own against Gozaburo. How much worse could this be?) but, for the first time in my life, I was going to try to renegotiate a promise.

"Mokuba," I said, "I've tried as hard as I can to give you your Nisama back. I know Seto wasn't the one you were hoping I'd find," I paused, remembering that Mokuba actually _liked_ Seto. I sighed and began again. "I've tried to give you the Nisama you want… the 10 year-old from the orphanage. But I can't do it. He's dead. I should know – I helped kill him. And even for you, I can't be ten, again."

Mokuba opened his mouth. I held up a hand to stop him. This was hard enough without interruptions.

"But I can grope my way to becoming the man he would have grown into. Will that be enough?"

For once, he was the one who was speechless… if not soundless. He threw himself into my arms, laughing, crying, and nodding all at the same time.

"Is that enough?" he finally yelled. "Are you crazy, Nisama? That's everything!"

I looked over his head at Yami. There was something about facing possible death, that made talking easier, made it more like thinking out loud.

"I'm finally ready to listen to what you told me at Alcatraz. I've carried my three demons: anger, bitterness and hatred into every battle – just as surely as I've carried my dragons. Once, I thought they were what fueled my dragons, what gave them their strength and power. This time, if I can, I'm leaving them behind. My dragons and I are flying solo.

"They will soar even higher, now that they are unchained," Yami promised. "This is what you've been waiting for… like your Sekiho Army – you're fighting for the future."

"I see Mokuba's been busy," I said as I stroked my brother's tangled black hair, so he'd know I wasn't angry. "I haven't thought of them in years."

"But you've never stopped marching in their vanguard," he answered.

It was not the burning heat of my rage, but I found myself warmed by Mokuba's hug, by Yami's smile.

I could have stayed there forever, but I had a breakfast appointment to keep…

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

In his usual all-or-nothing way, Kaiba had decided he was leaving his demons behind. Also as usual, he had missed the point. His demons were a part of him, they had been grafted onto his soul in circumstances too extreme for them to ever be erased. My challenge had not been for him to eradicate his demons, but to accept them – and to rise above them as his dragons soared above the field.

But Kaiba was not the only one who would be going into battle today, leaving a part of himself behind, so I was not surprised to hear a knock at the door, or to open it and have Yugi cross the threshold of our bedroom for the first time.

"I'll be with you," he said. "You know that."

"Yes," I agreed. "But it won't be the same. I will be carrying only your memory within me; the voice within my head will be naught but an echo. And you are my wisdom."

"Am I?" he asked. "I once called you my strength. But you weren't. Not really. You just helped me recognize the strength that was inside of me. I couldn't have done it without you, but it was my strength all along, not yours. Are you so sure that the wisdom you're looking for isn't inside of you the whole time, waiting for me to complete the introduction?"

I didn't know how to answer. Yugi had been right about so many things. Could he be right about this as well?

Yugi smiled. "I brought you a present. Shut your eyes."

I felt him attach something to my belt. I opened my eyes and looked down. It was a key chain. A tiny duel monster was attached to one end. It was the Silent Swordsman, the centerpiece of Yugi's new deck.

"Think of it as a graduation present. I'll always be your aibou. But you're not my 'other me' and you never were. And it's time you knew that everything you look for in me, is in your heart as well."

I tugged at the charm, needing to know that it was securely attached.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

The old man was in the kitchen before me, as usual. I was pretty sure I got up earlier, but I usually worked in my room, so I had never made it down first… even before the old fox had set Yami on me to slow me down.

We were meeting Akunadin later, so this would probably be the last time we would share an early morning in the kitchen. I nodded hello, silently. I had wanted to see Sugoroku, but I had used up all my words on Yami and Mokuba.

Sugoroku got up and came over to me. 'Please,' I thought, 'don't ruin everything by telling me how much you like me.'

But the old man simply held out a card to me, saying, "Yesterday you entrusted Mokuba to my care. Today, I'm returning a treasure to yours."

He pressed the card into my hands, adding. "This belongs to you."

I looked down. Of course the faint feel of tape should have told me what it was. I stared into its Blue Eyes.

"You mean because of our duel?" I asked. "Any number of people in this house – your grandson first among them, will be only too happy to tell you that it wasn't a fair duel; that I cheated by springing my holographic system on you without warning. I won't deny it."

"No, you never deny anything, do you? But I wasn't referring to our duel. I simply meant – whether you treasure him or rip him up all over again – this Blue Eyes White Dragon is yours. Do with him what you wish."

As he walked away, I stared at my fourth Blue Eyes White Dragon. Sugoroku had done a good job repairing him; the tear barely showed, the tape barely felt beneath my fingers.

I could never use him in a duel, of course. My duel disk would pick up the adhesive; would deem the card a fake; although he was as real as the other three. I had destroyed him, as deliberately as I had razed my own soul. I'd accepted the consequences of my actions, even as I'd mourned my dragon's loss; even as I'd wondered whether three-quarters of a heart would be enough to get through life with. But Seto (of all people) had been right. I finally had all four dragons in my hands. I heard Sugoroku's voice in my head: ' _Treasure him or rip him up all over again – the choice is yours.'_

I looked into my dragon's matching blue eyes. The old man was right. Flaws and all, this dragon was mine. I took a breath, then put him in place in my locket; a buffer between Mokuba's picture and the card that gave me access to Kaiba Corporation.

* * *

**MOKUBA'S POV**

My brothers had dressed for the occasion, each in their own fashion. Nisama was in a long sleeved shirt and leather pants, both of a dark silver-gray. He had with a high collared, sleeveless coat thrown over it. It was like his Battle City coat, but the color of tarnished gold, lined with black silk. Nisama looked like what he was: a modern day samurai going into battle.

Nisama took one look at Oniichan and said, "I'm glad you bothered to wear something appropriate."

"Jackie Chan is suitable for all occasions," Oniichan replied, just as coolly. He was in an oversized T-Shirt advertising Jackie Chan in ' _A Rumble in The Bronx'_ It was the movie where he fought with all the appliances. Oniichan had taken his _shinobigatana_ and slashed the sleeves and bottom of the shirt. The dragon belt buckle seemed to move through the tatters as though it was alive. It was artfully done as usual. It looked like Oniichan had closed his eyes and hacked away at his shirt – but even as the tatters fluttered whenever he moved, every burn was covered.

I laughed as I took a closer look at his baggy black carpenter's pants. He had stuck the Sennen Rod through the loop on his thigh, as if it was a hammer. The gold ball on top held it in place. The Rod swung in time to his steps as he strode across the floor.

I looked around the now-unrecognizable basement. My brothers had outdone themselves. Even Jounouchi was impressed. Although I knew we were still in Domino, although I knew we were underneath Kaiba Land – I could feel the sand under my feet… feel it sting my arms every time the wind blew. Ahead was the entrance to the pharaoh's tomb.

Nisama looked around and grunted with satisfaction. He turned to Oniichan. "This worked out even better than I thought. We should think about holding theme parties down here. It'd be great publicity for…" He stopped himself, remembering that if today's battle was won, Oniichan wouldn't be here to help, tomorrow.

I spoke up quickly, "Sounds like a great idea, Nisama." He looked at me, swallowed, and nodded.

As Nisama opened the door, we could see the long corridor, carved with hieroglyphs. But it wasn't just a hologram. I didn't need the ghostly mists surrounding us to know that we were in the Shadow Realm once again. The monsters would have told me that. I was willing to bet they weren't holograms either. But Akunadin hadn't recreated Nisama's nightmare this time. In fact, the monsters facing us were surprisingly weak.

"It seems that home field advantage is being shared," Yami warned. "We are in your virtual world, but we are also in the Shadow Realm."

Nisama looked at me. I knew what he was thinking before he spoke. "Akunadin wants me and Seto," he said to me. "If you leave, he'll let you go. And these monsters will probably part and let us through.

"Don't you even think it!" I said furiously, "We're a team, remember? Then act like it! You're not going anywhere without me."

"Since when did you become _my_ Nisama?" he asked.

"When it comes to trying to keep you alive, I've always been your Nisama. You just never noticed before."

He didn't answer. But he didn't argue, either. He looked at Oniichan, who nodded, adding his consent. Nisama turned to face the monsters again. Yami touched his arm.

"Remember to use your deck this time," he smirked.

My brothers laughed, and Yami joined in. It was the happy, excited laughter of three kids about to be taken for a treat. I looked behind me. Jounouchi was annoyed, possibly at being left out of the joke. Yugi smiled and shrugged. For a moment I forgot Anzu, and only remembered how much I liked Yugi, and how much we had in common; as he watched his aibou with a look of amused exasperation on his face.

"You know, they really do deserve each other," he said.

Nisama stopped laughing long enough to say, "It's time to get this show on the road." Whether because he had me to protect, or because he wanted to get the preliminaries over in a hurry, he drew out his Blue Eyes White Dragon.

"Why do you always do that? Why do you always need to show off?" Yami scolded. "We don't need a monster that powerful to vanquish the demons in front of us. And if we need that Blue Eyes White Dragon later, he won't be in your deck. When will you ever learn to wait? To show an iota of caution? Or to use even a little common sense?"

"Probably never," Nisama answered. But Yami was right. It only took one lightning burst for Nisama's dragon to destroy everything in sight.

* * *

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**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter…_ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** It's hard to believe but after this, there are only four more chapters (three more posts, since I'll post the last two chapters together.

 **FANFICTION'S NEW REVIEW POLICY:** The new policy forbids writers from replying to reviews in their next chapter. They have, however provided a link so that writers can reply directly to the people who comment on their stories, if those people have signed in. In accordance with this policy I will reply directly to all signed reviews (NOTE: if you _don't_ want to hear from me, just say so in your review, and I won't reply.) I will post a summary of the things raised in the reviews on my Live Journal – the link is on my biopage – and reply to all unsigned reviews there. Probably like every other writer, I hope that people continue to review, because it really means a lot to me.

 **Kaiba and weapons** : When you look at the time and love Kaiba expends on his duel disk designs, the pride he takes in his buildings, the joy he shows when flying his BEWD plane, and the way he uses building Kaiba Land as a way of finding himself again, it's clear that Kaiba's designs are an expression of his soul.

What does that say about his weapons? I've always seen them as an expression of his anger and hatred… his destructive force unleashed on the world. I think he feels so deeply guilty about their creation because they are as much a part of him as his duel disks. This makes it impossible for him to walk away from them. It's not like in Battle City when Jounouchi was brainwashed and it's clear that his actions were not his – that the evil things he was doing were no part of his character.

The real evil that Gozaburo was guilty of was to twist the darkest part of Kaiba's soul – bring it to life and give if a form. I think that's what makes the knowledge that he created weapons so devastating to Kaiba, and part of why he tries so hard to erase his past.

 **Fourth Dragon** : I guess by now it's no surprise that I find the dragon that Kaiba destroyed more fascinating than the other three. It just seems like such a cool metaphor for what Kaiba has done to his life – literally and relentlessly trying to destroy his own soul, only to take on the equally difficult task of rebuilding it. So in an odd way, I found it satisfying to finally reunite him with his lost dragon.


	42. With A Little Help From My Friends

**CHAPTER 42: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS**

**KAIBA'S POV**

It was good to be running again, through the now empty corridor, with Yami at my side. It was fun watching him struggle to match my longer stride. It made up for the fact that Yami had been right, as usual. The home field advantage Seto and I had worked so hard for had vanished. And Yami had been right about my dragon, as well. I had given in to my impatience and anger. But the monsters opposing us had been too weak to merit my Blue Eyes White Dragon's attention. They had shattered immediately, without offering any real opposition.

The attack had been a feint, probably designed to draw at least one dragon out of my deck… and it had succeeded.

The true battle lay ahead.

We reached the tomb's door quickly. I could feel the power of Akunadin's Sennen Eye – the Eye that matched my own – as we entered the room.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

The door slammed behind us. We were in a vast empty chamber. Abruptly, the curtain of the Shadow Realm fell, the mists heavy, concealing. I could no longer see Kaiba. Nor could I see an opponent. But I did not doubt that my enemy was here. I could feel a sense of evil, could almost taste it. It was in front of me.

"Kaiba!" I yelled, but the mists swallowed my words.

I looked down at my Duel Disk. My life points were active. So… a duel was beginning. I pulled out my Lightning Eel. It could go straight to the source, attack my enemy's life points directly. I set it against the evil I sensed… felt my monster strike…

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I couldn't see a damn thing. I didn't see that fucking Eel, until it damn near electrocuted me. I could hear Seto breathing at my side. I couldn't tell if he had been hit, too. Since I was the one wearing the duel disk, I doubted it. Hoped not, anyway. One of us fried, was enough.

"Yami!" I hollered once, only to realize there was no point is screaming. The damn fog was acting as a damper; muffling my words… leaving me mute as well as blind.

I had to find Yami. He had disappeared when the Shadow Realm sprang up around us. But first things first. Someone had attacked me. They were going to pay. I watched my life points drop on the duel disk's counter. So… there was a duel going down.

My unseen opponent's strategy was a good one. I wasn't about to send my Blue Eyes White Dragon into this murk. It was time for a magic card – Ookazi. I tried to see through the flames that sprang up as Ookazi burned away 800 of my opponent's life points.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

As my Lightning Eel struck, I felt a backlash of pain, as if I was the intended target. For a moment I wondered if my opponent had set a Trap Card, but when I stared at my duel disk, my life points were unchanged. I had felt all the pain of the attack, without being its target.

I had barely recovered my footing when Ookazi's flames rolled over me. For a moment I was frozen in the searing heat of Ookazi's fires. My lungs burned as I gasped futilely for breath. Then the moment passed; the flames disappeared as if they had never been, and I was gratefully breathing in the sweet cool air. I shook my head to clear it.

My Lightning Eel was still on the field; could attack again, but I hesitated. My own monster's strike had hurt me as badly as its intended target. It had hurt as badly as the counter-attack that had just cost me 800 life points.

I was annoyed at my unaccustomed hesitancy. I had a second Lightning Eel. I could play them both, and double the damage to my opponent's life points. Kaiba was out there somewhere. I had to find him fast. I had sent him to the Shadow Realm, twice. Pegasus, once. I tried to tell myself that he would survive a fourth trip, just as he had survived everything else; that he had spent the past three weeks diving into the Eye, but everything was screaming at me to attack… to end this now… to save him.

Still, I held my ground and waited.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

Everything screamed at me to attack – to get revenge – now, while my enemy seemed motionless. I could sense Akunadin's Eye in front of me, beating down on me… and I could sense Darkness. But why did they feel like they came from two different sources?

When I had used Ookazi, its flames had hurt me, even as it had left my life points untouched. It was puzzling, and I had had enough of riddles.

I tried to use my Eye to scan the field. Either nothing could break through the gloom, or I hadn't learned to use it properly… or both. Abruptly, I realized that I had only practiced on myself. It had been a foolish decision, but I'd been responsible for so much destruction in my life, already. I couldn't stand the thought of causing additional collateral damage with this new weapon. As a result, while I knew all there was to know about its uses from the inside, I'd never practiced throwing its power outward. Another scruple was coming home to haunt me.

The thought of Gozaburo laughing at me in Hell, when I came to join him, made me almost mad enough to release my dragons… to blast whatever was in front of me. But there was another voice in my head… telling me to wait… and I was reluctant to attack an opponent whose pain I felt as if it was my own.

"What the fuck are you waiting for? Finish him off already!" Seto yelled at my side, his howl barely audible through the fog. I recognized his impatience, his anger. It was my own. But just because I shared it, that didn't mean I had to give into it.

Seto's scream of frustration decided me. If the punk wanted me to attack, that was good enough reason to hesitate. After all, I knew where Seto, in his blindness and his rage, was headed. Hard as it was, I would stick with the road back. I had given in to the darkness in my own soul once. I would never do so willingly, again. Instead, I would follow this faint voice I heard telling me to be patient, to trust; a voice that was so new, it took me a moment to recognize that it was coming from my fourth dragon… as though he was more than just paper… as though he was more than just one more thing I had so easily destroyed.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

I was waiting for an attack that didn't seem to be coming. But my opponent was out there, somewhere. I could feel his rage, as surely as I felt a sense of evil in front of me. But were they the same? One tasted familiar. I savored its sharp tang on my tongue. The other was alien in the worst sense of the word.

This felt wrong. It was starting to remind me of my duel with Kaiba on Pegasus's tower, of my first duel with Rafael at DOMA. 'No mistakes,' Kaiba kept repeating. Well now, I felt like I was about to make a mistake…

Enough waiting, enough unsolvable puzzles, I thought, once again impatient with my own indecision. Kaiba needed me… and I had promised to stand by his side. It was time to end this farce and find him. My hand reached for my deck. Then a voice broke into my thoughts… low… urgent…

"Aibou, stop!"

I paused. How could I be hearing Yugi? This made no sense. Ever since our separation, Yugi and I needed to be in close proximity to each other for our link to work. Yet Kaiba and I had run through the door alone. It had closed behind us. Unless, somehow, just when I needed him, Yugi had followed.

"Yugi?" I asked through our link.

"Aibou, stop your attack!"

In the face of his urgency, there was only one reply. I had ignored his voice once. I would never do so again. This time, I would not err. For the first time, my hand moved to cover my deck… to surrender.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

"Who knows what happens to those who lose Shadow Games?" Malik had crowed at Battle City. Well I knew. I'd lost three times. I knew exactly what it was like to be trapped in the Shadow Realm. But did Yami? Had he ever been there as its prisoner, and not its sovereign? And he was out here, somewhere. Maybe if I won, the mists would clear. But as I reached for my deck, I saw it… that ridiculous flower, with all those teeth…Man Eater.

This made no sense. What the fuck was a weak monster like Man Eater doing in the middle of this duel? No sane person would play it in this situation. I certainly wouldn't have – not that I had ever owned Man Eater anyway, even when I had been Seto's age.

But Man Eater was as familiar to me as my dragons. It was Mokuba's favorite card… and had been since he was Kouma's age. I raced to process this new bit of data as quickly as I could. If Man Eater was here, then probably so was Mokuba. I heard Seto cry out his name at my side. He must have reached the same conclusion as I. Mokuba was trying to get my attention; he was trusting me to decipher his message. This time, I would validate his faith in me. There were some pasts I would never revisit.

Amid the doubts that seemed to swirl around this room, my own path was suddenly clear; I had one certainty I could cling to. I would never risk harming Mokuba again. My choice was simple. For the first time, I moved my hand to cover my deck… to surrender.

The mists dissolved. I was facing Yami.

Although Akunadin wasn't in the room, I could still sense him, could feel the power of his Eye beating down on me, just as one can always tell where the sun is, even with eyes closed.. I followed its trail. It led past Yami to a door directly behind him; a door the fog had obscured until now. My own eye widened, and I turned around to find a matching door at my own back. We had two opponents – Zork and Akunadin – and there were two identical doors, facing each other across the anteroom, just as Yami and I had stared each other down, without realizing it, as we dueled. And I was willing to bet that Yami was sensing Zork as strongly as I was reacting to Akunadin.

I smiled in approval. "Ingenious. It's a pleasure facing so clever an enemy. I wonder who set this trap – Zork or Akunadin – or if they planned it together. Either way, they almost got us to do their job for them. Very efficient."

"It might have succeeded if not for Yugi and Mokuba," Yami said, turning his head to the room's third door – the one Yami and I had used to enter. Mokuba and Yugi were with Jounouchi. As I watched, Yugi slid a card out of his duel disk and handed it back to Mokuba. They looked shaken.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked.

"Hell just about sums it up. As soon as you went through that door, it all broke loose. I guess they didn't want us following you, anytime soon." Jounouchi answered.

"So, Akunadin was clever enough to know that you are my wisdom," Yami said to Yugi. He held up his hand, stopping whatever caveat Yugi was about to offer. "I am content to have it so," Yami added.

Well, I certainly wasn't applying for the job as anyone's wisdom. But although wisdom wasn't my department, practicality was. I looked at Yugi's Duel Disk. His deck was depleted. I turned to Seto, at my side. He hadn't been wearing a Duel Disk, but I knew his deck was on him. "Give me your deck," I said.

He handed it over without question. I looked at my old cards, and thought a minute. I couldn't just take my deck out of the Duel Disk. The life points were once again inactive, and I was pretty sure I didn't need the disk anymore; that the next battle would be fought with the Sennen Items themselves. After all, that was the point of this whole charade.

But I didn't know what would happen if I took my Duel Disk off, or if I suddenly removed my deck – and I wasn't eager to find out. Instead, I carefully slid my cards out of the disk, replacing them at the same time with Seto's. It was a deck that had served us well. I saved only Monster Reborn, which I used to retrieve my Blue Eyes White Dragon from the graveyard. I placed it on top and handed my deck to Yugi.

"If anything comes through that door, use this. My dragons will protect Mokuba with their lives."

Don't worry. I'll watch over Mokuba," Yugi said, a little too earnestly. Sugoroku must have told him about my contingency plans. I glared at Yugi and snarled, before I managed to stop myself. I couldn't help it. I hated the thought of Mokuba being anyone's responsibility, but mine.

"I promise," he repeated. "Whatever it takes, I will protect your partner until your return."

"As I will guard yours… always," I answered, turning away.

"But what about you?" Yugi called, almost as an afterthought

"We'll be fine. Akunadin's right through that door. I can feel it. And he wants us alive." I didn't point out that he needed only one of us to stay that way, hoping no one would contradict me.

"No! I won't let you go into battle without a dragon in your deck," Mokuba protested.

"My next battle won't be fought with cards. It's time for the items themselves to clash."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving you without one to carry with you."

"I have the perfect talisman," I replied, as I pulled out my fourth Blue Eyes White Dragon.

"He's damaged," Yugi pointed out.

"He seems to have been repaired. It's time to see if the patches will hold when put to the test," I answered. "Anything that can not stand its ground under pressure is valueless."

That got them to shut up, or at least to turn their attention to Seto.

"I've got the only dragon I'll ever need," he said proudly, as he pulled out the hand drawn card that meant more to him – to us – than my entire deck.

Mokuba still looked hesitant. I went over to him and knelt down – so we were at eye level, so he'd know it was serious.

"If you walk through that door, Akunadin will kill you where you stand without a second thought. And Gozaburo was right. That would kill me." I said.

He looked at me seriously.

"You need me to stay here. You need to know I'm safe," he said slowly. "I understand. I'll wait for you one more time."

"Thank you for accepting this," I told him. "Thank you for letting me face Akunadin alone."

"Do you promise this will be the last time you ask me to wait?" he asked.

"No." I said, "I've learned something over the last five years. I don't promise so easily anymore. But I'll try."

He nodded, hugged me, then Seto, before stepping aside.

I nodded to Yami. "If we're both alive, we'll meet back here."

Now it was his turn to hesitate. I knew what was on his mind. He was just finding out that promises are a bitch.

"We're going through different doors – but you're not breaking your promise. You're still beside me. I know that now," I assured him.

He smirked at me. "Amazing. Even the great Seto Kaiba can learn. Just see that you remember it, even when our lives are _not_ on the line," Yami said as he headed towards Zork's door and his next battle.

After running the gauntlet of Mokuba and Yami's emotions, the prospect of facing Akunadin was a relief. But much as I wanted an enemy I could see, a battle I could understand, there was one thing I had to do first.

"Seto," I said quietly, so Mokuba couldn't hear, even though I knew my brother was across the room and out of earshot "If anything happens to me, and you survive – go to Sugoroku. I signed the papers. He'll be your guardian until you're what the law considers a legal adult."

He stared at me. "That's why you took the Eye, isn't it? You figured whichever one of us had it, would also have the least chance of survival."

"That was one of the reasons," I admitted.

"Why did you do that? Why spare me?"

I shrugged. "It seems even I have limits. I won't sacrifice you a second time. I'm not proud of every decision I made. I never had the luxury of considering your welfare. I did what I thought was best for Mokuba. And I wouldn't change any of it."

Seto nodded. He waited, knowing there was more… giving me the time to decide whether to speak. If we failed… if he was the only one left… he deserved to know. If we succeeded, it was one more thing I would have to remember for him. I owed both of us that much.

"But that doesn't mean I have no regrets. There's more to you than I thought," I told him, smiling as I remembered Yami's words. "You're more than just some four-star monster, fit only for sacrifice, although I had no choice but to use you that way. You're a dragon – and you deserve the chance to fly. If all hell breaks loose, do what you can to stop Akunadin – then go to Sugoroku. Maybe he'll do a better job by you than I ever managed."

Seto gave me back my own reckless grin. "You've gotten soft in your old age," he drawled. "I don't know about you, but _I'm_ not planning on losing."

* * *

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**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter!_ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** I have to admit, I feel like I've given people a cliff-hanger (and a particularly evil one) for the holidays…

 **Duel Note:** At the start of Yugioh, Kaiba is focused on winning to the exclusion of all else – and Yami is focused on winning almost to the exclusion of all else. Okay – I admit that's a little simplistic, particularly when it comes to Yami, but I also think they are the two characters who show the most growth and development, who learn, with varying degrees of success how to temper their drive to win, and learn what battles are important and why. But I also think they are two characters who could get easily lost in the goal of winning, and for whom surrender would be particularly difficult – so I saw them as needing a little help to do so.

 **Title Note:** I have to admit, I picked this chapter title from the Beatles' song, not just because it applies, but because I love the opening lines: "What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, and I'll try not to sing out of key…"

I have to admit, that comes closer to describing what writing this has felt like, than anything else I've read, so I couldn't resist using it as a title.

 **Seto and Kaiba Note:** One thing that struck me is that whenever (as at the end of Alcatraz) Kaiba is thinking about reclaiming his life, you see an image of the 10 year-old Seto flash through his mind. But that's the Seto, Kaiba is proud of – the one who promised Mokuba to be his father, the one that outsmarted Gozaburo into adopting them. And I thought that the Seto Kaiba needs to come to terms with was the 13 year-old punk who goes on to make so many disastrous choices – that Kaiba needs to see that child (as he has been fond of saying through this story) for who and what he is.

 **DOMA Note:** Yugi tries to stop Yami from playing the seal of Orichalcos, in his first duel with Raphael in DOMA. Yami's failure to heed Yugi's warning, leads to Yugi's soul being trapped by Dartz. I thought at a critical moment like this, Yami might well remember that.

 **POV Note:** I hope people weren't starting to feel like they were at a tennis match with all the rapid pov switches in the beginning of the chapter, but I was trying to give the sense of the rapid back and forth flow of a heated duel.


	43. Fathers and Sons

**SEKIHO ARMY REMINDER:** At the end of the Tokugawa Shogunate, there was a certain amount of chaos in Japan, partly because this once fairly isolated nation had a sudden infusion of foreign (i.e. Western) contact, and partly because after over 200 years the government was starting to break down and there was a certain amount of social unrest. Anyway, the revolutionaries or the Imperialist side) wanted to turn Japan from a feudal society to a modern nation state, unified under an emperor. At this time, there was a peasant revolt, mostly over land and tax issues in many provinces. The pro-Imperialist side encouraged this, as a way of further weakening the Shogunate, and sent Sagara Sozo, among others, to organize the farmers, creating the Sekiho-tai. However, when the Imperialist side realized they were going to win, they also realized that they couldn't afford to keep the tax relief promises Sagara had made in their name. They declared the Sekiho-tai to be imposters, and arrested and executed Sagara and other top commanders. In 1928, the government offered an official apology, clearing their name, and honoring the troop.

* * *

**CHAPTER 43: FATHERS AND SONS**

**YAMI'S POV**

I felt Kaiba watching me as I walked towards Zork Necropolis's lair. But as soon as the door shut behind me, I put all thoughts of Kaiba aside. It was time to face my earliest and latest foe.

Zork Necropolis was seated in darkness, on the opposite side of what looked like a Role Playing Game table. I remembered Kaiba once saying to me, ' _There's Darkness and darkness.'_ Whereas mine was the peaceful darkness of night under stars, Zork's was the darkness that devoured souls and destroyed worlds.

I looked more closely at the game board separating us. On it, were not tokens or dolls, but holograms. The figures were instantly identifiable from Seto Kaiba's video game. At either end of the table, two figures were facing each other. The prince was standing, crimson eyes flashing as he glared at his enemy. Enthroned at the opposite end, was the Demon King. Although he had retained his business suit, Zork's features had replaced Gozaburo's. In the space separating them, three figures stood on the floor of a royal chamber. The sandstone squares under their feet resembled a giant chessboard. On my side were the larger and smaller versions of my blue-eyed Elven warrior – Ninquiloce and Locelle. Their brown hair was caught in a tie at their backs; their bangs covered their eyes. Opposing them stood the gaunt sorcerer.

I raised my eyes to meet Zork's, and saw the prince on the board mirror my movement.

Zork and Akunadin had used their Shadow Powers to tap into Seto Kaiba's game.

"As you see, neither of us is totally in our own territory," Zork said. "Still, your pet won you the best deal he could. I expected to hold every advantage. After learning to think of time in terms of millennia, we may have underestimated the difference that a mere five years would make. Possibly we approached the wrong Seto. The older one would have been quite a prize. Perhaps you agree?"

"A prize, indeed," I snarled. "But he is _mine_. And I will never willingly give him up."

"Yet you left him to face Akunadin, alone. You must know that there is little he could have learned in three weeks that will enable him to stand against my puppet."

I closed my eyes and saw Kaiba falling into my arms fighting DOMA. This time, after promising to stand beside him, I very well could have sent him to his death… alone.

"I may have misjudged you. I wouldn't have thought you were the kind of man who would be content to let your pet die in your place," Zork taunted in his cold voice. "It is your choice – you can rush in there, become another piece on the board – or you can take your seat opposite me… and we will let our puppets determine the final outcome of this battle."

At his words I longed to leap up, to race to the other room, to throw myself between Akunadin and Seto… and Kaiba. But Shadi's cryptic words flashed across my mind, " _In the coming battle your greatest strength will become your greatest weakness… but your weakness, if you can find it, will lead you to the strength that you need."_ Now, finally, I understood. My true strength had always been in my friends. My true weakness was that in my need to protect them, I refused to accept that they, like me, had to face life's chances – that they had both that right and that obligation.

I settled into my chair. "You have one thing wrong. He's not my puppet, he's my champion. And I am well content to let my Knight fight this battle.

Zork screamed. He had not expected this. All his preparations had centered around his taking a hand in this game, and he would have been a skilled and dangerous opponent. But although it had not been my intent, my acquiescence to his terms had neutralized the threat he represented. The words of his oath became a chain that bound him to his throne, as they had defined me. If I would not interfere in this battle – then neither could he.

"So, you're not as confident as you seem," I murmured.

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

Damn, Seto was good. Akunadin looked just like the sorcerer from our game. Sounded like him, too.

"You know, I really only need one of you. Two would just make things too complicated," Akunadin remarked pleasantly.

"Do you remember what happened to the last 'father' who got in my way?" I responded with an answering smile. "It's a shame we're in the basement."

"You never were a very obedient son."

"I was never an obedient anything." Damn, this was fun. I could see why Seto kept coming back for more. It was like dueling Yami, only sicker; a craving that I thought had died with Gozaburo.

"I'm sorry this will be our last meeting," I said truthfully. "It would have been a pleasure doing business with you."

"Ah, but you wouldn't have done business with me. That's why I needed the younger one. But, I agree with the sentiments. I'm sorry, Seto, that our first meeting will be our last."

"Kaiba, to you."

"Seto is your name."

"So is Kaiba. Maybe I prefer the name I paid for, to the one I was given."

"After 3,000 years… still so proud, Seto?" he asked, just as Gozaburo had. The obvious answer was 'yes'. The less obvious one was that pride had often been too expensive a commodity to afford, although I admit, it was the one luxury item I indulged in as often as I could. Either way, I kept silent.

"You don't seem to realize I hold a trap card. Seto will betray you."

I yawned. "I already betrayed myself in every way possible, long before you arrived on the scene."

"I suppose his actions shouldn't surprise you. After all, you know what you are… what you'll become."

"Once I would have said that I know exactly who and what I am. But I've been told twice lately, that I haven't a clue."

Seto was keeping quiet. He knew, if things went wrong, it was up to him to protect Mokuba and Kouma. He wasn't about to tip his hand too soon.

Akunadin shook his head sadly. "It's a shame you have such strong loyalties. It's a shame you chose to give them to your brother and your lover. It's a shame I have to kill you."

"Spoken like a true father," I sneered.

I wasn't surprised by the speed of his attack. And I had faced it before, of course – that beam of light that could shoot out of the Eye; that blinded in its intensity, as it stole your soul. I parried; reflected the light back, wildly. The truth was, if I was younger, and possibly stronger than Akunadin – I was also untrained. All I could do was block his assaults.

I was playing a sucker's game, and I knew it. Unless I could mount an attack, just as with Gozaburo's little Kendo lessons, it was only a matter of time until Akunadin broke through my defense – and Akunadin seemed as little inclined as Gozaburo, to trust me with a weapon with a cutting edge.

But maybe I could make one. After all, despite having had all the disadvantages, I had wrested a victory of sorts against the last parent I had battled. At least I was alive and Gozaburo was dead. It was time to see if history would repeat itself with the next father to cross my path.

I considered my options – although when you're down to considering your options, it means you're running out of them. Akunadin had had three millennia to practice focusing the power of the Eye outward; to practice using it as a weapon. I had only tried it out on myself.

The truth was, that first time… if I hadn't had Mokuba waiting for me, if I hadn't had Yami to protect, I might have stayed in the Eye forever. It was what I deserved, the only way to pay for what I've done. And part of me welcomed the thought of finally having it all be over.

I didn't make the mistake of thinking Akunadin had a conscience… at least I had seen no sign of one. But I knew something Akunadin didn't. I knew what waited deep inside the Eye. I had heard Anubis whispering in my ear, promising judgment. I had smelled the monsters laying in wait. I had felt the flames… they had singed my hair, my clothes. Each time I went back, I had tested myself against the Eye, until I had finally mastered its paths.

Maybe I would burn in Hell one day, as some mythical feather sank beneath my sins. But I wasn't going alone, and I wasn't going first. After all, if I thought I knew what Anubis' judgment would be – how much more did Akunadin have to fear?

It had taken me this long to realize it, but I had not only survived Gozaburo, I had survived myself. I had survived the Eye. I smirked. Akunadin had had his Eye for 3,000 years. In all that time, had he ever turned the Eye inward? Had he ever walked its paths, fought with it from the inside? Had he ever stared down the darkness within his own soul, battled his own demons? I was willing to bet he hadn't. I was willing to bet my life that he wouldn't like what he would see…

It was time to change the rules of the game. To fight, as I always did, on _my_ terms.

I looked at Seto, standing like a sentry awaiting the call to battle. Between the two of us, we would meet our enemy head on.

Akunadin was holding a blank card in his hands, ready to receive my soul, just as Pegasus had at Duelist's Kingdom. I was insulted. Did he think I could be caught twice with the same trick? This time, I wasn't going to be diverted to a card. I was going to follow the beam of power – as I've always followed power – back to the source. But I was taking my earliest and latest father with me. We were both going into the Akunadin's Eye… into Akunadin's soul. Only one of us was coming out.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

I knew what he was going to do from the moment he fell. Kaiba had simply chosen the most direct, most self-destructive way to achieve his goal. He realized that he did not have the experience to wield the Eye as Akunadin did. He was betting everything that he would fare better from the inside. And so, he had done what he did best – he had made himself into the bait to trap his enemy.

"This was easier than I thought," Zork said, as Kaiba crumpled to the ground. "After all, the younger one was half on our side to begin with… not to mention he's untaught. Even if he chooses to oppose us, this shouldn't take long."

I understood his confidence. On Zork's side was his High Priest – who had 3,000 years to perfect his scheme of revenge and power; 3,000 years to learn the uses of the weapon he wielded. And Akunadin knew his opponent as much – and as little – as a father knows his son.

On my side, seemingly all I had left was a troubled boy – who despite his words, despite his promises – was tempted by what Akunadin had offered. What I wished I could offer in his stead: a chance to remain in this world; a chance to escape his future.

I looked at Seto and saw a boy who knew nothing about the Sennen Item in his hand; had never held it. A boy who refused to believe in its power – who refused to believe in anything but his own formidable will.

I had one more thing on my side… I had faith. In both of them.

"It's disappointing in a way," Zork continued. "With the older one gone so quickly, this won't even be an interesting contest. You _do_ realize that the binding between you and your puppets is unbreakable. Whatever doom they meet on that field will be yours."

"I wouldn't be so quick to count the elder one out, just yet," I replied. "In the last 3,000 years, you really should have found the time to study chess. There are still _two_ Knights on the board – and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that no one can predict what the Knight's going to do next."

We looked on. The stage was set, but Akunadin hadn't moved; he seemed unable to. We watched as he became consumed with some interior battle. We could follow Akunadin's increasingly frenzied gestures now; we stared at the hands that seemed to be moving of their own volition, at the spasmodically twitching body, as if it was not quite under his command. In his brief moments of control, Akunadin motioned to Seto, but the boy ignored him. Seto made no move to attack the unconscious body of his older self, nor to offer Akunadin the Rod which still swung from the loop on his pants. Either action would have ended this stalemate. Instead, Seto stood, almost meditatively watching.

"The tide has turned," I murmured. "What will happen when you lose?"

" _If_ I lose," Zork snapped. "Why don't you ask your lover what happens to those who lose Shadow Games?"

"For him, the answer was life. For you, the answer will be Death," I said.

"Yes. But even Death is less permanent than you'd think. Your last victory sealed us in our prison for 3,000 years. Another should grant you at least that long a respite. But forever is a very long time, and none have reached it, yet."

* * *

**KAIBA'S POV**

I had done it. I was inside Akunadin's Eye. I looked around. The layout wasn't identical. Instead, it was a mirror image of the Eye I had claimed. I closed my eyes, substituted left for right, and forwards for backwards in my mind, then opened my eyes to an adjusted reality. It's a good thing I'm a genius.

I smiled as Akunadin shimmered to life in front of me. I had pulled him in after me, or he had followed of his own free will, hoping to end the menace I represented. Either way, he was where I wanted him.

"Hello, father," I said pleasantly. "It seems we're not in the basement any longer."

As I spoke, the flames of a village long dead sprang to life around me. Shadowy people, already engulfed in fire, fled… becoming more real with each step… their screams growing in my ear. I tried to store the details in my mind so that I could recycle them into the inevitable sequel to our video game, later.

Akunadin's panicked voice broke my concentration. He was sweating, as if the fire was getting too close, was getting too real.

"Why aren't you burning? Why isn't any of this affecting you?" he yelled.

I shrugged. "Why should it? It's not _my_ nightmare."

That got him mad enough to take a step towards me… a step further inwards. I grinned. I had been right. Even dreams run on code. And I had just cracked this one. I knew what I had to do. I had to get Akunadin to the center of his soul room.

All I had to do to win this game was to turn his Eye 180 degrees around, until it was facing inwards; forcing him to look inside himself, forcing him to face his own demons. I had spent the last three weeks practicing this exact maneuver, so I knew that I could do it by myself. But it would be easier (and more fun) if I had his help. And each step he took further into his nightmares, further along the path of his life… of his sins… would turn the eye faster. Until he was at the center of his soul room… in the place of judgment… where Anubis and the fire and the monsters would be waiting.

Of course a having plan is one thing; implementing it is another.

"You blame me for all of this, don't you?" I asked conversationally. "After all, I'm the one who defied you twice, in two separate lifetimes. I'm the one who dragged you in here. I'm the one who's beaten you, again. I'm the one who's chosen Yami over you, again. Do you believe in destiny? I think it's a load of bullshit myself, and nothing I've seen yet has changed my mind," I said, taking a large backwards step with each sentence. Akunadin was taking the bait; was moving in time with me as though he was a toy on a pull string. "Unless you believe that character is destiny; that our actions flow out of who and what we are. That what fools call 'fate' is determined, not by some god on a cloud, but by our selves. Our natures setting the parameters for our actions… each choice and consequence building upon one another until the entire edifice acquires a patina of inevitability."

We had left the anteroom and started down a corridor. I grinned in satisfaction. The nightmares were getting worse, the body count was steadily rising, But Akunadin was still following. I picked up the pace and kept talking.

"Maybe I was born to reject you. Maybe I'll always turn from you, no matter how many times we do this, no matter how many lives we run through. That would be pretty ironic, wouldn't it? I could almost believe in a God who had such a fucked-up sense of humor."

We had reached a turning point in the maze. Visions of death and destruction were all around us now, and Akunadin's face had taken on a glazed look of horror. But he was still focused on my words, still following. I closed my eyes and double-checked the layout of the labyrinth that was stored in my brain. Opened them, and said, "I'm the one that brought you here. Maybe this is all just a nightmare, just an illusion. Maybe it'll all go away, if you kill me." I grinned, as annoyingly as I could. "But first you have to catch me…"

I took off, my long legs speeding around the corner, just out of reach… leading him further into his nightmares… leading him to the center of his soul room… leading him to Anubis.

I ran as gleefully, as playfully, as a child trying to entice his father into a game of tag.

* * *

**SETO'S POV**

I admit, it was strange seeing myself fall over like that. But I'd gotten the look that Kaiba had shot me, and I was willing to believe I had a card or two up my sleeve. So I just stood there watching, looking for my chance to complete this tag team. The great thing about having a reputation for impatience is that no one expects you to be able to wait when you have to.

Kaiba might have been lying on the floor, lifeless, but Akunadin didn't look much better. Instead of triumph, pain… no, agony was etched across his face. He screamed, clawing at his eye, but he was unable to touch it. As I stared at Akunadin, his gold Eye started slowly to turn inward. And I knew… Kaiba was alive. He was inside the Eye. He was fighting. He had committed everything in him, body and soul, to this battle. The proof of his struggle… the proof of his survival… was in the Eye that was turning gradually, inexorably, inward.

It was clear what Kaiba was trying to do – he was trying to force Akunadin to take a long, hard, look at himself. Kaiba was taking the fight to Akunadin's soul room; daring Akunadin to survive the journey Kaiba himself had made. And I was willing to bet Akunadin couldn't.

The Eye was still tuning, but painfully slowly. I had no idea how long Kaiba could last in there – and he had ceded Akunadin the ultimate home field advantage. And that card in Akunadin's hands couldn't be good news – even if it was blank.

Like his dragons, Kaiba would never give up. That wasn't our style. But this was _my_ fight too. And I was going to make sure we won it.

Except I had no idea how to help Kaiba. I'd never had the Rod in my hands before today; I'd never quite believed in it. Everyone said I had the 'right' to the Rod. That didn't mean shit to me. Not without the power to use the damn thing. I had to give Sugoroku and all the rest of them credit. They had tried to work with me, to work with Kaiba; had tried to drum a sense of right and wrong and friendship and all those other abstractions that the rest of the world lived by into our heads. Maybe they were right. But right now, this was about survival, so it was Gozaburo's lessons that I remembered.

I stared at the Rod in my hand. And I didn't see a Sennen Item whose powers I couldn't understand, much less use. I saw something simpler… a three-foot stick. A _Hambo_ to be exact. I swung it in my hand, automatically compensating for the extra weight in the ball at the top. I remembered the Sekiho Army, armed only with their sticks and staves. They had been betrayed. They had died. But the future they fought for had come to pass, although they had not lived to see it dawn. They had won.

I studied the Rod's stiletto-like point, so like the _shikomi-zue_ , the concealed sword cane of a Ninja assassin. It was a fitting instrument for the killer, Gozaburo had trained me to be.

I stared at the Rod in my hand. Like me – it was an assassin's weapon… and a peasant's. Like me – it was a combination of Gozaburo's lessons… and my own. I didn't know what its powers were, but I knew this: it was all the weapon I needed.

I started forward. Akunadin was too wrapped up in his struggle with Kaiba to notice me. I could feel his fury as he fought my older self. I smiled in appreciation. Damn, I was clever. How often had I done that? Taken Gozaburo's attention and held it at all costs? Different parent, same strategy. I've always been good at getting people to hate me… to be so focused on destroying me that they forgot everything else. It was nice to know I hadn't lost the knack.

Suddenly, Akunadin seemed to shake free from his internal battle. He saw me; saw the Rod in my hand – which was the only thing, besides the Eye, in that room that he truly loved – whatever lie he had tried to sell me. He pointed to Kaiba, on the floor, "Kill him, my son… and we will rule together as we were meant to," he panted.

Akunadin was in pain, and was deluded enough to think I was still on his side… that I would kill myself at his order. Maybe, if I had never run into Gozaburo, I would have pitied him. But it was my remorselessness, it was Akunadin's conviction that I would countenance any evil... that I was the worst of the three versions he had come across, that had attracted him to me in the first place. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was, as Gozaburo had always claimed, nothing more than a stray dog from the gutter. But like the Sekiho Army, I was fighting for the future now… Mokuba's… and my own.

"Come here," Akunadin commanded.

I was coming all right. I swung the Rod up, just as I had all those times in practice; just as if it was a _Hambo,_ just as if it was the broken broom that Kaiba and I had fought with in his kitchen. Akunadin suddenly realized I wasn't on his side. He reacted, but not quickly enough. He jumped back, but not far enough. He was certain I was trying to stab him or smash his head in. I wasn't. All I had to do was tap him, lightly, in the Eye. Just enough to tilt it further inward. Just enough to finish the job that Kaiba had started.

My aim was perfect. The eye clicked into place, backwards, taking Akunadin's soul with it. For a moment everything froze, as he was drawn into whatever Hell Kaiba had prepared for him.

Then Akunadin started screaming. Flames engulfed him, covered him, ran down his arms and legs… then exploded out of his open mouth, like a fiery serpent's tongue. He melted; dissolving in a fire that didn't heat; a fire that didn't burn anything but him. He screamed until all that was left was the echo of his voice… and a perfect golden ball and a slim, oddly shaped, golden _Hambo_ , on the floor. The card he had held fluttered to the floor, its edges already on fire. It was no longer blank. I saw Akunadin's face staring back at me in the instant before the card burned and turned to ash.

It wasn't as good as Gozaburo jumping from the Kaiba Tower windows. But for now, it would have to do.

I guess Newton's Third Law of Motion – that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction – applied to this situation as well. Akunadin was gone, taking whatever powers he had with him. As if in answer, a wind raged through the room; a backlash that picked me up and hurled me across the room – to land on Kaiba. To hear my heart beating in his chest as I passed out, cushioned on his body.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

Shadi was already there, when I entered the room. He had Akunadin's Rod in his hand, was reaching to pick up its mate – which lay by Seto's side. As he held them and chanted over them, they became one. I stared at the Rod, seeing it as it was meant to be, for the first time in 3,000 years.

Shadi picked up the Eye from the floor. Before I could ask about Kaiba, Shadi waved his hand, closed it, and there were two items that slowly combined into one.

I looked at Kaiba, afraid to see only a sunken socket where the golden orb had been; but even through his closed lids I could see the outline of his restored eye. I was content that when they opened, both would be blue.

"The Sennen Items have been healed. It is time they were returned," Shadi said.

I started to remove my puzzle, but Shadi stopped me. "You may keep it for this lifetime."

"Thank you," I told Shadi. "I made a promise to him. I would like to keep it."

For the first time Shadi smiled. "Then make the most of your time, this time." He pointed at the puzzle on my chest. "I will be back to claim it, one day."

I nodded.

"There is only one thing left to do, to seal Akunadin and Zork in their prison. Rest for tonight. Tomorrow, the timeline must still be fully restored."

I nodded again, as he disappeared.

I wasn't surprised that the first person (supernatural beings, aside) to enter the room was Mokuba. When he saw his brothers lying motionless on the floor, Seto partially shrouded by Kaiba's coat…when he saw me, still standing… for a moment a pure, blinding fury lit his eyes.

"You son of a bitch!" he yelled. His eyes narrowed, looking almost blue in the dim light. He gave me Kaiba's bitter laugh. "I guess you kept your promise after all. Nisama didn't die alone. He had Oniichan for company. I swear Yami, whatever it takes…"

"Mokuba, listen to me," I broke in before he could complete his vow. "They're alive. I swear it. They're all right. They won. They'll be awake any moment."

He looked at me, as he had at Duelist's Kingdom, weighing whether to believe me. I knew I had convinced him when he shuddered and looked away, his cheeks flushed with shame. He knew I had seen the hidden Mokuba, the one that Yugi's friends had forgiven and forgotten… the boy I had defeated Death-T… the Mokuba who had betrayed his brother's hopes, by following too closely in his Nisama's footsteps.

Mokuba hung his head, refusing to look in my eyes. I reached out to hug him to me. He would have shrugged out of my hold, but this I could not allow. No more than I would abandon his brother, could I let Mokuba deny himself the comfort he needed – for no one could love Kaiba, without adoring the boy who was the mainstay of his heart.

"It's all right. I understand," I said. "Of all of us this night – you have had the hardest part. Let us wait for them to wake up, together."

He still wouldn't look at me, but I felt his tears on my shirt, as I cradled him in my arms. My Ryuujin wasn't the only Kaiba who had some lessons to unlearn.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for editing this chapter._ **

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, that's the end of the battle, but not the end of the story. There's still one more post (I'll be posting the last two chapters together) to go.

One of the things I tried to do with this story was to weave a lot of seemingly random things – like Seto and Kaiba practicing martial arts, or the video game they're designing, or Kaiba's dreams, or even Shadi's opening words to Yami way back in Chapter 3, and then have them all become relevant and tie together in the end (yeah, I know it's not the actual end of the story, but you get my point.)

It's funny… I tend to write the very ending and the beginning first, and then write random scenes with no real idea of where or how they fit – I just know that somehow, eventually they will fit in somewhere. Anyway, way back when I was still drafting this all out, I found myself writing the scene where Seto and Kaiba were fighting in the kitchen with all these pots and pans and brooms and things. At the time I had no idea why this was important, and I was pretty impatient with the way my mind kept going back to it – especially since the thing I needed to figure out was what on earth Seto was going to do with the Sennen Rod – since I had already planned out that Kaiba would be fighting Akunadin from inside of the Sennen Eye. Then somewhere along the way, when Kaiba kicked the broom in half and Seto started using the pieces in place of a Hambo, it occurred to me that I had solved my problem – that the Sennen Rod was, stripped of all mystical mumbo jumbo – a stick – and here was a role Seto was uniquely qualified to play.

 **Character note:** I try as hard as I can to keep the guys in-character, even though the more I write the more convinced I am that that's impossible. Because the Kaiba and Mokuba and Yami in Déjà Vu are not quite the characters that Kazuki Takahashi created and brought to such intense life. They're my own interpretation of them. That was even more true for the 13 year-old punk. There's only one frame of him in the entire manga, and he's only in a couple of scenes in the anime. But he made an impression to me and I wanted to show that he is the way he is, because it's the only way that he (or more to the point, Mokuba) would have survived. I also wanted to bring him to life in all his angry, determined, reckless, self destructive, obnoxious, almost innocently-arrogant glory. I guess you can tell, I lost my heart to him along the way.

 **Kaiba's Name:** I've always thought that it was ironic that for all the name 'Kaiba' defines the character, it's not the one he was born with. And I thought, as he said, he would put a higher value on the name he has purchased at such cost than the one he was given.

Until the next chapter…

 


	44. The Ties That Bind

**CHAPTER 44: THE TIES THAT BIND**

**KAIBA'S POV**

Everyone had gone back to the mansion to celebrate our victory… and to ignore what tomorrow would bring. Mokuba had managed to keep Seto at the party downstairs. But I left as soon as I could. I told myself that I had a lot of work to do.

I had to put the finishing touches on the game, get it ready for production. The characters were anonymous avatars once more – ready for each new player to imprint their own personality on them. Reluctantly, I changed the Demon King, at least outwardly. If he had resembled Gozaburo in life before, now he was a facsimile for my adoptive father's true form; the monster that had been revealed in Noa's World. I looked at the screen and grinned.

Although my back was to the door, I felt his shadow. Yami was here. He looked over my shoulder at the computer monitor; at my name on the credits. Instead of Seto Kaiba, it read: Seto + Kaiba. I shrugged. "No one will be sure if I've finally made a typo, or if it was deliberate. Then they'll argue about it on message boards and forums for weeks."

I logged off, stepped away from my keyboard, and faced him. "The party's downstairs. Why are you here?"

"Because this is where my lover is," he answered.

"You don't need to be here. Your mission's been accomplished. The stuff's been returned to its crypt. Seto and Kouma are going back tomorrow. You got what you wanted. There's no need for you to stick around."

I didn't believe what I was saying anymore. I said it for the sheer pleasure of knowing… really knowing, that he was going to contradict me.

* * *

**YAMI'S POV**

I could have flashed the smirk that said I'd finally won our duel, but I kept my face as impassive as his. Kaiba was waiting for me to argue with him. He didn't mean what he was saying; he wasn't even bothering to pretend that he did. He just wanted to hear me tell him that I loved him. I paused, enjoying the moment. But I must have taken too long to answer, because as though to remind me that, with Kaiba, no victory was ever truly final, he began to press me, a note of genuine panic coming into his voice.

"You don't have to pretend you want to be here. I know better. I'm a genius, remember?"

I stepped forward then; took his face in my hands; looked deeply into his eyes, "I've known you through two lifetimes – and you've been a fool in both of them."

I don't think I could ever get tired of cupping his face in my hands; of his leaning into my touch as if he was coming home… of his hand stealing up my back to twine in my hair, to hold me still for his kiss… as if he couldn't believe I was in his arms… as if he would never let me go… as if we were destined to find each other no matter how many lifetimes separated us.

I grounded Kaiba in the past that he tried so unceasingly and so mistakenly to outrun. Kaiba pulled me into the future… made me believe in its possibilities as surely as I had come to believe in my own body.

"I don't know how long this lifetime will last – three years – or three thousand," I said "And I don't think either of us was made for longevity. But for as long as I live, I will live by your side. I will love you. Will that content you?"

"Are you asking me if I need you to survive?" he asked almost angrily, although his grip had tightened at my words.

"No. That was Gozaburo's question – not mine. What I'm asking is simpler. Do you want me?"

"God," he said, suddenly, huskily. "Always. Forever. I live for you and Mokuba."

I smiled sadly, as his words lodged somewhere in the back of my throat. Kaiba meant every word, absolutely. He would live or die at my command. And I would treasure his words; I would treasure him all my life. But I wanted so much more for him. I wanted him to live for himself.

Suddenly, in his words I heard an echo of his past self, of my High Priest. How often had I chided Kaiba for his blindness? Now I was stunned by my own. I realized, with a sense of wonder, that from the beginning, Seto had loved me. It had taken me 3,000 years to decipher what he had been saying every time he risked his life for mine, and told me it was for duty's sake. And so, it was fitting that I reached back through the millennia, for my response: "Then will you remember that your life is precious to me? Will you remember to guard it well?"

Wordlessly, eyes wide, he nodded.

Kaiba pulled me into his arms, as he had that first night. "Tomorrow," he said, his lips inches from mine, "Tomorrow, I'll probably be back to my usual asshole self… but tonight, I want you to know that I could ask for nothing more than to have you with me… than to live by your side… each night… every day…"

His lips came down on mine, cutting off the words he couldn't bring himself to say. His tongue was searching, giving… his mouth was so gentle on mine, as his hands unwrapped me… as we fell slowly until I felt the softness of the bed beneath me. Kaiba was tasting me, as if he would never be sated, no matter how deeply he drank me in. He was filling my senses with the sight, feel, and sound of him. There was something to be said for having a lover who could only express himself through touch.

I had wanted desperately, passionately to be my own person… only to have the most solitary man I knew teach me that existence is meaningless unless shared. That just as Yugi had always known, just as Kaiba had so recently relearned: in this life we are meant to hold to one another... that it is not our promises but the people we make them to that gives meaning to our lives… for in the end, these are the ties that bind us.

I looked into Kaiba's blue eyes, and thought of the name he had rejected as too long for a video game avatar. I suppose for two people who had found each other across a span of three millennia, Elvish was an oddly appropriate language. He was my _Ninquiloce Luinehendu,_ my beautiful Blue Eyes White dragon. And he would fly again, as he was meant to. I was glad.

Kaiba had long accepted that in its most basic form, life is an exchange; and the most any mortal could hope for was that by the end of the day the scales balanced. But life is rarely that simple. And I knew that no gift – even such a joyous one as his restored sight – would ever truly cancel out the loss he was about to face.

That was how I knew where he was, the moment I awoke, alone in our bed. I went to the room next door. As I had expected, he was sprawled out on the giant bed… the bed Seto and Kouma shared. Except this time, it wasn't Kouma in his arms, but Seto. He was cradling the boy, as if he couldn't bear to let him go, even in sleep; holding to him as tightly as he held to me.

I hesitated. When Kaiba woke up, he might be angry I had seen what I knew he would consider a moment of weakness. He would probably be looking for an excuse to lash out; to release his ready anger.

I had walked the path of his soul, but he was still shy of revealing its vulnerabilities. He had given his heart to my keeping, but still guarded its secrets. There were some lessons that could not be undone. Well, what ever happened, would happen, I thought, as I got into bed next to him, held him in my arms as tightly as he clasped Seto. I had also made a promise: that he would wake besides me; that my arms would be the first thing he felt in the morning.

I hugged him tighter. I heard him murmur my name, as if he was aware of me, even in sleep; and was comforted by my presence. He had offered his life so casually… for me… for Mokuba… and even, in the end, for himself. And yet Kaiba would never be able to tell us that he loved us. And I knew that if a day went by when I did not assure him of my own love, he would begin to doubt… would remind himself of all his flaws and failures… would tell himself how little he deserved to be loved.

He would never be easy. He would always be stubborn, and reckless, and gloat just a little too soon. His first impulse would always be to withdraw; his last to trust.

And yet…

He would always see me; he would always call me to life just as surely as the first time we had dueled. He would always hear me; he would always listen. He would teach me to treasure my darkness, where he had made his home. He would love me more than his life; would stand as my champion – although I needed a defender as little, and as much, as he. He filled the part of me that searched not for an 'other me,' but for a rival, and a mate. We would always bring out the best in each other – would live in that place where good rivals and lovers were one.

I didn't need the Sennen Necklace to know… this was the future I wanted.


	45. There and Back Again

**CHAPTER 45: THERE AND BACK AGAIN**

**YAMI'S POV**

Both Seto Kaibas were at their most difficult the next morning, although they seemed to have switched roles a little, in the night. Seto was monosyllabic, and Kaiba was snarling at anything that moved. I allowed him to unleash his savage temper on Yugi's friends without comment. Kaiba would probably have restrained himself (or tried to), if I had asked. But the day would be painful enough for him, without my forcing the pretense of civility on him.

All of us, except for Kouma (who was in the kitchen with Sugoroku) were in the living room, waiting for Shadi. It was the room Kaiba and Mokuba had been playing chess in on the night we had all landed on their doorstep and this journey had begun.

Seto was standing a little apart from the group as usual, looking out the window at the gardens – or more probably at the motorcycle track that was barely visible in the distance. He was wearing the clothes he had arrived in. It was a little unnerving seeing Seto back in that neatly pressed pants and button-down shirt, his eyes as blank as when we had first met.

"Everything must go back to the way it was before. It is time for them to return…" Shadi said as he appeared.

"What's the problem? Trying to figure out how to do it? Even you must know by now, that if you just chuck Mokuba back in time, Seto'll follow," Kaiba said with a sneer.

"As I suspect you've guessed, that probably wouldn't work. Most things involving Sennen Items must be done voluntarily."

"But it's your last resort, isn't it?" Kaiba pressed.

"Have you changed so little in 3,000 years, that you still need me to acknowledge that you were right, and I was wrong? I should have trusted you both. I admit it, freely."

"You will allow Seto the dignity of making an informed choice," Kaiba stated flatly. It was not a question.

Shadi nodded in response.

"What are we going to tell him?" Anzu asked softly.

" _We_ are not going to tell him anything. _I_ am going to tell him the truth. And before you waste whatever limited brain cells you have, trying to come up with some pretty lie… let me remind you that he isn't stupid… and he's me. How do you think I'd react to being lied to?" Kaiba gave the room the most feral grin I had seen yet. "Seto deserves to hear the truth about what he's going ' _home'_ to from me. The rest of you can stay the hell out of my way."

"Wait… I didn't mean you, Mokuba. You know it all, anyway," he called out, as Mokuba got up.

His younger brother smiled. "It's okay. You need me to get Kouma."

Anzu shrugged her shoulders in apology at Yugi, then went to hug Mokuba. They left the room together.

Hopefully, Yugi would be a lucky young man, soon. Kaiba was right – if your tastes ran that way, you could do a lot worse than Anzu.

Yugi and Honda started to follow, but waited by the door. Jounouchi hung back for a moment, looking at me irresolutely. "You know, it's not fair," he finally blurted out. "In the end, the little punk really came through – and this is his reward. We owe Seto big time."

I smiled at Yugi's best friend. "Any debts owed to Seto will have to be paid to Kaiba."

"Yeah, like _he's_ ever going to collect. You know, I still like the little guy better. It's a shame we can't chuck back Kaiba, and keep Seto." He grinned at the look on my face. "It was just a thought. I didn't really expect you to agree," he said as he left the room with his friends. Only Shadi, I, and both versions of Seto Kaiba were left.

"Come here," Kaiba said harshly to Seto. His younger self left the window and came to stand in front of him.

"You need to see what you're in for," Kaiba said. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off, exposing his chest and back to Seto's inspection. The burns were familiar. The scars were not. Kaiba stood there as expressionless as an underwear model as his younger self scanned his torso. Seto swallowed, but didn't flinch, until Kaiba said, "This is not the worst. You'll betray Mokuba. You'll try to kill him."

"Why?" he whispered.

"Because once Gozaburo suspects that Mokuba is what keeps you whole – you won't have a choice. You'll give up everything – even your love for Mokuba… even your sanity… even what little honor you've managed to hold on to – not that much will be left by then… rather than risk any harm coming to him. And by the time Gozaburo dies, it'll be too late. You'll have burned every bridge and there's no crossing back. The only thing keeping you alive will be Mokuba. You'll try to kill him for that. You'll be luckier than you deserve." He nodded in my direction, "Yami and Yugi together will save him. Don't worry, Mokuba will survive – far better than you. You'll have to live with the knowledge of your failure… your betrayal… knowing that you owe Mokuba's life to your rival – that he protected Mokuba when you would have killed him. For two years, every time you look into those crimson eyes, all you'll see is Mokuba screaming in terror… screaming your name in vain. It'll be like being caught in a continuous trap card, and it'll take you two years to find the right spell card to sweep it off the field."

Kaiba faced Seto… holding himself erect, ready to meet Seto's condemnation. I don't think I could ever tire of seeing Kaiba standing like that, facing his challenges. But Seto looked at him thoughtfully.

"But in the end… now… Mokuba's okay. He's happy, isn't he?"

It was not quite a question, but Kaiba answered it.

"I'm not the best person to gauge happiness, but, yes, I believe so."

"And Kaiba Corporation's weapons capabilities have been destroyed?"

"Don't kid yourself. The weapons we created will be killing people for years to come. But there will be no more. The cycle ended here."

"And when people hear the name 'Kaiba' they think of games, not death?"

"Except for the people who know me, yes."

"Did you keep your promises?" Seto demanded fiercely, impatiently cutting to the heart of Kaiba's hedged statements.

"As best I could. And I will go on keeping them. I swear it," Kaiba replied with equal earnestness.

Seto bowed, as if sealing a contract. "Then I would be honored to become you."

Kaiba re-buttoned his shirt as Mokuba and Kouma entered the room.

"Just think," Mokuba said as the door closed behind them, "In less than three years, you'll be Vice President of the new Kaiba Corporation."

"How will I be able to help him when everyone keeps saying I won't remember any of this?" Kouma wailed.

"Don't worry. You'll remember that he needs you. That's all that matters."

"I can do that. I promise," Kouma answered. "It's like we're two pieces on the same side of a chessboard. And the King has to look after his Knight too, because even if all the other pieces disappear, it's okay as long as we have each other."

Mokuba nodded, then stepped past his younger self and hugged Seto. "I'm so glad that I got to know you. And it was great having a Nisama that was even shorter than me."

"Am not!" Seto said automatically.

Mokuba looked over Seto's shoulder at his older, older brother. "And the next time we go to the motorcycle track, boy do you have a surprise coming! I can't wait for you to see all the new tricks you taught me."

Mokuba finally broke the embrace (I don't think Seto could have), and stepped back; tears standing in his eyes. Seto's were dry as he reached out to claim Kouma.

He led his younger brother to Shadi, then turned to Kouma and said, "It'll be okay. I promise that I'll protect…"

For the first time, Seto's voice faltered. I knew he would forget this all a minute later, but I couldn't let him leave like this. I had to offer both the men I loved a fragile peace; wondering which one would be able to hold onto it for longer.

"If Gozaburo hadn't known he could twist your heart, he never would have allowed Mokuba to remain alive, and a hindrance to his plans, any more than Akunadin would," I told them. "It all went horribly wrong, but you never broke faith because you made each decision putting Mokuba's welfare above your own. You gave up everything to keep him safe. And you won. You need to know that, Seto Kaiba – both of you."

I didn't see Seto's reaction. I was too busy looking for Kaiba's. His face was as impassive as ever, but almost imperceptibly, his shoulders had relaxed.

But it was Seto who answered.

" _I_ haven't won anything – at least not yet. I have a job to finish before I can rightfully claim victory," Seto pointed out. He held Kaiba's gaze as he added, "I've got to go back. The game can't be played without a sacrifice."

"It never has, and it never will," Kaiba agreed, giving Seto his surprisingly gentle half smile.

Seto nodded and put his arm around Kouma's shoulders. He looked at Shadi and smirked. "You seem a bit slow on the uptake today, Ghost Boy. In case you missed it, that was your cue to make with the fireworks..."

Before Seto had quite finished his sentence, there was a blinding flash, and all too suddenly they were gone – as was Shadi.

I reminded myself that Seto was _not_ dead. In his recklessness, steadfastness, and his pride… in his delight at his own cleverness… in his need to face every challenge as if he was as invulnerable as his dragons…he lived on in the man at my side.

Seto Kaiba had truly grown into his name.

"Why didn't he try to escape again?" I asked. It was easier talking about Seto in the third person.

"He won't get the chance. He'll arrive back at the mansion three hours too late. After Gozaburo had Kaeru and God knows how many others killed; after Gozaburo had discovered the lockets. He'll arrive back just in time for Gozaburo to realize how badly he was duped, and Gozaburo never took defeat easily. He'll forget that Seto's his only choice for his heir, he'll forget everything but that he wants revenge. He'll beat Seto within an inch of his life. It's a good thing the spleen is a non-essential organ – he's about to lose his," he spoke calmly, as if losing body parts was an everyday experience.

"It'll take Seto weeks to recover. And during all that time, he'll run his perfect plan through his mind over and over… trying to figure out what went wrong. And the only logical conclusion he'll come to, is that since he can't determine what went wrong, it's too risky to try again," Kaiba continued, still in the same cool voice, as if he wasn't talking about his own damnation. "It won't matter anyway. By then he'll have realized just how many people his weapons killed; just how many people died because he wanted a splendid future for Mokuba and himself. From then on… there's no going back. He'll know he has to stop Gozaburo or die trying. He'll realize that the only way out of his nightmare is to dive right into it… to become as much like Gozaburo as possible and beat him at his own game. Seto's off and running – and the road leads to Death-T."

I'd been massaging Kaiba's shoulders. Now my hands stilled, and I bowed my head into the curve between his shoulder blades. Kaiba had hugged this knowledge to himself; had spared me the realization of the enormity of what we were asking of him; had spared me having to endorse his decision; had spared me everything until it was too late for anything but regrets. He had been, in all ways, my true champion.

I was in love with the man, but I spoke to the boy who had vanished.

"Gods, Seto…" I whispered into his back, "I am so sorry."

Kaiba stiffened, and I realized that I had broken our final taboo. How often had the words, ' _Are you daring to offer me pity?'_ fallen from his lips? Yet, how could I love Kaiba, without feeling, if not pity – then pity's cousins, grief and sympathy, for his life? In truth, my love was mingled with my sorrow at his damage; mingled with my joy at his strength, until I could no longer tell where one began and the other ended.

Kaiba had accepted my friendship. He had accepted my love. But compassion was the one gift that even Mokuba had never dared to offer. And it was time to see if Kaiba could accept from a lover what he would not from a brother.

"Did you learn nothing from our duel in the Kaiba Land basement?" I demanded. "Your life points cannot be diminished without my feeling their loss. You're not a dragon, although you have the heart of one. You're not an Elven warrior, although you have his moves, his wild grace. You are a man, and I love you. Is my love any the less because I love the pawn as well as the Knight?"

He shuddered. For a moment I was afraid he was going to throw me off; was going to reject what I was certain he would see as a tainted love. I thought he was going to hate me for it… and for a moment, so did he.

But if I had learned not to let my strength become my weakness, so too it seemed had Kaiba. He relaxed the proud shoulders he had held erect for so long. For the first time, he let himself lean on me.

"We both made promises last night," he said. "I meant every word. I will hold to my vows and I do not release you from yours." I didn't need to see his mouth to know that his lips had twitched somewhere between a smile and a smirk as he added, "Will that content you?" repeating my question of the night before.

"Always. Forever," I answered.

Without ending the embrace, with my arms still circling him, I moved so we were facing each other. He bent forwards until he was resting his head on top of mine. I could feel him relax into my hold. For the first time, I could feel the heaviness of his spare frame as he let me hold him up.

Kaiba looked down at me. His smile was gentle… wistful… but when he spoke his voice was as calm as ever, laced with detached amusement.

"So, why the long face?" he asked, "Haven't you learned yet that it's the future that matters? Whatever happened, has already happened. It's all in the past, now."

But he was still leaning on Mokuba and myself, as he let us lead him from the room.

* * *

.

 

**_Thanks to Clarity for volunteering to take on the long task of editing Déjà Vu. I appreciate your time and effort._ **

**_Thanks to Kagemihari for being Kagemihari._ **

**Acknowledgement:** I'd like to thank Kazuki Takahashi for creating such fascinating characters.

 **Title Note:** I left my favorite author for last. I was tempted title this chapter ' _The Return of the King'_ but I'm much too respectful of/intimidated by Professor Tolkien's ' _Lord of the Rings'_ to borrow the name of the third book. Then I remembered that the title of ' _The Hobbit'_ in the Shire was, ' _There and Back Again,'_ which seemed oddly appropriate.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES:** You wouldn't think you could get writer's block doing Author's Notes, but you can – because part of me doesn't want to admit it's over. Also, it's easier to put words in other people's mouths (even Kaiba's), but it's hard to say what I'm feeling without sounding unforgivably sappy.

(God, I'm going to miss that 13 year old punk.)

I can't believe 'Déjà Vu' is over. It's strange to think that whatever I'm doing tomorrow, it won't be working on this story. It's been a long journey, and I'd like to thank everyone for taking it with me.

I think it's impossible to write without coming to care deeply about your characters… to the point where I sometimes felt silly, and wondered if I was losing all sense of proportion. So I can't say how much I appreciated hearing what people thought, or how touched I felt, realizing that other people cared about what was happening to Kaiba and Yami and Seto and Mokuba, too.

Writing can feel like such a solitary thing sometimes; like it's just you and a notebook (or later just you and your computer.) But thinking back over this last couple of years, I realized just how communal a process it's been. There were so many things that weren't in the original draft of the story, until people wrote in asking questions and offering suggestions and helping me see the story through fresh eyes.

Professor Tolkien once said that part of his aim in writing the 'Lord of the Rings' was to "try his hand at a really long story that would hold the attention of readers, amuse them, delight them, and at times maybe excite them or deeply move them." I'm a little shy of admitting: in a much more amateurish way – this was my aim, too. I wanted to write a long, seamless, ridiculously ambitious story – where everything tied together until the ending seemed inevitable – regardless of whether you used Shadi's or Kaiba's definition of fate.

I know Kaiba and Mokuba and Yami and Yugi are fictional characters, and borrowed ones at that – but they feel real to me. I wanted to leave them in a place where there was a sense they could go on with their lives without needing any further assistance (or interference) from me.

Writing Déjà Vu has been a wonderful experience. Thank you for reading it.


End file.
